Happy Second Anniversary!!! (Or Happy Blogiversary!!!)

Marvo Prize Drawing

(Editor’s Note: I thought with it being The Impulsive Buy’s second anniversary today, I would take the time to let you know more about The Impulsive Buy via an interview with someone who knows me quite well. As a matter of fact, I’ve slept with this person so many times that this person knows the ins and outs about me, The Impulsive Buy, and a couple of sexual position that I cannot physically explain without dislocating something. The person I’m talking about is…myself.)

Marvo: First off, let me congratulate you on reaching the two year milestone at The Impulsive Buy.

Marvo: Thanks, it’s been an awesome two years.

Marvo: So let’s start at the beginning.

Marvo: Let’s.

Marvo: How did The Impulsive Buy start?

Marvo: On a dark and stormy night, I was celebrating the fact that I was unemployed and my girlfriend broke up with me by eating a half gallon of ice cream and Salt & Pepper Pringles, while reading The Onion online. I was reading The Onion because I believe that humor is the bandage for emotional wounds, I was eating ice cream because I believe it is the aloe vera for emotional burns, and I was eating the Salt & Pepper Pringles because they were new. While I was eating the Salt & Pepper Pringles, all I could think about was how crappy they were, but at the same time I was trying to prevent myself from laughing while reading some story at The Onion. That’s when I had my “you’ve got your chocolate in my peanut butter and you’ve got your peanut butter in my chocolate” epiphany and decided to start up The Impulsive Buy.

Marvo: Where did the name “Marvo” come from?

Marvo: Well, as you probably know, my first name is Marvin and I shortened it to Marvo, thinking no one would read my blog. But people began reading and the name just stuck. Thank goodness I didn’t use my original Yahoo! account name, sexxxycollegeboy1993.

Marvo: Did you know that “Marvin” means “great lover of the ocean?”

Marvo: Yes, I did, but I’m not a big fan of the ocean. Also, I like to think of myself as a great lover…period.

Marvo: I believe all your ex-girlfriends would say differently.

Marvo: You’re probably right.

Marvo: You’ve done 314 reviews so far, which one is your favorite?

Marvo: I don’t like to play favorites. I consider every single review to be like one of my illegitimate children from dozens of mommas. I sort of feel like Kevin Federline…Times twenty. I love every review equally, except the Rice Krispies Treats Kazaam Crunch review, which I wish I could drop off at an orphanage’s doorstep.

Marvo: So how are you going to celebrate the second year anniversary of The Impulsive Buy?

Marvo: I’ll probably be doing the same thing I did when it was born, eat a half gallon of ice cream, eat a can of Pringles, and cry my single lonely ass to sleep. Oh, also I’m going to have a frickin’ prize drawing. Booyah! Oh, wait. I mean, Yahtzee!

Marvo: What do you have as prizes for the Second Anniversary Prize Drawing? A date with you perhaps?

Marvo: A date with me would probably be the worst prize ever, because I would probably just take the winner to McDonald’s and only allow them to order stuff off of the Dollar Menu. Instead, three lucky Impulsive Buy readers will each receive a mystery box containing various products the Impulsive Buy has reviewed over the past two years. The contents of each box will vary.

Marvo: What do readers have to do to enter? Is there nudity involved?

Marvo: Thank goodness, no nudity…This time. To enter the Impulsive Buy’s Second Anniversary Prize Drawing, just leave a comment for THIS post with whatever you want to say. Please make sure you fill out the email field because I’ll be emailing the winners for their mailing addresses. Don’t worry about the shipping.

Marvo: Are you going to be a dick and not allow international entries?

Marvo: The Impulsive Buy will start accepting entries for the drawing on Wednesday, August 9, 2006 and stop accepting entries on Wednesday, August 16, 2006. Only one entry allowed per person. The drawing is open to EVERYONE.

Marvo: So how are you going to determine the winners?

I haven’t decided that yet. Although I could just do what I did last year.

Marvo: Hey aren’t you forgetting the fine print?

Marvo: Fine Print: The Impulsive Buy promises your email address will not be used to send you spam about sexy, single males waiting for you. The Impulsive Buy also promises your mailing address will not be used to send you letters that say “Do Not Discard” on the front of the envelope, which you eventually discard because it’s just a damn credit card application. The Impulsive Buy will not be responsible for lost mail, damaged mail, or Britney’s second child becoming the Antichrist.

Marvo: Well thanks for taking the time for this interview.

Marvo: Thanks for having me. Now if you’ll excuse me there’s a half gallon of ice cream and a can of Pringles with my name on them.

183 thoughts to “Happy Second Anniversary!!! (Or Happy Blogiversary!!!)”

  2. I really wanted to try to pick my favorite review, but I figured I’d end up listing about 5406 of them. Wait, there’s not that many. But you get the point.

