Hi! Hello? Is this thing on? I don’t think… HELLO IMPULSIVE BUYERS! Oh – okay, that’s better.
My name is Nichol. Long time follower, first time typewriter monkey.
First off, I am a San Diegan, and therefore classy.
I possess the heart and stomach of a Midwesterner, the eyes of a hawk, the legs of a jackal, the bosom of a traditional haus frau, and the stature of Napoleon Bonaparte. Maybe I’m lying about some of that, and maybe I’m not, but in any case, I’ve probably got you picturing some sort of small monster banging away maniacally on a damaged keyboard in a dark room, and that, I can assure you, is a fairly accurate account of what’s happening.
I don’t eat canned tuna, barbequed Twinkies, or any foods that glow in the dark without mentioning it on the label. Aside from that, I’m about as discerning as a half-starved Beagle and at least twice as curious. This will undoubtedly give all of you ample opportunity to revel in my regret, confusion, and outrage when things like gummy rats and off-brand frozen egg rolls turn out not to be delicious.
I grew up in a small (but not tiny) town in the absolute middle of both Southern Illinois and nowhere. I’d try to describe the exact location, but you’ve probably never encountered any of the surrounding communities either, so suffice it to say I was like 65 miles from St. Louis and that was the closest notable metropolitan area. We’d usually get the “new†and “limited edition†products months after everyone else in the developed world. This somehow made everything far more exciting and noteworthy. I like to think I’ve managed to bottle a bit of that overzealous commercial devotion and keep the magic alive even in this newfangled era of instant gratification. And I’m re-opening that bottle just for you.
Following that uneventfully quaint childhood, I went on to earn a dual degree in English and creative writing from the University of Illinois. Then I got bored with corn fields and ran off to the west coast on the coattails of my best friend. I am currently utilizing my degree through seasonal work, elder care and psych studies.
Moving to an urban area has proved to be a truly novel, almost dazzling experience. For the first time in my life, I can buy things like name brand shoes without leaving the state or trusting the trench coat wearing man in the alley behind my house. Also, if I drive for ten minutes in any direction, I am pretty much guaranteed to hit an In-N-Out Burger. On the count of three let’s all think about this and drool.
I am always snarky, often unintentionally creepy, at best questionably sane, and beyond excited to be joining the team and info-taining you guys every once in awhile. I look forward to the many crunchy, processed, and/or sugar coated experiences in which we will no doubt share in the near future here on TIB.