PRIZE DRAWING: Because I Know You Want To Win Popchips AND See Me Dance Like A Robot
By Marvo | January 6, 2009
After reading my review of Popchips and feeling sorry about the fact that I couldn’t get the larger bags of Popchips here on this rock in the middle of the Pacific Ocean, the head marketing person at Popchips sent me a box that contained several of the larger bags. I have four of those bags left (after putting the Parmesan Garlic ones on the side for myself) in the following flavors: Original, Barbeque, Salt & Vinegar, and Salt & Pepper. I could get gluttonous on their asses and eat them myself, but I would like more people to try Popchips so I’m going to give away one bag to four lucky readers.
To enter this prize drawing, just leave a comment for THIS post with the flavor you would like to win and whatever else you want to say. Please fill out the email field, because I’ll be emailing the winners for their mailing addresses. The Impulsive Buy will stop accepting entries on Wednesday, January 14, 2009 11:59 p.m. Hawaii Standard Time. Only one entry allowed per person and it is open to EVERYONE who’s 18 years old or older.
Oh wait. There is one last thing.
In honor of the “pop” in Popchips, for every entry received, I will attempt to do some popping for one second. Once all the entries are received, I’ll count them up, put on my dancing shoes, record a video of my crappy popping for a length of time determined by the number of entries, and post it to YouTube for you to cringe at. So if there are 60 entries, I will bust out my poor popping abilities for one minute.
Now some of you might be asking yourself, “What’s popping?” My response would be for you to look it up on YouTube. Another question you’re probably asking yourself is, “Why are you always dancing in your videos?” My answer to that question is, “Sometimes I just have to shake it.”
Good luck!
Fine Print: The Impulsive Buy promises your email address will not be used to send you emails with a link to my webcam where you can see me get naughty. The Impulsive Buy also promises your mailing address will not be used to send you my bills. Bribes will not be accepted. The Impulsive Buy will not be responsible for lost mail, damaged mail, or another Saw movie.
Topics: General, Prize Drawing | | 12 Comments »
REVIEW: Crunk!!! Berry Energy Drink
By Marvo | January 6, 2009
I stopped caring about hip-hop after Biggie got shot, Tupac got popped, and Wreckx-n-Effect disbanded, so all I know about Lil Jon is that he helped coin the word “crunk,” he likes saying YEAH!!! and WHAT? and he’s the 21st Century version of Flavor Flav in terms of looks, talent, and jeweled teeth. He also has his own line of energy drinks, the most recent being Crunk!!! Berry.
Since I have no idea what “crunk” means because I’m old, can’t understand what the Ying Yang Twins are saying, and want those damn kids to get off my lawn, I had to look up the definition of “crunk” in the Urban Dictionary, which says:
A state of high energy, as described by rapper Lil Jon and the East Side Boyz. Southern word for getting rowdy, out of control, having fun, partying, going crazy.
So basically “crunk” is a noise complaint or 911 call waiting to happen.
After drinking the Crunk!!! Berry Energy Drink, I expected to get “crunked” and “buckwild” since it contained almost every B Vitamin in existence and 96 milligrams of caffeine. I did get a big boost from it, but didn’t get rowdy or out of control. Unless you consider grinding my body against my vacuum cleaner while barking like a dog “out of control.” This energy drink also contained a list of ingredients that sounded like they belong in a witch’s caldron: horny goat weed, white willow, skullcap, and ashwaganda.
WHAT are they for?
I’m pretty sure they’re there to get me and you crunked out of our frickin’ minds. YEAH!!!
The Crunk!!! Berry Energy Drink smelled like grape juice and its initial taste also reminded me of grape juice, but then the acai berry flavor hit me which was quite tart, and finally, its aftertaste reminded me of raisins. It was like a rainbow containing only purple and at the end of that rainbow was a decent tasting energy drink.
It wasn’t the best energy drink I’ve tasted, but it did give me a good boost of energy and I guess that’s what’s most important when you’re trying to get crunked.
YEAH!!!
(Supplement Facts - 8 ounces - 120 calories, 30 grams of carbohydrates, 28 grams of sugar, 50% Vitamin C, 25% Vitamin E, 25% Vitamin B1, 95% Vitamin B2, 95% Vitamin B3, 95% Vitamin B6, 95% Vitamin B12, 95% Vitamin B5, 4% Calcium, 2% Magnesium, 4% Selenium, and 4% Sodium.)
