Ahh! Summertime.
It’s a time when you can sit on your porch swing at night with a cold, tall glass of homemade lemonade and look at the constellations in the sky, listen to the crickets chirp, and bitch about how frickin’ hot it is.
It’s a time when the mercury in the thermometer rises straight up, like it’s just taken a couple of Viagra. It’s so hot, even Kevin Federline sweats while sitting on the couch and staring at the television all day.
To beat the heat, there are many things we could do.
For example, we could play with a Slip ‘N’ Slide. It’s a great way to cool down, except when you get caught by your neighbors for using their water spigot or when you get chafed nipples from all the sliding.
Another great way to cool down would be to go to the beach or swimming pool, which are crowded this time of year. You can get instant cooling satisfaction by jumping into the water. Of course, this is great until you hit a warm spot in the water, which makes you wonder if it’s warm because of the sun or because all the little kids are peeing in the water.
Perhaps the best way to cool down, without fear of chafed nipples or little kids peeing in the water, is to drink something cold. Fortunately, Jack in the Box has brought out Jack’s Root Beer Float, made with Barq’s Root Beer and “real vanilla ice cream.”
Why is “real vanilla ice cream” in quotes?
You’ll read why later, but it’s sort of like the reason why “straight” is always in quotes when people write about Tom Cruise.
Recently, it’s been getting into the low 90s, and I’ve been feeling the heat. I would’ve brought out the Slip ‘N’ Slide, but my nipples were chafed from (insert your imagination here). Instead, I decided to drive to the nearest Jack in the Box and pick up their Root Beer Float.
I decided to use the drive-thru, because I ain’t steppin’ outside.
When I got to the drive-thru window, I could see them making my Root Beer Float. First, they put in the “real vanilla ice cream,” which unfortunately was the sort of fake, comes-in-a-bag soft-serve vanilla ice cream. It’s the same stuff Jack in the Box uses for their milkshakes, which isn’t very dense, so it melts pretty quickly and it’s smarter than me.
Next they added the root beer, which thankfully was Barq’s Root Beer, one of my favorites.
When I received it, the ice cream remained at the bottom, which, if you’re familiar with root beer floats, was where it shouldn’t have been. After flicking the cup a couple of times, the ice cream quickly rose to the top, proving once again the saying, “Cream always rises to the top, except when the creme is used to get rid of zits or herpes.”
After drinking the Jack in the Box Root Beer Float, I have to say that I wasn’t very impressed with it. It was decent, but anyone could make a better one at home.
Plus, they didn’t even give me a frickin’ spoon.
Item: Jack in the Box Root Beer Float
Purchase Price: $2.29
Rating: 2.5 out of 5
Pros: Decent. Barq’s Root Beer. Cup has a red racing stripe.
Cons: Uses soft serve ice cream. No frickin’ spoon. I can make a better one at home.
Oi, that reminds me of the “Barq’s Floatz” that I tasted at Costco last week. Ew. The picture of the JITB float looks quite unappetizing. I like my rootbeer floats in a frosty mug with hard round scoops of ice cream floating much like islands in a sea of frothy, foamy root beer. But that’s just me.
No spoon? Those cheap bastards! For staying cool I recommend the beach, as the ocean is big enough that you don’t have to worry about little kids peeing in it. Although the sand can create chafing problems in areas other than the nipples. I will go out on a limb and guess that your chafed nipples were caused by…jogging.
I think it was sandpaper. You like being hurt, don’t you Marvo? You perv, but I mean that in the nicest of all possible ways…
This I hate to say, looks gross. Although the comment about why cream doesn’t rise almost had me spitting coke all over the computer screen. Kudos Marvo, kudos!
Hey, I just thought of something, what if you made a review as a mad lib? I think that’s what they are called, the ones where you fill in your own adjectives.
Great review, Marvo!
BTW, isn’t that a little expensive for a root beer float?
I always go to A&W for my rootbeer floats if I’m not making them at home. Now and then, I get a buy-1-get-1-free coupon from there, and since I’m always buying two anyway (my wife likes ’em too), it works great. They give you a spoon. And, if you stay there to eat it, you can get a frosty mug as well.
Still, better to make it at home. And lots, lots cheaper.
No spoon? Maybe you have to pay 25 cents extra 🙂
I’ve always hated (insert soda) floats.
It’s an unholy combination of two good things that just makes one bad thing.
The bubbles are just.. disgusting! BLECH!
Man! I wish my cup had a red racing stripe. I’d surely pay up to $0.25 for a cup with a racing stripe!
*ruins cup with sharpie*
NOW I DRINK FASTER. YAY!
eh, that looks nasty… i cant imagine a float with soft-serve. i think i’ll stay away from a JITB float (i say this as if i’ll be around a JITB any time soon – not gonna happen). i could really go for a big frosty homemade rootbeer float though!
I make 7-up floats once in awhile at home. Yeah something about soft serve in a float seems sort of weird… maybe no spoon because they figure it’s soft serve so you can just drink it like a milkshake.
That red racing stripe is sporty. Maybe they will sell me just the cup.
Drinking a soft-serve root beer float? I think I just threw up in my mouth…just a little:x Gross.
