I don’t know about you, but when I buy “premium” products, I act like a rich, snobby, irritating son of a bitch that deserves to either be run over by a car or tied up and forced to listen to a continuous loop of David Hasselhoff albums with a gun pointed to my head that’s triggered by the words, “Please stop.”
I guess I act this way because “premium” products tend to be more expensive than regular versions of the product. For example, there’s premium gas, premium ice cream, premium cable channels, and premium mail order bride catalogs.
Whenever I pick up something like premium ice cream, I’ll look around, find someone who picked up regular ice cream, stare at them, and say to myself, “I’ve got premium ice cream, beeyatch! What do you have? Regular ice cream? Ha! I laugh at your regular ice cream. Ha! I laugh again. What? You can’t afford premium ice cream like I can? Yeah, by the way you dress, it looks like you can’t afford premium ice cream.”
See, I’m such as asshole when I pick up premium products.
Recently, McDonald’s introduced a line of premium chicken sandwiches. There are three varieties of chicken sandwiches to choose from: the Premium Chicken Classic, the Premium Chicken Ranch BLT, and the Premium Chicken Club. Also, all three sandwiches are available with either crispy or grilled chicken.
During my most recent visit to McDonald’s, I picked up a Premium Grilled Chicken Club Sandwich. I decided to pick up the grilled version because it was slightly healthier than the crispy version. Along with the chicken, the sandwich consists of a toasted bakery roll with green lettuce, mayonnaise, a slice of fresh tomato, hickory smoked bacon, topped with Swiss cheese.
After picking it up, I sat down and immediately scanned the room to see what everyone else was eating and I noticed a woman eating a Big Mac.
Then I stared at her and said to myself, “Oh my goodness, a Big Mac? That’s so 1980s. Hey, you want a Culture Club record to go with that Big Mac? Couldn’t you afford the extra dollar to pick up a Premium Grilled Chicken Club Sandwich like I have? I guess you have to save that dollar so that you can buy a pair of pants from Goodwill or the Salvation Army.”
After scanning the restaurant again and ridiculing a couple of kids with Happy Meals, I began eating my Premium Grilled Chicken Club Sandwich.
The first thing I noticed about the sandwich was the green lettuce. It was actually green! I guess I was so used to seeing the whitish lettuce that comes with the poor folks Big Mac. But then I realized that I should be getting green lettuce, after all, it is a “premium” sandwich for “premium” consumers, like myself.
When I took my first bite, it tasted kind of bland, but the reason why it tasted bland was because that first bite didn’t include all the parts of the sandwich. When I took my second bite, which included the chicken, mayo, bacon, lettuce, tomato, and swiss cheese, it tasted much better, but it didn’t impress me.
Actually, I would’ve preferred eating a poor folks Big Mac than the rich folks Premium Grilled Chicken Sandwich.
Another problem I had with the Premium Grilled Chicken Club Sandwich was trying to prevent the chicken from sliding around in between the buns. On a couple of occasions the bite I took didn’t have any chicken in it because it slid away from my mouth. I basically had to choke the chicken to keep it in place.
So what did I learn from my Premium Grilled Chicken Club Sandwich experience?
I learned that adding the word “premium” to fast food, is like adding the word “fresh” to poop. It doesn’t make it any better.
Item: McDonald’s Premium Grilled Chicken Club Sandwich
Purchase Price: $4.19 (sandwich only)
Rating: 3 out of 5
Pros: Tastes not bad if you can get a bite that includes all the parts of the sandwich. Healthier than crispy version. Green lettuce.
Cons: Nothing impressive. Slippery chicken. My attitude when I pick up “premium” products.
wait… you had to choke the chicken so that it wouldn’t slip between the buns???? Good stuff Marvo!
Premium McDonald’s products is essentially an oxymoron, right?
Couldn’t McDonald’s have come up with a better picture of a rollerblader on the inside of the carton? It look like they were shot in the ankle and are falling!
Well I would have to say the other day I had what used to be the regular Crispy Chicken Sandwhich only now it is the Premium version. I personally thought it sucked. I didn’t like the bread and the Chicken tasted different. I wish they wouldn’t change a good thing. Good review today!!!
After watching Supersize Me, I steer clear of McDonald’s and instead go to Taco Bell! It’s sad how a premium sandwich makes you feel special. What if those people had telepethy powers and heard what you said? Now, that’s mean. Bad Marvo…. Just kidding.
Nice review Marvo. Have you had lots of experience choking the chicken? 🙂 Hope you ridiculed the kids eating Happy Meals enough that they started crying. Actually, I like McDonald’s new line of salads, but their sandwiches (regular or premium) have never impressed me too much.
Thanks for giving me one more reason to avoid McDonald’s although when my kids are dying for a Happy Meal and I don’t feel like cooking, their new salads are pretty good.
I didn’t think it was possible to use “Premium” and “McDonald’s” in the same sentence. Does not compute.
When I think of premium chicken sandwhiches, I think of girls rollerblading. Anyone else?
lucy – i have some interesting taco bell stories that may put you off them as well… one involves a friend who used work at Nestle who noticed them bidding against Taco Bell for bulk ground meat. The division of Nestle that the meat was going to be used for was … Purina.
marvo – hey don’t knock the salvation army! I shop there all the time. i hear you on the “green” lettuce though… that would be nice for a change.