(Editor’s Note: Thanks to the folks at Crunk!!! Energy Drink for sending me a couple of cans to sample and review. Here are more reviews from Energy Fiend, Energy Drink Reviews, Energy Fanatics, Energy Drink Guru and some dude.)
Item: Crunk!!! Berry Energy Drink
Price: FREE
Size: 16 ounces
Purchased at: Received from Crunk!!! Energy Drink
Rating: 7 out of 10
Pros: Decent tasting. Nice boost of energy. Like a purple rainbow. Full of B Vitamins and stuff that will get you crunked. 96 milligrams of sweet, sweet caffeine.
Cons: Not the best energy drink I’ve tasted. Contains High Fructose Corn Syrup. Name contains excessive exclamation points. The blinding shine from Lil Jon’s teeth. I’m old. Damn kids on my lawn. Wreckx-n-Effect disbandment.
Topics: 7 Rating, Beverage, Energy Drink | | 7 Comments »
NEWS: Pomegranate May Lose Its Health Cred After Jack in the Box Adds Pomegranate Item to Menu
By Marvo | January 5, 2009
It looks like pomegranate has finally sold out and now must turn in its Superfood Card.
Jack in the Box, usually known for their high-sodium and high-fat fare and being one of the Five Horsemen of the Fast Food Apocalypse, introduced their new Pomegranate Berry Smoothie today. I don’t know about you, but it’s unusual to see pomegranate on a menu board filled with burgers, fried items and salads that have over 1000 milligrams of sodium.
Made from a blend of pomegranate, blueberry, red raspberry and cranberry Minute Maid fruit juices and purees blended with nonfat frozen yogurt, the latest smoothie could possibly be the best thing for you on the Jack in the Box menu. Although the 56 grams of sugar in the smaller size, might cause people to say otherwise. But I think the antioxidants found in each of the fruits included might negate the sugar content. It comes in 16- and 24-ounce sizes and retails for $2.99 and $3.99, respectively. The smaller size contains 280 calories, 0 grams of fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 250 milligrams of potassium, 69 grams of carbs, and the previously mentioned, 53 grams of sugar.
Topics: Fast Food, Food, Jack in the Box | | 4 Comments »
REVIEW: Angry Whopper
By Marvo | January 5, 2009
With the name Angry Whopper, you would expect this burger to be one spicy mofo that burns worse than the penis of a 1980’s rocker who’s conquered way too many groupies. However, despite containing jalapeno slices, pepper jack cheese, spicy onion rings, and a spicy Angry Sauce, the Angry Whopper produced just a whimper.
The only anger I get from the Angry Whopper is the anger I feel for it not being spicy enough. The red Angry Sauce was more peppery than spicy, the onion rings tasted normal, and the pepper jack cheese produced jack shit in terms of spiciness. The pickled jalapeno was the only ingredient that produced any spicy heat.
On an angry scale of one to ten, with ten being Naomi Campbell beating your ass with a cell phone for not ensuring her Starbucks order was at her desired temperature of 63 degrees Celcius and one being an even-toned “I’m disappointed in you” from your laid back parents who don’t really believe in discipline, the Angry Whopper was a three, or a quick Three Stooges-esque slap to the head.
The Angry Whopper may not be able to burn Satan’s mouth or my own, but it’s damn tasty. The two ingredients that made me kind of forget about this burger’s lack of heat was the tangy Angry Sauce and the smokey bacon, both of which turned this burger into one delicious mamma jamma. It’s so good that if a Whopper Virgin were to eat this burger, they would love how tight it is and become a huge Whopper slut.
(Nutrition Facts - 1 burger - 880 calories, 55 grams of fat, 18 grams of saturated fat, 2 grams of trans fat, 110 milligrams of cholesterol, 1670 milligrams of sodium, 59 grams of carbs, 3 grams of dietary fiber, 13 grams of sugar, 37 grams of protein, and minutes of regret.)
Item: Angry Whopper
Price: $5.29
Size: 321 grams
Purchased at: Burger King
Rating: 7 out of 10
Pros: Very tasty. Angry Sauce was really good. Bacon. Best name for a Whopper spinoff EVER. Groupies.
Cons: Not very angry (spicy). Pricey. An insane amount of sodium. Getting beat down by a skinny supermodel with anger management problems. Parents who don’t believe in discipline. A burning penis.
