Cup Noodles is pretty much the lowest common denominator when it comes to food and it is so cheap that I believe it is the one thing you can steal from a store and not get punished for it. With it being on the bottommost level of the food chart with Wonder Bread and O’Douls non-alcoholic beer, the only way for it to go is up, and it has, albeit just a little, with the Nissin Homestyle Chicken Flavor Cup Noodles Premium.
You see that word “premium?” Not many goods can have it attached to them. It’s reserved for products that are the finest of the fine, the distinct of the distinctive, and the overpriced of the overpriced. Only things like beer, condoms, wines, chocolates, coffee, hookers, diapers, beef jerky, crackers, maple syrups, teas, nuts, toothpastes, personal lubricants, cake mixes, liquor, water, canned fish, vitamins, band-aids, doggie treats, canned poultry, macaroni & cheese, brownie mixes, shampoos, conditioners, honey, breads, muffin mixes, and dozens more can have the label of “premium” affixed to them.
What puts the “premium” in the Nissin Homestyle Chicken Flavor Cup Noodles Premium? Nissin thinks it’s the chicken-flavored powder and freeze-dried chicken meat that gives it its “homestyle chicken flavor.”
I will wait while you throw up a little in your mouth after hearing “freeze-dried chicken meat.”
Yes, freeze-drying food is usually reserved for astronauts and cereal marshmallows, but the Noodle Nancies at Nissin have created a way to have freeze-dried poultry in a well-insulated, environmentally-unfriendly styrofoam cup. I guess it goes well with the freeze-dried vegetables in it.
While Nissin believes one thing, I personally believe what makes it “premium” is not the freeze-dried chicken meat, it’s the font used to make the word “premium.” If graphic design has taught us anything, it’s that script fonts instantly make things high-class. Having a bikini baby oil wrestling match? Turn something crass into something with class by using script fonts on the promotional posters and flyers. Would you believe something is “premium” if they spelled it in serif or sans serif fonts? I think not.
The premium you’re going to pay to have the pleasure of consuming this slightly higher quality cup of noodles is going to be around 20 to 30 cents more. Surprisingly, the freeze-dried chicken kind of tastes like the chicken in Campbell’s Chicken Noodle soup, which is either a good thing, if you’re Nissin, or a bad thing, if you’re Campbell’s. The broth has a natural chicken flavor with a bit of onion and it even looks more natural than the yellow stuff you get with the regular chicken flavored Cup Noodles. Despite that naturalness, I kind of prefer the original version, since the idea of freeze-dried chicken kind of freaks me out and the whole thing smells funny.
If you want to spend a little bit more on your Cup Noodles for those special occasions, and still want an amount of sodium that can kill small rodents, the Nissin Homestyle Chicken Flavor Cup Noodles Premium is perfect for you.
Or you could just steal it.
(Nutrition Facts – 1 container – 310 calories, 12 grams of fat, 6 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, less than 5 milligrams of cholesterol, 1180 milligrams of sodium, 42 grams of carbohydrates, 3 grams of dietary fiber, 3 grams of sugar, 8 grams of protein, 20% Vitamin A, 4% Calcium, 20% Iron, and 85 cents less loose change to jingle.)
Item: Nissin Homestyle Chicken Flavor Cup Noodles Premium
Price: 85 cents
Purchased at: 7-Eleven
Rating: 5 out of 10
Pros: More natural chicken flavor than regular chicken flavored Cup Noodles. 3 minutes to prepare, less if you prefer your noodles al dente. Zero trans fat.
Cons: Freeze-dried chicken. Smells funny. Mmm…over 1,000 milligrams of sodium. A little bit more expensive. As unhealthy as regular Cup Noodles. Throwing up a little in your mouth.
i would not eat this in the rough-
I would not eat this in the buff-
I would not eat this on a rock-
I would not eat this with a … (insert favorite word that rhymes with Rock)
I will not eat this so called premium..
way way too much sodium!
(my apologies to Dr. Seuss.)
Bikerbabeee – Sock?
I admit to eating Ramen type foods on rare occasions. I do find that most of them have too much broth and not enough noodles.
