I don’t know why I keep torturing myself with all of these low-carb items.
Every time I buy one, I know it’s not going to taste good and I’m going to write a crappy review about it.
I really should just let these folks handle the reviews for the low-carb stuff and I should just stick with the ass-growing, gut-building foods that actually taste good.
Maybe I buy the low-carb stuff because I’m curious to know how bad they can get. Maybe I think to myself, “There can’t be anything worse than the Carb Countdown Smoothie.â€
Oh wait, there is! Thanks, Carb Well, for proving that there are different levels of crap.
Well I guess I’ll keep buying them and I’ll keep getting burned.
It’s like the rottweiler keeps biting me, but I still want to pet it.
You know, Dr. Atkins and his fat ass is probably laughing at me up in heaven and being thankful that he didn’t have to eat the low-carb crap that’s available today.
Damn you, Dr. Atkins! I really hope the only things available to eat in heaven are Krispy Kreme donuts.
Anyway, the newest way I’ve been torturing myself is with the Skippy Carb Options Peanut Butter.
It looks like peanut butter. It smells like peanut butter. It spreads like peanut butter. It’s fun to feed to dogs like peanut butter. It tastes like peanut butter…
Oh, wait. That last part about the tasting like peanut butter… Um, it really doesn’t.
So the Skippy Carb Options Peanut Butter accomplishes all this sticky not-so-goodness with less sugar, less carbs, and less peanuts.
Less peanuts? That explains the taste.
According to the bottle, it says Skippy Carb Options Peanut Butter is made out of 65 percent peanuts. Of course, the obvious $65,000 Question is, “What the hell makes up the other 35 percent?â€
Your guess is as good as mine, but I sure hope some of that 35 percent isn’t Splenda.
(Reading label)
Holy crap! Some of that IS Splenda.
Dammit, Splenda! Why can’t you cause anal leakage like Olestra did? That way you’d just disappear and become another segment in the future VH1 show, “I Love the 2000s†where Hal Sparks and Michael Ian Black will make jokes about you.
So what benefits do we get with Splenda and 35 percent less peanuts in our Skippy Carb Options Peanut Butter?
We get TWO less grams of sugar and carbs than regular Skippy peanut butter.
Only two less grams of carbs?
So Skippy spent time and energy to make a low-carb Skippy peanut butter and it turns out that regular Skippy peanut butter was ALREADY low-carb.
Damn you, Dr. Atkins!
DAMN YOU!
STOP LAUGHING AT ME!
Item: Skippy Carb Option Peanut Butter
Purchase Price: $2.50 (on sale)
Rating: 2 out of 5
Pros: Possibly better than peanut butter made out of 50 percent peanuts. Looks like peanut butter. Smells like peanut butter. Spreads like peanut butter.
Cons: Grainy. 65% peanuts! Splenda!!! Dr. Atkins is laughing at me.
I read an article about the Carb Options varieties of pretty much everything, and it basically said they were a total joke. There are so few less carbs in it, that it doesn’t even make a difference. It just tastes worse and costs more. Sorry, you’ve been robbed. I’d say give it to the dog, but he probably even has more exquisite tastes. 😉
We’ve been doing the Southbeach diet around here, no carbs…yadda yadda,. I’m glad I don’t have to waste my money on that now,
God…I want some noodles slathered in butter, followed by a chocolate cake …and ice cream. yeah…ice cream.
I thought I was buying regular flavored creamer the other day, but it turned out to be “low carb” made with — you guessed it — Splenda. Sipping on the java with this creamer in it resulted in a grimace and a well restrained forced swallow. I thought the creamer had gone bad. Well it had. As soon as they included Splenda in the recipe. Yeccchh.
Webmiztris – I don’t know about that. Dogs like to eat poop, so I don’t know how exquisite their tastes are.
Suzanne – So that’s why you ate 3 spoonfuls of peanut butter.
Mellie – With this little blog, I shall rid the planet of Splenda, so that no one shall ever be tricked into buying crappy creamers and peanut butter EVER.
Anal leakage? Your reviews are so hilarious.
Mimi – I know it might be hard to believe, but “Anal leakage” is the actual scientific term. 😉
I actually prefer Splenda to some of the other sweeteners at least for my coffee. Maybe I’m a freak that way. Heh…
Low-Carb/No-Carb stores are popping up everywhere! I think what people need to learn is the difference between good carbs and bad carbs are, and the fact that if you’re active, you’ll burn it off anyways. I’d rather walk 20 minutes, and burn off the GOOD STUFF, than sacrifice taste.
Cigar Jack – Splenblah just isn’t sweet enough for me. I have to add sugar to make it taste decent.
Cassiopeia – Low-carb/No-carb stores? I’m very tempted to open a bakery/ice cream parlor right next to them.
Thank God we have you. I’d hate to waste my money on Low-Carb crap.
Portions have much to do with it – whether a light spread of PB or 6 Tablespoons!
The real key is exercise – if you do LOTS of physical activity you can eat all the carbs you want.
Goldberry – Glad to be of service. Now what am I going to do with the rest of this peanut butter.
Maddie Dov – If I do LOTS of physical activity, I’m afraid I’m not going to have time to eat.
Can I request a review of a product? If so, what are your feelings on Terra Chips?
Bleck! Peanut Butter is one of those things you just deal with being fattening if you eat it. Fake peanut butter never comes out right.
You may find it interesting to check some information about…
marv…
I fully support you in your decision to stop with the low carb products. you are only encouraging them. You know… THEM. If you need a steady supply of normal human food stuffs, because of your isolation in paradise, I will send along the occasional goodie. Like Nerds Rope and Strawberry Moon Pies.
Have you tried Nutella. It is absolutely wonderful! Its a chocolate spread. Tastes great on french bread!
Janet – I’ll look into them if I can find any.
Grins – The thing about peanut butter and fat is that most of the fat is actually good for you. It’s the mono-whatever fat, which is the good fat.
Anonymous – Hey, were you just about to comment spam me?
kimdog – I’m really curious about those Nerds Ropes and I’ve been looking for them. Is it an actual rope made out of Nerds?
Web Junkie – Never tried Nutella, but I’m still very curious about Vegemite.