Topics: 7 Rating, Burger King, Fast Food, Food | | 16 Comments »
The Week in Reviews - 1/3/2009
By Marvo | January 3, 2009
Product review blog goodness wrapped in an HTML shell.
Hungry-Man XXL meals are meant for two people. So fellas, if you want to give your lady friend the least romantic dinner she’s ever had, pick up the Hungry-Man XXL Meatloaf meal. It’s like a chastity belt made up of frozen meat. (via Freezer Burns)
I trust Arby’s with roast beef and their Horsey Sauce, but I wouldn’t trust them with anything else, especially egg rolls. (via Fast Food Critic)
I think I would like the Orville Redenbacher Natural Wild Berry Mini Popcorn Cakes because I like my popcorn the same way I like my women: natural, wild, mini, and with long last names. (via Iateapie.net)
I predict that the Skittles Crazy Cores will not appeal to younger demographics because there’s an S at the end of the word “Cores” and not a Z. Kidz luv crazy spellingz. EPIC FAIL. (via Candy Addict)
The Lean Cuisine Steak Tips Dijon is the 77th Lean Cuisine meal Heat Eat Review has reviewed. I think they deserve a medal or a lei made out of frozen Lean Cuisine meals. (via Heat Eat Review)
Topics: Candy, Fast Food, Food, Microwavable, Snacks | | No Comments »
NEWS: Taco Bell Creates a Gordita That Hindu AND Jewish People Won’t Eat
By Marvo | December 31, 2008
The new Bacon Cheddar Gordita Crunch is the first limited time only menu item from Taco Bell that I’ve wanted to try in a long time because it looks like their Double Decker Taco, which is my default whenever I make a run for the border. This Gordita on steroids has been injected with real cheddar cheese, a zesty Southwest cheddar sauce and bacon. That’s TWO FRICKIN’ CHEESES for those of you who are counting at home. From the picture above, it looks like the bacon is mixed in with the cheddar cheese, which should make Wisconsinites extremely happy. The crunchy taco shell inside should give it a nice crunch, unless all the grease from the ground beef, cheese and bacon get to it before you do. It weights in at 189 grams, which is roughly the same weight as a Double Decker Taco Supreme, but with 600 calories, 37 grams of fat, 1120 milligrams of sodium, the Bacon Cheddar Gordita Crunch is significantly less healthy. But that won’t scare me away because the bacon beckons me.
Topics: Fast Food, Food, Taco Bell | | 17 Comments »
REVIEW: Pillsbury Mozzarella & Pepperoni Savorings
By Marvo | December 31, 2008
I’m no party planning expert, but I do know a fancy toothpick though a Vienna sausage does not make it a classy hors d’oeuvre you can serve your hoity-toity friends. The bite-sized Pillsbury Mozzarella & Pepperoni Savorings may have the light, elegant croissant exterior that would appeal to your pretentious pals, but when stuffed with pepperoni, mozzarella cheese and tomato sauce the flaky crust instantly becomes this product’s fancy toothpick. Actually, I don’t think any flavor that you can also find in a Hot Pocket can be stuffed into a croissant without causing a French pastry chef somewhere to weep in disgust.
The outside of each Mozzarella & Pepperoni Savorings was flakier than a crack addict responsible for turning in the rent check. It was delicious and its taste reminded Totino’s pepperoni party pizzas, which after some research shouldn’t have been surprising since Totino’s is a Pillsbury product. I also found out during my investigation that Totino’s also has cheap pepperoni Pizza Rolls, which probably tastes like these Savorings. So basically this product tries to be sophisticated, but despite the flaky pastry exterior it’s just a simple pizza roll. It’s just like the contestants on Rock of Love: Charm School; as hard as they try to be refined, deep down they’re still strippers and whores.
The only characteristic that makes the Pillsbury Mozzarella & Pepperoni Savorings seem fancy it its price, which is much more than its lowbrow cousin, Totino’s Pizza Rolls. With a high price tag, it was even more disappointing that the box contained only 12 measly pieces. Not only are these Savorings pricey, they’re also a pain in the ass to make because, according to the box, they can’t be microwaved. Instead I was forced to kick it old school by doing some preheating and baking them in an oven or toaster oven for 17-22 minutes. I would understand doing this for a meal, but not for a snack.