  3. > no nudity?? despite being a bit small, you do have the cake

    Happy 2cd blogiversary!

  4. Congrats man. I sure hope I win that Taco Bell Spicy Chicken thing. Great to get that sent in the mail.

  8. i heart you marvo.

    i think you should include more healthy things to review….for the safety of your colon.

  9. Marvo, you are a true hero in the dark times facing our nation. How bravely you have navigated the treacherous perils of junk food, hygiene products, and the Special K diet. Keep fighting, soldier. If you don’t, the Pop Tarts win.

  12. Congrats on your second anniversary, Marvo! May you have many more.

    BTW, the pringles “fiery hot” flavor also sucks. And it damn sure isn’t fiery hot.

  13. Congratulations on maintaining a relationship of two whole years! With a blog… but you can imagine that the blog is a woman. A woman comprised solely of junk food. So basically just your average mid-western American woman. Hooray!!

  18. Ask directions from a genie in a bottle of Jim Bean and she lies to you. That’s when you learn the truth. Dang, I love that song. I also love the Impulsive Buy, and I really did forget how hairy your arms are. Amazing.

  19. does this count as a sexy, single male waiting for you review? if so i expect one in the mistery box 😉

  21. where is my comment? Leave a Reply don’t you like me anymore?
    it was about this review being of the sexy, single male waiting for me, and me asking for it to be included on the mistery box 🙁

  22. Congrats on gettin OLLLLDDDD.

    I haven’t had a pringle in ages. …But I guess I’m not missing out on anything.

  23. Yay, congratulations on making it this far without hurting yourself or others in the process–some of these products you’ve taken could do some damage. Still thinking about them Rice Crispie Fairies coming at you with a hammer and some rubber sheets.

    I do hope in the coming year you do a review of Restoration Hardware’s dryer sheets. I almost bought one the other day, but I stopped, thinking “What would Marvo think? Hmmm…better wait.”

  25. Thank you for two years of selfless, unbiased consumerism. Consumer Reports may have stricter testing standards, but they simply can’t compete in the arena of sexual innuendo.

    Oh, but I am TOTALLY blaming your blog for Brit’s second baby. It’s obviously your fault.

  28. I really enjoy reading your blog, Marvo. Congrats on two years, and here’s to many more!

  31. Congrats on keeping this going for so long. As I have mentioned before, TIB has helped me decide what to try and what to avoid. In that simple way, you should be proud of what you’ve been doing. Thank you again.

  32. i love you marvo congrats on the 2 years keep it up i think my husband is jealous of you

  33. I’m not trying to influence you, or anything, but I’ve entered every freaking drawing you’ve had since the beginning of time and I’ve NEVER won, plus I just had a near-death experience you know (well, I was sick, anyway), AND my birthday is next week. Just sayin’.

    Oh, also? You’re hott.

  35. Impulsive Buy is truly the two great tastes that go great together. I’m glad your ex was a bitch, The Onion is hilarious, and Salt-n-Peppa Pringles sucked! It’s a damned good thing nudity isn’t required, cuz if it was I’d do it for a chance at one of these here grab bags, and that wouldn’t be good for ANYONE involved.

  39. Marvo,

    Even though you said there is no nudity to enter, I just wanted to let you know that I am wearing nothing but socks right now 😉

    Anywho, congrats on 2 years. It has been a fun & entertaining ride so far!!

    -DJ At Work

  41. Keep up the great work. And I am sure you will find love on yer little rock in the middle of the ocean some day, but untill the KEEP WRITING THE REVIEWS! I need something to keep me going at work durring the day.

  42. Hurrah for 2 years! I tried keeping a blog once and couldn’t stick with it for 2 weeks, so I’m proud and happy for your constancy!. Keep up the good work, letting those of us even further out in the Pacific know what we’re missing, and what to order in.

  43. Congratulations, Marvo. I’d say more, but since half of my mouth is frozen from going to the dentist, I sound like I got woot canawl. (Try saying Marvo when your mouth is frozen..)

  46. Wow, congrats on two years! That’s a long, healthy relationship. My blog and I stayed together for about two days before we had to part ways. We were incompatible… and both really, really boring. Obviously you and the Impulsive Buy are quite compatible and also not boring, which is a winning combination. And, hey, if you want nudity, my husband’s a photographer – I could get some great nudes for you! 😛 If you’re into that sort of thing. And not of me, moms of 4 year olds don’t tend to look so good nude. He would have to get someone else, so it’s actually a win-win situation, since I couldn’t get mad at him for taking nudes of someone else because it would be for YOU, not for him…. Anyway this is a long reply. I think I should win simply for having the most words in a blog reply ever!

  47. 2 years? damn. ive been reading for about 3 months. im behind. but thats still bad ass. gratzy

    peace

  51. Congrats on reaching the terrible twos! You make an adorable toddler, even when you’re throwing tantrums and begging for candy.

