I haven’t eaten hot dogs in a while. I don’t know if it was because of my fear of increasing my already dangerously high cholesterol levels or if I had an extreme case of subconscious homophobia.
It’s most likely the latter, because I like my gay friends. Wait! I like them, but not in that way. You know what I’m saying, right? I really like my gay friends. Wait! Um¦ Dammit!
I LOVE BOOBIES!!! I LOVE BOOBIES!!!
Well the other week, while shopping at the national grocery store chain I shop at, I noticed the Healthy Choice Beef Franks were on sale. I swear they NEVER seem to go on sale. I honestly believe that the store doesn’t want me to be healthy, because the Healthy Choice Beef Franks almost NEVER go on sale, but those powdered sugar-coated brownie bites down the aisle are ALWAYS on sale.
Being the healthy shopper that I try to be, I compared the nutritional values of other products. The Healthy Choice Beef Franks had two or three times less fat and cholesterol than its “non-healthy†counterparts. This made me hesitant about picking them up, because I didn’t want to relive my experience with tofu dogs.
Figuring that there’s no way they could be worse than the tofu dogs, I picked up the Healthy Choice Beef Franks. However, when I picked them up from the refrigerated case, there was something strange about them, but I couldn’t quite put my finger on it.
Oh well.
I continued shopping and eventually ended up in the bread aisle, where I picked up a pack of eight hot dogs buns. I looked at the buns and a light bulb suddenly turned on in my head. Then it went dim. Then I looked at the buns again and the light bulb turned on again. Then it went dim again. Finally, after hitting my head against the shopping cart a few times, the light bulb stayed on and I said to myself, “Holy crap! Since when did hot dogs start coming in a pack of eight?”
Back in the day, I remember that hot dogs came in a pack of ten and everyone used to complain about how the number of buns in a pack and the number of hot dogs in a pack were uneven.
I wondered if this was the case with all of the wieners, so I zipped my shopping cart all the way to the other side of the store, narrowly missing several other shoppers and discovered that most of the hot dogs now come in packs of eight.
When I got home, I immediately started to boil water for the beef franks. About 10 minutes later, I was enjoying them.
I have to say that these Healthy Choice Beef Franks are pretty damn tasty for something that’s supposed to be healthy.
Thanks to Healthy Choice, I think can start eating wieners again.
Oh wait, that didn’t sound right.
Thanks to Healthy Choice, I can start enjoying wieners again.
That didn’t sound right either. Dammit!
I LOVE BOOBIES!!! I LOVE BOOBIES!!!
Item: Healthy Choice Beef Franks
Purchase Price: $3.00 (on sale)
Rating: 8 out of 10
Pros: Low-fat, high in taste. Comes in a pack of eight wieners. I LOVE BOOBIES!!!
Cons: Still a little high in sodium, but that’s probably what gives it its taste. Hardly ever goes on sale.