The Pillsbury Mozzarella & Pepperoni Savorings may be small, but they’re big in saturated fat and sodium. Eat four of them and you’ll get 35 percent of your daily recommended allowance of saturated fat and 20 percent of your daily recommended allowance of sodium, which is somewhat salty, but not as salty as your hoity-toity friends.
(Nutrition Facts - 4 pastry bites - 250 calories, 16 grams of fat, 7 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 20 milligrams of cholesterol, 450 milligrams of sodium, 21 grams of carbohydrates, 0 grams of dietary fiber, 2 grams of sugar, 6 grams of protein, 10% Vitamin A, 4% Calcium, and 8% Iron.)
(Editor’s Note: Thanks to TIB reader tobikiriakujin for suggesting the Pillsbury Savorings via Twitter. Speaking of Twitter, if you have a Twitter account, you can follow me here. Also, here’s a link to a review of the Buffalo Style Chicken version.)
Item: Pillsbury Mozzarella & Pepperoni Savorings
Price: $4.99 (on sale)
Size: 12 count
Purchased at: Safeway
Rating: 6 out of 10
Pros: Delicious. Nice crunchy, flaky exterior. Reminds me of Totino’s Pepperoni Pizza. A product of Canada and not China.
Cons: Damn expensive. Can’t microwave. Number of pieces seem low for something so expensive. For something so small, it’s high in saturated fat. Flaky crumbs. Giving the rent check with your crack addict roommate. Your hoity-toity friends. Making French pastry chefs cry.
Topics: 6 Rating, Food, Snacks | | 7 Comments »
REVIEW: Axe Dark Temptation Shower Gel
By Marvo | December 29, 2008
I’m pretty sure that despite what Axe shows in their commercials, no guy has ever gotten laid because of an Axe body spray, deodorant, or shower gel. Some guy might say it was, but I’m positive that he got laid for other reasons, like alcohol, the woman’s need for a green card, desperation or pity. Not even the Axe Dark Temptation Shower Gel with its chocolatey scent could get a guy laid, despite the love women have for chocolate.
I think the only lovin’ a guy could get with a chocolate shower gel is from a dog, because if there’s one thing I’ve learned from my subscription to Dog Fancy Magazine, besides picking the best sweater for your pooch, it’s that dogs love chocolate — even though it could kill them.
Axe scents, to me, are like Nickelback and Daughtry songs — I can’t tell them apart. I was hoping the Axe Dark Temptation Shower Gel would have the same smell, look and consistency as chocolate pudding, but instead it looked like clover honey. Its spicy and slightly sweet scent was decent, but reminded me of other Axe shower gels I’ve used in the past. It’s not really chocolatey, which would’ve made it stand out among the other Axe scents and get me some serious tail. Dog tail, that is.
Overall, I’m disappointed by how un-chocolatey the Axe Dark Temptation Shower Gel is because cosmetic company Philosophy has their own chocolate body washes which look and smell like chocolate. They’re so delicious that if there wasn’t the warning on the bottle that says in bold and lowercase letters, “caution: not for internal use,” I would probably eat them.
Not everything about the Axe Dark Temptation Shower Gel is disappointing. It lathered up nicely, thanks to the sodium laureth sulfate, and it did what it was supposed to do — get my body clean. It may not have made me smell like chocolate, but that’s okay.
If I want to smell like chocolate, I’ll do it the old-fashioned way — using melted chocolate as hair gel. You can’t rest your head on anything with it on and you must stay away from the Humane Society and pet stores, but it’s got some crazy hold.
Item: Axe Dark Temptation Shower Gel
Price: $4.99
Size: 12 ounces
Purchased at: Drugstore.com
Rating: 5 out of 10
Pros: Decent smelling. It gets me clean. Lathers nicely. Grippy bottle. Using melted chocolate as hair gel to smell like chocolate.
Cons: Doesn’t smell chocolatey. Smells like all the other Axe body washes. Will not get you laid. Nickelback and Daughtry songs. Being attacked by dogs due to using melted chocolate as hair gel. Having a subscription to Dog Fancy Magazine and not owning a dog.
Topics: 5 Rating, Axe, Body Wash, Personal | | 14 Comments »
PRIZE DRAWING: Because I Don’t Need It
By Marvo | December 28, 2008
I have a coupon from the PR firm that represents Carl’s Jr. for a free Carl’s Jr. Charbroiled Steak Sandwich that I would like to give away to a TIB reader (see picture of coupon above). It’s not redeemable at Hardee’s, so this drawing is only open to those who live near a Carl’s Jr.