  55. Ah dear Marvo, you sweet sweet tastykake, I remember the day I happened upon the Impulsive Buy. It was as if the heavens opened and I could hear the “ahhh” of angels in my ear. You seriously rock and I love this blog it is by far my favorite. So much so, I composed a lil ditty in your honor

    “I don’t know what to eat
    I don’t know what to wear
    I’m sure that dear old Marvo
    He has a thought to share
    It may involve some beer
    And testing or some sort
    A mash up of all cereals
    and Coke Blak by the quart
    I don’t know where this is going
    I thought I was being clever….
    all I can say is Marvo
    you are the bestest EVER……..”

    ta dum dum!

    Happy Blogiversary!

  56. I am turning 30 this weekend. I think that deserves a prize. Congrats on the 2 years!

  63. Happy Anniversary,
    Happy Anniversary,
    Happy Anniversary,
    Haaaa-aaappy Aniversary!!!

    For this to work, you must imagine Fred Flintstone and Barney Rubble playing the piano and singing while being carried by members of the Loyal Order of Water Buffalos. I loved that episode. Congrats on 2 years, mate!

  65. A half gallon of ice cream and a can of Pringles, huh? Sounds like Saturday night at my house. Without the hairy arms, of course.

  69. Look, if a slammin’ night for you involves ice cream and a can of Pringles, and your idea of a hot night out involves ordering off the dollar menu from McDonalds- well, we were probably meant to be together. Provided we agree that we don’t actually have to share the aforementioned ice cream and Pringles. When it comes to food, me no share, my friend!!!

    Unfortunately, I’m already married. So a hot, tempetuous affair rolling around with Pringles stuck to our sweaty bodies is probably out. Unless of course, you don’t mind the company of my spouse. Who will probably try to beat you up. But hey- at least it’s physical contact right?

  70. YAY! You’ve made my days brighter for the year since I’ve been reading you. A few more years of quasi-product-review-blogginess are on their way, right?

    HAPPY BLOGIVERSARY!

  71. Je vous souhaite un(e) blogiversaire joyeux(se). (I’m not sure if blogiversaries are masculine or feminine, would you mind checking between its legs…)

  75. Dude, I was totally looking forward to some hardcore nudity involving household items and random food stuffs from the kwik-e-stop but, alas, I guess it wasn’t meant to be.

    Happy Anniversary!!!

    P.S.- put some new pics on ur myspace, buddy! What kind of asian are u with only 1 pic up on ur profile?

    Suck.

  78. Congratulations Marvo!
    Thank you for reviewing the foods that I was too scared to eat myself!
    Good luck in the future!

  79. Keep up the good work, Marvo! I find myself looking forward to each installment of your unconventional reviews~

    I hope i win a mystery box – my 4 kiddos will eat almost anything, except mens underwear….but then, its only a matter of time….

  80. Happy Anniversary!
    Will the mystry boxes contain the ‘actual’ food used in the reviews? Cuz ew, leftovers……….
    Heres to another year c[_] of TIB!

  82. Happy Anniversary!!

    You’ve saved me from eating many nasty things with clever packaging.

    ♥

  83. What a pretty pink cake with sprinkles!! Congrats on 2 years! Your site is always entertaining and definitely my favorite.

  85. Happy Blogiversary Marvo!

    I think that an artistic rendition of yourself done in the vein of Todd from The Wedding Crashers (ie. Sexual and violent) is most certainly in order. Your reviews are top-notch! I wish you many more!

    Mona (aka Lurker Extraordinaire)

  86. Well, there are so many all time favorite reviews I have but I’m too lazy to look them up. Though one that stands out is the Gillette Fusion Power ala Pimp My Ride Style; hillarious!

    Ye be warned, post a pic and you’ve got yourself a stalker. 😉 Congrats and Happy Blogiversary!!

  88. Happy Anniversary!
    I’d love to see an abstract masterpiece composed of a collage of TastyKake Butterscotch Krimpet grease stains. You could silkscreen the image onto an American Apparel blank and give Palmer Cash a run for his money. The Williamsburg boys (and the hipsterettes who sweat them) will be all over it, until a professional grad student decides to throw his hat (or shirt) into the cultural discourse and come out with an “answer” line of Ho Ho stain relief tees.

  89. Wait! There are sexy, single males waiting for me? And YOU’RE not telling me about it? I think that is totally rude. Totally.

  90. I have made at least one purchase using the information on this here interweb application. Because of that, I will be sending you my reciept upon not winning this contest if that is how things turn out. Or I will be emailing you my credit card statement if you don’t go on a second date with me. Or something. I’ve forgotten. Congrats on the time, one of my favorite places to travel to in my underwear.

  92. Marvo, Congratulations, your brain-child is growing up! Next thing you know, it will be knocking up other quasi-blogging sites and have little quasi-freakazoids of it’s own.