Jessica – I tried the Barq’s Floatz frozen treat months ago and I thought they were pretty good, but pretty small. Also, I like my root beer floats just like you do. I think I’m going into the kitchen to make one. Crap! I don’t have any root beer.
Chuck – Yeah, sand in the crack sucks. 🙁
Amy in GA – You know, when I wrote that line about cream, I didn’t really know if it made sense, but since you almost spit Coke on your computer screen, I guess it did.
Muneer – Hmm…A mad lib review. I guess that would come in handy when I’m too lazy to write a review. I’ll just let readers fill in the blanks. Yes, that’s a little expensive for a root beer float, it’s supposed to retail for $1.99.
Bottom Feeder – Believe it or not, we actually have an A&W here on this rock, but I’m not driving 30 minutes to go there.
Lucy – To make up for the spoon, the next time I go into Jack in the Box, I’m going to ask for extra napkins and ketchup packets.
kt – You know what, now that I think about it, did drink the root beer float pretty quickly. I wonder if the racing stripe had something to do with it.
megan – But doesn’t it look like a cappuccino with waay to much foam.
Bryan – I had a 7-Up float once and I didn’t really like it. I thought I would like it because I like Italian sodas, but it didn’t do anything for me.
Mark Rogers – I think if you ask nicely they might give you the cup for free and if they do, point at them, say “suckers” really loud, and run out the door.
celebrate woo-woo – Strange. You get the same reaction with the soft-serve root beer float that most women have when they talk to me. 🙁
you should’ve listend “chaffed nipples” in the cons.
or the pros, if that’s your thing.
bryan & marvo – when i was little i would always have orange soda floats with my granddad. kind of like a creamsicle in a mug/bowl. they’re really good. try it some time. cheap canned orange soda and good vanilla ice cream. none of that soft serve shit. mmm…
another reminder why i dont buy ice cream – i’d have that sort of thing all the time.
We have an A&W?!
Jon – Chafed nipples can either be a pro or a con, depending on how you got them chafed.
megan – Mmm…Orange soda floats. I could go for one right now. Dang! No orange soda!
wired – Yup, but you have to drive to Mililani. Unless you’re already in Mililani, then you don’t have to drive very far.
The red racing stripe didn’t unchafe your nipples, eh? XP
Hell, I have an A&W 15 minutes away, it’s good enough for the drive. Because in the world of root beer, Barq’s is dog spit compared to A&W. Plus, the A&W near my house serves 7-Up, so I can finally combine 7-Up and A&W into one cup! WOO!
The Ads By Google featured above this blog entry are disgusting:
Ads By Google: Hand Cream Kinerase Cream Lotil Cream Body Cream
Marvo, you should just make a Jack-In-The-Box section in the archives. Seems like a good portion of your reviews come from Jacks place 😛
Megan – oh man the orange creamsicles kick ass. my wife bought this shampoo that smells like orange creamsicles… it’s amazing. Yes, I’ll use women’s shampoo. I will have to try make that orange soda ice cream float…
Brandon – I’m surprised there wasn’t an ad for Preparation H.
Ken – Jack in the Box seems to come out with something new every month, which is much different than McDonald’s and Burger King which only release new products every 4-6 months. If McD’s and BK were to release new items every month they would probably have the same amount of reviews as JITB and my ass would not be able enter any doorway.
Bryan – Shampoo that smells like orange creamsicles? Which brand is it? I’m curious. I must taste…Ur…Try it out.
The picture reminds me of the scene in the bedroom at the party on American pie with the beer cup. eww!
Is this a seasonal thing? once when I was a little kid in the early 80’s Mcd’s did basically the same thing but with coke in a coke glass that you kept. never seen them bring this promotion back and I bet the soft serv was the reason
Kent – Here on this rock in the middle of the Pacific Ocean, I think we have that Coke float thing every year for a few months. But I think this JITB Root Beer Float is something new.
^Aw, Marvo, you got the Coke float thing going on? Yet Hawaii still kind a sucks…. hell, you don’t have a Six Flags…. YET…
I haven’t had a root beer float in years. Now I’m totally jonesing for one. Thanks, Marvo.
First of all, it is over 100 every day where I live!!! I would kill for low-90s! Also, I think you should start reviewing new 7-11 slurpees flavors since its so “hot” and we all know 7-11 cant screw up a slurpee.
Brandon – The day we get a Six Flags here is the day the island sinks into the ocean. The same thing will happen if one more Wal-Mart opens.
Webmiztris – Yeah, I’ve been jonesing for one too, after drinking this JITB one.
BooBoo – I would but my neighborhood 7-11 has some really boring flavors, which would probably be really boring reviews.
Well, if you guys don’t want Six Flags, at least build a roller coaster at one of the hotels…. a record breaking roller coaster. I’d go to Hawaii even if it didn’t have a roller coaster, but that’d still be awesome.
Brandon “I’d go to Hawaii for the body boarding. Own.” McGrody
Brandon – Dude, have you seen the height of our hotels? If one of the hotels were to build a roller coaster, it would be the least scariest roller coaster EVER.