I’m sorry to those who don’t live near a Carl’s Jr., but TIB will be holding another prize drawing in a few weeks that will be open to more readers.
To enter this prize drawing, leave a comment for THIS post with whatever you want to say. Please fill out the email field. TIB will stop accepting entries on Wednesday, December 31, 2008 11:59 p.m. Hawaii Standard Time. One one entry is allowed per person and it is only open to those 18 years old or older.
Good luck!
Fine Print: The Impulsive Buy promises your email address will not be used to send you emails from the future to warn you about that man/woman/co-worker/anal probe. The Impulsive Buy also promises your mailing address will not be used to send you information about anything with a 0% APR. Bribes will not be accepted. The Impulsive Buy will not be responsible for lost mail, damaged mail, or power outages.
Topics: General, Prize Drawing | | 59 Comments »
The Week in Reviews - 12/27/2008
By Marvo | December 27, 2008
Product review blog goodness wrapped in an HTML shell.
Honestly, I’ve always wanted to French Kiss a reindeer so I can check bestiality off of my list of things I must do before I die. (via Second Rate Snacks)
I learned a new word this week: ramekins. Now I shall use it incorrectly in a sentence: After seeing her son defend the flock, the mama ewe was so proud of her little ramekins. (via Heat Eat Review)
I can’t decide which silly energy drink name I like better: Donkey Kick or Wild Tiger. (via Energy Drink Reviews)
The list of things I can enjoy straight out of the container with a spoon has gotten longer. Ice cream, Cool Whip, Nesquik powder mix, Crisco, and now Spoonfudge. (via Candyblog).
A Fannie May/Chicago Cubs candy bar? Sounds like a candy bar filled with disaster. Combine a baseball team that hasn’t won a World Series in a century with a candy company that has a name similar to a money lending organization that’s been in the news a lot recently and you’ve got a something I would be afraid to purchase for fear of it being cursed or foreclosed. (via Candy Addict)
Topics: Beverage, Candy, Energy Drink, Food, Microwavable, Snacks | | 4 Comments »
REVIEW: Nabisco Lightly Cinnamon Wheat Thins
By Marvo | December 26, 2008
If you’re under the age of five, you probably won’t remember a time when Wheat Thins came in only two versions: original and low sodium. Since then, Nabisco has been pumping out new Wheat Thins flavors at a pace equal to the rate übermom Michelle Duggar pumps out new babies from her bountiful womb. One of the latest additions to the Nabisco snack family is the Lightly Cinnamon Wheat Thins.
Cinnamon seems like a logical sweet flavor for Wheat Thins to dip their whole grain toes in because, honestly, I don’t think the world is ready for the greatness that could be found in Frosted Wheat Thins, Chocolate Wheat Thins or Frosted Chocolate Wheat Thins. Personally, I know I wouldn’t be able to handle that greatness, and if they ever did make any of those I would eat so much of it that they could no longer call it “Wheat Thins,” since it would cause me to become the opposite of thin.
Lightly Cinnamon Wheat Thins come close to that greatness because they are quite delicious, but I don’t have the urge to buy out the supply in every single store within a 20 mile radius, like I probably would with Frosted Chocolate Wheat Thins. At first, I thought the cinnamon flavor was a little too light, but then remembered the name of the product and kept chomping along. Complaining about the light cinnamon flavor is hard when on the front of the box it says in nice big letters, “Lightly Cinnamon.” It’s like getting angry at Fatburger for making me fat through the consumption of burgers.
The more I ate the Lightly Cinnamon Wheat Thins, the more I thought it had the right amount of cinnamon flavor. There was just enough cinnamon to make you forget you’re eating Wheat Thins and getting five grams of whole grains, but not so much that you might think you’re snorting lines of cinnamon off of a hooker’s ass.
I have to say that this is one of my favorite Wheat Thins flavors, and much like I look forward to finding out how many more children Michelle Duggar can squirt out before menopause hits, I look forward to finding out how many more sweet Wheat Thins flavors Nabisco will pump out.