    And to the Impulsive Buy, Happy Birthday! Though 2 may not seem that old in human years, in terms of quasi-review sites, blogging sites, and the Internet in general, you have out lived thousands. If one Human year is equal to 7 dog years, then I think 16 review years is equal to 1 human year. So in terms of review-years, that would make you 32.

    As a present to you, I would like to donate this cool banner for you, which you can place where ever you would like to attract new readers [and possibly stalkers?(My favorite kinds of “ers”)]. Although it is very simple, I find it to be so in an elegant way- it doesn’t overcrowd your brain.

    http://tinyurl.com/jvz8h

    Have a good birthday, and good luck on the next year of reviews!

  94. Marvo, I feel so honored to witness this milestone you have reached! I thought of you yesterday when I saw Mint Chocolate Chip Pop-Tarts at the store. Here’s to many more fast food mugshots!

  96. I think in honor of the birthday you should do another liquor review. Those are always fun (until the next morning)….

  97. Congrats Marvo!

    I love reading your blog, it makes me laugh everytime there’s a new one! Great Job! 😀

  106. My own interview:

    Rick: What do you plan to do with the goodies you receive from Impulsive Buy?

    Rick: I expect I’ll rub it on my nipples and take pics. If any hair gel is included in the package, I will go immediately to the airport and try to get through security.

    Rick: Oooh! Topical humor! I like that.

    Rick: I swallowed a penny once.

  108. My husband would be crushed to know that I secretly visit your site daily hoping that you will wax reminiscant about your previous self indulgent sex-capades and unabashed gluttony. I have visions of you chasing Little Debbie cakes with Heinekins, brushing the Pringle crumbs off your bed as you drift off to sleep on your flannel Hello Kitty sheets. You ARE my dirty little secret and now I need to be spanked.

  109. I believe more interviewees should interview themselves. That way, you get both sides of the story.

  110. i said a hip hop the hippie the hippie
    to the hip hip hop, a you dont stop
    the rock it to the bang bang boogie say up jumped the boogie
    to the rhythm of the boogie, the beat

    now what you hear is not a test–i’m rappin to the beat
    and me, the groove, and my friends are gonna try to move your feet
    see i am wonder mike and i like to say hello
    to the black, to the white, the red, and the brown, the purple and yellow
    but first i gotta bang bang the boogie to the boogie
    say up jump the boogie to the bang bang boogie
    let’s rock, you dont stop
    rock the riddle that will make your body rock
    well so far youve heard my voice but i brought two friends along
    and next on the mike is my man hank
    come on, hank, sing that song

    check it out, i’m the c-a-s-an-the-o-v-a
    and the rest is f-l-y
    ya see i go by the code of the doctor of the mix
    and these reasons i’ll tell ya why
    ya see i’m six foot one and i’m tons of fun
    and i dress to a t
    ya see i got more clothes than muhammad ali and i dress so viciously
    i got bodyguards, i got two big cars
    that definitely aint the wack
    i got a lincoln continental and a sunroof cadillac
    so after school, i take a dip in the pool
    which really is on the wall
    i got a color tv so i can see
    the knicks play basketball
    hear me talkin bout checkbooks, credit cards
    more money than a sucker could ever spend
    but i wouldnt give a sucker or a bum from the rucker
    not a dime til i made it again
    ya go hotel motel whatcha gonna do today (say what)
    ya say im gonna get a fly girl gonna get some spankin
    drive off in a def oj
    everybody go, hotel motel holiday inn
    say if your girl starts actin up, then you take her friend
    master gee, am I mellow
    its on you so what you gonna do

    well it’s on n on n on on n on
    the beat dont stop until the break of dawn
    i said m-a-s, t-e-r, a g with a double e
    i said i go by the unforgettable name
    of the man they call the master gee
    well, my name is known all over the world
    by all the foxy ladies and the pretty girls
    i’m goin down in history
    as the baddest rapper there could ever be
    now i’m feelin the highs and ya feelin the lows
    the beat starts gettin into your toes
    ya start poppin ya fingers and stompin your feet
    and movin your body while youre sittin in your seat
    and the damn ya start doin the freak
    i said damn, right outta your seat
    then ya throw your hands high in the air
    ya rockin to the rhythm, shake your derriere
    ya rockin to the beat without a care
    with the sureshot m.c.s for the affair
    now, im not as tall as the rest of the gang
    but i rap to the beat just the same
    i dot a little face and a pair of brown eyes
    all im here to do ladies is hypnotize
    singin on n n on n on n on
    the beat dont stop until the break of dawn
    singin on n n on n on on n on
    like a hot buttered a pop da pop da pop dibbie dibbie
    pop da pop pop ya dont dare stop
    come alive yall gimme what ya got
    i guess by now you can take a hunch
    and find that i am the baby of the bunch
    ‘but that’s okay i still keep in stride
    cause all i’m here to do is just wiggle your behind
    singin on n n on n on n on
    the beat dont stop until the break of dawn
    singin on n n on n on on n on
    rock rock yall throw it on the floor
    im gonna freak ya here im gonna feak ya there
    im gonna move you outta this atmosphere
    cause im one of a kind and ill shock your mind
    ill put t-t-tickets in your behind
    i said 1-2-3-4, come on girls get on the floor
    a-come alive, yall a-gimme what ya got
    cause im guaranteed to make you rock
    i said 1-2-3-4 tell me wonder mike what are you waitin for?
    i said a hip hop the hippie to the hippie
    the hip hip hop, a you dont stop
    the rock it to the bang bang boogie say up jumped the boogie
    to the rhythm of the boogie, the beat
    skiddlee beebop a we rock a scoobie doo
    and guess what america we love you
    cause ya rock and ya roll with so much soul
    you could rock till you’re a hundred and one years old
    i dont mean to brag i dont mean to boast
    but we like hot butter on our breakfast toast
    rock it up baby bubbah
    baby bubbah to the boogie da bang bang da boogie
    to the beat beat, its so unique
    come on everybody and dance to the beat

