During my last shopping adventure, it occurred to me that every salad I ate was actually clogging my heart. There’s the macaroni salad I have with Hawaiian barbecue, the potato salad I have with fried chicken, the tuna salad I have with parmesan bread, and the hot dog salad that I invented after it came to me in a dream. As I pondered whether that website telling me that I would die in three years was correct, I came across a beautiful box of Kraft Basil Vinaigrette Pasta Salad.
I’d be lying if I said that I wasn’t drawn in by the shiny packaging. The gold lettering and fancy fonts on the box made it look like something pirates would bury on a remote island. I don’t really like medleys of vegetables or vinaigrettes, but I simply could not resist the festive colors and the promise of something gourmet.
Since it contains zucchini, black olives, green and red bell peppers, tomatoes, and carrots, I figured it would be a healthy alternative to my dietary doldrums of potato chips and Slim Jims. This was before I realized that pasta salad is just another type of “salad” that consists of fat and starch. There’s not enough vegetables in the whole thing to even add up to one serving.
It was at this point that I looked into my mirror, which happens to be a distorted one that makes me appear muscular, and realized that I would never be able to eat healthy. I’m just like a burnt out, single mother who comes to terms with the fact that she’ll always pick the bad boys. Sort of…okay, maybe that isn’t the best analogy. What I’m trying to say is that even when I think I’m eating healthy, buying anything from a box and adding oil isn’t going to earn me any favors with the Weight Watchers people.
Thankfully, the process of creating the pasta salad is very simple and effective. You just boil the pasta for a few minutes and then add it to a mixing bowl with some olive oil and the season packet. After throwing in the dehydrated vegetables, you let it rest for a few hours until it is cool and the roughage is soft. What you get rewarded with is a fairly tasty pasta salad that manages to stay firm and separated. Even with the glossy sheen, it is not at all oily. The vinaigrette is tangy and has a fairly strong basil taste, so lovers of basil should enjoy this immensely.
Overall, it is a solid and impressive product that is put over the top by the sheer awesomeness of its glorious packaging. It is a nice change of pace for anyone looking for a new side dish. Perhaps most importantly of all, it is another tasty yet unhealthy salad that will probably kill me.
That alone is priceless.
(Nutritional Facts – 1/5 box – 200 calories, 9 grams of fat, 1.5 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 0 mg of cholesterol, 480mg sodium, 26 grams of carbs, 2 grams of dietary fiber, 4 grams of sugar, 5 grams of protein, 4% Vitamin A, 8% Vitamin C, 2% Calcium, and 8% Iron)
Item: Kraft Basil Vinaigrette Pasta Salad
Price: $2.50
Purchased at: Wal-Mart
Rating: 7 out of 10
Pros: Pasta stays firm even after cooking and coating. Vinaigrette is adequately tangy and flavorful. Very easy to make. Mirrors that make you appear more attractive than you really are.
Cons: Another “salad†that is not in any way good for you. Dehydrated vegetables don’t add a lot of flavor or texture. Being like a burnt out single mother who chooses the bad boys. Fearing your own mortality after searching for fun websites.
I am trying not to come up with snide “tossing salad” comments for this review. OK, I guess that counted as one. Oh well.
This product may not be healthy but it does sound pretty tasty, and I am impressed that the end product actually looks like the picture of the salad on the box. A very rare occurrence, that.
We were having a potluck at work and because I don’t particulary care for my co-workers I made 2 packages of this and brought it to work. The “gourmets” that they are thought it was great. I still don’t like my co-workers though.
i would eat it…looks good on an empty stomach.
I say forget the salad and just have the Hawaiian bbq!
Sweet delicious fat and starch. It’s the American Way!
Aren’t you a student? Students are supposed to eat nothing but garbage. The fact that you are eating things labelled “salad” makes you pretty suspect.
How much sodium was there?
