Just like Bert and Ernie, cookies and milk are two things that are synonymous with the action of dipping one into the other.
This is why cookies and milk are two things that go great together, like peanut butter and chocolate, Penn and Teller, and Rosie O’Donnell or Donald Trump and a muzzle. Although, when you think about it, cookies and milk are two things that shouldn’t belong together. After all, “milk does a body good” and cookies does a body much like Star Jones before the gastric bypass surgery.
I don’t know when I learned to dip my cookies in milk or who taught it to me, but all I know is that it’s very delicious, unless you’re lactose intolerant, then it’s probably diarrheariffic. However, I didn’t always associate cookies with milk.
When I was a really young diaper-wearing poop machine, cookies were not the thing I associated milk with. Instead, the only thing my feeble, still developing mind could associate with milk were breasts. Then when I got a little older, but still was a diaper-wearing poop machine, breasts were replaced with plastic bottles that had rubber nipples I could chew on.
Then when I got even older and ate mostly solid foods, but now a bed wetting machine, plastic bottles were probably replaced with cookies. Then when I reached puberty and started growing hair in places I didn’t think it would, but now a nocturnal emission spewing machine, it was back to breasts and also cookies.
Today, thanks to my expanding waistline and my addiction to internet porn, I don’t eat cookies and milk very often. However, I did recently have cookies and milk, but in the form of the Limited Edition Nestle Nesquik Cookies ‘n Milk Milkshake.
Yes, it’s another limited edition product, which makes the number of limited edition products not so limited, but what’s worse is the promise I made to myself due to the insane number of limited edition products out there. I told myself that if Nesquik came out with a limited edition chocolate milk to add to the influx of limited edition products, I was going to punch an elderly man in the face. Now I have to find an elderly man and punch him in the face.
Thanks Nesquik!
Anyway, before I head off to the next AARP meeting, I have to tell you that the Limited Edition Nestle Nesquik Cookies ‘n Milk Milkshake doesn’t taste like cookies and milk… or cookies… or milk.. or a milkshake… or Cookie Monster’s puke after a cookie binge. Instead it tasted like a cold version of hot chocolate with tiny marshmallows, which isn’t bad, but isn’t good since “Cookies ‘n Milk” is prominently printed several times on the bottle.
Despite not tasting like cookies and milk, with 360 calories, six grams of saturated fat, two grams of dietary fiber, 48 grams of sugar, 16 grams of protein, and some vitamins and minerals in an entire bottle, its nutritional value is about the same as eating actual cookies and drinking milk.
Now if you’ll excuse me, I hear canes, walkers, and motorized wheelchairs calling me. If you happen to hear the words, “I’ve fallen and I can’t get up,” that will probably be Nesquik’s fault.
Item: Limited Edition Nestle Nesquik Cookies ‘n Milk Milkshake
Price: $2.69 (13.5 ounces)
Purchased at: 7-Eleven
Rating: 3 out of 5
Pros: It’s limited edition. Tastes like hot chocolate and marshmallows. 16 grams of protein per bottle. Vitamins and minerals. No longer a diaper wearing poop machine, bed wetting machine, or a nocturnal emission spewing machine. Peanut butter and chocolate. Breasts.
Cons: Doesn’t taste like cookies and milk. It’s not a milkshake, because it doesn’t bring all the boys to the yard. And they’re like it’s not better than yours. Damn right, it’s not better than yours. Expensive when purchased from 7-Eleven. The number of limited edition products. My internet porn addiction. My expanding waistline. Having to punch a elderly man in the face.
‘nocturnal emission spewing machine’
Hey, that was NOT my whole comment!
Chuck – Sure, Chuck. Sure. 😉
Marvo – be sure to find an annoying elderly tourist to punch in the face. That way you have less risk of being sued, plus it’s more satisfying.
Chuck – Actually, I think going to Disneyland, finding an annoying elderly tourist, punching him in the face, and then yelling at him, “I guess it’s NOT the happiest place on Earth” would be much more satisfying.
I heard they were gonna make milks like this that tasted like cereal and milk. I assume that meant basically like the milk left behind after eating cereal, except, well, no cereal.
Frankly in my mind that’s like the climax without the foreplay so I’ll just continue with my actual bowls of cereal.
Very giggle-inducing review. =D Can’t wait ’til they come out with their limited “hot sauce and milk” and “grilled cheese sammich and rancid milk” bottle editions.
You get more points if you knock their dentures out. And you have to take pictures and do a review of the experience.
Cookie Monster’s puke…heard it all. Hopefully, I’ll get to repeat that sometime this week. Thanks!