    i said a hip hop the hippie the hippie
    to the hip hip hop, a you dont stop
    rock it out baby bubbah to the boogie da bang bang
    the boogie to the boogie da beat

    i said i cant wait til the end of the week
    when im rappin to the rhythm of a groovy beat
    and attempt to raise your body heat
    just blow your mind so that you cant speak
    and do a thing but a rock and shuffle your feet
    and let it change up to a dance called the freak
    and when ya finally do come in to your rhythmic beat
    rest a little while so ya dont get weak
    i know a man named hank
    he has more rhymes than a serious bank
    so come on hank sing that song
    to the rhythm of the boogie da bang bang da bong

    well, im imp the dimp the ladies pimp
    the women fight for my delight
    but im the grandmaster with the three mcs
    that shock the house for the young ladies
    and when you come inside, into the front
    you do the freak, spank, and do the bump
    and when the sucker mcs try to prove a point

    we’re treacherous trio, we’re the serious joint
    a from sun to sun and from day to day
    i sit down and write a brand new rhyme
    because they say that miracles never cease
    i’ve created a devastating masterpiece
    i’m gonna rock the mike til you cant resist
    everybody, i say it goes like this
    well i was comin home late one dark afternoon
    a reporter stopped me for a interview
    she said she’s heard stories and she’s heard fables
    that i’m vicious on the mike and the turntables
    this young reporter i did adore
    so i rocked a vicious rhyme like i never did before
    she said damn fly guy im in love with you
    the casanova legend must have been true
    i said by the way baby what’s your name
    said i go by the name of lois lane
    and you could be my boyfiend you surely can
    just let me quit my boyfriend called superman
    i said he’s a fairy i do suppoose
    flyin through the air in pantyhose
    he may be very sexy or even cute
    but he looks like a sucker in a blue and red suit
    i said you need a man who’s got finesse
    and his whole name across his chest
    he may be able to fly all through the night
    but can he rock a party til the early light
    he cant satisfy you with his little worm
    but i can bust you out with my super sperm
    i go do it, i go do it, i go do it, do it , do it
    an i’m here an i’m there i’m big bang hank, im everywhere
    just throw your hands up in the air
    and party hardy like you just dont care
    let’s do it dont stop yall a tick a tock yall you dont stop
    go hotel motel what you gonna do today(say what)
    im gonna get a fly girl gonna get some spank drive off in a def oj
    everybody go hotel motel holiday inn
    you say if your girl starts actin up then you take her friend
    i say skip, dive, what can i say
    i cant fit em all inside my oj
    so i just take half and bust them out
    i give the rest to master gee so he could shock the house
    it was twelve o’clock one friday night
    i was rockin to the beat and feelin all right
    everybody was dancin on the floor
    doin all the things they never did before
    and then this fly fly girl with a sexy lean
    she came into the bar, she came into the scene
    as she traveled deeper inside the room
    all the fellas checked out her white sasoons
    she came up to the table, looked into my eyes
    then she turned around and shook her behind
    so i said to myself, its time for me to release
    my vicious rhyme i call my masterpiece
    and now people in the house this is just for you
    a little rap to make you boogaloo
    now the group ya hear is called phase two
    and let me tell ya somethin we’re a helluva crew
    once a week we’re on the street
    just a-cuttin’ the jams and making it free
    for you to party ya got to have the movies
    so we’ll get right down and give you the groove
    for you to dance you gotta get hype
    so we’ll get right down for you tonight
    now the system’s on and the girls are there
    ya definitely have a rockin affair
    but let me tell ya somethin there’s still one fact
    that to have a party ya got to have a rap
    so when the party’s over you’re makin it home
    and tryin to sleep before the break of dawn
    and while ya sleepin ya start to dream
    and thinkin how ya danced on the disco scene
    my name appears in your mind
    yeah, a name you know that was right on time
    it was phase two just a doin a do
    rockin ya down cause ya know we could
    to the rhythm of the beat that makes ya freak
    come alive girls get on your feet
    to the rhythm of the beat to the beat the beat
    to the double beat beat that it makes ya freak
    to the rhythm of the beat that says ya go on
    on n on into the break of dawn
    now i got a man comin on right now
    he’s guaranteed to throw down
    he goes by the name of wonder mike
    come on wonder mike do what ya like

