If peanuts were the measurement of being xtreme, elephants would be doing Mountain Dew commercials and Mr. Peanut wouldn’t be wearing a top hat and holding a cane, instead he would be wearing a helmet, riding a skateboard, and constantly cracking his nuts (or himself) while trying to do railslides down a set of stairs.
The Limited Edition Snickers Xtreme has an xtreme amount of peanuts. As you can see in the picture below, it’s frickin’ full of peanuts. It’s perfect for someone who loves peanuts so much that if it were legal, they would marry them, despite the fact it would be REALLY difficult to consummate the marriage.
To figure out how much more xtreme Snickers Xtreme was than regular Snickers, I decided to dissect each candy bar like it was a frog in a biology class, a cadaver in an anatomy class, or a female contestant on The Bachelor.
However, before I started cutting open each candy bar, I thought just dissecting them wouldn’t be xtreme enough. After all, I was dealing with a Snickers Xtreme. So I decided to try and do an xtreme dissection that involved me blindfolded. underwater without oxygen, surrounded by sharks, and using a live swordfish as my cutting instrument. Unfortunately, the bill of a swordfish doesn’t cut very well, but does stab very well, and I can only hold my breath underwater for ten seconds, so I had to settle for a regular dissection.
As you can see in the picture above the inside of a Snickers Xtreme is nothing but an xtreme amount of peanuts and caramel. In order to make room for the xtreme amount of peanuts, the Snickers Xtreme no get nougat, which a regular Snickers has.
Get it? Nougat! No get! Hahahaha! Oh, I think I just caused each my former creative writing professors to die a little inside.
Despite the xtreme amount of peanuts, I thought the Snickers Xtreme didn’t have a strong peanut taste due to it being kind of drowned out by the xtreme amount caramel. Regular Snickers has peanut butter nougat, which probably would’ve helped with the peanut flavor, but it would probably be hard to try and stuff some in the Snickers Xtreme, since doing that is much like trying to put a hat on Donald Trump’s head, because his head is the size of a blimp and his toupee uses its strand to keep hats away.
There really isn’t anything else xtreme about the Snickers Xtreme itself. Its nutritional value is almost the same as a regular Snickers. A regular Snickers has 280 calories, 14 grams of fat, 5 grams of saturated fat, 5 mg of cholesterol, 140 mg of sodium, 35 grams of carbs, 1 grams of fiber, 30 grams of sugar, and 4 grams of protein. A Snickers Xtreme has 290 calories, 16 grams of fat, 6 grams of saturated fat, 10 mg of cholesterol, 110 mg of sodium, 33 grams of carbs, 2 grams of fiber, 27 grams of sugar, and 5 grams of protein.
However, after eating a Snickers Xtreme my life became a little more xtreme. You would think the probability of my life getting more xtreme because of the Snickers Xtreme is about the same probability of having a good time with someone whose number you found in a public restroom, but for a short time the most mundane parts of my life became xtreme.
For example, eating ice cream. After eating the Snickers Xtreme, I wasn’t chowing down on my favorite dairy product with a spoon, instead I took it to the xtreme by eating it with a ladle. My ironing was even taken to the xtreme. I didn’t just iron on my ironing board, I ironed on top of my ironing board, riding it like a surfboard with me ironing my clothes while wearing them.
Now that’s xtreme!
Item: Limited Edition Snickers Xtreme
Price: 59 cents
Purchased at: 7-Eleven
Rating: 6 out of 10
Pros: Good. More peanuts, if you LOVE peanuts and want to be together through sickness and in health.. Kinda crunchy. Temporarily made mundane parts of my life xtreme. Eating ice cream with a ladle. Xtreme ironing.
Cons: More peanuts, if you’re allergic to peanuts. Despite an xtreme amount of peanuts, it didn’t have a strong peanut taste. No get nougat. Not really more xtreme than regular Snickers. Not being able to do an xtreme dissection. Xcessive use of the word “xtreme” in this review. Donald Trump’s toupee.
Well, it was a long wait, but I think it was worth it.
Seeing you ride your ironing board was truly epic.
This was a cool review. Since the Snickers Extreme was so mediocre, perhaps you should review the runner up as well, and see how much better things are on the Twix side life.
Ok or not, either way it’s cool.
And now I’m off to click some Google ads to gain you revenue!
You really ought to talk to bizbuysell.com about your ad plan. I clicked the ads at the top of the page, but it only took me to the intended sites twice for each ad, after that it took me to bizbuysell. I assume you only get paid when it takes you to the intended site(ex: drpepper.com). Or does it not matter how many hits the ads get or what?
