I’m sorry I’ve been totally ignoring you, ladies.
I don’t want to you to think that I don’t care about you, because I really do care about you. You’re very special to me and I cherish what little time we spend together. But you have to understand that I’ve been helping out many people, like Asians, vegetarians, hungry travelers, naked people, and skinny alcoholics. Because of this, I haven’t had the time or the energy to do the things we usually do with each other.
For example, I know I haven’t been massaging your back, shoulders, feet, arms, legs, head, and eyebrows like I usually do. I know you miss it, because it’s quality time spent together and I know that every time I massaged you, I would take you away, which was the reason why you gave me the nickname “The Human Calgon Bath.”
I also know that we haven’t been cuddling or talking much and you probably feel distant from me, but I don’t really know what to talk about when I’m with you.
I don’t think you’d be interested in hearing about how excited I am about the new Barenaked Ladies album or my wondering about how they’re going to have an X-Men 4 or what I find in my belly button every day.
I don’t even whisper sweet nothings into your ear anymore, like “My love is like a red rose,” “Your skin is soft like a flower petal,” “I love the way your armpit smells,” or “Pour some sugar on me, ooh, in the name of love.”
So to make up for the neglect, I’m going to review the Bath & Body Works Frozen Daiquiri 3-In-1 Body Wash, just for you.
I know that reviewing it probably won’t make up for the fact that I don’t say anything when you ask me if those jeans make your ass look fat or the blank stare I give you when you want me to vote for the least talented contestant on American Idol, but it’s the thought that counts and the Bath & Body Works Frozen Daiquiri 3-In-1 Body Wash just might be the remedy to bring us closer together again.
The Bath & Body Works Frozen Daiquiri 3-In-1 Body Wash is not only a body wash, it’s also a shampoo and a bubble bath. Its strawberry scent smelled good. It was like I was playing with my a Strawberry Shortcake doll, brushing its red hair with a small plastic brush, while having a tea party with Apple Dumplin’ and Huckleberry Pie. It’s also got conditioning Pro-Vitamin B5.
Its multiple uses makes me wish I had something like this during my Cool Water for Men scent wearing days, when I not only had the cologne, but I also had the deodorant, shower gel, and aftershave. I literally reeked of Cool Water.
As a shampoo, it takes quite a bit of it to make a good lather, but it would probably take a whole lot more if I washed your hair, like I usually did when I massaged your scalp. A lack of lather can also be said about its use as a body wash, which I would probably use if we showered together again, except for those 5 to 7 days out of the month when your “friend” comes over to visit. As a bubble bath, it does a decent job of creating a layer of bubbles for a soothing warm bubble bath, just like the ones we used to take together, surrounded by the glow of candles and soft classical music that ended with severely pruney fingers. Although the bubbles didn’t last as long as I would’ve liked them to.
See, ladies. Maybe this Bath & Body Works Frozen Daiquiri 3-In-1 Body Wash can bring us closer together and take us back to a time when I revolved around you.
Item: Bath & Body Works Frozen Daiquiri 3-In-1 Body Wash
Price: $12.00
Purchased at: Bath & Body Works
Rating: 3 out of 5
Pros: Smells good. Strawberry goodness. 3-in-1 body wash, shampoo, and bubble bath. Whispering sweet nothings in your ear. A tea party with Strawberry Shortcake. Not tested on animals.
Cons: Expensive. Neglecting the ladies. Takes a lot to make a good lather. Bubble bath bubbles didn’t last as long as I would like. Not frozen. When your “friend” comes over to visit. Reeking of Cool Water. Pruney fingers.
Mmm..I bet it smells yummy. Pretty expensive though and ya still have to take care of your conditioning needs
Lather. This product doesn’t sound so thrilling, Marvo–well, like most of B&Bworks junk. You have a Lush there, right, or is that another island? Surely they have something more fun for you in which to drench the ladies.
this looks ew. basically it’s just “soap”. how can something be good for your hair and skin? well besides you marvo…
I think you’re channeling Smoove B lately. There’s a mental picture, eh?
Too bad it isn’t edible. Looks like it would taste good and could be fun.
Hey, Why aren’t the gravatars working? I feel so naked without it.
