Sometimes I feel like I’m the lamest member of the Jackass crew.
I’m not willing to get kicked in the balls, have animals attack me on purpose, sit in a port-a-potty that’s about to get knocked over, or get my ass cheeks pierced together, but I’m willing to eat fast food items with 1,500+ milligrams of sodium and drink Jones Soda’s Bacon Flavored Soda.
There isn’t a word in any language that properly describes how vile this bacon flavored soda tastes. Shit, I’m surprised I mustered the courage to taste it because a foul stench of artificial bacon wafted into my nasal passages as I brought my mouth towards the opening of the bottle. The smoky, nauseating aroma put my entire digestive system into defensive mode.
Its flavor is extremely potent. It’ll grow hair on your chest, and if you’re somehow able to drink an entire bottle, it’ll probably grow a third nipple, as well. The bacon soda’s smoky and sweet flavor tastes like Jones Soda figured out a way to bottle the things that make babies cry: smoke and candy taken away from babies.
Speaking of crying, drinking it made me tear up. It wasn’t a happy cry or a sad cry, it was more of a frantic “Mommy! Please make it stop!” cry.
I only sipped my way though one-fifth of a bottle because sipping the reddish bacon soda is a chore. Every sip warranted several chasers of something that would get rid of that godawful taste from my mouth.
While those chasers helped wash away the flavor from my taste buds, they did nothing for the memories etched into my brain. Each sip made those grooves deeper and deeper, and it already has reached to the point where just the thought of this bacon soda makes me gag.
While my experience with it was bad, I really feel sorry for the Jones Soda employee or intern who had to taste test all the prototype versions of the Jones Bacon Flavored Soda. Because if the final version is horrible, all the test versions of it must have been worse.
I hate to say this, but I think Jones Bacon Flavored Soda has ruined bacon for me. I’ve said on a number of occasions that bacon makes everything better, but this limited edition bacon flavored soda proved me wrong. Now, just the thought of a bacon cheeseburger makes me throw up a little in my mouth.
Thanks, Jones Soda!
(Nutrition Facts – 1 bottle/12 ounces – 10 calories, 0 grams of fat, 516 milligrams of sodium, 2 grams of carbohydrates, 0 grams of sugar and 0 grams of protein.)
Item: Jones Bacon Flavored Soda
Price: $9.99 (Bacon soda set)
Size: 2-12 ounce bottles
Purchased at: Jones Soda Website
Rating: 0 out of 10
Pros: There’s a bacon flavored soda. Only 10 calories. May get you to quit bacon.
Cons: Godawful. Hard to get. Pricey. Artificial bacon stench. Ruined bacon for me. The prototype versions of this soda. Makes me cry. Its flavor is etched into my brain.
This doesn’t even sound appealing to me. I would if you could use it in cooking or baking instead. Like I make this cake (Better than sex cake) that uses diet soda and wondering if I could use this since then it would be chocolate bacon. Mmmmm chocolate bacon!
Japan needs to get up on the times and make a bacon flavored Kit Kat.
Would this be a viable replacement for syrup of ipecac?
I love all things bacon . . . but even I’m not willing to try this.
Gross. Sounds like this stuff was doomed from the start, but in my experience, even bacon-flavored beer is a bit iffy. A sampler glass = damn tasty, but a full glass? Let’s just say a little bacon goes a long way.
I’ve tried this soda, trust me, it is the worst ever, don’t even think of using it for anything, ever. Actually, wait, the syrup of Ipecac idea is pretty solid.
That’s what I’m here for. Vomit jokes.
I think all of the Jones Soda special occasion or holiday flavors are based on a bet. It is like the movie Trading Places where one Jones exec bet another he/she couldn’t sell 50 milion bottles of raw sewage, pasturized for our protection. The winning exec bottled it, carbonated it, added smokey flavor and called it bacon.
I hope he/she enjoys that dollar.
I learned my lesson after the holiday pack with the pea soda. I think they misprinted the ‘a’ instead of an ‘e’ and the source ate asparagus for a week beforehand.
I think anyone who claims bacon makes everything better should have to chug this stuff.
Marvo, i think your next review should be Bakon vodka with this as a mixer. A martini perhaps?
oh dear god. congrats, marvo, i a lmost puked just reading this article. i think the worst part of this article was finding out that it is only ten calories. meaning they used like three grains of sugar… or… they used artificial sweetener. and i don’t know why, but the thought of using an artificial sweetener in this already disgusting creation just makes it that much worse. maybe it’s just me, i hate the taste of artificial sweetener. and thinking of this horrible idea PLUS that crap. wow. and i have been vegetarian for almost twenty years. this who idea for me is like a nightmare.
A valiant attempt sir. Im sure this beast will fell mightier souls than you. Sounds absolutely repugnant.
Wow, this is only the second zero review I can remember from TIB. Definitely a soda to be avoided, unless you’re seeking out hardcore bacon addicts. Anyone who enjoys this soda must need a bacon 12-step program.
I’m still thinking if I should try this bacon soda when I gets it. Everyone is saying tasted bad after they have try it. Great review, btw.
@amanda: I would use it in baking if I was someone who was always asked to donate items to a bake sale, but was tired of the emotionless thanks. I’d use it in a recipe to ensure I’d never get asked again.
@Jeremy: I predict within one or two years they will have bacon KitKat and mayo KitKat.
@Gordan Shumway: (looks up ipecac) I’m not sure, but I can think of another replacement. It’s called jamming a finger down a throat.
@theGrit: The only way you can truly prove your love for bacon is by drinking this. 🙂
@Drew: I really do believe Jones will sell their entire stock of bacon soda just because of the novelty.
@Kelley: While I think it’s quite vile, I’m looking forward to Jones trying to top it with another flavor.
@Tim: The holiday pack sodas I’ve tried, I’ve been mostly able to tolerate, but this blows them out of the water.
@nicolerecine: I’m going to stay away from bacon for a while. 🙁
@amiee lynn wylie: It does contain sucralose. I think it would be worse if I drank it warm.
@Steve: Absolutely repugnant doesn’t come close to describing it. Someone is going to have to create a new word to describe the horror of this soda.
@Chuck: I wonder if serving this to a pig would be wrong. Actually, I wonder if a pig would consume it.
@steve: If you get your hands on some, you have to try it.
But the finger down the throat tactic won’t work for some…like Sasha Gray. Although, seeing her ventures into mainstream acting may produce desired results.
Watching any Jackass scenes that involve puking or human waste works for me. So that might be another option.
What? You don’t like poop?
I just had one yesterday and like you said,”There isn’t a word in any language that properly describes how vile this bacon flavored soda tastes.”
Maybe you could try marinating a steak or a pork chop in the stuff.
I have a feeling that it would end up wasting a steak or pork chop.
I actually ate pre-cooked microwave bacon the day I drank bacon soda. It was like an act of defiance. You can’t beat me, bacon soda! I will eat already crappy fully-cooked bacon and it will still taste better than you. And it did. And I got a stomach ache afterward. But I still won.
well now i HAVE to at least try it…
in fact this review will probably help sales of everyone wanting to see what all the (bad) hype is about
Oh most definitely. Jones Soda has given up completely on trying to pretend they’re making good flavors. They’ve got everyone by the balls with the “ugh, this is gross…here try it” factor.
@Gordan Shumway – HA! Although I love Sasha, that comment was FUNNY!