There’s only one milkshake that I’m into anymore (it’s the one that brings me to the yard, the same one you were into when first a pooping machine and have been into ever since), but I used to love cookies and milk. I’ve got three words my friend: cookie crisp cereal. Mmmmm mmmmm good. That Bert and Ernie line nearly made me snort hot coffee by the way, so you better watch it or you might have some law suits on your hands soon if you stay this funny 😉
“diarrheariffic”
Heh, heh
Bert and Ernie? Dipping into each other? Hoo!! 7-11 always seems to have the limited edition stuff, which poses a problem for people like me who like limited edition stuff. The creepy night shift-works-until-10am-clerk is always there and tries to talk to me unnecessarily. The afternoon presents the darting-eyes-head-hanging-low clerk, so I don’t in then either.(Sigh)
What is up with all these limited edition snacks? When I was younger, the only limited edition food I knew of was the McRib, which wasn’t really so limited since it keep resurfacing its ugly head every 5 years or so.
there is actually a drink called “Liquid Cereal” which is actual cereal and milk in a drink.
Y’know, that bottle looks kinda phallic. Especially with the ridgy cap. 😉
Thinking of Bert and Ernie in that dirty lurid fashion…eww. But sadly, I would sooner imagine those two snuggled up together as opposed to being with the females.
I hope you slug that elderly guy, Marvo. Maybe in the family jewels.
I don’t understand the dipping cookies in milk thing…it makes them all soggy and ick. Blending mushy cookies into milk and calling it a limited edition crapshake? Ew. It makes me want to punch the elderly and I didn’t even taste the stuff.
old people smell like pickles
Just out of curiosity, did you try dipping some actual cookies into the Cookies n’ Milk Milkshake? I’m wondering if that would cause some sort of explosion.
ThatSpookyTallChick – Foreplay? What’s that?
Domokun – Surprisingly, Cookie Monster’s puke is also blue.
L’il E – Cookie Crisp cereal…good. Lawsuits…bad. Snorting hot coffee…bad.
govtdrone – Pooptastic?
Kari – Some 7-Elevens are better than others in terms of limited edition products and graveyard shift workers.
Toni – Companies know that the words “Limited Edition” light up my eyes like a child on Christmas Day.
Hunter – I’ve been looking for Liquid Cereal for a while now. I can order it online, but shipping is going to kill me.
Brie – Actually, I wish I had a piece that long, thick, and curvy.
Mia – Punch the ones with canes or walkers, they’re easier to catch.
DJ At Work – I thought they smell like Ben Gay.
Zadillo – I think dipping actual cookies into the Cookies ‘n Milk Milkshake would cause time travel. I’d try it, but I don’t want to go back into time and relive my crappy life. 🙁
No diarrheation for me, just uneasy feeling 20 minutes later, then non stop farting for the rest of the day.
Just thought you’d like to know.
I drink the Strawberry milk and the chocolate one, but I’ve never seen this one. Since you uttered the phrase “Cookie Monster’s puke after a cookie binge” in the same description, it’s highly unlikely that I will ever even try it now. Thanks for saving me the calories Marvo. You’re a doll.
Hey, and how come after all this time you’ve never been by my blog?
If you want a cookies and cream (milk) flavored drink you should try what I’ve been drinking.
http://www.bodybuilding.com/store/opt/whey.html
That plus a little skim milk = goodness in a shaker bottle. Mmm.. cookies and cream.
2007: Body building Marvo?
I am so not down with particles in my drinks. that’s why i can’t stand bubble tea. It makes me think that food has fallen in, or someone has backwashed my beverage.
gko – Thanks for letting me know. 🙂
Suzanne – But it doesn’t taste like Cookie Monster’s puke after a cookie binge. Also, I have been to your blog. Several times. Heck, I was just there 15 seconds ago. 🙂
Lord Jezo – Pfff…body building. Have you seen my six inch pythons? I need no body building, my body has all the construction it’s gonna need. 🙂
dramastically – I can’t stand particles in my jello, like fruit and gummy bears.
premixed cookies and milk? it is REALLY so hard to pour a glass of milk and dip cookies yourself? some products are just REDONKULOUS.
I’m loving the Cookie Monster vomit and the milkshake bringing the boys references… This was great classic Marvo!
My vote is for the Twix.
Webmiztris – There aren’t any cookie particles in the milk. Although if there were it would probably taste more like cookies and milk.
Melanie – I think with the two Nesquik Milkshake reviews I’ve done, both of them have references to that song…I’m so unoriginal.
calvin – Dude. Twix lost and I think that’s your fourth vote for Twix. You must really love Twix.
Awwww damn. You noticed!!!
I was seriously hoping to throw off the vote by boting multiple times… ugh it didn’t work.
calvin – Should’ve taken the anonymous route, although I could just track IP addresses.
by the way, it’s all a conspiracy there are no limited edition candy bars at all- that was simply a hoax to get me to feel like I am a ‘contributing member of society’, when in reality I have no control of what is going on. The bars don’t exist, admit it!
calvin – If they don’t exist, I really need to stop smoking/drinking whatever I’m smoking/drinking, because I’m seeing wayyy to many of them.