Month: March 2009

REVIEW: Listerine Agent Cool Blue Glacier Mint

Marvo 18 Comments

Listerine Agent Cool Blue Glacier Mint

Let’s be honest.

The Listerine Agent Cool Blue Glacier Mint tinting rinse is basically a bullshit detector for parents to use on their children to ensure they’re not lying about brushing their teeth. It’s made for minors at least 6 years of age, which is when I learned the wonderful technique of lying to get out of trouble and to get what I want. Not even the George Washington cherry tree story, which ironically is a lie, could convince me to always be truthful.

This bullshit detector works by tinting your rug rat’s teeth after they rinse with it for 30 seconds. The blue will attach to their plaque and give their teeth a very light blue tint, which is supposed to encourage your brats to brush their teeth better and to make brushing fun.

Of course, if you’re having trouble getting your offspring to brush, you’ll probably have the same level of trouble getting your nestlings to rinse with this product when they know brushing will follow, which ends up being double the hassle for you. So I’m not sure if this is an efficient way to get your lil’ hellions to brush their teeth.

I don’t have kids, but I’ve come up with a few ways to “convince” your little punks to have good oral hygiene. Which one you use depends on how much pain and/or embarrassment you feel they can handle.

Technique #1: Embarrassment – Are you decent at Photoshop? Know someone who’s good at Photoshop? Take one of your kid’s school pictures, scan it, open the file up in Photoshop and do some digital dental cosmetic surgery. Remove some or all of their teeth; draw squiggly lines or, if you’re a Photoshop expert, a green cloud of gas coming out of their mouth to signify bad breath; and add the words, “Stinky Breath” on the image. Then take the completed image, put it on a t-shirt and make your scamp wear it to school.

Technique #2: Paranoia – Set up a security video camera in the bathroom your lil’ rascals use. It can be real or fake, but it should have a working red light on it and occasionally make sounds like the camera is focusing. If possible, add an intercom system which you’ll use to announce that you’re watching them.

Technique #3: Fear – Show your lil’ wretches episodes of the HBO drama Oz, particularly the really graphic ones, and tell them that people who don’t brush their teeth end up in prison.

Technique #4: Pain – The next time your bundle of joy has a dentist appointment, slip the dentist an extra $50 to add a little more pain to their time in the dentist’s chair. Tell your dentist to scrape a little harder, poke at their gums a little more and threaten them with the drill a few times. If you hear crying or see a little blood, slip the dentist an extra $20.

But if you’re not willing to make these type of commitments, then the Listerine Agent Cool Blue Glacier Mint tinting rinse might be able to get your gene carriers to brush, although if they have any intelligence I’m pretty sure they can figure out that they can just rinse their mouth with water when you’re not looking to get rid of whatever blue tint there is, hence the Paranoia Technique above.

When I tried this product, I found the blue tint to be unnoticeable after I rinsed with it for 30 seconds. However, after rinsing with it for a minute, the blue tint was a little more prominent and it dyed my plaque and tongue a dark blue, but all of that easily disappeared after I brushed. It had a pleasant minty flavor and because it’s a rinse and not a mouthwash, it doesn’t sting like normal Listerine.

I still don’t know if the Listerine Agent Cool Blue Glacier Mint will truly encourage little shits to brush their teeth, because it’s not intimidating and Hannah Montana is not on the bottle. All I do know is with my parenting abilities, using pain and embarrassment, I would make an awesome parent, teacher, Scoutmaster or day care facility owner.

Item: Listerine Agent Cool Blue Glacier Mint
Price: $4.46
Size: 16.9 ounces
Purchased at: Wal-Mart
Rating: 5 out of 10
Pros: It has a minty flavor. It’s blue. Decent bullshit detector. For adults and children. My parenting techniques. Good oral hygiene.
Cons: I don’t think it’s very effective in encouraging children to brush. Took more than 30 seconds to see blue tint on my teeth. Does not make brushing fun. Name is lame. Bad oral hygiene.

No Fear Earn Some Cred Winner Announced!!!

Marvo 1 Comment

One lucky reader just earned a whole lot of cred thanks to No Fear Energy and their Earn Some Cred promotion that allows you to earn cred by opening specially marked cans of No Fear Energy, looking for the code under the tab and entering that code at the Earn Some Cred website. The extreme winner was selected using an extreme number picking technique that involved pulling an extreme number out of an extreme Powerpuff Girls pillow case.

The lucky winner of the No Fear Prize Pack is:

Comment #79 Tom

Thanks to the extreme folks at No Fear for providing this prize pack. Also, thanks to everyone who entered this prize drawing.

NEWS: Carl’s Jr.’s New Kentucky Bourbon Burgers Will Disappoint Those Hoping to Wake Up Hungover on a Bathroom Floor

Marvo 9 Comments

Like most store-bought egg nog and some counties in Kentucky, the bourbon sauce in the new Carl’s Jr. Kentucky Bourbon Burgers contains no alcohol. Of course, this probably disappoints alcoholics looking to drink a meal with alcohol, instead of their usual drinking a meal.

