I really was hoping that the Airheads Mystery Slurpee Flavor would taste like Mr. Pibb and Red Vines, because I hear it equals crazy delicious.
Unfortunately, I have no idea what Mr. Pibb tastes like, so just like the number of licks it takes to get to the Tootsie Roll center of a Tootsie Pop, the number of licks it takes to stop a Timex from ticking, and the number of licks it takes to have a woman say my name in the heat of passion, I will probably never know the answer.
I will also probably never know what the mystery flavor is for this Airheads Slurpee. I could try to solve the mystery, but I don’t like food that makes me think, especially a Slurpee, because it’s hard to think when I’ve got brain freeze.
When I have brain freeze, I’m not in any condition to solve a mystery. Maybe if I had a groovy Mystery Machine, some meddling kids, a dumb dog, and Scooby Snacks, I could solve the mystery, but I don’t.
However, I knew that not knowing what the mystery flavor was would peck at my brain like trying to figure out the name of the fourth musketeer or being subjected to a Chinese water torture.
So to figure out what the mystery flavor was, I did exactly what I do when I’m faced with multiple choice questions or when approaching “women” with slight facial hair and large hands…I tried guessing.
I figured if I used my five senses I could figure it out.
Using my sense of touch, I determined that the Slurpee was cold, which was pretty much a waste of time because my sense of sight could’ve of told me that.
Using my sense of sight, I determined that the Slurpee was yellow, which got me thinking, just like the Impulsive Buy puts the “ew” in product review, maybe this flavor puts the “pee” in Slurpee.
Using my sense of smell, I determined that the Slurpee had a fruity flavor, which caused my sense of hearing to hear, “No shit, Sherlock!”
Finally, using my sense of taste, I tried to come up with familiar fruity flavors. The flavor was very good, but my tongue gave me a variety of answers, like grape, strawberry-banana, cherry, and strawberry. So not only is my tongue a sex toy without much stamina, it also has some messed up taste buds.
Well I may not know what flavor the Airheads Mystery Slurpee Flavor is, but I do know that it equals crazy delicious.
Item: Airheads Mystery Slurpee Flavor
Purchase Price: $1.39 (40-ounce)
Rating: 4 out of 5
Pros: Good fruity taste. Crazy delicious. Refreshing on a hot, sunny day. Velma.
Cons: Not being able to figure out the mystery flavor and not know how many licks it takes to get to the Tootsie Roll center of a Tootsie Pop. No Mr. Pibb for me. Yellow snow.