Our local mcdonalds has been selling these for months, but i have just seen them being advertised. Weird.
Is it the same chicken they use for the premium chicken salads?
“I learned that adding the word “premium†to fast food, is like adding the word “fresh†to poop. It doesn’t make it any better.”
Yes, but it does mean they can charge you more for it! Not that I’ve ever bought poop. (Wait..manure for the garden counts. I never popped for the premium poop, though!)
I don’t trust McDonalds to make anything “healthy”. They’re just out of their realm with that.
Thanks for the review.
Ayesha97 – Yeah, that chicken sure was slippery. Maybe I should’ve gotten the crispy since the breading would’ve provided some traction.
Ken – Pretty much. But putting Healthy McDonald’s would be a bigger oxymoron.
Geoff – I think McDonald’s was trying to be “extreme” with the picture. To us it looks like the rollerblader was shot in the ankle and is falling, but to McDonald’s the rollerblader is being extreme and is doing a backflip.
Becky – I’m sorry about your Premium Chicken Sandwich experience.
Lucy – After watching SuperSize Me I stayed clear from fast food for about a month, but then I started a quasi-product review blog and all of that went downhill.
Chuck – The problem with the new salads is that they’re as “healthy” as a Big Mac.
rockymtnhi – Did you really need another reason to avoid McDonald’s? 🙂
Seth – I think of chickens rollerblading, because would that be some premium chickens.
Bryan – Hey that was my “premium” self who said that about the Salvation Army.
Muneer – Your local McDonald’s was probably one of the test sites for the sandwiches…You lucky bum.
nat – Yes, it does mean more money and a snobby attitude.
elsa – You’re welcome.
Good Review!
For Some Reason Premium And McDonald’s Don’t sound right in the same sentence????
BTW: I Picked Up Some Jergens Natural Glow Today….Hopefully The Wife Likes It!
🙂
Damon – I’m sure your wife will like it, because it really does work well.
Someone remind me to cut off my hands the next time I eat McDonalds. I’ve been sober for 6 months and I’m goin’ strong!
tee hee hee…he said poop…
Jonathan – Keep it going my brutha! Stay strong! Don’t let Ronald McDonald win. It’s too late for me, but it’s not too late for youuuuu.
missy – And I’ll say it again…poop.
These seem to be similar to the Wendy’s or Sonic’s chicken sandwich
Mcdonald’s idea of making something premium is generally to add tomato.
I’ll stick to my Subway or Quizno’s healthier alternatives that reduce the likelyhood of having to choke the chicken.
I saw a description of this sandwich yesterday in which McDonald’s described sauce as “creamy mayo dressing.” Is it mayonaise or not? Either way it sounds underwhelming.
Jenn: I don’t think it’s mayo…. I have no idea what it is.
See, Marvo, I told you- these suck. They’re not premium, and the annoying black-and-white commercial with the people who act like going to McDonald’s is like going to a fancy restaraunt (“Let’s ELEVATE our taste!”) makes them worse.
Mighty Mouse, anyone?
Kent – I wish there was Sonic on this rock in the middle of the Pacific Ocean. I keep seeing the commercial on TV and I keep getting jealous.
Jenn – It’s mayonnaise, but McDonald’s followed the Rule of Fast Food Descriptions: Always add pleasant adjectives to ingredients.
Brandon – Yup, you were right. Which one did you try?
taikoG – Can I borrow $50 for it?
I tried the classic… because I have no desire for swiss cheese or bacon. It still sucks.
I always get the crispy chicken. I know it’s totally unhealthy but it’s SOOOOOO good!! I’ll be trying my crispy chicken with the Bacon and Ranch, etc….To make it REALLLLLLLLY unhealthy…… mmmmmmmm.
Brandon – Yes, it kind of does.
Webmiztris – Don’t forget the cheese and mayo! Cardiologists love the cheese and mayo!
Marvo,
I thank you for your review of the sandwich. The lack of comments relating to the cheese and bacon left me yearning for more. Please keep striving to provide me with a premium review experience.
Yours truly,
Moosi
Moosigal – Cheese was the typical plastic stuff and the bacon was the typical rubbery stuff. Individually, they’re not good, but when you put everything together…It’s all right.
just wanted to say that i love reading your blog every day! It makes me laugh, which is hard to do these days!
jodie – I’m glad I can brighten your day. 🙂
After reading this review, I realized that I’ve never laughed so hard this early in the morning before. It feels like noon now already, but it’s not.
And so true about buying “premium†products. I can relate.
I might try this sandwhich, but…without the bacon, without the chicken and hold the mayo.
That “green” lettuce looks good, and the tomatoe. The bun looks “premium” too.
Vegan Chick – I think your vegan sandwich could also use some red onions and a big fat slice of fried eggplant. Oh that sounds good.
Just had one, exaxtly like yours. it tasted awful. how can you say that that crap tasted “not bad”?
Too bad, I have to find a new place for chicken.