The last time I checked, caffeine doesn’t make anyone mad. In large doses, it may make hands tremble uncontrollably or make Robin Williams so hyperactive that you wish you had a tranquilizer gun.
So why must today’s review subject be called Mad-Croc Power Peppermint Energy Gum? Also, the same can be asked about the Mad Dog Energy Bars I reviewed last year.
All these energy drinks and other energy products have these “aggro,” “xtreme,” or “mad” names and labels, but a large majority of people don’t use these products to be “aggro,” “xtreme,” or “mad.” Instead, they use these product to help them “work,” “study,” or “finish a review for a quasi-product review blog.”
If you can read this review, I know you’ve done a lot of studying in life, and you know there is nothing “aggro,” “xtreme,” or “mad” about studying.
Also, isn’t the name “Mad-Croc” sort of redundant? Don’t crocodiles ALWAYS look mad, and I’m not just talking about the Croc Monster from Scooby Doo or the crocodiles Steve Irwin messes with.
I’ve never seen a happy crocodile. The crocodiles in the National Geographic TV specials always look mad when their mating rituals are being recorded and shown to the world. Kid Rock hates when that happens, but I think crocodiles hate it even more.
Even the crocodile in the Lacoste logo looks totally pissed off about being stitched to preppy French clothing.
However, if there’s anything crocodiles should be mad about, it’s the taste of the Mad-Croc Power Peppermint Energy Gum.
It tasted like I imagine a stale candy cane that’s over four years old would. One that you happened to have found under the sofa, but you think it’s okay to eat because it’s in a wrapper, but just like Joan Rivers, it got crusty over time.
In other words, the taste was horrible, although after going through the entire pack of gum, I sort of got used to it.
I guess it’s sort of like when you take a huge dump. At first, it smells horrible and you try to recollect what you ate that day, but after some times passes, you get used to it.
Or, if not, you do a pre-wipe flush.
Although I may not like its taste, I do like the fact that Mad-Croc gum comes in blue jumbo pieces and just two pieces contains about as much caffeine as an 8-ounce energy drink or a cup of coffee, which was enough energy to help me write a review for a quasi-product review blog. It also contains a bunch of vitamins, like riboflavin, vitamin B6, niacin, vitamin B12, and pantothenic acid.
So is the Mad-Croc Power Peppermint Energy Gum a product I would want to use to freshen my breath during a hot date?
With its crappy flavor, I definitely wouldn’t use it for that.
Is the Mad-Croc Power Peppermint Energy Gum a product you would feed to Robin Williams to get him hyperactive enough to use him for tranquilizer gun target practice?
Hell yes!
Lock and load!
Item: Mad-Croc Power Peppermint Energy Gum
Purchase Price: $1.69
Rating: 2.5 out of 5
Pros: Caffeine. Jumbo pieces. Mucho B vitamins. Perfect to feed Robin Williams to get him hyperactive enough to use him for tranquilizer gun target practice.
Cons: Crappy taste. Flavor may not be ideal for freshening breath. Mad crocodiles. Steve Irwin.
My favorite Gum is Altoid’s Cinnamon. Although it doesn’t have caffiene, it has a strong enough flavor to wake you up. It’s not a habanero burn or anything, but it is noticeable.
If anything you would think the gum would make you angry…did you feel overly pissed off at all whilst chewing said gum? Also the blue color…very viagraesque don’t you think? Maybe the makers of mad-croc should instead make it a gum for erectile dysfunction.
Marvo you are so quick…all your posts are so exciting! You rock!
And I would totally buy gum for erectile dysfunction. Oh yes, I would.
I had a pure blue Lacoste shirt with the little croc on the front. Man, that brings back some memories. And don’t get me started on Members Only jackets…
Marvo, I just don’t think we’re close enough yet for me to want to read about your pre-wipe flushes and such. In fact, I hope we’re never that close.
Did all the B vitamins turn your pee fluoresent??
Marvo – Boy, did I need that pre-wipe flush… Purely ingenious.
I still can’t get past that bit. I read it again, and I’m just going M A D… Thanks!
This is another hilarious post, Marvo. Nicely done.
I laughed good!