Sorry to pollute your review with non review related things.
That photo is priceless. I might have to post that on my site. You must have apportioned your weight perfectly or you must have one hell of a sturdy ironing board. My fat cat (he was like 23 pounds) managed to break our ironing board by jumping on it. As always, my hat is off to you sir, a fantastic review. I think I would love this Snickers, as much as I’d miss the nougat, I’m a peanut and caramel fanatic, plus more protein, fewer carbs, more fiber–what’s not to love?
I can’t believe you dissected the Snickers bars so neatly! How many did you have to practice on before you got perfect ones like that? And did you eat the dissected ones afterward, or new ones – because maybe dissection would change the flavor. Or something.
i don’t want to kiss your ass on every blog item you write but i can’t help myself. you get better and better with each passing day. awesome doses of creativity and cleverness. the AM gator-ade, the stupid nestles quik drink, and this, which is just greatness. meanwhile, that’s some iron man ironing board you got. i didn’t realize ironing boards could support a person. fab action shot!
I think to be truly Xtreme they should have added some caffiene to it. Although it does look very peanutty. With that many peanuts I’m surprised it didn’t have a stronger peanut taste. Great ironing board pic, btw. Hope your life continues to go Xtremely well.
Screw the candy bar, that’s an Xtreem ironing board. How did you manage to get on there and not bust that thing? Mine can hardly hold the weight of the iron and a bunch of clothes.
Dam, they must sell really sturdy ironing boards on your island. I’ve never found one THAT sturdy. I have found the Snickers Xtreme though, but knowing theres no nougat means I’ll stick with buying my usual Hershey’s with Almonds at the checkout! Great review!
I’ll echo what other people have said- how did you not break your ironing board? You are too Xtreme for me, Marvo.
Speaking of which, I won’t be touching these Xtreme Snickers any time soon. I don’t like peanuts in my candy. I do like them honey roasted though!
I think you might possibly qualify for http://www.extremeironing.com with that little stunt there.
Ha! That is an instant classic.
I didn’t think an ironing board could support a human being…hmm…
Maybe you are just xtreme.
I’ve always wondered why it was more Xtreme to drop out the ‘e’ and then capitalize the ‘x’ from “extreme.” I also think you have an Xtreme ironing board.
If you’re not going to eat those things, pass them over.
How about extreme diabetes.
My Snickers Xtreme must have been broken cuz I didn’t do any of the cool things you did. Except maybe I went to be without flossing my teeth.
I *just* tried the Triple Chocolate Twix this morning. Not as exciting as one would imagine. Maybe if they called it Twix ^3.
Snickers X-treme sounds X-tremely lame!
Nice picture. Way to strike a pose.
No nougat in a Snickers bar? Yeesh, what’s the point? Might as well eat a Baby Ruth or whatever. Anyone who’s seen Caddyshack knows how “xtreme” things can get when you throw a Baby Ruth into the pool.
This is hilarious, Marvo. Although the dissected Snickers looks kinda gross. It looks like a clogged artery.
But you riding that ironing board is priceless. Xtremely cool.
You are lucky that ironing board didn’t break! They are made so cheaply these days. You could have had some really Xtreme injuries.
Maybe next time you could boil the candy bars to get all the goo to melt, and then you could count all of the loose peanuts to compare the two bars.
Good god man! Did you use a band saw to cut through that plethora of peanuts? I couldn’t help but keep thinking back on Harold and Kummar Go To WhiteCastle when I was reading that post though. XTREEEEEEEEEEM IRONING!
Lemme know when you vacuum with the lights turned off. Talk about Xtreme! I have to take note that your cross-sections were clearly performed with the utmost care and precision. You should win an xtreme award for that, too.
Stacie – I don’t know if that would really work. I think it would end up just making a mess. How would Marvo separate the melted chocolate/caramel from the water and peanuts? I think this would be challenging indeed.
JJ – hahahahahaha, dude, I didn’t even think of that part of Harold And Kumar, but that would really be a funny scene for the bonus dvd or something. Of course they would have to use an ironing board made in China so that it breaks when those assholes(haha) stand on it.
EVERYONE! I have just made an important discovery!!!!!!!!!
Notice the picture. Now, try to think about how Marvo took it. Well, it seems pretty impossible to set a 10 second autotimer and then run all the way over there and pose. He could have set a custom autotimer, but something tell me that he didn’t. Do you know what this means? There was someone else in the house! Which means that Marvo probably got himself some sweet lovin!
