REVIEW: Diet Sprite Zero

“Dump that zero and get with the hero,” apparently is an effective pick-up line, because it has been used by other men to cause all my past dates to walk out on me.

Because of this I used to think that being a zero was a bad thing, but along comes Diet Sprite Zero, which reminds me a lot of myself. No color. No carbs. No caffeine. No sugar. No fat. No protein. No personality. No knowledge on how to please a woman.

Because the Diet Sprite Zero had none of the above, I thought that it wasn’t going to have any taste, again just like me.

I was surprised and jealous that it actually had taste, and a pretty good taste I might add. Well I guess I can still hope that the Diet Sprite Zero doesn’t know how to please a woman.

I wondered how a beverage with almost the same characteristics as water could taste so good.

Well I didn’t really find the answer in the ingredients list on the bottle, but I did find something interesting. There were two words that stood out, not because they were printed in bold, but because I have no idea how to pronounce them: phenylketonurics and phenylalanine.

(Just a note to all those young folks who aspire to be future spelling bee champs. You should try to remember these two words and when you win the National Spelling Bee by spelling the word “phenylketonurics,” please remember to thank me.)

Hmm, let’s look up these words in a dictionary.

Phenylketonurics: relating to a genetic disorder of phenylalanine metabolism, which, if untreated, causes severe brain damage and progressive mental retardation.

Um, excuse me. I’ll be right back.

(Puking sounds)

(5 minutes later)

Okay, now where were we. Aaah, yes.

Phenylalanine: an essential amino acid, occurring in proteins.

Just to make sure everything was all right and I wasn’t going to end up “special,” I Googled the two words and I think my bulimic-like actions were a little premature. Despite the scary definition of “phenylketonurics,” I assure you that most of us have nothing to fear.

That’s the short answer, but if you want the long, technical, and boring answer, read this.

Diet Sprite Zero surprised me in many ways. Despite its lack of sugar, calories, fat, and carbs, it’s a good tasting beverage.

I guess sometimes it really is better to be the zero than the hero.

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Item: Diet Sprite Zero
Purchase Price: $1.29 (20 oz.)
Rating: 4 out of 5
Pros: Surprised that there actually is taste. No sugar, calories, fat, and carbs.
Cons: If you’re phenylketonuric, DON’T DRINK THIS!!!