Editor’s Note: We at the Impulsive Buy would like to wish all of our regular readers a very Merry Christmas. We hope your holiday is filled with good times with family and friends.
We also hope it is filled with awesome gifts that you don’t have to return, although most likely you will have to return some because they are either too big or totally lame.
Here at the Impulsive Buy all we want for Christmas is just more stuff to review or gift cards to buy stuff to review.
Finally, as our crappy Christmas gift to all of our readers, we present to you “‘Twas The Day Before Christmas: The Impulsive Buy Edition”
‘Twas the day before Christmas, I had nothing to review.
Holy crap! What the hell was I supposed to do?
I looked in the cupboard, which was almost bare,
Except for a cup of ramen noodles on the top shelf there.
“Oh, hell no,” I said shaking my head with disgust on my face.
Even though I bought the ramen so I could review it in the first place.
Creamy Alfredo Ramen Noodles, I bought it over a month ago.
It was so cheap, it only took 33 cents of my dough.
I boiled water for this ramen flavor I’ve never had before.
Pulled back the lid of the ramen to smell what was in store.
Took a quick whiff and then closed the lid as quickly as I could.
Then I said a quick prayer, got my rabbit’s foot, and knocked on wood.
“People actually eat this stuff,” I couldn’t believe.
It smelled so bad that I let out a few dry heaves.
If I can’t stand the stench, I wonder what eating it would entail.
No wonder it was labeled “Reduced Price for Quick Sale.”
I let it sit for the instructed three minutes, after I added the hot aqua.
But I let it sit for another five, as I prepared to eat something I didn’t wanna.
Taking deep breaths, meditating, and affirmations didn’t help.
“Do it for your readers,” I said to try and encourage myself.
I peeled back the lid and looked at the milky white mess.
Ooh, a whole 1,370 milligrams of sodium goodness.
The aroma of the Alfredo Ramen came up to my face.
I had a few garbage cans next to me, just in case.
After a few more dry heaves, I think I was ready to consume.
If it smells bad, it’s gonna taste bad, I was going to assume.
I picked up my fork and gave the Alfredo Ramen a stir.
It really looked like vomit in a cup, I so badly wanted to defer.
The first bite was not bad, but it could have been a total fluke.
I took a second bite, “Oh, man. It was. I think I’m going to puke.”
Tried to force myself to eat a third, but my body wouldn’t take the risk.
I put down my fork, because I had more than enough of this.
I went to the sink and poured the Alfredo Ramen down the drain.
If only the garbage disposal had taste buds, it would know my pain.
After a few spins of the garbage disposal, it was all disintegrated.
But even with all of it gone, I still felt so nauseated.
So I sprang to my car and headed to the nearest drive-thru.
A burger and fries will help me cope with what I’ve just been through.
After eating fast food and getting some rest, I began to feel all right,
Merry Christmas to all and avoid Alfredo Ramen for the rest of your life.
Item: Maruchan Creamy Alfredo Instant Lunch Ramen Noodles
Purchase Price: $0.33 (on sale)
Rating: 0 out of 10
Pros: Dirt cheap.
Cons: Smells like puke. Looks like puke. Tastes like puke. May make you puke.
haha. merry x-mas and happy new year!
cheers 🙂
I made that mistake once too. Eeeg. Bad, bad, bad, stuff.
And it has the added benefit of being a poetry-insipre-er?
Always hated Raman. Even back in college.
Have a great christmas, dood.
(*)>
That was the best informative poem I’ve ever read in my life!
Merry Christmas!!
Creamy Alfredo ramen? Creamy Alfredo should be for pasta only. Oh man, sounds gross.
Ramen was never good in my opinion! Go eat some turkey or ham now for Christmas to recover from the after taste! Happy Holidays!!!
So, you mean I shouldn’t leave this on the menu for today’s Christmas Eve dinner?…
Marvelous Marvo….thanks for the smiles. Have a Merry Merry Christmas!! Oh…and I’ll NEVER try this crap, thanks to YOU!
You’re right, this would make me gag. Hope you have a Merry Xmas and your dreams be filled with visions of women and peanut butter. 🙂
Merry Christmas! 🙂
Ok, never had the guts to try the alfredo kind. *L* I like the chili one though. (Not chili as in hamburger and soup, chili as in hot) It’s good with eggs. *LOL* I will stay away from the Alfredo! ew, I just remembered, the soldier that I bought stuff for requested ramen noodles and I bought him 2 of each flavor including the alfredo, poor guy!
This is such a great blog! I’ve blogmarked you! (and glad I tolerated you for the 30 seconds from BE 🙂 )
http://www.enemykombatant.blogspot.com
sarah shireen – Merry Christmas to you.
Lou – That’s how we learn in life, by making poor decisions with the foods we eat. Merry Christmas!
birdwoman – Poetry is actually the way I cope with moments I’d like to forget. Merry Christmas.
Webmiztris – It’s infotaining! Merry Christmas!
Jen – Sounds gross. Smells gross. Looks gross. Tastes gross. Um…What’s the last sense? Oh yeah, it also feels gross. Merry Christmas!
Suzanne – The burger and fries I ate helped me. Happy Holidays.
Mellie Helen – If you do leave it on, please don’t invite me over. Merry Christmas!
Aymie’s Mom – Yup, that’s what I do. I eat crap, so you don’t have to. Merry Christmas!
Aymie – Close, but I really want visions of women, chocolate pudding, and a kiddie pool.
Heather – Eh, maybe he’ll eat one, realize how bad it is, and then try to trade the other one for something else.
jin – Only 30 seconds? Thanks for blogmarking me.
EEEWWWWW!!! What were they thinking???
akiko – I think it had something to do with the fact that people in Japan can get gallon-sized bottles of beer from vending machines.