    like a can of beer that’s sweeter than honey
    like a millionaire that has no money
    like a rainy day that is not wet
    like a gamblin fiend that does not bet
    like dracula with out his fangs
    like the boogie to the boogie without the boogie bang
    like collard greens that dont taste good
    like a tree that’s not made out of wood
    like goin up and not comin down
    is just like the beat without the sound no sound
    to the beat beat, ya do the freak
    everybody just rock and dance to the beat
    have you ever went over a friends house to eat
    and the food just aint no good
    i mean the macaroni’s soggy the peas are mushed
    and the chicken tastes like wood
    so you try to play it off like you think you can
    by sayin that youre full
    and then your friend says momma he’s just being polite
    he aint finished uh uh that’s bull
    so your heart starts pumpin and you think of a lie
    and you say that you already ate
    and your friend says man there’s plenty of food
    so you pile some more on your plate
    while the stinky foods steamin your mind starts to dreamin
    of the moment that it’s time to leave
    and then you look at your plate and your chickens slowly rottin
    into something that looks like cheese
    oh so you say that’s it i got to leave this place
    i dont care what these people think
    im just sittin here makin myself nauseous
    with this ugly food that stinks
    so you bust out the door while its still closed
    still sick from the food you ate
    and then you run to the store for quick relief
    from a bottle of kaopectate
    and then you call your friend two weeks later
    to see how he has been
    and he says i understand about the food
    baby bubbah but we’re still friends
    with a hip hop the hippie to the hippie
    the hip hip a hop a you dont stop the rockin
    to the bang bang boogie
    say up jump the boogie to the rhythm of the boogie the beat
    i say hank can ya rock
    can ya rock to the rhythm that just dont stop
    can ya hip me to the shoobie doo
    i said come on
    i go to the halls and then ring the bell
    because i am the man with the clientele
    and if ya ask me why i rock so well
    a big bang, i got clientele
    and from the time i was only six years old
    i never forgot what i was told
    it was the best advice that i ever had
    it came from my wise dear old dad
    he said sit down punk i wanna talk to you
    and dont say a word until i’m through
    now there’s a time to laugh a time to cry
    a time to live and a time to die
    a time to break and a time to chill
    to act civilized or act real ill
    but whatever ya do in your lifetime
    ya never let a mc steal your rhyme
    so from sixty six til this very day
    ill always remember what he had to say
    so when the sucker mcs try to chump my style
    i let them know that i’m versatile
    i got style finesse and a little black book
    that’s filled with rhymes and i know you wanna look
    but there’s a thing that separates you from me
    and that’s called originality
    because my rhymes are on from what you heard
    i didnt even bite and not a god d–m word
    and i say a little more later on tonight
    so the sucker mc’s can bite all night
    a tick a tock yall a beat beat yall
    a lets rock yall ya dont stop
    ya go hotel motel whatcha gonna do today (say what)
    ya say im gonna get a fly girl gonna get some spankin
    drive off in a def oj
    everybody go hotel motel holiday inn
    ya say if your girl starts actin up then you take her friends
    a like that yall to the beat yall
    beat beat yall ya dont stop
    a master gee am I mellow?
    its on you so whatcha gonna do

    well like johnny carson on the late show
    a like frankie croker in stereo
    well like the barkay’s singin holy ghost
    the sounds to throw down they’re played the most

    its like my man captain sky
    whose name he earned with his super sperm
    we rock and we dont stop
    get off yall im here to give you whatcha got
    to the beat that it makes you freak
    and come alive girl get on your feet
    a like a perry mason without a case
    like farrah fawcett without her face

    like the barkays on the mike
    like gettin right down for you tonight
    like movin your body so ya dont know how
    right to the rhythm and throw down

    like comin alive to the master gee
    the brother who rocks so viciously
    i said the age of one my life begun
    at the age of two i was doin the do
    at the age of three it was you and me
    rockin to the sounds of the master gee
    at the age of four i was on the floor
    givin all the freaks what they bargained for
    at the age of five i didnt take no jive
    with the master gee its all the way live
    at the age of six i was a pickin up sticks
    rappin to the beat my stick was fixed
    at the age of seven i was rockin in heaven dontcha know i went off
    i got right on down to the beat you see
    gettin right on down makin all the girls
    just take of their clothes to the beat the beat
    to the double beat beat that makes you freak
    at the age of eight i was really great
    cause every night you see i had a date
    at the age of nine i was right on time
    cause every night i had a party rhyme
    goin on n n on n on on n on
    the beat dont stop until the break of dawn
    a sayin on n n on n on on n on…
    like a hot buttered de pop de pop de pop
    a saying on n n on n on on n on
    cause i’m a helluva man when i’m on the mike
    i am the definate feast delight
    cause i’m a helluva man when i’m on the mike
    i am the definate feast delight
    come to the master gee you see
    the brother who rocks so viciously