That doesn’t sound so unhealthy to me. Olive oil is a good fat. If you want to make it healthier (and possibly cheaper) you can buy whole wheat pasta, chop up some real vegetables, and mix it with extra-virgin olive oil and one of those pasta salad flavour packets. We do that at my house all the time. Much yummier than the pasta salads with mayo. If you think about it, the only extra step there is the chopping of vegetables, which shouldn’t take more than a couple minutes! Just sayin’.
Of course, if you started eating healthy foods, then what would we all read? Maybe just stick to eating garbage.
you know I “heart” you right? ha ha ha! you crack me up.
You have got to try this.
Cheeseburger in a can
http://www.trekking-mahlzeiten.de/trekking-mahlzeiten-online-shop/produkte/Zwischenmahlzeiten_507/Cheeseburger_in_der_Dose_4641.html
My stomach rejects anything healthy!
This looks pretty good. I’d use it in a pinch.
Long-time reader, first time commenter. Your hilarity brings a new, shiny edge to the rough frontier of food reviews.
By the way, when did we switch to the X/10 rating system?
I’ve actually tried a different brand’s “Pasta Salad in a Box” called SUDDENLY SALAD by Betty Crocker and it was pretty nasty. So if this is good, I’ll have to give it a try when I want pasta salad and I’m being lazy.
What about pasta – let me finish – salad.
would you or marvo please review cheeseburger-in-a-can? please please please.
http://www.gizmag.com/the-canned-cheeseburger–fast-food-in-the-wilderness/8713/
u forgot the famous egg salad!
Hot dog salad is genius. Genius. I bow to your great vision.
Chuck – I was surprised, too. I was expecting something akin to potato au gratin, but got pasta salad! A rare occurance indeed.
govtdrone – Wow, if the worst thing the people that didn’t like me did was give me pasta salad, I’d pretty much die a comfortable man.
Shannon – Pretty much anything does, though. Well, maybe just for me.
nat – Hawaiian macaroni salad is the best evaaaaaarrr! I don’t know what they put in it, but it blows away its gringo counterpart.
Red Icculus – Hell yes. No smashed peas on a bed of radicchio for us.
Karen – To be fair to my peers, I am a pretty mediocre student. I can’t be held responsible for knowing all the unwritten rules.
Sam – 480mg per serving.
Lannie – That’s what I thought, but then they were freakin’ out over the fat in olive oil on Top Chef. It’s kind of like eggs…I have no idea if they are an elixer for eternal life or akin to eating death caps.
Suzanne – Thanks! We need all the love we can get on the interwebz because the real world is a cold, dark place.
jujueyeballs – I just found out about this on a forum I’m on. Does anyone know how to order this without being having to be able to read German?
Marvo – A shame that you’ll never know the joys of motherhood.
demondoll – Yeah, it’s pretty good to have on hand. Plus, it looks fancy.
TonehZero – Thank you, I feel like we’re all a giant disfunctional family here and commenting is like placating your creepy uncle with a Christmas card. We switched to X/10 about a month ago in order to have more flexibility with the scoring.
Nevis – Suddenly Salad? Really? The best they could come up with was naming their salad after a bad sitcom from the 90’s?
Lobstersurprise – “It’s great with a steak; a treat with some meat.” I like to write jingles in my spare time.
stephanie – I don’t know if Marvo will review it, but I’d buy one if I could figure out how to order one.
liz – Damn it! I knew I forgot something…egg salad is one of my favorites too. I always get a craving for some after I watch the 40 Year Old Virgin.
muskovie – Don’t thank me, I get my inspiration from watching Rachael Ray throw hot dogs into everything she cooks.
I’ve made this only once, not that it was bad. I just have no one to make pasta salad for. but it seems like every potluck I go to, there is some sort of pasta salad sitting there, alone in a bowl. generally my luck is bad and it contains mayonaise. bleck.
Ace – Actually, I believe “Suddenly Salad” has been around longer than that Brooke Shields disaster called a sitcom. So, if you think about it, the show was named after wet noodles. Rather apropos, when you think about it, no?