Ladies and gentlemen. I am about to do something amazing right now. I am going to eat the Jack in the Box BBQ Bacon Sirloin Burger here in front of you in one sitting. I know what you’re thinking. You’re looking at the burger and thinking to yourself that it seems like an easy feat to accomplish, like beating a five-year-old at arm wrestling or making out with Tila Tequila.
But let me tell you that this here burger is no mere burger, ladies and gentlemen. The Jack in the Box BBQ Bacon Sirloin Burger features a seasoned sirloin patty on a bakery-style bun with bacon, American cheese, fried onion rings, and a BBQ sauce. This burger has the ability to make nutritionists cry, turn the obese obese-er, and make an Olsen twin look pregnant if eaten whole. Now watch as I stick this burger in my mouth.
Nom, nom, nom, nom, nom, nom.
Now you’re probably saying to yourself that sticking the burger into my mouth didn’t look too hard, but let me tell you that this burger had the capacity to make many things hard, like my arteries and Jack’s cock since these pricey sirloin burgers are making him a ton of money. Let me take another bite from the burger.
Nom, nom, nom, nom, nom, nom.
Ladies and gentlemen. I have taken several bites from the Jack in the Box BBQ Bacon Sirloin Burger and it appears that I have not been affected by it, but the truth be told, that I have been deeply affected by it. When I am done with this burger, 1,010 calories, 49 grams of fat, 5 grams of trans fat, 2,190 milligrams of sodium, and 91 grams of carbs will have entered my body. To rid myself of all of this, I am forced to do something extreme, called exercise. Let me partake in another bite from the burger.
Nom, nom, nom, nom, nom, nom.
Let me tell you ladies and gentlemen, it is difficult to completely consume this burger, because it is very bland. Despite all of its ingredients, none of them were noticeable. The BBQ sauce was very light in flavor, the onion rings had no taste, and the sirloin patty was disappointing. If this burger actually tasted good, I wouldn’t feel so bad about risking my health for it. It’s like I would have sex with Tara Reid, if I knew by doing so, she wouldn’t make anymore movies. Let me take another bite from the burger.
Nom, nom, nom, nom, nom, nom.
I give up! Uncle! Uncle! I am sorry to disappoint, ladies and gentlemen. Unfortunately, I am unable to consume the entire burger within one sitting. Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to eat tofu and rice for the rest of the week to detox.
Nom, nom, nom, nom, nom, nom.
(Nutrition Facts – 1 burger – 1,010 calories, 49 grams of fat, 19 grams of saturated fat, 5 grams of trans fat, 150 milligrams of cholesterol, 2,190 milligrams of sodium, 690 milligrams of potassium, 91 grams of carbohydrates, 4 grams of dietary fiber, 16 grams of sugar, 52 grams of protein, and 1,000 grams of regret.)
(Editor’s Note: Thanks to yawnie and dramastically for suggesting this burger. Nom, nom, nom, nom, nom, nom.)
Item: Jack in the Box BBQ Bacon Sirloin Burger
Price: $7.19 (small combo)
Purchased at: Jack in the Box
Rating: 3 out of 10
Pros: Hearty burger. Nom, nom, nom, nom, nom, nom. Having sex with Tara Reid if it means she would no longer do any acting.
Cons: Motherfucking unhealthy. Lack of vegetables that aren’t deep fried. BBQ taste was almost nonexistent. Onion rings didn’t add anything, except a crunch. Making out with Tila Tequila.
Lack of any vegetable??? Whatever! Last time I checked, an onion was a veggie. Even if it is battered and fried to an oblivion.
Sounds like hangover food to me!
I can’t believe it’s even legal to have that much trans fat in one piece of food. I gagged while reading those numbers.
Kylie – Okay, okay. A vegetable that’s not deep fried.
Joel – My heart skipped several beats when I read those numbers.
nom, nom, nom, nom=lol,lol,lol,lol
Wow Marvo, brave eatins. Yummy looking picture for such a gross burger.
My husband loves/craves the other sirloin burgers that have been out for awhile, which sucks because they are truly disgusting. I’d have to say regular Jack-in-the-Box meat is better flavored and what’s up with that huge chewy bun?! Gag…
We (well, some of us) have accepted trans-gender and trans-sexual folks. Why all the hate for trans-fat?
Also, according to the you-are-what-you-eat theory, cattle, who spend most of their non-being-slaughtered time eating plants, should qualify as vegetables.
And apparently the numbers are far more damaging to your health than the food. We need to ban them.
Hey you have to admit that seeing Tara’s wierd ass Frakentit at P-didy’s party a while back ago was quite funny! Also she had one of the greatest lines in a movie ever. From the Big Lebowski, “I’ll suck your cock for a thousand dollars”.
I’m not sure where I’m going with this.
I’ll stop now.
You know you’ll need detox when the burger breaks the 1000 calorie barrier. If something is that unhealthy, I demand that it be delicious.
I’ve got to say, I’m not a big fast food consumer, but that burger looks YUMMY!
I should have added, apparently looks can be deceiving. :o(
Wow,, those numbers are scary.
Man, those numbers are scary and I know that you said it didn’t taste that great, but I gotta admit that I’d buy one if we had a Jack in the box here. That thing looks delicious!
