Ever since I heard about the Hardee’s Monster Thickburger, I’ve been bitter about not having the opportunity to try one, since there aren’t any Hardee’s here on this rock in the middle of the Pacific Ocean. That bitterness slightly faded, after I read a story about the new Burger King Enormous Omelet Sandwich.
Okay, the Enormous Omelet Sandwich still pales in comparison with the Monster Thickburger and its 1,420 calories, 107 grams of fat, 229 milligrams of cholesterol, and 2,651 milligrams of sodium. However, the Enormous Omelet Sandwich’s 730 calories, 47 grams of fat, 415 milligrams of cholesterol, and 1,860 milligrams of sodium would make any nutritionist or cardiologist cringe, like I do when I see a guy get kicked in the balls and whenever I see someone do Macarena.
So yesterday morning, I got up early and headed out the door to the Burger King down the street.
As I walked to the Burger King, a mini version of me suddenly appeared on my left shoulder, wearing a white suit and wings. “Holy crap!” he said to me. “What are you doing? I can’t believe you’re gonna buy that. It’s so unhealthy. It could be the last thing you eat in this world.”
“But if it’s the last thing he eats, that would make one hell of a review,” said the mini version of me that suddenly appeared on my right shoulder, wearing a black suit with horns on his head.
“How can he write a review when he’s dead, moron!?!” the mini me in the white suit said.
“Oh, come on, you wuss,” the mini me in the black suit snorted. “It’s got almost the same amount of calories and fat as a Burger King Whopper. He’s eaten lots of Whoppers and he’s still here.”
“But it also has FOUR times the cholesterol and almost twice the sodium of a Whopper. He doesn’t need that much salt, he’s not a frickin’ horse,” the white suited mini me replied.
While those two argued, I walked into the Burger King and ordered an Enormous Omelet Sandwich.
“NOOOOOOO!!!!” the pure and innocent mini me screamed. The dark and evil mini me just laughed.
The person behind the counter asked if I wanted anything else. The dark mini me screamed, “HASH BROWNS!!!” and then disappeared. The innocent mini me yelled, “DEFIBRILLATOR!!!” and then also disappeared.
I said to the cashier, “No, that’s all.”
On my way back, I felt guilty about buying the sandwich, so I stopped by the convenience store that sells alcohol and cigarettes to minors, to pick up a bottle of apple juice, which I picked up because the antioxidants in the juice can help prevent damage from fatty foods and because it looks like beer.
The Enormous Omelet Sandwich consists of a toasted roll with two slices of American cheese, two layers of fluffy eggs, three strips of bacon, and a sausage patty. It looked like Burger King just joined two regular breakfast sandwiches together to form the Enormous Omelet Sandwich. In other words, it didn’t look very spectacular.
As I took the first bite, I heard a faint, “Nooooooo,” which might have been either my white suited mini me or my heart. I stopped for a second, shrugged my shoulders, and dug into the sandwich.
The sandwich was good, but there wasn’t anything special about it. It tasted like any other breakfast sandwich with eggs and sausage. The bacon was almost nonexistent, because I could hardly taste it. The only thing the Enormous Omelet Sandwich really has going for itself is the fact that it’s probably the biggest breakfast sandwich available.
My recommendation is, if you like angioplasty, eat an Enormous Omelet Sandwich every other day. If you don’t like angioplasty, I’d recommend eating it just once, just so you can say you survived an Enormous Omelet Sandwich.
Item: Burger King Enormous Omelet Sandwich
Purchase Price: $3.29 (sandwich only)
Rating: 7 out of 10
Pros: Tastes good, but nothing really special about it. Possibly the biggest breakfast sandwich available.
Cons: Very high cholesterol and sodium. High fat and calories. Your conscience may bother you. It’s no Monster Thickburger.
47 grams of fat? Is that more than the most unhealthy burger you can get there? I saw a story about it ages ago but can’t remember what the burger’s called – it was some double- or triple-decker burger with cheese, bacon etc. Mmm bacon.
I saw that sucker on WNT Monday. Heart attack on a piece of fast food wrap.
I sure wish it tasted better. I wonder why they even made this thing.
If anyone wants to read about the Thinkburger:
http://www.78west.com/coranto/iSay.cgi?Page=Comments&ID=EEpEVEZFlyGPoPoNwm
Hey Marvo…I just thought of a terrific idea! TheShu (aka Mr. Aymie’s Mom) and I could fly to that big rock in the pacific ocean…meet you, have a BK Enormous Omlette Sandwich for breakfast, you could give him your opened bottle of AXE shower gel, then we could have lunch at Hardee’s for a Monster Thickburger! Sounds like a vacation made in heaven….lol We can visit the ER afterward, if we need to get our hearts started again. Of course you wouldn’t TELL him it was a used bottle of shower gel…or would you?
Oh Yeah…no Hardee’s on the rock!!! We’ll just have to smuggle you a thickburger from the mainland!
Anything with that many calories and that much fat has got to be good. One thing I know for certain, the Hardee’s Monster Thickburger kicks ass.
I don’t really watch what I eat but something about the Enormous Omelette Sandwich turns my stomach
They were talking about this sandwich on the news last night.
They Said if you eat this for breakfast you don’t need to eat for the rest of the day!
