Mountain Dew is the O.G. of carbonated caffeine goodness. With 50-something milligrams of caffeine per can it was the beverage of choice for gamers, procrastinators and sleep haters back when energy drinks were just a twinkle in the eye of beverage makers and I wore my baseball caps backwards, while wearing two Swatch watches on each arm. Today, Mountain Dew is lost among the hundreds of energy drinks out there. Its caffeine content seems miniscule compared with almost every single caffeine bomb energy drink.
What happened to Mountain Dew? It used to encourage young people to do extreme things that only professionals should do, like pull 360 tailwhips on a BMX bike or a goofy-footed backside McTwist on a skateboard. Now energy drinks, like Red Bull, have kids doing crazy things like race in airplanes, flugtag, and post videos on YouTube of themselves doing a Chicken McNuggets rap. Mountain Dew’s descent from the caffeine crown is kind of sad, like seeing a 51-year-old big-haired, tattooed mother of four shop at Forever 21.
Mountain Dew used to tell us to “Do the Dew,” but now the Dew is not dewy enough. It tried to keep up with more powerful energy drinks by changing flavors, colors, and by greeting everyone with the salutation, “Wassup, dogg,” while pounding its chest a couple of times. But it is not about colors, it is about caffeine. The Radioactive Green One may not be extreme enough for this generation, but AMP Energy, its younger, bigger, stronger, sexier, more potent, and porn star cock-sized successors are.
The original AMP Energy is based on original Mountain Dew and recently AMP Energy added to its lineup the new Elevate, Overdrive, Relaunch, and Traction flavors, most of which aren’t really new if you did the different Dews over the last half-decade. Overdrive, which has been out longer than the other flavors, is very similar in taste to the cherry-flavored Mountain Dew Code Red, Relaunch is like the orange-flavored Mountain Dew LiveWire, Traction tastes like the grape-flavored Mountain Dew Pitch Black, and Elevate has a mixed berry flavor. All of them were easy to drink because they tasted more like a soda, than an energy drink, which usually can have a slight medicine-ish taste.
Like members of a boy band, each flavor has certain characteristics and has been given a particular label that describes them. Overdrive is the bad boy of the group and the energetic yerba mate it has gives it a turbo boost. Elevate is the smart one and the L-theanine in it helps it to focus. Relaunch is the cute one and the electrolytes and B vitamins it has gives it the energy to revive to satisfy all the groupies. Finally, Traction is the one everyone thinks could be gay and the maltodextrin and D-ribose it contains helps it sustain its secret. Each flavor did give me a boost of energy, but I didn’t notice any differences with their special ingredients.
Overall, I enjoyed all of the flavors, especially the grape-ish Traction, which let me remember Mountain Dew Pitch Black — my favorite Dew I liked to do. It is nice to see almost all the Dew flavors end up in energy drink form because I am a fan of Mountain Dew. Now that I have my caffeine bomb, all I need now are some Cheetos, an original Playstation, the game Twisted Metal, and I’m good to go.
(Supplement Facts – 8 fl. oz. – 110 calories, 29 grams carbs, 29 grams sugar, 1.5 milligrams riboflavin, 20 milligrams niacin, 10 milligrams pantothenic acid, 20 milligrams phosphorus, 148 milligrams taurine, 124 milligrams of guarana extract, 80 milligrams caffeine, and 20 percent increase in heart rate.)
Item: AMP Energy (Elevate, Overdrive, Relaunch, Traction)
Price: FREE (16 ounces)
Purchased at: Given by nice PR people
Rating: 7 out of 10
Pros: Enjoyed all the flavors, which are similar to Mountain Dew flavors. Tastes more like a soda, than an energy drink. Easy to drink. 160 milligrams of sweet, sweet caffeine per can. Twisted Metal.
Cons: High fructose corn syrup. Added ingredients didn’t seem to do anything. If you hate sweet, you’ll hate these. Still can’t get my hands on a fucking Nintendo Wii. 51-years-olds who shop at Forever 21.
People already have way too much energy to do stupid things. Somebody needs to start making downer drinks. Or smarter people. Downer drinks are probably more likely.
Hurry up with that Wii so we can play Mario Kart.
yea i remember, mountain dew used to be the caffeinated drink that was bad ass. i miss Surge, do you remember Surge? back when it was around i never knew it was the crazy caffeine drink. it was just tasty.
Hmmm, 160 mg per can…that’s a fairly respectable amount of caffeine. Did you drink all the cans at the same time? You’d be wired for sure then.
while you were rockin’ the swatches and backwards cap, I had the hair out to there- spandex and leg warmer look.
I too miss the pitch black dew, it was like oh-my gawd!
Now I just put up with code red if i can find the diet version.
Twisted metal rocked, I have all of them, you can borrow one anytime.. Energy drinks are really just calorie and caffeine fests.. I will stick with the doin the dew!
Thanks to my blackberry, I read this at the bar while drinking a Guinness.
In conclusion… Guinness is good for you (and I’m not so sure about the rest of the stuff you review)
Oh, Mountain Dew, the only dew that I do do.
if you really wanted to go back in the day, you’d play original playstation while listening to ub40 or all4one, and wearing the all-denim outfit. And when you’d do an awesome monster truck pile-up on twisted metal, you’d shout, “schwing!!!!” (did I get all my 90’s pop culture references right?)
I can’t say I’m gonna try these, seems like they are just as bad for you as all the other energy drinks on the market.
Kylie : studies have shown dark beers are good for your heart – the darker, the better. Guiness wouldn’t be angry bob’s first choice, but it’ll do in a pinch.
angry bob – If some company did make downer drinks, I would probably drink it while listening to emo and drawing crows.
Lord Jezo – First off, I need to get a Wii. Secondly, you need to live in a closer time zone.
liz – I remember Surge. Actually, Vault is supposed to be Surge’s replacement. Wait…now that I think about it, I haven’t seen Vault in awhile.
Chuck – No, if I drank all the cans, I would’ve been dead for sure.
Bikerbabee – Spandex and leg warmers…that’s hott!
Kylie – I’m going to say that 95% of the stuff we review probably has no nutritional or health value and that both Ace and I are slowly dying inside and in two years from now we will just be reviewing Jenny Craig foods.
X – Do you?
yawnie – I rocked the denim jumpsuit with a sweater wrapped around my waist.
bloggin4ca$h – Come on, live a little on the wild side.
If 95% of what you review isn’t good for you, maybe you should go review a nice dark beer. A stout perhaps. It’ll be good for you. Angry Bob says so.
Kylie – I guess wine coolers and boxed wine aren’t good for you.
All i know is that OVERDRIVE keeps me on edge for up to 10 hours……..as a matter of fact, i just had one. oh so good, you all wish you just had one, jk.