Happy Election Day: Vote to Torture Me

Marvo General

With it being Election Day here in the United States, I thought it would be awesometastic if I gave you readers the opportunity to vote for something here at the Impulsive Buy. I thought about doing a product election, which would’ve allowed you readers to vote for what I review next among a selection of five or six products.

Instead, I decided to do something a little bit more interesting.

Last week, Britney Spears’ favorite “hardcore rapper”/husband/baby batter provider Kevin Federline released his not-at-all-anticipated “rap album,” Playing With Fire. Now I would hate to contribute to the Kevin Federline Needs A Razor To Shave So He Doesn’t Look Like A Punkass Fund, but sometimes sacrifices need to be made in the name quasi-product reviews.

So what you’ll be voting for this Election Day is to determine whether or not you’re going to make me suffer by making me purchase and listen to Kevin Federline’s Playing With Fire. I’m pretty sure me listening to his “rap album” is going to end up winning in a landslide vote, but I’m curious to know how many of you want me to be miserable.

Now here are the voting procedures:

If you would like me to review K-Fed’s “rap album,” just leave a comment with this post with the word “Popozao” and whatever else you would like to say.

If you have compassion and don’t want me to review Playing With Fire, just leave a comment with this post with the sentence, “When Webster’s decides to add the word ‘wigger’ to its dictionary, they will put a picture of Kevin Federline next to its definition” or whatever you want to say to prevent me from reviewing it.

Voting will start immediately and will end at 12:00 a.m. (Hawaii Standard Time) on Wednesday, November 8th.

Now go vote, because I know you want me to squirm.

I’m Marvo and I approve this message.

56 thoughts to “Happy Election Day: Vote to Torture Me”

  1. Marvo, do not give this clown any more press, please. Don’t do it and never bring his name up again.

  2. Marvo, I like you too much to put you under that kind of torture. That kind of stuff should be reserved for hard core terrorists, not product reviewers like yourself.

  3. Popozao

    I believe that forcing you to listen to this CD will cause you to lose control of your bodily functions and that would make me laugh. Please be sure to videotape yourself listening to the CD and wear a diaper. You are a brave, yet foolhardy, man!

  7. Marvo, I know I have tortured you in the past by sending habanero jerky, but even I have my limits. I don’t want you to go insane by listening to K-Fed’s whole album. At most, review a single off of it. Not the whole thing.

  9. It’s ever so tempting, and if I were to vote to torture you by have you review the latest Charo show or sit through a 48 hour Match Game marathon or waterboarded, I’d be all over it, but not like this…not like this.

    I like torture as much as our prezzie, but this is too much–if the votes come down on the side of “yay” please do me one favor and have Pvt. Lynndie England pose next to you, two thumbs up with a ciggie in her mouth.

  10. This will be better than the first Jackass movie. POPOZOA, dude. I’m sure you can find a used one on Amazon for $3-4 already.

  11. Please, please do not review his “music” or whatever he is calling it. I wouldn’t wish it on W.

    “When Webster’s decides to add the word ‘wigger’ to its dictionary, they will put a picture of Kevin Federline next to its definition”

  13. Popozao! Cheetos and Tater Tot need a new pair of shoes, my friend. I think if you follow it with a Vanilla Ice chaser, it’ll round out your listening session nicely.

  14. Popozao
    Popozao
    Popozao
    Popozao
    Popozao

    I am evil and believe you should thoroughly review this album. Listen to it at least 25 times to get every nuance of the…er…music.

  16. I’m not that cruel. If you’d said Michael Jackson I might have gone along with it, because at least he has SOME kind of talent…but not K-Fed.

  18. No, no, no. This is why we do not have a pure form of democracy, but one that also ensures some basic rights. Like the right not to bleed through your ears. The right to keep your stomach contents from spewing all over the sidewalk. The right to ignore the very existence of K-Fed and his so-called “music.”

    Exercise your rights, Marvo.

    There. Now I’ve voted twice today.

  19. NO. You suffer enough for us, as others have already pointed out. Although I do sometimes think you’re a (not-so-secret) masochist…

    Just, NO.

  20. Please, noooooo!!!!! Don’t feed the evil machine!! All of the other products will feel like they need a shower if you review that crap.

  21. Marvo,

    No way do I want you to give that idiot any reason to think anyone cares about him. There is a world of other stuff for you to review.

    Lisa

  22. Don’t do it, dude. Although I’m sure your review would be hilarious, I don’t want that piece o’ crap to get any more press. You know he’s at home right now, googling his own name. I don’t want him soiling this site.

  23. “When Webster’s decides to add the word ‘wigger’ to its dictionary, they will put a picture of Kevin Federline next to its definition”

    FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, DON’T DO IT! HE DOESN’T DESERVE A DAMN DIME, MARVO!

