If Bud Light is going to make up a word like “drinkability” in order to describe their shitty, watery beer, I’m going to create my own lingo when talking about chewing gum.
Despite what a few people think, some chewing gums don’t taste the same. Is a show starring Alec Baldwin the same as a show starring Daniel or William Baldwin? Does Kathie Lee Gifford scare away children when wearing makeup or without makeup? (Okay, that’s was bad example, because she scares either way.) But is a douche bag holding fluid to clean a vagina worse than a douchebag holding Heidi Montag?
Bottom line. There is a difference and some chewing gums have it. It’s called chewability — that just right taste that lasts long enough to make your breath smell like something other than the onions you just ate, satisfy your oral fixation or mask your alcohol-stained breath during a police DUI checkpoint.
The Trident Layers Gum has chewability…most of the time it’s in my mouth, and for a length of time that’s equivalent to how long I last in bed.
It comes in two duo flavors: Wild Strawberry + Tangy Citrus & Green Apple + Golden Pineapple. Each Trident Layers piece looks like a crustless jelly sandwich one might find in an LSD-induced psychedelic dream, or if you’re George Clinton, a Funkadelic dream, baby.
The gum may be layered, but its flavor comes in waves. The Green Apple + Golden Pineapple flavor starts off tasting like a Jolly Rancher green apple candy, but then after about a minute, it starts tasting somewhat like pipe tobacco for 30 seconds. After that it’s pineapple flavor all the way. As for the Wild Strawberry + Tangy Citrus, it begins with a strong citrus flavor, which I believe is orange. After the citrus flavor subsides at about the two minute mark, the berry flavor kicks in. Both varieties begin to really lose their flavor after about ten minutes.
I enjoyed both flavors of Trident Layers, although not during those 30 seconds when the Green Apple + Golden Pineapple tasted like pipe tobacco. It’s like I’m chewing an adult version of Hubba Bubba or Bubblicious gum, except it’s hard to blow a decent-sized bubble with this gum.
But bubbles blowing don’t matter when it comes to chewability. And it also doesn’t matter to blowability, which is used to describe (use your imagination here).
(Nutrition Facts – 1 stick – less than 5 calories, 0 grams of fat, 0 milligrams of sodium, 2 grams of carbohydrates, 0 grams of sugar, 2 grams of sugar alcohol and 0 grams of protein.)
Item: Trident Layers Gum (Wild Strawberry + Tangy Citrus & Green Apple + Golden Pineapple)
Price: $1.24
Size: 14 pieces
Purchased at: Target
Rating: 7 out of 10 (Tangy Citrus & Green Apple)
Rating: 6 out of 10 (Green Apple + Golden Pineapple)
Pros: Nice flavors. Soft chew. Flavors come in waves. They look super cool when trippin’ on LSD. George Clinton. Alec Baldwin acting in 30 Rock.
Cons: For about 30 seconds the Green Apple + Golden Pineapple tasted like pipe tobacco. Looses flavor quicker than I would like. Kathie Lee Gifford with or without makeup. Daniel or William Baldwin acting in anything.
Is your jaw getting sore yet?
You definitely need to market this word to all the gum companies!
Personally, I think I’ve been spoiled by Orbit–that stuff’s still got plenty of flavor by the time I get sick of chewing it. Maybe I’ll give Wild Strawberry + Tangy Citrus a shot, though! Ten minutes should be plenty of time for it to do its thang.
Is it gum week?
Yummy pipe tobacco, lol, your powers of description are amazing! Still, I’d almost be tempted to try the strawberry citrus
Sounds like the everlasting gobstopper in Willy Wonka.
If Carl’s Jr. created a gum flavor it would be Western bacon Cheeseburger gum. The flavor would come in waves like this Trident – first the bbq sauce, then the onion rings, then bacon, cheese, and tasty, tasty meat.
I love the feel of Vegemite on my nipples. The grainy texture titillates my areolae. I rub the Australian condiment around my nipples in a counterclockwise motion three times. Then I rub it around in a clockwise motion two times. If only I had the tongue of a snake so that I could lick my own nipples.
LOL another gum review, WTF Marvo! Can’t you find any other food review that doesn’t have to do with chewing gum?
angry bob wants the bomb.
The strawberry-citrus flavor is really good. Also, I heart the Vegemite commenter.
I have yet to try these but I have a butt load of them since they’re been free at Walgreens for the past month. (Buy 2 for $2, use $1 off coupon and get $1 register reward back). They will be going in the Halloween buckets coming the 31st. 🙂
@Chuck: I’ve chewed a lot of gum over the past few days, but after years of chewing gum, my jaw is strong.
@yawnie: I’ll trademark it and probably make no money off of it.
@maxchain: Ten minutes is all i can do to last to do my thang. 🙁
@Gordon Shumway: Not officially. Gigi Reviews is having an official gum week this week. I just happen to have a lot of gum to review that I would like to get rid of.
@Ms. Spanks: DO IT! CHEW IT!
@Sarcasmom: Except it’s, sadly, not everlasting and it doesn’t contain a golden ticket.
@Beth: I believe Carl’s Jr. must make that happen, even if it sounds kind of gross. That would cause a lot of press. I believe more press than Paris Hilton eating one of your burgers in a bikini. I would review it.
@a: I dunno about the snake tongue. It’s pointy, which might make it hard to lick your nipples.
@Raymond: This is the last chewing gum review for a while. It’s all mints next week…just kidding.
@angry bob: So does Iran.
@Jillian: I wonder if they’re going to make more flavors?
@Jenna Z: I seriously need to visit my local Walgreens more often. That’s such a good deal.
Of gum, or Vegemite? 😛
Different bomb, but thanks for drawing the comparison between angry bob and Ahmadinejad, unfunky Marvo.
I totally noticed that tobacco-y flavor in the apple pineapple gum. It tasted like I was making out with someone who had just inhaled a pack of marlboros.
Wow, the layering reminds me of andes mints after being unwrapped.
But yeah, another gum post?
I think the reviews are opposite, the Wild strawberry loses flavorQUICK
The gum has a gritty texture. its not good.
Tobacco — yes thank you! I just googled “trident layers green apple and golden pineapple tastes like tobacco” and this came up. Good to see I am not the only one. Kinda reminds me of when I used to smoke — won’t be buying this again.