(Editor’s Note: This review contains references to bowel movements and many different forms of the word “poop.†If you are uncomfortable with this, please do not continue. If you are comfortable with this and have a laptop, this review would make great reading material while backing a big brown caddie out of the garage. Enjoy.)
They say death, taxes, and our doo-doo stinking are the only three things that we can be certain of in this lifetime.
By now you’re probably used to the smell of your own dookie, but sometimes, depending on what you ate, the smell of your own Lincoln Logs can overwhelm you. Of course, there are many products out there that help with the smell of your brown torpedos, like aerosol spray air fresheners, scented candles, matches, and clothespins.
But there are problems with each of these things. With aerosol sprays, unless you want a shower of it coming on you, you can’t spray it while making a deposit at the porcelain bank. Scented candles take a while before its scent is in the air, and by that time, you might be done with giving birth to a buttsnake. With matches, you could possibly burn your fingers or have the urge to light your farts. As for clothespins, they just plain hurt when you pinch your nose with them.
Over the past year, I’ve noticed that many households here on this rock in the middle of the Pacific Ocean have been using Poop Water, which is brought to us by our friends in Japan, who have also given us such great products as the Sony PSP, Toyota Camry, and anime porn.
Okay, the product’s name isn’t actually Poop Water, I just gave it that name because I don’t know how to translate its real Japanese name, Toire Sonoatoni Kyoryokuittekisyosyu. You would think two years of college Japanese classes would help me translate that, but the only complex sentence I can put together in Japanese is, “Geri ga arimasu,†which means, “I have diarrhea.â€
My poor Japanese language abilities also made it impossible to translate the Poop Water’s instructions. Fortunately, there were diagrams on the packaging which explained how to use it.
Anyway, this product is basically a deodorizing liquid for those times when the upside down volcano is erupting. Adding two drops of Poop Water into the toilet before, during, or after taking a Number Two, will destroy the smell of your Winnie the Poohs. After days of testing, the Poop Water almost instantly got rid of the smell coming from my butt nuggets.
It should also help when taking a leak after eating asparagus. Unfortunately, I hate asparagus, so I couldn’t test this theory out.
At first, the clean, fresh, but slightly chemical smell of the Poop Water annoyed my nose, but by the third use, I was used to it. But then again, almost anything smells better than when I download some brownware.
After initial testing, the only reoccurring problem I’ve had with the Poop Water was remembering to use it while making a Madonna movie. Since the Poop Water bottle is very small (holds 20 mL), I sometimes don’t notice it, so I don’t use it, because as they say, “Out of sight, out of mind.â€
Although the Poop Water bottle is very small, a bottle of it should last four to six months, depending on how much fiber you eat.
Item: Poop Water
Purchase Price: $3.99 (on sale)
Rating: 4 out of 5
Pros: Only two drops needed. Works almost instantly. Clean, fresh, but slightly chemical smell. Better than using a clothespin to combat the smell of caca.
Cons: Pricey for such a small bottle. Might be hard to find for most people. Might not remember to use it while building ass rockets.
That’s amazing.
And being that I have a creepy Asian anything fetish it is even more amazing.
I need to head on over to the huge Japanese store (http://www.mitsuwa.com/) on the Hudson river to try to find some of this stuff.
domo domo domo
this is so ideal for an SBC post..
Lord Jezo – That’s Japanese efficiency for you. If only I were as efficient.
S – Yup, definitely would make an ideal post there.
Quote from a friend living in Japan
“I think it means something like. After using the toilet, go cooperate (something).. i don’t know what kisyosyu means”
Better translation… Taken Straight from the package.
**toire sono ato ni, kyouryouku 1-tte shuushou**
“After using the toilet, 1 drop will powerfully make smells disappear”
must find this
i have to say one of the funniest thing was the “downloading brownware”
James – Drop, drop, fizz, fizz. Oh what a relief it is! Thanks for the translation! 🙂
Master Foley – What about, “making a Madonna movie?”