  24. What can I say, im a liberal and have a heart!

    When Webster’s decides to add the word ‘wigger’ to its dictionary, they will put a picture of Kevin Federline next to its definition

  25. Oh, gods, please, no! Save your money for reviewing something more worthwhile, like Funions.

  26. Popozao

    haha. you’ll be what, one of two people who’ll buy the album?

    you and britney XD

  27. NOOOOOOO!!!
    Just say no to K-Fed. I shudder to imagine that anyone buying that tripe would only lead to the inevitable 2nd album………………………. then armageddon.
    If you must, review a single, that is torute enough.

  29. please, don’t encourage him… this will only lead to places none of us want to go: imagine a “Best Of” CD (I was going to say “album”, but that would really date me!)

  30. Despite how hysterical the review would be, even I cannot ask this of you, Marvo. I actually heard that god-awful single and lost consciousness about 1 minute into it. If the single has that effect, I can only imagine what the rest of the cd would do. I’m thinking brain damage and a loss of the sex drive.

    “When Webster’s decides to add the word ‘wigger’ to its dictionary, they will put a picture of Kevin Federline next to its definition”

    That’s for damn sure.

  31. Download it illeagally! Don’t fund the torture!

    But, I have to.

    POPOZAO.

    And I’ll take up a collection for your therapy afterwards.

  32. I don’t want you to do that to yourself. If you do, definitely don’t pay for it.
    “When Webster’s decides to add the word ‘wigger’ to its dictionary, they will put a picture of Kevin Federline next to its definition.”

  34. POPOZAO. And I’m also voting on behalf of a few other people in the office, so really, this should count as 19 votes for Popozao. Good luck man. Someone’s gotta support K-Fed now that Brit Brit’s giving him the ‘ol heave ho.

  35. “When Webster’s decides to add the word ‘wigger’ to its dictionary, they will put a picture of Kevin Federline next to its definition”

    ‘Nuff said.

  36. I propose an alternative review format that should solve many of our problems and properly celebrate our rights and freedoms:

    play the “album” for a full session of both Houses of Congress. Then, ask the survivors (if any) to debate how the recording industry could possibly be facing lower sales of CDs in the wake of such quality releases?

  37. When Webster’s decides to add the word ‘wigger’ to its dictionary, they will put a picture of Kevin Federline next to its definition

    It’s a waste of your time and nobody will read it. Review something good.

  39. Don’t review that album, it’s not worth it. You’re original idea of us voting among things to review was better.

  42. “When Webster’s decides to add the word ‘wigger’ to its dictionary, they will put a picture of Kevin Federline next to its definition”

    Please don’t do it, Marvo!

  43. PO PO PO PO Popozao, Popozao!

    It’s fire, Marvo! Do it. The guy’s already rich, supporting him wouldn’t be the end of the world.

  44. You should only review it if you can get it without someone paying for it. There’s no need to line this guy’s pockets. Download it if you can!

  45. When Webster’s decides to add the word ‘wigger’ to its dictionary, they will put a picture of Kevin Federline next to its definition

  46. When Webster’s decides to add the word ‘wigger’ to its dictionary, they will put a picture of Kevin Federline next to its definition.

    I was going to vote for you to buy it, because now that he’s losing his golden meal ticket he’s gonna be poor and he’s got 4(!) children to pay support for. But, even though I’m mean spirited, I just couldn’t do that to you, and I don’t even know you.

  47. No, Marvo, noooo!! Don’t do it. He doesn’t deserve your $16.99 or whatever the hell CDs cost nowadays (yeah, I never buy them – it’s all MP3s here, baby)….

  49. Husband not for long… Remember kids, get prenuptial contracts before marrying!

    No official endorsements from The Impulsive Buy?

  51. No good will come from anyone buying this crap. You and anyone else who does will only encourage him.

    What about that BBQ sauce? Hmmmmm?

  52. When Webster’s decides to add the word ‘wigger’ to its dictionary, they will put a picture of Kevin Federline next to its definition.

    There’s no need to punish yourself.

  53. “When Webster’s decides to add the word ‘wigger’ to its dictionary, they will put a picture of Kevin Federline next to its definition”

    Hell no. We need you sane, alive, and conscious to continue doing these great reviews. Plus, we musn’t give K-Fed’s sorry ass a dime!

  55. At first I thought, “DO IT MARVO!”
    Then I heard Britney was divorcing is wigger ass.
    Obviously she went insane from hearing that album…
    I don’t want that for Marvo!
    However, if you do decide to review it… I’ll pay for you’re therapy. 🙂

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