(Nutrition Facts - 15 crackers - 140 calories, 5 grams of fat, 1 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 3 grams of polyunsaturated fat, 1 gram of monounsaturated fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 125 milligrams of sodium, 50 milligrams of potassium, 21 grams of carbs, 1 gram of dietary fiber, 5 grams of sugar, 2 grams of protein, 0% Vitamin A, 2% Calcium, 0% Vitamin C, and 6% Iron.)
Item: Nabisco Lightly Cinnamon Wheat Thins
Price: $2.50 (on sale)
Size: 9.5 ounces
Purchased at: Safeway
Rating: 9 out of 10
Pros: Delicious. Right amount of cinnamon. First sweet Wheat Thins. One of my favorite Wheat Thins flavors. 5 grams of whole grain per serving. Frosted Wheat Thins, Chocolate Wheat Thins or Frosted Chocolate Wheat Thins.
Cons: Contains HFCS. Getting fat by eating Fatburgers. Watching the TV Show 17 Kids and Counting (It’s not as entertaining as Jon & Kate Plus 8). Getting fat whenever Nabisco makes Frosted Wheat Thins, Chocolate Wheat Thins or Frosted Chocolate Wheat Thins.
Topics: 9 Rating, Crackers, Food, Snacks | | 11 Comments »
NEWS: Sprite Green Makes Regular Sprite Feel Like A Fatty
By Marvo | December 26, 2008
The Coca-Cola Company recently made their lemon-lime soda, Sprite, a little self-conscious this month by introducing the slimmer and sexier Sprite Green.
The big deal about Sprite Green is that it is one of the first beverages in the U.S. made with TRUVIA, a zero-calorie natural sweetener, which was develop by Cargill and the Coca-Cola Company. I could explain in detail what TRUVIA is and how it’s made, but instead I will refer you to this Wikipedia page because if I did try I would probably make stuff up, like TRUVIA got its name because the creators of the natural sweetener are big fans of the cancelled FOX show Tru Calling.
Although, TRUVIA is a zero-calorie sweetener, Sprite Green will have 50 calories per 8.5-ounce serving and contain 5% lemon juice. It’s being marketed to active teens and young adults, but will probably be consumed more by inactive adults looking to cut a few extra calories. It was launched in only two U.S. cities earlier this month in pretty 8.5-ounce aluminum bottles, but will be available to more inactive adults in January 2009.
Topics: Beverage, Soda | | 6 Comments »
REVIEW: Bigelow Eggnogg’n Tea
By Reprobate | December 23, 2008
When I saw this tea, I had a vision that was as horrifying as it was freaky. I envisioned Bam Bam Bigelow was behind this tea company. I imagined him at board meetings in his flaming leotard with a striped blue tie and sipping tea from a dainty ceramic cup with a silver teapot. And God help you if you give Bam Bam any lip or a TPS report missing the new cover. Alas, he’s not the founder of the company.
Eggnog and tea. Oh, dear God. Are we out of possible fruit tea combinations already? Last time I checked, there was lemon, raspberry, and orange zinger. No one has done durian or starfruit or kiwi tea, yet. There’s probably a gold mine in those flavors. Or how about a refreshing garlic tea? But seriously, what were the people behind this tea thinking, bringing together an egg-based beverage and tea?
Here’s an idea, Bigelow Tea.
Roasty Chestnut Tea. It’s as wintery as eggnog and you can have a picture of two chestnuts roasting over the fire on the box. “It’ll warm your chestnuts up in no time at all!” could be its slogan.
All kidding and insanity aside, this tea is actually pretty good. The tea bag pre-teabagging, smells very much like cinnamon oatmeal, but nothing like eggnog. It’s actually quite homely and uplifting. The tea itself, after the steeping process, has a color somewhere between black and green tea which isn’t a surprise since it is made with those two teas. It retains the oatmeal smell, which is quite pleasant since most teas tend to smell musky like, say, Bam Bam Bigelow’s armpit.
The taste of this tea, well, doesn’t exactly live up to its name. There’s nothing rich or custardy about this tea, but it does sort of taste creamy-ish if you consider instant oatmeal creamy. It tastes like tea with a mild cinnamon spice and notes of instant oatmeal. I liked it, but it may not be for everyone. It’s also heavier to most other teas, which definitely makes it a winter tea, but that’s like saying a dog-shaped balloon is heavier than a helium balloon. They’re both still light.