    (i cheated and copy-pasted that)

  113. Juet recently found your site. You are awesome. I love the humor. Congratulations on 2 yearsI hope you’ve got a lot more in you.

  117. Marvo, you are the most awesome blogger ever…I hope you send some love from your area to this poor college student! Thanks 🙂

  118. I don’t care if I’m #118 – because one day I know I will be #1 – but Happy Birthday Marvos Blog!!! And although I really want to win this mystery box, I feel bad because I didn’t get you anything 🙁 I might share some of the goodies from my box if I win (blatant bribery). If I don’t win, just accept these birthday/blogiversary wishes!

  123. Happy Anniversary! I really like your reviews–you’ve taught me so much, like how to make my own energy drinks and what not to do with mint-flavored condoms ^.^

  125. P.S. And instead of wedding cake, you can re-create and we can serve that decadent chocolate dessert you made at QPRBE!

    :o)

  126. Damn…at first I thought you were reviewing cake. ::sigh:: I suppose I will just enter this drawing in the hopes of winning some of the things you have most hated over the years (yeah, hated…because that would be sadistic and funny)

  127. I am considering myself out of the running since I won the Threadless contest (pat myself on the back) but figured I throw in an entry anyway. Marvo – keep up the good work. May all of your breakups result in something so productive and enjoyable!

  128. Marvo,

    Congrats on 2 years! I stumbled across this blog last year for a college assignment on emergent technology and how it can be used in the classroom, and I’ve been reading faithfully ever since. Keep ’em coming!

    Rating: 4 out of 5
    Pros: College, college parties, new posts often, you live in Hawaii, sweet reviews. Iiiicccceeee cccrrrreeeeaaammmmm. Less than 2 years until I’m done with college.
    Cons: College assignments. Teachers that smell funny. Living in cold weather. Paris Hilton’s new song. Couldn’t ever figure out the flavor of the Airheads mystery flavored slurpee.

  129. Congratulations on your 2nd Anniv Marvo! You’ve kept me entertained for some time now. Thanks! Ur great.

    Pick me, pick me, pick me!!

  131. Congratulations on your 2 year blogiversary! I’ve been enjoying it since it’s inception. Always a must-read. Keep up the great work! 😀

  132. Thanks for being the Official Guinea Pigâ„¢ of the marketing world. You are hereby saluted.

  133. I think your thong review is hands-down my favorite review. Any man willing to endure fabric in his crack for the sake of research gets my vote, plus now you and your fans finally understand how us women suffer for no pantylines. As you said, you definitely need an ass to wear thongs. Kudos for giving it the old college try. Congrats on two years!!

  134. You are a true inspiration. I’d like my blog to be more like yours. Originally it was all about food, now it is something else but more lame.

    Please enter me in the drawing and if I win I’ll promise a random blog post in response showing what I do with the products you send.

  136. So I guess that party idea we had with the oversized drinking glasses, depends adult diapers and locked lavatory door didn’t pan out…well, there’s always next year.

  138. Today I found a link to your site in my friend’s online journal and after reading only two reviews and your two year anniversary interview with yourself I think I want to marry you.

    This site is genius and I think you’re hilarious. Happy 2nd! Let me know if you change your mind about the nudity 😉

  142. Could you rig the drawing for me? and have me win a date with you instead? congrats on 2 years!!

  144. I want to win a date with marvo! 😀

    Congrats marvo! I’ve laughed, I’ve cried (from too much laughing), and laughed again!

    In short: I loves me the reviews. Keep them up!! 🙂

  146. Oh marvo, you and your multiple personalities!

    p.s. even your review couldn’t save me from this- “EVEN THOUGH THE GODS ARE CRAZY EVEN THOUGH THE STARS ARE BLIIIIIIND IF YOU SHOW ME REAL LOVE BABY I’LL SHOW YOU MIIIIIIINE…”
    But it did save me from those creapy alfredo-ramen things. Thank you.

  147. Once upon a time you did a review of Aquafina sparkling water. I scoured the stores far and wide to find said water and it never appeared in my neck of the woods. Then, one day, I went on a road trip to the left side of the country and I saw it in a gas station and of course I had to try the sparkling berry beverage that earned a one on your delightful rating scale. And you know what? I’m sad I Didn’t just trust your review. Blech.
    Happy Blogiversary

  149. I think it says alot that you have held my attention foe a whole year now!! Congrats.

  151. Holy crap, your two-year blogiversry is the same day as my three year anniversary with my boyfriend. Sexy! I absolutely adore your blog(s).

