REVIEW: Wrigley’s 5 Swerve Gum

I’m going to help Wrigley Gum.

I’ve come up with a bunch of names they can use for free for any upcoming Wrigley’s 5 flavor. Why free? Because I’m too lazy (and cheap) to file trademarks with the United States Patent and Trademark Office.

I was surprised by how easy it was to come up with possible names. If you look at all the current flavors, it appears naming them involves either watching the Weather Channel (Rain, Solstice, Flare, and Vortex), throwing darts at the Periodic Table of Elements (Cobalt), or pulling random words at Urban Dictionary (Elixir, Lush, and Zing). So that’s what I did.

So here you go, Wrigley: Lunar, Polar, Reverb, Iridium, Mackadocious, Tungsten, Arcus, Radium, Aurora, Nickel, Ununhexium, Neon, Xenon, Razor, Fierce, Uranium, Plutonium, Avalanche, Blizzard, Brisk, Thrill, Celsius, Fahrenheit, Savage, Corona, Cyclone, Glam, Dew, Smooth, Flood, Kewl, Freeze, Halo, Radballs, Hurricane, Matrix, Iridescence, Redonkulous, Mist, Nocturnal, Fizzy, Nucleus, Ozone, Sassy, Crystal, Pulse, Solar, Crisp, Storm, Thermal, Thunder, Typhoon, Volcano, Vapor, Wave, Zodiac, and Tits.

You’re welcome, Wrigley.

Swerve was another word I found at Urban Dictionary, but it’s already being used by Wrigley for their latest addition to the 5 Gum line. For some of you who talk or text on your cell phone while driving, I’m pretty sure you’re quite familiar with the word “swerve”…and middle fingers. Wrigley has taken that word and used it to name their latest gum and its ability to go from a tangy to a sweet tropical flavor.

Wrigley’s 5 Swerve Gum is the second tropical flavor in the 5 Gum line, with the other being Lush.

Swerve’s initial sourness wasn’t harsh and it had a little citrus flavor to it. The sour flavor goes away after 30 seconds and then you’re left with a standard tropical flavor, which tastes like it’s made up of some citrus, pineapple, and another fruit I couldn’t make out. It’s good, but I think I prefer Lush’s tropicalness.

Swerve significantly loses its flavor after 45-60 seconds and become a bit tougher to chew. After 3-4 minutes of chewing, I thought the gum had reached well beyond its end of life and deserved to be placed at (but most likely spat towards) the bottom of Hefty Jones’ Locker, which is what I call my trash bag-lined trash can.

Wrigley’s 5 Swerve Gum is good for about 60-90 seconds, but after that it makes a sharp swerve downhill. So, perhaps, Wrigley should rename this gum using another term I found on Urban Dictionary — Minute Man. Because, like all minute men, it doesn’t last very long.

(Nutrition Facts – 1 stick – 5 calories, 0 grams of fat, 0 milligrams of sodium, 2 grams of carbohydrates, 0 grams of sugar, 2 grams of sugar alcohol, and 0 grams of protein.)

Item: Wrigley’s 5 Swerve Gum
Price: $1.29
Size: 15 pieces
Purchased at: Target
Rating: 6 out of 10
Pros: Pleasant sour flavor. Good tropical flavor. Sugar-free. How easy it is to come up with possible Wrigley’s 5 gum names. Only five calories per stick. Urban Dictionary.
Cons: Doesn’t last very long. Gets tougher to chew after 60 seconds. Referring to Urban Dictionary for the billionth time in a review. The cost of filing trademarks. People who talk or text on their cell phones while driving.