The tea is a little more expensive compared to other teas available on the market, but still a decent product. All in all, it’s a good tea that suffers from a terrible name. Now if only there was a Bam Bam Bigelow Tea that came in a black box covered in flames.
Nutrition Facts - 1 tea bag - 0 calories, 0 grams of fat, 0 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 0 milligrams of sodium, 0 grams of carbs, 0 gram of fiber, 0 grams of sugar, 0 gram of protein, and testicle-free.)
Item: Bigelow Eggnoggin’ Tea
Price: $3.49
Size: 8 ounces
Purchased at: Holiday Market
Rating: 8 out of 10
Pros: Instant Cinnamon Oatmeal smell and flavor. Decent bargain. Bam Bam Bigelow Tea. Bam Bam Bigelow the Executive
Cons: Nothing eggnogg-y about this tea. Bam Bam Bigelow’s armpit. Heavier tea. Stupid name. Garlic tea.
Topics: 8 Rating, Beverage, Tea | | 13 Comments »
REVIEW: Purple
By Marvo | December 22, 2008
Whoa, whoa, whoa. Slow down, Purple cowboy. Where’s the free radical fire? Trying to shove down our throats seven antioxidant-filled fruits at one time is not cool. Most of us haven’t even gotten used to acai and the fact that the C is pronounced as an S. Even though I can stick ten grapes in my mouth and deep throat a banana (it’s all about loosening the jaw and throat), trying to take the giant step of putting a liquid fruit salad that contains seven high antioxidant fruits down my gullet seems a little like fruit waterboarding.
The seven fruits in Purple include: acai, black cherry, pomegranate, black currant, purple plum, cranberry, and blueberry. Combined they form a beverage in a color that can only usually be seen in The Artist Formerly Known As Prince’s head whenever he decides to change his name. Speaking of names, I think the name Purple is appropriate for this beverage because if the color purple had a flavor, I’m pretty sure that it would taste like this high antioxidant drink. I could test my theory, but unfortunately I do not have a box of Crayola crayons around which I could melt and drink.
Because Purple is made up of a large orgy of fruits, I really couldn’t taste individual fruits but it did taste healthy. It’s 100% natural, contains no added sugars, and provides one serving of fruits. Overall, the beverage was quite tart and a little sweet. Its initial taste will probably make you grimace a little, but you get used to the drink after a few more sips.
On the bottle, Purple claims to be “The Most Powerful Antioxidant Beverage on the Planet.” That bold claim is probably just marketing bullshit, but it’s something I can’t prove or disprove, since I don’t have access to bunsen burners, lab coats, protective goggles, a properly vented laboratory, and a memory of what I learned in my college science courses. The only things I can prove with science are my ability to stick ten grapes in my mouth and my ability to deep throat a banana.
(Nutrition Facts - 8 ounces - 112 calories, 0 grams of fat, 0 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 15 milligrams of sodium, 28 grams of carbohydrates, 0 grams of dietary fiber, 28 grams of sugar, 0 grams of protein, 0% Vitamin A, 100% Vitamin C, 0% Calcium, and 1% Iron.)
Item: Purple
Price: $2.99
Size: 10 ounces
Purchased at: 7-Eleven
Rating: 6 out of 10
Pros: Has an orgy of fruits. 100% Vitamin C. Claims to be high in antioxidants. 100% natural. A bottle provides at least one serving of fruits. No added sugars.
Cons: Tastes like what I imagine the color purple tastes like. Pricey for just 10 ounces. Initial taste will make you grimace and may take some getting used to.
Topics: 6 Rating, Beverage, Juice | | 13 Comments »
Bertolli Frozen Entree Winners Announced!!!
By Marvo | December 21, 2008
I just finished randomly selecting the winners of the Bertolli Frozen Entree Prize Drawing using an online random number generator, a Coke Zero, and a bag of Lays Sour Cream and Onion potato chips. The soda and chips really didn’t do anything but watch. Lazy bastards!
Here are the seven winners:
Comment #5 Karen
Comment #23 Shane
Comment #37 Rossitron
Comment #41 Sarah
Comment #65 Skibs
Comment #80 Julie
Comment #106 dakotaman
Each winner will receive a coupon for a free Bertolli Frozen Entree.
Thanks to everyone who participated and thanks to the folks at the PR firm that represents Bertolli for sending me the coupons to give away.
Topics: General, Prize Drawing | | 3 Comments »