The new Burger King Bacon Double Homestyle Melt is so greasy that if I wanted to experience puberty all over again and have my face break out into pimples, I would rub my face liberally with this burger.
I know what you’re thinking, pretty much all fast food burgers are greasy, but I felt this limited time only burger was so greasy that if I were in prison and the burger was a bar of soap, I would feel the need to tie a rope around it.
So what makes the Bacon Double Homestyle Melt so greasy?
It’s the Killer Bs: bacon, burger, and butter. It’s got slices of crispy bacon, three slices of Swiss cheese, two flame-broiled hamburger patties, and a creamy garlic cheese sauce all between a buttery flat bun. It was probably the buttery bread that made this burger seem almost as greasy as two used car salesmen in a bikini baby oil wrestling match.
The bread portion of the burger didn’t have enough butter to make Food Network personality Paula Deen cream in her pants, but there’s enough to make my hands just as greasy as the hands of the hairstylist for The Sopranos.
On paper, the Burger King Bacon Double Homestyle Melt looked like a really good burger, but unfortunately the grease from the burger soaked the paper and it fell through.
The burger was small — a little bit bigger than a Whopper Jr. — and I wondered if to compensate for its size, it drove either a Corvette or an Escalade. I thought the creamy garlic cheese sauce would be as artery-hardening good as it sounds, but the garlic was either very faint or non-existent in all of the bites I took, which again wasn’t many, since the burger was Lilliputian in size.
The combination of meat, bacon, and cheese is a great foundation for a burger, which the Burger King Bacon Double Homestyle Melt had, but its weak sauce and buttery bun cracked through that foundation. I thought about risking diabetes, heart disease, and the sight of my penis to try another, but in the end I was all greased out.
(Nutritional Facts – 810 calories, 58 grams of fat, 20 grams of saturated fat, 2 grams of trans fat, 135 milligrams of cholesterol, 1370 milligrams of sodium, 34 grams of carbs, 1 grams of dietary fiber, 5 grams of sugar, 39 grams of protein, 10% Vitamin A, 35% Calcium, 25% Iron, and 25 grams of bigassness.)
Item: Burger King Bacon Double Homestyle Melt
Price: $5.49 (Value Meal)
Purchased at: Burger King
Rating: 2 out of 5
Pros: Lots of protein. Lots of grease…if you love grease. Lots of sodium…if you love heart disease. Meat, cheese, and bacon is a good burger foundation.
Cons: Small burger. Seems extremely greasy. Couldn’t really taste the creamy garlic cheese sauce. Buttery bun made the burger even less enjoyable. Paula Deen creaming in her pants.
Wow, that does sound greasy. It kind of looks like a JITB Sourdough Jack, but those aren’t quite as greasy (although when I order them, I substitute mustard for mayo.) This one definitely packs a lot of fat into its small size, sounds like.
Greasy??? Jebus, from the photo it looks like they made half the “burger”, coated it with wax then put a delicate piece of toast on top.
Lord, I had to take an extra Zumba class just to take the weight off gained by looking at that photo.
Where’s Ace?
I’ve been thinking of trying one of these, but I just feel like I already know what it’s going to taste like. Plus, our BK is down one of the most annoyingly congested roads in the city, so this one should be easy to avoid.
Ugh – that’s the most digusting piece of BK food I’ve seen. I hope that’s not the “prettied up” picture used to sell it on the drive through board.
So it’s coated in butter, covered in bacon, and features both swiss cheese and a creamy cheese sauce?
Wow, I just looked at the nutritional info…If you’re going to eat that much fat and calories shouldn’t it at least be bigger?
I want to go eat a big bowl of lettuce to cleanse myself after even reading about it…
Mmmm, I think it looks really yummy. It probably would have been more palatable if the sourdough bread wasn’t soaked in butter, but asking for less butter on your butter grilled buns would have been scoffed at (read ignored) by your BK staff. Lose the garlic sauce and add some tabasco and I would definitely try it!
58 grams of fat! Jesus.
This is why I don’t read fast food nutritional information.
25 grams of bigassness.
I am def not eating it now-lol
That made my ass bigger just looking at the pic. I will now have to do an extra 30 min at the gym.
thanks for saving me the trouble of trying something yet again luv.
I love a gut-bomb burger (and even more if it has bacon and cheese on sourdough- go JITB!) but my heart slowed alarmingly looking at that pic…
Dear sweet lord.
You can SEE the grease soaked into the bottom bun from the burger. I hate soggy buns. Blech! Could they have overcooked the cheese any more? I agree with Domokun; it looks like they coated this tiny little greasebomb in WAX.
