The cheeseburger pizza isn’t new to me.
It actually used to frighten me as a wee lad whenever I would see the words “cheeseburger pizza” scheduled on the elementary and intermediate school lunch calendar twice a month. For most kids my age, the word “pizza” equated to something that was a treat, but for me it was terror and confusion.
It didn’t look or taste like a pizza, nor did it look or taste like a cheeseburger. I would either pick at it like a bird, or trade it for some syrup-covered prunes. I later came to the conclusion that it was a way for the cafeteria workers to get rid of soon-to-expire ingredients, like ground beef and cheese.
Sure, when I was in seventh grade, some bonehead blasted me, shoulder first, into my chest while playing flag football, making it hard for me to breathe for five minutes; in sixth grade, I got kicked in the balls really hard while playing soccer; in fifth grade, I pooped in my pants before I made it to the restroom; in fourth grade, the prettiest girl in my grade told me I smelled really bad; in third grade, my classmate seated next to me threw up on me; in second grade, I pooped in my pants before I made it to the restroom; in first grade, I was called “nerd” for the very first time because I started wearing glasses; and in kindergarden, I cried so hard while I had my head down while being punished that my tears created a puddle on the table that ran off the edge and created a waterfall of tears, but none of these grade school memories haunt me more than those cafeteria cheeseburger pizzas.
Thankfully, California Pizza Kitchen changed my opinion of what a cheesburger pizza is when I had their much tastier version in one of their restaurants. And now I can continue to rehabilitate and rid myself of those grade school cheeseburger pizza memories at home with the frozen Limited Edition California Pizza Kitchen Cheeseburger Pizza.
The frozen pizza is made up of a crispy thin pizza crust topped with seasoned hamburger, a blend of cheeses, diced tomatoes, caramelized onions and CPK’s signature sauce. According to one of my Twitter followers, who works at CPK, it’s supposed to taste like an In-N-Out cheeseburger, but I think it tastes more like a Big Mac with a little mustard flavor.
The restaurant and frozen versions taste almost exactly alike. The only major differences are the layer of shredded lettuce that’s added on top of the restaurant’s version of the pizza and the use of a huge wood fire oven.
According to the box, there’s three servings, which is kind of irritating because I don’t like having to bust out the protractor I haven’t used since high school to figure out how big a slice should be and I’m an Asian who sucks at math. Of course, I can cut it into fourths, but doing so would force me to use more math as I try to figure out how much trans fat is in one slice.
But wait, if I cut it into sixths, then two pieces will equal a third.
Oh, I guess I am good at math. The stereotype still lives.
The Limited Edition California Pizza Kitchen Cheeseburger Pizza is one tasty frozen pizza and is my favorite CPK frozen pizza variety, so far. If you’ve ordered one in the restaurant and enjoyed it, this frozen version will help you remember it, while at home, for about half the price.
(Nutrition Facts – 1/3 pizza – 350 calories, 19 grams of fat, 7 grams of saturated fat, 1 gram of trans fat, 30 milligrams of cholesterol, 770 milligrams of sodium, 34 grams of carbohydrates, 2 grams of fiber, 4 grams of sugar, 13 grams of protein, 6% vitamin A, 20% calcium and 6% iron.)
Item: Limited Edition California Pizza Kitchen Cheeseburger Pizza
Price: $5.99 (on sale)
Size: 14.1 ounces
Purchased at: Safeway
Rating: 7 out of 10
Pros: Tastes like a Big Mac. Tastes like the version available at CPK restaurants. Crispy crust. No lines about I Can Haz Cheeseburger. Asians are good at math.
Cons: Contains trans fat. Limited edition. Good source of saturated fat and sodium. Trying to cut a pizza into even thirds. Cheeseburger pizza in grade school. Pooping in my pants in the fifth and second grades.
Marvo, I still poop my pants from time to time. When I have to go, I really have to go. The last time I was on a two hour bus ride into work when it hit. I held it the best I could but it sneaked out right as I hit the office door. I had to leave my drawers in the bathroom garbage and free ball the rest of the day. Luckly I didn’t smell like shit the whole day and the soiled undies were in the bathroom two floors below my cube.
Yep, tastes like a Big Mac.
One of the funniest reviews I’ve enjoyed here.
Hamburger Pizza sounds awful. No thank you.
Please come do my algebra homework with your big Asian brain.
I wrote about you being funny on my bloggity.
I tried the garlic chicken version of this..I didn’t like the crispy thin crust…too much like a cracker in my option. I guess I’m still disgustingly loyal to Totino’s party pizzas.
I seriously hate how they do serving sizes on pizzas. Either make it one serving or 4 servings. Also bring up childhood mememories I don’t think I ever pooped myself at school. However, I ripped my pants due to playing this dumbass game. It was a game where someone would run at your full force and hit you so hard that you would pass out. Ugggh yeah not so smart and also I went to Catholic school so maybe that is why ha ha
California Pizzas are usually pretty solid products in my experience. Still, I’ve never been a fan of cheeseburger pizzas so I doubt this would be my cup of tea.
An on almost unrelated note, my friend’s dad just opened up a pizzeria here in my town, and it is quite possibly the tastiest stuff I’ve ever had.
Hmmm…I miss pizza right now. I’ll have to try some for my weekly cheat meal or something.
As for your elementary school incidents, have you seen this video?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8mfPkU_UJu0
@Gordon Shumway: Thank goodness I have a car and knowledge of the nearest restroom, day or night.
@Gee Why: Yup, exactly.
@Ken: Is it because it’s a frozen food and frozen food review are near and dear to your heart?
@JamieSusan: I read your post about me on your bloggity, and I left a comment. Although, I don’t think the comment I left behind was funny. I FAIL.
@Natalie: If I died at the hands of the trans fat in a Totino’s Party Pizza I’d die a happy man.
@amanda: Catholic schools don’t have jump rope or tetherball? Or make out sessions behind the trees during recess?
@Zac Pritcher: I really wish Taco Bell would come out with a cheeseburger pizza taco.
@Chuck: I think you should have one day when you can eat what you want, but the rest of the time stick to your diet. Going cold turkey must be hard. As for the video, that was funny. My accidents always involved crying. And I just realized, my trading of cheeseburger pizza for prunes might’ve been the reason for the accidents.
“waterfall of tears…” ahh that makes laugh while feeling slightly sad
I worked at CPK, too. The signature sauce was pretty much ketchup and relish. I guess that’s cheeseburger-y, isn’t it?
Excellent write up – and what a cool product!
Can’t wait to try it but I have to say you seriously erred on your review. The Sicillian thin crust is the best frozen pizza they make and possibly the best frozen pizza on the planet. Followed by Totino’s triple pepperoni or canadian bacon of course.
Horribly disappointed in this one…the sauce was tangy and tasted like that Big Mac special sauce (as it was intended), but that wasn’t the real issue. I started chomping down on the “seasoned hamburger meat”…the texture was rubbery, and did not have a beefy flavor. Examination of the pizza’s ingredients confirmed my fear…the beef contained textured vegetable protein (TVP), aka soy-filler that one may find in the school cafeteria burger “meat”, and dehydrated potatoes, among other crap. Thanks, but if i want a cheeseburger pizza, let it be topped with some real 100% ground beef…the burger topping on this pizza was just so offputting i ended up picking the meat off the pizza and throwing away the other half. CPK really disappointed me on this one…