  153. Happy Anniversary, Marvelous Marvo! And thanks for a site that keeps us informed of all the wacky foodstuffs out there, and entertains us as well. Keep up the good work!

    A new fan

  154. uh, yaay happy birthday!! I’d just like to share a little known fact of how i tripped upon yourwebsite on this interweb. My friend wanted to test and see if would really could get free condoms from trojan.. and thus I was ultimately sent a letter and a sample of Mint Tingle Trojan Condom. I thought it was slightly odd, so I looked up the type of condom online and behold your website popped up (on my screen of course) and since then i return faithfully every few days or so. soo yaay for condoms and yaay for your blog!

  156. Just stumbled on this site last week while browsing the web, now I’m addicted.. My next month I will probably know your reviews beter than you 😉

  162. It has been a great two years of many laughs. Thanks for all the good times. I look forward to your 3rd year of reviews!! Keep up the good work.

  167. Happy 2nd Blogivarsary Marvo. I made a haiku for you:

    The Impulsive Buy:
    Marv’ eats so I don’t have to.
    My stomach thanks you.

  168. Marvo – happy blogiversary! Thanks for such a funny, informative site!!! Keep up the great work.

  169. You make me laugh! I have to thank DOOCE for introducing your great blog to the world of Dooce readers.

    It’s hard to explain to my husband the stuff I learn from your site…when he wants to buy something that you’ve slammed I’m forced to say, “Oh a friend of mine said they are the nastiest things ever!!” Sometimes he blieves me, and sometimes he doesn’t…but I get to use the “I told you so!” when he doesn’t

  170. How i’d love to help you on your wonderful journey of impulsiveness. If you ever need a sidekick, let me know.
    thanks so much for 2 great years!

  174. Happy Second Anniversary, Marvo! I discovered this gem of a site a couple months ago, and I never looked back. Your witty banter cracks me up while saving me money from crappy purchases. I have a soft spot in my heart for the Bath & Body Works Daiquiri body wash review; it’s one of my faves.

    Here’s to 2 great years and more to come!

  177. No prize bribe required: I just want to congratulate you on two wonderful years of buying so impulsively and telling us all about it. Thanks for the fun, Marvo. (And for a guy who doesn’t really like the ocean, you sure picked an interesting place to live.)

  178. Well, I finally got to your website. I’ve been checking it out for the last few hours. I really enjoyed reading your reviews. Would love to keep reading all your past reviews, but it will keep me up all night! Anyway, congratulations on your second anniversary and to many more years to come.

  179. Hey – Happy Blogiversary! I had a birthday too! I’m mainly a lurker, but since it’s your birthday and all, I thought I’d drop a note. And, lets be honest – I love presents. Good luck to me!

  181. Hey Marvo! Happy 2nd Birthday! (So to speak)

    What can I say that hasn’t been said already about Marvo? His greatness? His magnificence? His overwhelming genius shining through like a beacon of blinding light through the quagmire that is our sorry excuse for a life? Nope, it’s all been done before!

    I’ve been a silent fan for a few months now, this is the first time I’m posting. And no, it’s NOT just for the free stuff. In fact, I’m going to make your job easier by being the one entry you’re most likely NOT going to pick!

    You may live on a far off rock in the middle of the Pacific, but I live on a remote little penninsula on the southern tip of Asia. That’s right, I live in India! Ah India, the land where tigers walk through our village, we all live in mud huts, and everyone travels on the backs of elephants. You should try it sometime! (Oh and did I mention we also all have laptops strapped to our backs with high-speed DSL connections so we can check out your site?)

    So you think YOU have it bad when it comes to choice of products! Your blog is the probably the first and only time I’ll ever get wind of any of these things, let alone having the chance to try ’em out! That’s why we all NEED YOU Marvo. And I wouldn’t want you to go so broke on the shipping and handling that you can’t keep bringing us all our daily dose of sunshine!

    So consider this just a simple little note from a simpler little fan – Keep up the great work always! That’s all we ask of you! 🙂

  182. Well, it’s Wednesday August 16th, and I’m just getting around to finally replying to this — did you mean that as of 12:00:01 AM (which time zone) you will stop taking entries, or did you mean that you’ll take them through today until 12:00:01 of August 17th?

    In any case, procrastination is my middle name (really! Wanna see my birth certificate??) so it doesn’t surprise me that I’m either getting in *just under the wire* or else I’m just a day late and a dollar short. (Actually, could you loan me a dollar?? Just kidding)

    Thanks for an always entertaining read, and a respite from my day to day work environment… and happy anniversary/birthday/blogiversary…..

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