Bigassness should be included on all nutrition info labels. That’ll make some people think twice.
Yikes. Thanks for jumping on the grenade once again. You just saved me 5 bucks!
Ugh. That makes me feel sick just looking at it. You’re a pro, Marvo.
Chuck – Apparently flat buns are in. Even Carl’s Jr has a new flat bun sandwich.
Domokun – Ace is a busy schoolboy.
Rhawb – My nearest BK is a hop, skip, and jump away. If only I had the will power to stay away from it.
james – Oh, it’s the real deal, man. I keeps it real.
Karen – Hey…I ate one. Imagine the stuff I’m eating to cleanse myself. If I knew how to give myself an internal shower I would.
Molly – Or I could go low-carb and get rid of the bun all together.
Carrie – Sorry, I printed that for you to read.
Sheri – I wish it contained 25 grams of sexiness.
bikerbabeee – If it’ll help I’ll do the 30 minutes for you.
demondoll – Hmm…I haven’t done a JITB review in awhile.
Mella – Dear holy Gwen Stefani!
Alisha – Sadly, I have soggy buns.
Peachy – I don’t know. If the sodium and fat doesn’t scare them, I don’t think anything else will…until the heartattack.
Angel H. – Wow. You’re welcome. I totally feel like GEICO now.
Brie – Yup, a pro with hardening arteries. 🙁
I’m tired of magazines
Sayin’ flat buns are the thing
Take the average black man and ask him that
She gotta pack much back
Marvo, you so rock, greasy buns and all.
Does it come with a side of heart defibrillator?
I LOVE your fast food reviews. It’s somehow just as satisfying as eating it, with none of the guilt.
Also, Paula Deen’s show is the most ridiculous thing ever. I once saw that woman put two bags of confectioner’s sugar into brownie batter, followed by a stick of butter, and then later had a similarly butter-loaded cornbread muffin which she topped off with an inch-thick slice of BUTTER.
How is that woman not dead?
Does anyone remember the cooking show “Two Fat Ladies”?
They would have taken several of these melts and stuffed them into a ham then deep fried the whole thing before sprinkling it liberally with icing sugar and serving it to a pack of boy scouts.
Too bad one of them died, they sure knew how to cook.
Greasy??? May be good for winter haha
Warms your body and moiturizes your lips. COOL!
This is perfect for those cold winter days when you just hate yourself. Suicide food…..mmmmmmmmm.
i’m a big fan of grease, so I’d probably love it. 😀
mmmm…greasy.
Marvo, I think I had a heart attack just looking at the picture. eeek gads.
The burger is actually pretty good
The Sauce is good too but the swizz outweights it
I had one of these baby’s a week ago. It is every bit as greasy as described, if not more so. This thing is nuked to melt the cheese which drives even more grease out of the patties. The paper it was wrapped in was transparent because of the grease and the bread was so soggy it came apart right away. Ate half of it and the rest went into the trash bin.
Chuck – I’m desperate. I’ll take any type of buns — flat, fluffy, saggy, round.
Cheryl – I’d really like greasy buns, because that means I can Slip ‘N Slide whenever I want.
Drew – That would make the Value Meal less of a value.
Henry Evil – I think she’s still alive because she’s made out of butter.
Karen – Hmm…I wonder what she died from.
meud – I live on a tropical island. No winter for me.
ultradave – I thought depressed people don’t eat.
Webmiztris – But would you eat two in one sitting.
Anonymous – If only I could wring the burger and use the greasy from it to fuel my car.
Suzanne – Imagine if you ate it. If you do, I suggest dialing 911 on the phone and not pressing send until you know you’ve survived it.
Lulz – But you have to admit that it is small.
Kenh – Imagine if they deep fried the whole thing. I think that’s the next trend in fast food.
Actually caved in and tried this the other day while I was at work. …and I could only eat about 2/3 of it. This thing sat heavier in my gut than the Hardee’s Monster Thickburger! That is SERIOUSLY greasy! It was kind of tasty, but not tasty enough to make me forget that I could feel my arteries clogging.
Rhawb – The bun is what brings down this burger. Buttered is overrated.
wow i trow up when i saw that tomorrow i think i’m going to trow up again
Wow, is this just the better part of Tofu eating California speaking? How can you not like this combination of meat, cheese, sour dough bread, & bacon? I hate to see any of you try the Hardees Frisco, aka “The Best Freaking Burger there is”.
You only live once, eat food that makes your tummy happy!
Tip: If you don’t want it as greasy ask for no butter. It will also ensure you get one made fresh for you.
you’re all stupid
this burger is really delicious