Wow, 3 burger reviews in a little over 2 weeks? Those of us who want to eat like TIB guys are going to get fat!
This burger looks like it’s trying to be a Rodeo Cheeseburger and failing miserably. I’d still wolf one down, though.
That burger makes me miss Carls Jr’s western bacon cheese burger. Now I’m sad cause there are none in seattle.
you didn’t believe me when I said it sucked, so now both of us must detox. Not to mention that the bun was unnaturally yellow. Bet it had high fructose corn syrup.
I say the next thing you review is kava or wheatgrass. That should get the burger outta your system.
I, too, thought of the Western Bacon Cheeseburger, which probably is similarly unhealthy but I’ve always been able to finish it and the barbecue sauce/onion rings combo is quite tasty. Alas, there are definitely no Carl’s Jr. restaurants in Tennessee, either.
whip1 – Nom, nom, nom, nom, nom.
skibs – Overall, I haven’t been too impressed with these sirloin burgers. I’d rather eat a Jumbo Jack with its 1.5 grams of trans fat.
angry bob – I like your logic behind cows being vegetables, because it verifies my belief that Perez Hilton is a dick.
luckinflux – Great…now I’m imagining her body and losing my appetite. Thank goodness I didn’t just eat this burger.
Chuck – I’ve been drinking water and eating Special K products. I’m too lazy to prepare tofu.
StephanieS – Those numbers are scarier to me, because I consumed them.
tinimaine – I guess one could eat half the burger and get half the calories, fat, and sodium.
Eryn – Fast food places need to stop making new stuff for a while. Or I need to start reviewing Kashi products.
luckinflux – Speaking of the Carl’s Jr. Western Bacon Cheeseburger, I just got a press release from the their PR folks about how JITB is just copying their burger, which is true. I’ve never had it, but once I detox, maybe I’ll give it a try.
yawnie – Wheatgrass shots at Jamba Juice?
Ali – The Western Bacon Cheeseburger is slightly healthier than this burger.
it looks like it need at least one vegetable or some more sauce becasue it looks very dry.
Jack is the place I go only when I can’t find an In-n-Out burger. Sirloin burgers of any kind have all failed to impress me. The patties never have quite the flavor I am craving. If I must settle for Jack, the sourdough cheeseburger is what I go for. Thanks for saving me the extra calories and cholesterol Marvo.
Yeegh. What the hell is with putting onion rings on burgers?
You poor man. I’m going to have a salad in your honor.
You lost me at bakery style bun…ugh.
Marvo, that may be the funniest review you’ve done yet! well done….
I will be hearing the soothing recorded sounds of nomnomnom in my dreams.
Nom, nom, nom, nom, nom, nom.
Hahaha! Alliteration the internet can understand.
i can almost hear the agg, agg agg, agg, agg after you nom, nom, nom, nom, nom’ed your way through a unfairly heart-clogging part of that so-called burger…i still think it’s jacks way of telling us he owns our fat hearts…*sigh* i just know I’m going to end up eating this one day. damn you jack…
I just ate the equivalent of one of these burgers in calories and fat. I was considering taking a visit to the vomitarium- then decided to play Rock Band instead.
Sweat off the bad onions on the drums! Strum away the trans-fat on the Fender Stratocaster plastic guitar! Sing out the cholesterol like you’re exorcising the devil from the house of the Lord!
You had me at hello.
blech! that looks nasty!
This burger does look delicious. but apparently, it is not? why is that. it’s like angle shots on myspace, fat girls pretending to be skinny.
on the other hand, I probably don’t need to eat anything like that. even if it was delicious.
liz – Actually, it could use less calories and sodium. It should come with a nutritionist that keeps nagging you while you eat it.
Bikerbabeee – I usually get a Jumbo Jack…mmmm…1.5 grams trans fat.
Mara – I wish someone would make a burger with french fries in it.
Molly – At least it’s not USDA-style meat.
Scott – Thanks, buddy!
Susu – Nom, nom, nom, nom, nom, nom.
Jesse – Nom, nom, nom, nom, nom, nom.
KrissPin – If Jack owns our fat hearts, I guess Ronald owns our fat asses.
Michael John Grist – The only way you could get trans fat and cholesterol with music is if you plugged a real Fender Stratocaster, plugged it into an amp, turned the amp up to 11, and then play some Hendrix. The sound from the amp should push that crap out. Just remember to take a shower after.
Shannon – Hello.
Dawn – A double cheeseburger from McDonald’s is ten times better.
Rose – Well if you do eat this burger and get fat from it, you can always do the angle shot on MySpace. 🙂
I wantchu
Ha ha, Marvo, you haven’t seen me jumping around as I play Rock Band then!
Diana Ross – I wantflatabs
Michael John Grist – Hmm…Do they make wireless guitars for Rock Band? That would give you more freedom to jump around, jump around, jump up, jump up and get down…Sorry, I was reliving my high school days with the House of Pain.
I don’t think they have wireless guitars yet- but they’re coming!
1010 Calories?! Forget that! I’d rather have a whopper or big mac instead. Fewer calories and probably more filling!