I bet you felt real drowsy/lethargic all day today?
Ewww!!!
I can’t believe these places are still finding ways to kill us slowly with their concoctions (espicially with that Super Size movie and all).
Jenny – I think the burger you’re thinking about is the Monster Thickburger, which is HUGE.
schmims – But if you think about it, aren’t most fast foods a “Heart attack on a piece of fast food wrap.”
Lord Jezo – I wish they added some kind of sauce, or let us dip it in syrup. That would’ve been cool and even more unhealthy.
Aymie’s Mom – Hey, while you’re flying here, could you stop off in Vegas or LA and pick me up an In-N-Out Burger.
Eat healthy,exercise and die anyway
Tommy – Oh, just rub it in my face that I can’t eat a Monster Thickburger. Thanks, pal! 😉
shannon – I think it’s the “Enormous” part.
Damon – Well for the rest of the day the only things I ate were a strawberry-banana smooties for lunch and a salad for dinner. It’s like Slim Fast, except in reverse.
akiko – It’s all about the Benjamins.
Sauce idea.. now that is something that would have set this mess apart from the crowd. Maybe an assortment of dipping sauces.
Oh well.
What an awesome review. I was wondering if anybody had actually tried this after all the talk about it.
Looks like a sandwich with “Give me a heart attack” written all over it. First comment, and great review.
I know it makes me the worst feminist on earth, but I’m a sucker for the use of the word “pussy” as an insult.
Tommy – Eat really unhealthy, sit on a couch ALL day, and look like Jabba the Hutt.
Lord Jezo – Oooh, an assortment of dipping sauces. How about maple syrup, Hollandaise, and bacon fat? Yummy!
Tara – I honestly think there were men everywhere who stopped what they were doing when they read or heard about Enormous Omelette Sandwich and said to themselves, “Oh, hell yeah, I gotta get me some of that!” Thanks for the compliment.
chenu – I would be cool if they printed a warning label on the roll. Thanks for the compliment.
mcf – Don’t worry, sometimes I feel using the word “dick” as an insult makes me the worst hetrosexual on earth. Ugh…I’m sorry, I don’t know what that means. 🙁
But Marvo… you are a horse… you are a mighty mighty stallion,
I am so going to get the Enormous Omlet sandwich this weekend.
Who said anything about flying? 😛
kimdog – Oh, if only your words were true. Women wouldn’t run away like they do.
Aymie’s Mom – No flying? The last time I checked there weren’t any tunnels from the mainland to here. Unless…You’ve got a teleporter! NO WAY! That’s so cool!
Anything for breakfast without an unhealthy amount of butter or sugar(either, although both might be a nice touch) is too healthy for breakfast food. Not to mention this sandwhich was mysteriously unsupported by Hootie.
kevin – Oh, buttery maple syrup would make an awesome dipping sauce for it. I can feel my arteries harden while thinking about it.
“here on this rock in the middle of the Pacific Ocean”
are you in hawaii?
tehstupid – Yup, I’m in Hawaii.
cool me too.
tehstupid – Doesn’t it suck we don’t have a Hardee’s?
yeah as well as many other places like olive garden. that place is good.
This is just one of those products that after watching “Super Size Me” makes me cringe. That being said, if I was really hungry and in a huge hurry I might buy one. Otherwise, I usually eat my unhealthy breakfasts in an IHOP or similar restaurant. If you’re going to kill yourself by eating unhealthy, you might as well take your time doing it.
Oh, and shouldn’t that be “your CONSCIENCE may bother you” in your list of Cons?
tehstupid – Oh yeah, we sooo need an Olive Garden.
Chuck – Conscience…Oops. I think I need to review a dictionary. 🙂
Marvo, I never use dictionaries any more since I found dictionary.com myself. Also, in my opinion, the Hardee’s Monster Thickburger is overrated…although I will say that it’s one of the few burgers I’ve been unable to finish due to its size. Jack In The Box has a similar burger if you have any of those over there…I believe it’s called the “Bacon Ultimate Cheeseburger” with lots of meat, cheese, and bacon.
I’m a BIG fan of breakfast sandwiches, but bacon AND sausage? That’s overkill. And look at the size of it!! It’s not a sandwich, it’s a hoagie (or a submarine you might call it, depending on which part of the country you live in.) If think if you ate the Hardee’s Monster Burger, a Tendercrisp Bacon Cheddar Ranch and the Enormous Breakfast Sandwich is the same day YOU WOULD DIE!
That is REALLY disgusting-looking. But, I did immediately salivate when I saw it.
Chuck – When I was in college, Jack in the Box introduced a burger called The Ultimate. I don’t remember what was in it, but it was huge and somehow different than the Bacon Ultimate Cheeseburger. Man, I thought I was going to die after eating that.
Webmiztris – If there was a Hardee’s here, I would test your theory. 🙂
Stacie – In reality, isn’t that how ALL fast food look. They never look as good as the nicely-made, Photoshopped pictures you see in ads.
BK is simply copying the successful strategy of Carl’s Jr. / Hardee’s: make huge servings. It appeals to our innate savage instincts.
http://www.grouchygolf.blogspot.com/
Golf Grouch – MEAT!!! ME WANT MEAT!!!