The idea of fruit rolls-ups seems like something that was the result of a pleasant accident, like the Slinky, Post-It Notes, and possibly your youngest sibling, unless you’re the youngest child, in which case, you were planned. Someone apparently came up with a way to smash fruit better than a Sledge-O-Matic that also doesn’t get the first few rows of a theater covered with the carnage of fruit. If fruit roll-ups were an accident conceived in a laboratory, kitchen, or back seat of a Pontiac Firebird, I’m glad it happened because it led to the Strawberry FruitaBü Organic Smoooshed Fruit Rolls.
Although targeted towards children and people who love umlauts, I could see myself eating these in order to get the one serving of fruit they provide because according to nutritionists I don’t consume the daily recommended amount of fruit, unless a bag of Skittles or a 24-ounce Strawberry Slurpee counts as a serving. The FruitaBü is certified USDA Organic, which I would explain, but I would probably bore you with jargon like, “compliance,” “regulations,” “exceptions,” and “booteeshockee.” Basically, the Strawberry FruitaBü Organic Smoooshed Fruit Rolls is an organic and significantly much shorter version of General Mills’ Fruit by the Foot. While Fruit by the Foot provides “3 feet of fun,” the FruitaBü Fruit Rolls only offers “19.5 inches of interestingness.”
However, the ingredients in those “19.5 inches of interestingness” includes mostly of an inventory of organic apple, white grape, and strawberry concentrates and purees that provides all the sugar in each roll, while the “3 feet of fun” includes extra sweeteners, like sugar and corn syrup. Despite not having any extra added sugar, the FruitaBü was sweet, like sending a card to your grandma-sweet, but not overly sweet, like sending a strippergram to your grandma-sweet. Overall, I thought the Strawberry FruitaBü Organic Smoooshed Fruit Rolls were really good, although because of the orgy of different organic fruits, I thought the strawberry didn’t really stand out and if I were given one without any labeling I probably wouldn’t be able to tell what flavor it was. However, if your child, fruit deficient adult friend, or diacritic fanboy wants a fun way to get a serving of fruit, I would recommend the FruitaBü.
(Nutrition Facts – 1 roll – 80 calories, 1.5 grams of fat, 0.5 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 40 milligrams of sodium, 100 milligrams of potassium, 16 grams of carbs, less than 1 gram of fiber, 13 grams of sugar, 0 grams of protein, 0% Vitamin A, 10% Vitamin C, 0% Calcium, 0% Iron, and 1 poem on the box.)
Item: Strawberry FruitaBü Organic Smoooshed Fruit Rolls
Price: FREE (retails for $3.69)
Size: 6 pack
Purchased at: Given by nice PR people
Rating: 7 out of 10
Pros: Tastes really good. Made from real fruit. One serving of fruit per roll. USDA Organic. No added sugar. Cute monkeys on the box that looks like were done in Adobe Illustrator.
Cons: Strawberry flavor doesn’t really stand out. Roll is not very long, only 19.5 inches of interestingness. Paper it is rolled up with is not edible. Might be difficult to find. Being conceived in the back of a Pontiac Firebird. Booteeshockee.
I know they SAY Fruit-by-the-Foot is 3 ft long but I just don’t believe it. They seem more like 2 ft…I’m always super disappointed after unrolling one. =(
Now Bubble Tape with its 6 ft of bubble gum…that was some lengthy, tasty stuff.
I love umlauts so I think this will be the snack for me.
Also, Amanda, I agree with you. We should sue the company for false advertising. j/k
The great thing about all kinds of fruit leather is that, with enough patience and nimble teeth, you can make any punctuation/accent you want.
I prefer making ampersands to umlauts, but that’s just me.
i would think these would lend themselves to making many tildes quite nicely. then again, there’s so much talk about the disappearing use of the semicolon. we could make a tribute to the semicolon and make those too.
Is the poem a dirty limerick?
I’m sure you could find some creative uses for this food as a sex toy if you worked at it.
OHHHHHH I LOVE these things. MMMmmmm I stumbled upon them in the grocery store a few months ago and they have graced my cabinets ever since. You can buy them in bulk on the website if you can’t find them at your local grocery store. 🙂
These are highly addictive…Every time we go to the co-op, my boys always ask…of course, since I am a mean mom….
DENIED!
But now I am craving one…thanks alot!
“diacritic”? Good to see you making use of that English degree.
i love umlauts as well! and fruit rollups…. i wish they were sold here 🙁
@Amanda – Did you ever try to stick the whole six feet of gum in your mouth? If you haven’t, please don’t try it.
@Heidi – I think the word umlaut would be much better with an umlaut above one of the U’s.
@armauld – Ampersands are hard. I’ll stick with hyphens or blank spaces.
@amy – Isn’t using a semi-colon in our winking emoticons enough of a tribute. 😉
@Reprobate – Sadly, it is not. I personally would’ve preferred a sexy sonnet.
@Chuck – I thought of a way, but 19.5 inches of it isn’t enough.
@Delicieux – Your grocery store carries these!?! I think I need to move where you are.
@cjwsbg – You’re welcome. Oh, by the way, I’m eating one right now while typing this comment with one hand. Eating it inch by inch. nom nom nom.
@kevin – Now if only I could make some money with this English degree.
@FatYoli – I’m sorry you can’t get them in your country. I’m sure you must have something like it.
I wonder if one could survive on saliva alone…my mouth is watering now…thanks…
@cjwsbg – Again, you’re welcome.
Entirely unrelated to this entry, but I happened to look over at the sidebar on the right, I never knew you had a personal blog, Marvo. You haven’t updated it in 7th months though, but I have learned that you look like some Korean guy, you’re the world’s worst dancer and 7-11s in Hawaii have no price continuity.
Agreed, Marvo!
I saw these on clearance at Target late last year, unfortunately once I bought them, and tried eating one I realize that they had been expired for quite a long time. They weren’t very good.
@Natalie – What? I have a personal blog…Oh, I guess I do. I should update that someday. 🙁
@Heidi – I’m going to get that on a ballot somewhere.
@Anita – Oh clearance. I try to avoid the clearance area, although I did buy toothpaste from the clearance shelf recently. Damn economy!
You should, Marvo, I can learn more about your life that way. And you know, stalk you.
@Natalie – Stalk me? Get in line, sister.
I have become seriously addicted to these ever since the nice folks that run the company sent me an entire box of them as a free sample. And yes, it’s kind of hard to tell that the strawberry ones are strawberry, but oh man, the texture and taste are both great and it’s bonus points for not being too chewy or too dried out to make eating them at work, in a call center too difficult to bother with. I haven’t found them anywhere around here, which is ironic since I live in the state that they’re made, but I will order some online to keep my fruit intake up during the winter when it’s more expensive to buy fresh stuff
These are awesome! They were carrying it at a nearby Costco but kept running out of stock. Once you get used to eating the umlaut brand, the regular Fruit-by-the-Not-Foot tastes (even more) like chemical crap.
And since they have no preservatives, they do NOT have the shelf life of a twinkie, so check the dates on the box carefully.
Love your blog, Marvo.