Oooh, looks like someone in Jamba Juice’s marketing department is a wordsmith. Only a skilled user of words could come up with the name of Jamba Juice’s MediterraneYUM California Flatbread.
I wonder if he or she is an admirer of alliteration, like I am, or gets sexually aroused when reading a Dr. Seuss book, like I do.
Jamba Juice’s line of California Flatbreads is the company’s latest foray into solid, non-blended foods and comes in other flavors, like the lazily-named Four Cheesy and Smokehouse Chicken, and the ridiculously-named Tomo Artichoko (which for those of you who don’t know Japanese, or have never heard the Styx song “Mr. Roboto,” is a play on the Japanese phrase domo arigato, which means “thank you.”). They look like mini pizzas or HUGE Bagel Bites.
The MediterraneYUM California Flatbread is made up of a flaxseed crust topped with grilled zucchini, onions, bell peppers and mushrooms, along with feta and mozzarella cheeses. If you’re expecting these to be as big as a Pizza Hut Personal Pan Pizza, you will be displeased.
As you can see in the photo above, it measures at around 4.5 inches in diameter. Its size makes it seem more like a snack than a meal, but its four dollar price tag makes it seem more like a meal than a snack. If you think of it as a snack, then think of it as a pizza cookie. But if you think of it as a meal, then think of it as like Chinese food, because you’ll probably get hungry soon after.
The California Flatbreads are heated up by sticking them in a quick oven that looks similar to the toasting ovens used by Subway. The time spent in the oven gives the flatbread slightly crispy edges, but everything else is soft and quite chewy. The flatbread itself also doesn’t provide any noticeable flavor. The vegetables were crunchy and they make the MediterraneYUM taste like a supreme pizza without the meat.
Its taste isn’t bad, but I really can’t get past its small size. I guess this is what it’s like to be an unsatisfied woman who just had sex with a man with a small penis.
Overall, the Jamba Juice MediterraneYUM California Flatbread is MediterLAMEan.
Wordsmith!
(Nutrition Facts – 1 flatbread -250 calories, 8 grams of fat, 2.5 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 10 milligrams of cholesterol, 620 milligrams of sodium, 37 grams of carbohydrates, 3 grams of fiber, 4 grams of sugar, 10 grams of protein, 10% vitamin A, 6% calcium, 30% vitamin C and 6% iron.)
Item: Jamba Juice MediterraneYUM California Flatbread
Price: $3.99
Size: 4.5 inches
Purchased at: Jamba Juice
Rating: 4 out of 10
Pros: Tastes like a supreme pizza without meat. Good for vegetarians. Crunchy vegetables. Uses flaxseeds. Reading Dr. Seuss. Mr. Roboto.
Cons: Tiny, smaller than a Pizza Hut Personal Pan Pizza. Flatbread doesn’t provide any flavor. Pricey for what you get. Flatbread was a little too chewy. Unsatisfied women.
I love the size. I could eat this without guilt, and it is what I’m used to in the way of Japanese pizzas so it wouldn’t even feel small to me!
I have these things with a big ass salad (no ass in the salad, mind you) to help fill me up more. Despite your low rating, I’d definitely buy one of these if I could.
Yeah, I’d still eat it, possibly in fear that I might leave women everywhere unsatisified otherwise. Also, I love me some mediterraneyum flavors.
Marvo, is there a new vlog/podcast/whateverthehellyouwerecallingit in the pipeline?
I need that measuring tape. We can never find the measuring tape. (and it appears I’d need 2 of those Flatbreads to satisfy the greediness)
At least it’s vegetarian! But I really can’t see myself buying pizza from Jamba Juice, even if it is supposedly “healthy.” Something just doesn’t feel right about it.
I hate when ever healthier type company (talking about you, Subway!!) feels the need to make a crappy version of a healthy pizza. Sorry but the best pizza is made to be greasy and delicious!
I love the feel of Vegemite on my nipples.
I presume they kept the size small to keep the calorie count low and appeal to their female clientele. It does seem like a pricey appetizer to me, though.
I’ll never be able to read “fox in socks” again to my kids without thinking how aroused Marvo is on page 6.
Hmmm I would probably like somthing like this, but I kind of wonder why I would, there are great pizza and flatbread establishments within easy walking distance of my apartment…. I give credit to jamba for at least thinking outside the box, it seems like they have their heart in the right place…but no, I can’t see myself ordering flat bread from a smoothie shop.
‘Tomo Artichoko’ is a stretch for native Japanese speakers with Styx tattoos.
Hmmm these sound tasty enough but I’d have to eat 3 of them to be satisfied and thats on top of the regular smoothy, I think these would probably be pretty tasty but still… If I’m hungry I need somthing that’s going to keep me full and happy.
JAMBA JUICE sells pizza Oh man what in the hell are they
going to think of next….. Grape soda that kills gang members
umm not a bad idea.
THAT IS ALL
Mmmm… Flax seed crust.
@Orchid64: It would also look big to those who have small hands.
@A.: Right now I’m reworking the vlog/podcast/whateverthehellyouwerecallingit to make it leaner, faster, stronger and harder.
@Yum Yucky: Get your own measuring tape! Dis one iz minez! It makes me look like I’m capable of using tools.
@Jillian (back to the nest): I know. It’s too solid and doesn’t have fruit.
@amanda: Mmm…grease. Dripping grease.
@Chuck: I think they also do it to make sure you have enough room for their smoothies. Profit!
@Review Spew: OOOOH! Got a little tingle from “fox in socks.”
@Ms. Spanks: I think Jamba Juice should make savory smoothies. That would sell like gangbusters.
@twig: I wonder if a Styx tattoo exists on skin somewhere.
@Hobo With a Shotgun: I think I could probably eat three of these. Joey Chestnut and Kobayashi could probably eat 20 of them.
@Neil THE HAMMER: I hope they decide the whole healthy thing isn’t working and just come out with unhealthy burgers.
@grinder: Mmm…marshmallows.
lol, this is what I make when I’m too lazy to actually cook.
@theeducatedbumette: This is what I’ll buy when I’m too lazy to walk out of Jamba Juice. 🙂
I’m gonna hold off until they offer complimentary pepperoni or sausage boosters.
There is nothing good about Styx. Phlegethon isn’t a bad place to wet a line, though.
@Mr. Comfort Wipe: Dammit! That’s a good line. I wish I thought of that.
@angry bob: I’m more of a Lethe kind of guy.
@marvo lol
yeah, it is a nice food web-log . I appreciate your work.. I like this blog a lot….. pizza is really very yummy man…