REVIEW: Dunkin’ Donuts Oreo Vanilla Bean Coolatta

So I’ve had cookies on my mind lately. 

It started when I volunteered to review Dunkin’ Donuts’ latest summer creation, the Oreo Vanilla Bean Coolatta, which I’ve had at least four of in recent weeks.  Then we brought Chips Ahoy! to my family reunion, always a massive affair thanks to my great-grandparents being really great at procreating.  Finally, my wife had me watch Cookie Monster’s cover of “Call Me Maybe” because one of her old sorority sisters is a background dancer in it.  Now every day I find myself humming, “Hey, me just met you, and this is crazy / But you got cookie, so share it maybe?”  (On the plus side, he harmonizes better than Carly Rae Jepsen.)

As you might surmise from my multiple trips to the well, there are a lot of good things to say about the Oreo Coolatta.  It’s always nice when I’m able to review something I was planning to try anyway, and this for sure qualifies.  Non-coffee drinkers sometimes struggle to find something at DD to wash down a nice chocolate glazed, and the vanilla bean Coolatta was the answer to my prayers, so long as I don’t mind having the shakes for the rest of the day.  Which I don’t.  Still, I’ve always believed variety is the spice of life, as long as it’s an incredibly minor modification of something you already know you like.  And I was pretty sure this would essentially be just a Vanilla Bean Coolatta with Oreo pieces mixed into it.

Which, as it turns out, is pretty much what it is.  There are two new Coolatta varieties, Oreo Coffee Coolatta and Oreo Vanilla Bean Coolatta.  I didn’t try the coffee variety, though one might infer that it would taste a bit like a mochaccino with a different, grittier kind of chocolate.  But if you’ve ever had a standard Vanilla Bean Coolatta before, you have a pretty good idea what to expect, which is to say: pure awesomeness.  They have (at least at the beginning) a great consistency, not too thick to slurp through the straw, but not so liquid-y that it’s like drinking a soda.  Except in terms of sweetness, because damn.  I know I joked about it earlier, but seriously, you need a hearty sweet tooth to enjoy this beverage.  People content with an apple as their main sweet for the day need not apply.

So with the excellent Vanilla Bean Coolatta as its base, it was just a matter of making sure the addition of Oreo didn’t throw things out of whack, right?  Potential problems might’ve included the Oreo pieces being too large to comfortably fit through the straw, leading to blockages or making the overall consistency too thick.  But that wasn’t an issue — the Oreo bits, while easily visible, are small enough that the overall consistency remains the same.

The texture, however, is a bit grittier, as you’d expect.  And the taste is understandably similar, though not identical.  Still extremely sweet, but with that highly distinctive chocolate flavor that I’m struggling to describe other than “tastes like an Oreo.”  It’s not quite as rich as an actual Oreo cookie, but it still makes the Coolatta a bit more nuanced than the regular Vanilla Bean variety.  It also creates a distinct aftertaste, leaving you tasting the chocolate well after the vanilla bean has faded from your tongue.

I should clarify that I can’t say for a fact that this is just the standard Vanilla Bean Coolatta with Oreo bits in it.  Oreos obviously have a creme filling too, and it’s possible DD has added a little of that creme to the vanilla base.  I honestly can’t swear to it one way or the other, but if they have, it’s fairly subtle.  Which should not in any way dissuade you from trying what has turned out to be one of this summer’s best treats.  The price is a bit steep and it goes without saying you’re not allowed to drink one without an insulin IV, but you can’t quibble with the taste.  Om nom nom!

(Nutrition Facts — 1 small Coolatta — 420 calories, 80 calories from fat, 9 grams of fat, 4 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 20 milligrams of cholesterol, 230 milligrams of sodium, 88 grams of carbohydrates, 75 grams of sugar, 1 gram of fiber, and 3 grams of protein.)

Item: Dunkin’ Donuts Oreo Vanilla Bean Coolatta
Purchased Price: $2.99
Size: 16 fl. oz.
Purchased at: Dunkin’ Donuts
Rating: 8 out of 10
Pros: Doesn’t taste like coffee.  Oreo bits are just the right size.  Chocolate is a nice addition but doesn’t overwhelm the beverage.  Very minor variety.  Let’s get skim milk flowing, we’ll start this snack going, baby.
Cons: A little pricey.  Really, really, just crazy really sweet.  Not nearly as enjoyable when it starts melting.  Family reunions where they order about 8 mushroom pizzas and only one plain, like, WTFingF?