The new Spicy Chicken BK Wrapper is very similar to the McDonald’s Chipotle BBQ Snack Wrap. It’s like Ronald McDonald and The King are taking the essay portion of the SAT Exam and The King is looking over Ronald’s shoulder with his huge head and copying his essay almost verbatim. If I were Ronald McDonald, I would be pissed and gather all my McDonaldland friends, find the house where The King is hiding out, and then beat down his plastic face and whopper of an ass with some golden arches.
This is how I would plan it out. I’d get Grimace, because he would be the muscle, or at least could ask stupid questions to disorient The King. The Hamburglar’s lock picking skills can get us through any door. Birdie the Early Bird can be aerial surveillance, like a police chopper, in case The King gets away. The Gobblins and the McNugget Buddies can be ground surveillance, since they’re small and hard to detect. Officer Big Mac can restrain The King with his handcuffs, and if necessary, knock a few fake plastic teeth from The King’s fake smile via pistol whipping. Finally, Mayor McCheese can oversee the operation and handle any of the logistics, because if he can run a town, he can manage a beat down. Once they give The King a taste of his own medicine and sneak up on him, I would send Ronald McDonald with the previously mentioned golden arches and have him beat that crown right off The King’s head.
The Spicy Chicken BK Wrapper consisted of spicy, crispy chicken, three types of shredded cheese, and a Southwest sauce wrapped in a soft tortilla. What stood out most was the flatness of the chicken, which looked like a wide BK Chicken Fry or it got a beating from an irate Ronald McDonald armed with golden arches. Another weird thing about this product is that, at times, it tasted like a soft beef taco from Taco Bell with mild sauce. Speaking of spicy, the Southwest sauce added to the BK wrap gave it a weak kick. On a heat scale of 1-10, with ten being an eternity spent in hell and one being the heat from a cell phone used to replace a lighter at a concert, the Spicy Chicken BK Wrapper was a three on the heat scale.
Despite being available for a limited time only and somewhat tasty, I don’t think I’m going to rush out to my nearest BK and gorge on the reasonably priced Spicy Chicken BK Wrapper while I can, because it’s not very spicy and I’m afraid of the consequences if Ronald McDonald and his McDonaldland friends catch me eating one.
(Nutrition Facts – Couldn’t find it on Burger King website. I could make them up, but I would use a lot of commas. For example, I would probably say that it has 10,000,000,000 milligrams of sodium. Of course, this would be 100 percent false, but if it encourages Burger King to post the actual nutrition facts, I’m going to say that it does.)
Item: Spicy Chicken BK Wrapper
Price: $1.49
Size: 6 inches
Purchased at: Burger King
Rating: 5 out of 10
Pros: Reasonably priced. Tasty. Crunchy chicken. A fight between Ronald McDonald and The King. The Hamburglar’s lock picking skills.
Cons: Not very spicy. Chicken was flattened. At times, it tasted like a soft taco from Taco Bell. Similar to the McDonald’s Chipotle BBQ Snack Wrap. No nutrition facts on website. Getting attacked by Ronald McDonald and his McDonaldland friends.
was a phallic joke about the size of this thing a little too easy?
also, what about wendy and her ‘go wrap’, does she get a beating too? may be worth a drawn out fight/review as well.
ROFL..My God, you are soo funny! Personally, I prefer the McDonald’s BBQ Crispy Chicken Wrap myself. I usually take it home and put extra BBQ sauce in it and for some kick Tabasco sauce! Now that’s a wrap!
I haven’t had such a frightening image of Ronald McDonald in my mind since listening to the “What Am I Going To Be For Halloween?” Happy Meal cassette tape giveaway.
Thank you for the review and for being so amusing. I thought the tortilla taste like cardboard.
So the chicken tastes like beef sometimes, eh? Does that mean exotic animals which taste of chicken sometimes taste of beef? And where’s the Jack in teh Box? I can’t get Jack in teh Box, so I always like to see em up here.
Maybe Ronald and The King are having a passionate “forbidden love” affair, and also sharing recipes.
Well, Chuck, maybe the Colonel should join, no? Then that secret recipe could be folded into this thing, and we’d be all doomed to a super fattening monstrosity.
Looks pretty tasty! 🙂 Okay, maybe I’m just hungry. I need to eat a better breakfast.
Haha that is cool that you remember all the names of the McDonaldland friends!!! 🙂
And what is even funnier the adds on your site right now are for Mcdonalds!!! lol
But no, I won’t be eating that because BK is the antichrist of fast food.. but thanks anyways!
I dunno — the King is pretty scary. He might just use a machine gun to take down most of Ronald’s army. 🙁
Seriously, if the McDonaldland crew decides to beat up the dream-haunting Burger King, I want in. I hate that scary, clown faced bastard.
And I’ll stick to the McD wrap, thank you.
angry bob once met Mayor McCheese at a McDonald’s grand opening that angry bob drunken^H^H^H^H^H^H^Hmistakenly stumbled upon. Apparently the alleged “Mayor” can’t actually grant pardons, so angry bob didn’t stick around.
I’m gonna stick to my sweet, sweet McDonaldland cookies. They never resort to gang warfare.
It’s the same “chicken patty” that they use for the spicy chicken sandwich on the value menu, they just cut it up. I’ll try anything twice, so I took two bites and tossed it out the window for the seagulls. This thing is nasty.
You’ve obviously never played a stealth game. The King has stealth skills (Sneak King), which means he can take on a team of flashy badasses without batting an eye.
“King, what’s wrong? King? KIIIIIIIIING!”
Fuck tortillas. Seriously.
Why is everyone just cutting chicken sandwiches and sticking a tortilla around it and calling it a wrap nowadays? LAME!
This reminds me of the time I was 8 and met the “real” Ronald McDonald at our local McD’s. He asked me if I wanted to be in his “special” redhead’s club. Much like tortillas, I just don’t feel special anymore 😉
@Jon – Yes, a phallic joke was too easy, but will probably be used in the future to make up for not doing one for this review. As for the Wendy’s wraps, I don’t think Ronald will mess with Wendy because redheads stick together.
@Cheri – I think the next time I get a Snack Wrap, I’m going to ask for some Hot Mustard chicken McNugget sauce and dip the Snack Wrap into it. Hmmm…Hot Mustard sauce.
@shNermal – Happy Meal cassette? I believe I can out do you. I have a McDonald’s vinyl record that came with a Happy Meal. I forget what was on it.
@Meshie – You’re welcome.
@Reprobate – Dude, you just totally blew my mind with that.
@Chuck – I wonder who’s the pitcher and who’s the catcher in that relationship?
@Reprobate – The Colonel would be a GILF.
@Nevis – We all need to eat a better breakfast. I didn’t eat breakfast at all today.
@Lex – Actually, I couldn’t remember them all because of the saturated fat I’ve consumed over the years. So I had to use Wikipedia.
@Heidi – Well the King does have a huge head and you know what they say about big-headed corporate mascots, “The bigger the head, the easier it is to hit it.”
@Brie – HEY! Get in line for that, sister!
@angry bob – Dude, you should’ve taken a bite out of him, or at least, took his wallet.
@armauld – Not yet…
@Jessica – Dang. Those seagulls must be fat. I’m surprised they can fly.
@Lucas – Oh, I’ve played that game and people are just mutha’ucking blind in it.
@Kendra – No, fuck tortoises. So much more fun.
@ Heather – At least they stopped wrapping things in lettuce leaves and calling them “low-carb.”
@Erika – And I bet he’s now on a “special list” for sex offenders.
Marvo – The King is the butch, and Ronald is the bitch. You can tell by who’s wearing the crown.