Happy belated b’day to Steve Irwin, since u mentioned him:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Steve_Irwin
He’s kind of a Pisces (like me!) but on the cusp of Aquarius… who knew?
Back in the day when I watched television, I used to check out Animal Planet and his show was interesting.
But not as interesting as your blog. Good one on the gum. Crusty like Joan Rivers – that’s great.
Yer darn poopin’!
I want gum called “wild crazy wicked!”
Hey sorry we missed you in Hawaii! I should have asked you where the good places to eat were?
I’ve eaten old candy canes before. They’re kinda tangy.
Lock and load indeed! Robin Williams hunting.. sounds like a good time to me, boy!
I’ve tried caffeine gum and it was pretty awful! check out your google ads – there’s an ad for Croc shoes…those things are so freaking ugly!!! So wonder the crocs are mad!
Here’s the thing about Robin Williams. Clearly he has ADD. Kids with ADD take speed to slow them down (hence the reason people without ADD take ritalin to speed up). So, I think feeding him this gum would slow him way down and make him tolerable to most people.
In your last post, you inferred that the artist Charo was spicy…Ah.
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v719/gofugyourself/pamelaroast-backstage15.jpg
now you know.
Marvo – So many mental images I simply couldn’t do without… Thank you for another breathtaking review!
Chuck – I tried the Altoid’s Cinnamon Gum and it was all right. It was hot, but I swear I tried a cinnamon gum that was even more powerful than that one. Or maybe my tastebuds have died.
Nicki – Nope, wasn’t pissed about the gum, but I did piss while chewing the gum. As for the blue color, it does look Viagra-ish, but no erections. Although, I did chew them while watching the Tony Danza Show, so that might’ve been the reason why.
DeAndre’ – The thing I don’t get about erectile dysfunction products is that you have to take them orally. Why not go straight to the source and create erectile dysfunction condoms?
Bryan – I had a generic Members Only jacket that my parents bought in various colors from Sears.
Mir – But you just did, so doesn’t that make us closer?
Alena – I don’t think so, but it made the water in my toilet turn yellow.
Anonymous – You’re welcome.
Karen – Hey Happy Early Birthday!!! Also, you need to watch more television. Just get a Tivo or something and record The Daily Show…That’s all you need to watch.
Suzanne – Well the next time you’re in Hawaii, and you’re in Waikiki, you should go to Tiki’s Bar and Grill, which is near the Honolulu Zoo. Also, the next time you’re in Hawaii, you should totally let me know.
gko – Really? I also imagine they would taste like old school Crest toothpaste that was received from the family dentist and has been sitting in the back of a bathroom drawer for a decade.
Andy – It would be even better if he dressed up in the same clothes from Mork & Mindy…Suspenders and all.
Webmiztris – It seems that a lot of the tourists that come here wear Crocs, but almost all the local folks don’t. I can’t see myself paying $45 for a rubber shoe that was probably in its past life a car tire or something.
jobetta – AND easier to shoot with a tranquilizer gun!
AJ – Thank you, Pam Anderson, for wearing sheer tight shirts.
Maybe – Here’s another mental image for you. A monkey hanging from its tail, eating a banana upside down, while watching Lost.
Marvo – Ah, but can he do this?
When eating a banana, which side is supposed to be up, and which side down? (Does that sound a little awkward? Do I have a one-track mind?)
To avoid the headache, I just use a knife and fork instead.
But I can’t hang by my tail, with or without the banana, and I can’t eat and watch TV at the same time. Damn you, crazy monkey… Such a show-off.
You knew that would make me laugh, didn’t ya? 🙂
Maybe – I don’t think so, but I believe he can fling poop.
Marvo – So it’s probably Arrested Development he’s watching with that.
Maybe – No, I don’t think so. If I was watching Arrested Development, I wouldn’t be flinging my poop, I would be watching the TV. The same goes for The Office. Oh, and The Daily Show.
That is so badass. I gotta get me some of that. And since when has taste mattered? Where did you find it?
Energy_Guru – Taste mattered ever since I had liver. As for the gum, I picked it up at Target.
Marvo – not flinging poop, but some of these shows seem pretty wetting-my-pants kind of funny to me. Oh, and there’s another one you didn’t mention, I think. A little darker, though…