Is the holiday season getting you down? Are you shopping for people based on how much you can stand them instead of considering their interests? Did you find your date for that Christmas party by posting an ad on Craigslist? Did you slip her a $50 so that she would pretend that she met you when you were volunteering at a children’s hospital?
Well, join the club.
It has indeed been a hectic season for me. Money earned at regular jobs has gone into the pockets of corporate America. Money earned working odd jobs has gone into the hands of the dealer on the street corner. I can’t even walk by a Spencer Gifts without lamenting that I can’t afford gag presents. When you can’t afford fake things, it’s probably time to start over.
Instead of feeling down, I decided to treat myself by trying something new at the supermarket. You can say that I am merely eating my emotions, but this isn’t the season for judging. I saw this box of Oscar Mayer Deli Creations tempting me with its promise of being “hot and melty.” It was rather expensive for being less than half a pound, $3.50, but I figured that I was already broke so I might as well hit rock bottom before clawing my way back up.
When I got home, it really did feel like opening a Christmas package. It had all types of goodies, coming with “steakhouse roast beef,” a long slice of real cheese, sauce, mayonnaise, and a roll. Most of this stuff is dirt cheap by itself, but it seems rather impressive when it’s bunched up like this. I’m not sure why I would need two condiments, but I appreciate the choice. I assembled the sandwich and put it on its special microwavable tray. Less than a minute later, it was indeed hot and melty.
It sure looked good enough, if not a little thin, but I was not very impressed with the taste. This roast beef is as close to real roast beef as Arby’s is, which should disturb you if you’ve ever eaten at Arby’s and wondered how they managed to get ham from a cow. It’s not quite that salty, but it’s still not close to resembling whatever I’ve eaten at a real steakhouse or barbecue joint. The “steakhouse” sauce is even eerily reminiscent of Arby’s sauce, a tangy, yet smokey mix of tomato and vinegar. I also found out that I prefer fake pasteurized cheese to real cheese, as the flavor of the sharp cheddar is a bit overwhelming. I think I can blame that on my corrupted sense of taste, though.
Individually, each ingredient isn’t worth very much. The meat could be found in packages for about 80 cents, the bread is worth about a quarter, the cheese is about 10 cents, and the mayonnaise and sauce are free at most fast food places. $3.50 is way too much to pay for this, even if it were an awesome sandwich. My advice is: buy each ingredient individually or just go to the local sub shop for a sandwich. Also, steal as many condiment packages as you can. You may feel bad, but it’s the only way to save some money so you can buy some fake gifts for the people you tolerate.
(Nutritional Facts – 1 package – 460 calories, 16 grams of fat, 6 grams of saturated fat, 0.5 grams of trans fat, 60 mg of cholesterol, 1410mg sodium, 51 grams of carbs, 3 grams of dietary fiber, 13 grams of sugar, 29 grams of protein, 6% Vitamin A, 2% Vitamin C, 20% Calcium, and 25% Iron)
(Editor’s Note: Abi at HER (aka Heat Eat Review) reviewed the Honey Ham and Swiss version of the Oscar Mayer Deli Creations.)
Item: Oscar Meyer Deli Creations Steakhouse Cheddar
Price: $3.50
Purchased at: Albertsons
Rating: 4 out of 10
Pros: Comes packaged in a fancy box with each item individually sealed. Comes out hot and melty from the microwave. Choice of two condiments.
Cons: Tastes like it came from Arby’s. Not very big or filling. Pretty pricey for what you get. Not being able to afford fake gifts.
I actually like Arby’s and their sauce. I would bathe in the sauce if the spices didn’t burn me. I tried this Deli Creations flavor too and I wasn’t too impressed with it either, and I totally agree that it is wayyyy to expensive for what you get. I can get a six inch sub from Subway (with vegetables) for $3.50.
Subway is expensive, too. Anyways, the cheese doesn’t look to good in the sandwhich. It likes the weird kraft singles that have been melted.
I had a really bad sandwich last time I went to Arby’s so I probably won’t be back soon. Should have just stayed with the weird roast beef I guess. I agree this is way too pricey, I can get a whole meal deal at Subway for about 70 cents more.
I got a date through Craigslist one time when I had an extra ticket to a movie premiere. Went ok but she showed up late and the movie was right about to start, so we didn’t get to talk much.
Alright, a few things:
1. I like how the ampersand at the top looks like it’s been engraved in a shiny gilded surface. It’s not just hot and melty, it’s hot AND melty. It’s being emphasised.
2. Arby’s sauce is quite delicious, and I like to obtain their spicy pepper sauce by putting some of it into a container that appears to actually be for jalapeños. It’s a shame they don’t normally offer it to go.
3. If you’re into things that are both hot AND melty, Arby’s has a sandwich of not only roast beef, but also meltily viscous (yet not runny) cheese. I do think you’d enjoy it, if you like the flavour of pasteurised fake cheese, but are not willing to sacrifice the meltiness which was thus far obtained through real cheese, which appears to be too sharp.
I tried that. It tasted ghastly. I offered it to my cat. He threw up.
I love the part about stealing condiments. Haha, I’m one of those people that steal condiments and save them all in a bag. Whenever we have BBQ’s I just bring the condiment bag with me so we don’t have to bring full bottles of mustard or ketchup. It’s genius. Ray says I’m so cheap. Yes, I say, yes I am.
I love Arby’s too, and I don’t want to know what it’s made out of. I just know it’s uber-delicious, like Heidi Klum in panties.
I don’t love Arby’s but I do love Horsey sauce. It’s like mayonaise with a hint of horseradish. Everytime I eat it I think of Ray Charles. It’s a very emotional sauce for me.
Happy holidays Ace, I wish you better sandwiches in the new year.
Hmmm, I dont know if I would try something like that. Kinda creeps me out like Lunchables.
@Nevis: You just made me feel my heart beat in funny places. MMMM Klume…
I love Arby’s, but I want to say that I’ve eaten it since I was about four years old and only ever eaten the beef and cheddar, but I have branched out and now dip my curly fries in horsey sauce.
but I don’t like to think that it’s mayonaise based..I hate mayonaise. ew. I lie to myself.
Hi Marvo!
I have been following your blog for some time now, but this is the first time that I am leaving a message! (I know…I am just now “giving you life!”) I totally dig your sense of humor! If you are ever in sunny california, let me know! 🙂
Wow, you’re in there Marvo!
Ace wrote this one. Doesn’t he deserve an invitation too?
Nothing beats Arby’s when they have the 2 for $3 beef and cheddar melt deal.
I was expecting a bigger sandwich from Deli Creations. I was not sold on buying until there was a sale ($2.50 per box) and a $1 off coupon on the box which brought the price down to $1.50. I’ll say if they lowered the price to $1.50 instead of somewhere around $3+, I’d buy more.
I bought 2 boxes of Steakhouse Cheddar. The first time, the cheese melted. The second time, it didn’t. Tastes better when the cheese melts.