I grew up with cattle grazing in the pastureland behind my house. Looking back, I sometimes wonder how cattle ended up on Noah’s Arc, because they happen to be not very bright and very easily scared animals.
However, they still are more intelligent than guys who actually think Axe or Tag body spray will attract beautiful women and not as easily scared as the beautiful women who are approached by guys who wear Axe or Tag body spray.
Sometimes, when I was bored of riding bikes, shooting hoops, or sneaking peeks at my friend’s hidden stash of Playboy, I would try to recreate scenes I saw on PBS nature shows. I would pretend to be either a wolf, tiger, crocodile, or rockstar groupie stalking its prey, which were the cattle.
However, I wasn’t very good with stalking prey, because as I approached the cattle, they would all quickly run away from me, like I was Celine Dion about to sing.
At the time, it was hard for me to comprehend why cattle were so afraid of me. After all, each of them were five times bigger than me, a husky twelve year old. It was also hard for me to comprehend because the male cattle had the biggest balls I had ever seen and I learned in grade school that the bigger your balls were, the more courage you’ll have.
But then again, I did run towards them with my arms flying around in the air and yelling like I was Andy Dick on a cocaine binge. I think that would pretty much scare anything.
One day, while approaching some cattle, I unfortunately stepped on a land mine. Not a real land mine, although my town was a training area for the US Army during World War II, and I once did find a live grenade in the stream that separates my house from the pastureland.
To my friends and I, a land mine was pile of cattle poop, or otherwise known as a cowpie. The land mine I stepped on was unfortunately warm and fresh. I think the cattle were entertained by this, because some of the cattle mooed at me.
From that moment on, I stopped stalking cattle and turned my attention towards stalking Alyssa Milano.
So was there a point to this story? Not really, but a bowl Mini Swirlz Fudge Ripple cereal does look like a bunch of small cowpies.
Oh, they also look like Princess Leia’s hair buns. So that means all I need now is a gold bikini and a pre-Trimspa Anna Nicole Smith to play Jabba the Hut to recreate the skiff scene from Return of the Jedi.
Anyway, despite looking like small cowpies and Princess Leia’s hair buns, the Mini Swirlz Fudge Ripple cereal was good and I liked it better than the Mini Swirlz Cinnamon Bun version. Although I wish it was a little more fudgy and it made my milk fudgier.
Wait…Now that I think about it, a lot of the things I eat look like poop. Cocoa Puffs looks like rabbit poop, chocolate soft serve ice cream in a bowl looks like dog poop, and a Snickers bar looks like my poop.

(Editor’s Note: I just wanted to thank everyone for the anniversary congrats last week. As for the prize drawing, I hope to hold it sometime this week. I’ll keep you posted.)
Item: Mini Swirlz Fudge Ripple Cereal
Purchase Price: $3.50
Rating: 3.5 out of 5
Pros: Good. Looks like Princess Leia’s hair buns. Better than Cinnamon Bun version.
Cons: Looks like mini cowpies. Could use more fudgy taste. Doesn’t make milk very fudgy. Gets soggy pretty quickly.