The Kentucky Bourbon Burger is available for a limited time in three varieties: single ($2.99), double ($3.99), and Six Dollar Burger ($4.89). The single and double versions have all-beef patties, while the Six Dollar Burger has a 100% Black Angus Beef Patty. All the burgers also consist of two strips of bacon, pepperjack cheese, garlic-pepper onion straws, lettuce, tomato and a sweet Kentucky Bourbon Sauce in a toasted, sesame seed bun.

The Six Dollar version has 970 calories, 40 grams of fat, 21 grams of saturated fat, 2390 milligrams of sodium and 50 grams of protein. The Double version contains 1000 calories, 51 grams of fat, 23 grams of saturated fat, 1850 milligrams of sodium and 51 grams of protein. The Single version has 730 calories, 32 grams of fat, 13 grams of saturated fat, 1470 milligrams of sodium and 31 grams of protein.

NEWS: New Wheat Thins Variety Adds Cheese and Polygon Vertices

Marvo 10 Comments

I’m not a connoisseur of cheeses, except for Kraft American slices and Velveeta, so I don’t know if I should be impressed with the Wheat Thins Artisan Cheese Crackers that have either Vermont White Cheddar or Wisconsin Colby cheese baked into it. I’m going to assume that the Wisconsin Colby cheese version will be good because if I’ve learned anything from watching Green Bay Packers games, it’s that Wisconsin knows how to make cheese. Or they’re really good at making cheese hats.

These crackers also come in a hexagon shape, instead of the usual Wheat Thins tetragon, which I think was a mistake. They should’ve gone with an octagon to jump on the chiseled, sweaty and bloody back of mixed martial arts.

The Vermont White Cheddar version has 140 calories, 5 grams of fat, 1 grams of saturated fat, 0 gram of trans fat, 230 milligrams of sodium, 21 grams of carbs and 1 gram of fiber per 12 cracker serving. The Wisconsin Colby cheese has 130 calories, 5 grams of fat, 1 gram saturated fat, 0 gram of trans fat, 220 milligrams of sodium, 21 grams of carbs and 1 gram of fiber per serving.

REVIEW: Pringles Restaurant Cravers Onion Blossom

Marvo 14 Comments

Pringles Restaurant Cravers Onion Blossom

The Pringles Restaurant Cravers Onion Blossom potato crisps are based on the Outback Steakhouse appetizer known as the Bloomin’ Onion, which is not Australian in any way. For those of you who haven’t had the pleasure of being introduced to a Bloomin’ Onion and the unknown amounts of saturated fat and sodium it provides, it’s basically the worst thing one can do to get revenge on onions for giving us bad breath.

Imagine having more than a dozen deep slices around your body, then opening up those wounds more, coating those open gashes with a batter, then deep frying your entire body to a golden brown, and having your body picked apart and dipped into a spicy sauce. That’s what the onion has to experience for turning the gum and mint industry into a multi-billion dollar one and also for making us cry whenever we cut them.

Of course, I could make it much worse for onions, but I have yet to figure out a way to make them eat themselves and then blow heavily on themselves.

I imagined the Pringles Restaurant Cravers Onion Blossom would be like eating a potato and an onion making sweet, sweet love using a spicy dipping sauce as lubricant, but instead it mostly tasted like the spicy dipping sauce lubricant, which made sense because a Bloomin’ Onion without its sauce pretty much bloomin’ sucks. It’s lightly covered with an orange powder that give each potato crisp a mild horseradish flavor with a little bit of garlic and onion.

I’m not much of a horseradish kind of guy, but I have to say that I did enjoy the flavor of these Pringles. But they weren’t as appetizing as Outback Steakhouse’s Bloomin’ Onion because I think they lacked the three things that make a Bloomin’ Onion so special: high amounts of saturated fat, lot of sodium and being surrounded by a faux Australian ambience that makes Aborigines and Australians angry.

(Nutrition Facts – 1 ounce – 150 calories, 11 grams of fat, 3 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 230 milligrams of sodium, 14 grams of carbohydrates, 1 gram of dietary fiber, 1 gram of sugar, 1 gram of protein and 6% Vitamin C.)

Item: Pringles Restaurant Cravers Onion Blossom
Price: $2.49
Size: 6.38 ounces
Purchased at: Walgreens
Rating: 7 out of 10
Pros: Tasty. Tastes like the spicy sauce given with the Bloomin’ Onion. Nice horseradish flavor. Super Stack. No trans fat. Significantly healthier than a Bloomin’ Onion. Getting revenge on onions.
Cons: People who don’t like horseradish won’t like it. Slightly high in sodium. A Bloomin’ Onion without sauce. Having to chew gum after eating onions. Eating an entire Bloomin’ Onion by yourself. Eating an entire can on Pringles in one sitting.