Cup a Noodles always smell really good, but then you eat them and they taste like salty hot water with made out of cardboard noodles.
Chuck – The broth is where all the sodium is. I drink it when I want to feel my heartbeat.
Molly – This one smells bad and makes me yearn for the regular Cup Noodles.
Bah! I never bother with the stuff in the cup. I go straight for the packages (Ichiban preferred).
I also have not changed my saimin eating habits since I was 7. So yes, that means I still break it up and eat it raw (yes, my roommates think I’m nuts)
Kylie – But do you put the flavor powder on it and then eat it like crackers?
Hey man, if I found one of these in my Salvation Army food box, those are happy days indeed! However, for the price of one of these I can literally stock up on 10 of the block ramen. So answer is….NO DEAL!
What makes it “premium”?
I prefer to call them “Death Cups.” There’s enough sodium in that “meal” to kill a horse!
I am so glad you reviewed something so that the first thing I see upon entering the site is no longer the NKOTB.
😉
Kylie – But do you put the flavor powder on it and then eat it like crackers?
Of course I do! This is proof that you know exactly what I’m talking about (and probably eat it that way yourself)
Is it just me, or does that chicken on the box look kinda sexy?
its oh soo MARVOlous!
Convenience noodles make my pee smell funny.
Wow, the vending machine at the office charges 1.50 for these. And we’re not even on an island in the Pacific.
Shouldn’t that be Cup OF Noodles?
I think the script font “Premium”, coupled with the stylized chicken logo below it, make the package. You know Nissin paid some design agency big bucks for that chicken.
I just read all of your posts, and you’re writing is excellent. You are also extremely witty. Your writing and wittiness would be just as excellent minus the obscene comments you insist on including.
These sound half way decent but they do have a grip of sodium!
Wow, that is one finely done Photoshop job on the “Premium” labels there, Marvo. 10/10.
Alex Lifeson – Yes, that block stuff is sweatshop monthly payment cheap. Getting 10 for a dollar is insane. I’m surprised we can’t end world hunger with these things.
Shannon – The regular stuff doesn’t have freeze-dried chicken meat.
d.mo – Unless that horse is running the Kentucky Derby.
dee – Just for that, I’m going to review their entire album. 🙂
Kylie – Yes, I did eat it that way, but that was a time long, long ago. It was a time when sodium was not a word in my mental dictionary and the only trans-anything I knew was the Trans Am.
Brie – I totally do it.
Brendababe – It’s Brenda-itchen’!
Red Icculus – I hope that you don’t ever eat asparagus ramen.
cybele – Oh, that “vending machine tax.” If everything had the “vending machine tax” there would be health care for everyone.
Clementine – That chicken looks like chicken scratch. HA!!!
Sarah Smith – I will admit my writing does get a little crass sometimes (sometimes really, really crass), but it’s what makes The Impulsive Buy what it is. My tastes in humor spreads across a wide gamut, from a mild Jerry Seinfeld, to the rants of a Lewis Black, to Judd Apatow movies, Saturday Night Live, The Onion, The Daily Show, and much more. Some are crass, some are sometimes crass, and some are not, but I’m influenced by all of them. Does my “obscene comments” make my writing less palatable? For some people, sure, but that’s the thing about humor, it’s subjective. Over the years, I’ve gained a very loyal following of readers who like my style of writing, and I will admit that my style isn’t for everyone, but trying to please everyone is an impossible task. You may think my writing would be just as excellent without the obscene comments, and I take that as a compliment, but that just isn’t my style of writing and for me it would make writing a lot less fun.
Wine Blog – Well you can eat one and then avoid salt for the rest of the day, then it won’t be so bad.
The Lazy Canadian – Actually, if you look close, it’s a pretty bad hack job. I went a little crazy with the clone stamp.
Sarah.. those comments are what keep us regulars comming back. Marvo, you just keep right on with your bad self, we love you just the way you are.
Bikerbabeee – I will keep rockin’ on with my bad self.
Marvo, this is one of the funniest product reviews you’re written. Keep it up!
This is just all ephin wrong…