$12? sheesh! looks yummy though.
all of your Google ads for for ‘drug testing’. I think they’re trying to tell me something. 😉
$12 seems on par with products from, say, Philosophy – which look so much more sophisticated, btw, like what a Renaissance Man would use… uhm, yeah. I think Marvo would be incredibly fun to bubble bathe with. =)
Oh Marvo, you know that most women want you wash their hair with REAL DAQUIRIS. Accept no substitutions. 😉
I find that it takes a number of pitchers of REAL DAQUIRIS before any woman will let me wash their hair. Even then for my wife to let me I would have to have some high-end Aveda product that only does one thing. Talk about pricey—$14 and it only washes hair! Conditioner sold seperately. Body wash sold seperately.
As everyone knows, the bubbles don’t make you any cleaner, they are just added so that the consumer “thinks” that the soap is working. And you would like more bath products to be tested on animals?
Wow, this stuff looks even better than using a can of beer to shampoo with.
Try working a stock bitsch job in the mall across from a Bath & Body (yes I know, a hell all into itself) every friggin teeny bopper comes reeking of this crap.
Oh, and just a helpful hint to teeny boppers everywhere, if you are loitering at the mall and feel the need to try every damn demo fragance/lotion available, do everyone else a favor and go bathe in the stupid “water feature with the fake birds” in between samples (I hope you f-ing drown.) Just a helpful hint from mall slaves everywhere…………
yeah whats up with the animal testing thing. sorry that upsets me.
I hate it when people say Jube Jube. Its Ju-jube!
I would rather drink a daiquiri than smell like one. Of course, after a few of them, I probably would spill it on me and smell like a daiquiri anyway.
2 in 1’s are a farce…how can you have shampoo that is supposed to go on your scalp but not so much on the ends and conditioner that goes on the ends but not on the scalp? (this is coming from someone with waist-length hair)
With 3 in 1’s, just flush your money down the toilet or give it to questionable charities.
The thought! Shampoo in your coochie and body wash on your head.
The only time alcohol should be in the tub is if you’re using it as a ice chest/cooler.
Laina
About animial testing…
Would you rather products are tested on people?
Hey, you could volunteer!
I take it back!
Just realized the context of the statement… my bad.
I WANT THIS.
I would love this slathered on me.
And they don’t test on animals. Praise G-d, Jesus, Moses, Gandhi, Allah, the Dianetics guy and Dionne Warwick.
skibs – Conditioner? What’s that?
Domokun – Dammit! I was just as the shopping center that has Lush. I wanted to pick up that Jello-looking soap.
jenn – I’m good for hair and skin? I thought I was the opposite because I cause flaking and split ends.
Wednesday – He is my idol. 🙂
MAC Dodge – Do not taste it. Do not taste it. Do not taste it. Do not taste it.
Webmiztris – Nah, I think they’re trying to tell me something.
Gwen – Let me tell you, bubble baths with me involve a lot of rubber and plastic toys…like a rubber ducky.
Mir – Oh man, what a waste of rum.
L’il E – You need to build hand strength, so that you can massage your wife’s scalp, pretending that her head is like putty in your hands. I like to build hand and finger strength with a stress ball, or if you’re a cheap bastard, a tennis ball will do.
klew – Oops, accidently stuck it in the Cons instead of Pros. It’s not a Freudian slip. Promise.
Chuck – Cooking sausages with beer is good.
Barb – Oops, sorry. I try to put as many scents on me as possible to find out how many it would take for me to make myself puke. 😉
laina – Sorry, I put it in the wrong area.
Rylan – Tequila!
Sasha_Kitty – It’s better than smelling like vodka all the time.
Gia on Guam – Actually, alcohol should also be in the tub if you’ve just won the lottery and now can afford to bathe in champagne.
thedvs01 – Yes, I put it in the wrong place. I don’t want stuff tested on animals, except rich, snobby celebrities.
Karen – L. Ron Hubbard is the Dianetics dude. I actually read his Mission Earth science fiction decology in the sixth grade. I was such a nerd back then. Today, I’m just a dork.
Champange in the cooch – can you say, UTI?
I thought Bath and Body Works didn’t animal test.
How about testing on human prisoners? That would be cool with me.
Gia on Guam – The bubbles might actually feel good. After you win the lottery, try it sometime.
Peachy – BBW doesn’t test on animals. But testing on human prisoners sounds like a good idea, a berry berry good idea.
using a three or five in one product like that makes me think of the grossed out feeling i get when i take a bath rather than a shower. when i take a bath, i feel like i’m just swimming in my own filth. when i use a three in one, i feel like i’m washing my hair with the same thing i’m washing my butt with. ew.
Damasta – But you know what? If it does a great job with washing your butt, imagine what it could do for your hair.