Marvo, I lost it when I read up to “giving birth to a buttsnake” 😀
Reminds me of the South Park episode when everyone in town had the runs at once and they had a few colorful ways to say that they’re going to take a dump:
“Oh, I just gave birth to a brown baby boy.”
“I have to go drop some friends off at the pool”.
That’s all I remember. Actually, your post has more!
Don’t leave home without it. It’s so convenient and small that I keep it in my purse You don’t know if you are going to be at a friend’s place or the mall when the unfortunate urge to take a poo happens. They also make great gifts =)…
Although I notice more of my female friends use it more than the guys… huh…
Too bad this stuff probably won’t work on litterboxes…I swear, something craweled up inside of my cat and died.
I think this would qualify as “Impulsive Buy Product least likely to ever be commonly available in America.” Of course, I imagine Hawaii does have more Japanese products for sale than the continental US…but I really can’t imagine this beoming a best seller over here.
Toni – Yeah, that was a funny episode, but then again all the episodes are damn funny.
akiko – The reason why you carry it is because you have a purse. I don’t have a man-purse, so I’m not going to carry it around. Besides when you’re in a public restroom, I’m not worried about the smell of my load, I’m worried about the smell from guy in the next stall who ate a huge steak and a baked potato.
Thumper – Don’t they have extra-strength kitty litter?
Chuck – Oh, just you wait. I’m gonna find another product that’s even less likely to be commonly available in America.
Great Review:)
Now Let me go Drop The Cosby Kids Off At The Pool…………….
Damon – Thanks for the compliment. 🙂
Hi marvo! Been visiting your blog for the month week and I love reading it. Just wanted to drop by and say thanks for the entertainment, :).
Great work as always!
-akwok
hi marvo, i been readin teh site for awhile now, and love it…. my recommendation is to review some Clodhoppers … you know, those good tings…. review the peanut butter kind:
http://www.clodhoppers.tv/
check em’ out… they deserve a review… a thank you…
While we’re on the topic of requests:
Think you’re going to be doing any Pocky reviews anytime soon? 😉
akwok – Thanks for the compliment! As for the Pocky, you got a flavor in mind?
Mr Jon teh Redth of Canadia – Thanks for the suggestion. Hopefully, I can find them.
Only from Japan……
Wow. This review is the greatest. So funny. I had to tell my husband about it because for some reason I guess it is becuase he is a man feels the need to talk about poop. So I sent him the link and he read it and laughed so your doing a great job. Where did you find something like this anyway? I also want to know what made you decide to buy it!!! Anyway great review. Poop Water…LOL
ha! I need to get some of this stuff for my husband.
you know, because girls don’t poop. 😉
Strawberry Pocky.. mmmm!
OK, I found an American version of this here: http://www.justadrop.net/
Wonder if it works as well? It certainly is expensive enough.
KK – Yup, those people are crazy. I’m Japanese-American, so I’m not so crazy.
Becky – Here in Hawaii, we have many stores that carry Japanese products and this one happens to be popular here.
Webmiztris – And single men don’t masturbate. 😉
akwok – We will see about your Strawberry Pocky. Thanks for the suggestion.
Kristin – SEVENTEEN DOLLARS!!! Well I guess when rich folks take a dump it smell too.
now that’s funny and weird and why didn’t we come up with that originality?
— Beano? Anyone?
Julie – I think the Japan has cornered the market of weird and unusual things, like this.
Hey, wait a minute! Around here, we like the delicate smell of asparagus-scented pee.
Great review!
Surfilicious – Wait, are you one of those people who don’t flush the toilet to conserve water? BTW, thanks for the compliment. 🙂
Thanks! This one had me rolling! This is what I really needed after the last few crappy days (no pun intended). I’ve been gone for work for a while, but I promise I am returning as a loyal reader – after all, I was one of your first regulars. I’m so proud to see how much you’ve grown. lol.
Megan – Yeah, I’ve grown, but horizontally, not vertically.