I think that deserves a standing ovation, good job.
Unless it was your buddy, coworker, or room mate, in which case we, the readers of TIB take our standing ovation back.
I thought all men ironed that way….it usually looks like it.
Maybe it’s just me, I dunno. I thought the era of xtreme (food in this case) products was a bit overdone and done. I was holding out for the xtreme super absorbent tampon from o.b. just to see if it would dehydrate my girlfriend from the inside out. Alas I just settled for the Denny’s Extreme Grand Slam. Who wouldn’t be happy with an extra piece of sausage and bacon in the morning? I guess what I’m getting at is how xtreme can it be if it the word is marked to old people at crappy chain restaurant?
Calvin – Marvo does have a roomate. Most likely he got him to take the picture. Although if he got himself some sweet sweet lovin’, Go Marvo!
“Xtreme tampon!” LOL, luckinflux!
no get nougat…
i thought you were busting out your pidgin
that’s some xtreme balancing
I totally disagree with not being able to consumate a marriage with a peanut. You GUYS are always thinking of ways to put your dumbstick into things…but if you took a second to imagine that perhaps the peanut lover were a woman, easily consumated…heck that’s a peanut orgy! But unsalted please.
calvin – The ironing board picture was fun, but too bad it was Photoshop job and I destroyed my ironing board while trying to figure out how to do the picture.
L’il E – Just to let you know, I Photoshopped that photo together because I didn’t know I couldn’t surf ironing boards.
Melanie – One try and I got it. I should be a brain surgeon!
tg – My ironing board can’t support a person and I had to buy a new one because it couldn’t.
Chuck – It kind of surprised me too, but life is full of surprises.
Lord Jezo – No, my xtreme ass broke my ironing board. That picture is a Photoshop job I did.
Barb – Just you wait and see, they’re going to come out with an Xtreme Hershey’s with Almonds.
Toni – How about honey roasted peanuts in your candy?
Mandy – Nah, they’re more xtreme than me. They’re ironing without electricity.
stuporstar – thanks!
jinhamasaki – Or I am light as a feather. Or I know my way around Photoshop.
Sep – Because it’s xtreme to knock out slightly silent letters.
twisted dog – Sorry, I ate them both.
Own the Interet – To be more exact Xtreme Type 2 Diabetes.
cybele – If not flossing is xtreme, then I am xtreme four days out of the week.
Aarika – I like Triple Dipple Twixxle.
Webmiztris – xtremely right!
The Lazy Canadian – Sadly, I don’t know how to surf on water.
Zadillo – Doesn’t Baby Ruth have nougat? Also, my poop doesn’t look like a Baby Ruth.
Brie – I believe after eating both candy bars, that’s what my arteries look like.
Stacie – It did break. Actually it twisted and bent, which forced me to buy a Martha Stewart ironing board from Kmart, which i will not be trying to surf on.
JJ – I wish I had a band saw, because I would make it so much easier when I get stuck in handcuffs and I don’t know where I put the key.
Domokun – I could use my cutting skills for good, like brain surgery, but instead I use it on trivial things like cutting up candy bars.
calvin – Actually, the clean up would be the challenging thing.
calvin – If I were getting sweet, sweet lovin’, daily condom reviews would be posted here at TIB.
Wednesday – I iron used an ironing board and spray bottle, because that’s what Martha taught me.
luckinflux – I’m also surprised that there hasn’t been a Playtex Xtreme for those heavy flow days.
Chuck – I took the picture. Actually, I first took a picture of the ironing board. Then I tried to see if the ironing board could hold my weight, which is couldn’t. With my ironing board destroyed, I used a table to raise me up to the height the ironing board was set to and took a picture of me ironing on that. Then I just combined the two photos Photoshop. No sweet, sweet lovin’.
LaR – You do not want me to bust out my pidgin. It is not pretty to listen to.
Gia in the City by the Bay – My “dumbstick” is not dumb. It knows to stay away from Carmen Electra’s coochie. I don’t know about that peanut orgy thing. Would that be like ben wah balls?
Seriously? Great job if you’re not lying to me. But I suspect you are lying to me. Again ;-p
Hrmm, you’re right, Baby Ruth does have nougat. Although according to wikipedia, “the nougat found in it is more like fudge than is found in many other American candy bars.”
L’il E – I’m surprised by the result myself. I have no Photoshop skillz. 🙁
Zadillo – I’m disappointed that a Baby Ruth doesn’t have alcohol and cigars like Babe Ruth.