I need a smoothie to wash away the taste of the new Yoplait Chocolate Banana Smoothie. My mouth tastes like a chocolate fondue party is happening in my mouth, but instead of suburbanites, it’s being attended by hobos, hippies, and others who think deodorant is unnecessary.
Also, my mouth happens to be a room where hot yoga classes are held. Everything is creating a combination of chocolate and armpit sourness.
Just like the Boston Red Sox at the beginning of this baseball season, I had high hopes for Yoplait’s Chocolate Banana Smoothie. I thought merging a cup of skim milk with Yoplait’s chocolate-flavored frozen yogurt pieces and frozen banana slices would turn into a tasty, refreshing 16-ounce smoothie that would make me temporarily forget about the Boston Red Sox’s complete choke job, but it ended up being the salt rubbed into my wounds.
I like chocolate, I enjoy bananas, and I’m really fond of the original Yoplait Smoothie flavors, so I thought Yoplait’s Chocolate Banana Smoothie was going to be another home run. However, something went horribly wrong with this attempt to steal away profits from Jamba Juice.
There’s only two good things about Yoplait’s Chocolate Banana Smoothie. It blends easily and it has a wonderful smoothie consistency. It’s not too thick, but also not watery. Oh, there’s a third good thing about this smoothie. It’s cold. But it’s only a good thing if you pour the smoothie on top of your head to cool you down, because pouring it inside of your head via your mouth might not be enjoyable, because as I mentioned before, it’s kind of gross.
Everything about its flavor is unpleasant, from the chocolate-flavored frozen yogurt to the banana to the artificial sweeteners. There’s a repulsive sourness in each sip, which probably originates from the frozen yogurt. It even smells repugnant. On top of all of that, the smoothie has an annoying grittiness.
Overall, this Yoplait Chocolate Banana Smoothie is not bananas.
N-O-T-B-A-N-A-N-A-S.
What?
You thought I would end this review with a baseball reference.
Fine.
Overall, this Yoplait Chocolate Banana Smoothie is as horrible as the number of strikeouts Orioles third baseman Mark Reynolds racks up each year.
(Nutrition Facts – 8 ounces prepared w/skim milk. 130 calories, 10 calories from fat, 1 gram of fat, 0.5 grams of saturated fat, 80 milligrams of sodium, 23 grams of carbohydrates, 15 grams of sugar, and 6 grams of protein, 4% vitamin A, 6% vitamin C, 70% calcium, and 4% iron.)
Item: Yoplait Chocolate Banana Smoothie
Price: $3.49 (on sale)
Size: 7.6 ounces
Purchased at: Safeway
Rating: 2 out of 10
Pros: Blends easily. Nice smoothie consistency. Cold.
Cons: This shit is not bananas. N-O-T-B-A-N-A-N-A-S. Gritty. Its strong artificial sweetener taste. My excessive use of baseball references in this review. Unsure if it contains live and active cultures, since it doesn’t say on the packaging.
Your first sentence is pretty funny. Also, that looks like a nice blender.
I just peel bananas and stick ’em in a container and freeze them. Add milk/soy milk and chocolate or malt powder (excellent with malt powder) and get basically the same thing without the foil packet. I suppose you could add yogurt but I’m not into yogurt lately.
Nice review!
Thanks!
I like to freeze bananas too for smoothies. I think I shall buy some malt powder.
Not surprised this one scored so bad. “Take home” smoothies terrify, although there may come a time that I review one for my blog in order to punish myself. Only time will tell though.
It’s your job as a review blogger to punish your mouth. Readers love it!
hey, leave my orioles out of this. lol
Hey, it’s not my fault Reynolds strikes out more than I do at a bar at closing. 🙂
seriously…i just bought these and LOVE them..maybe you got a bad batch or something
just mixed up a batch of this garbage, i took two sips and passed it on to my poor hubby who for some reason is enjoying it enough to polish off his glass and now hes working on mine. freakin disgusting! i just hope the berry smoothie mix i bought tastes better than this stuff does.
I have to disagree. I’ve had it and thought it tasted great. The only thing that makes me slice bananas and add my own chocolate is the cost. It’s much cheaper to make it yourself.
With vanilla almond milk used instead of milk, this is actually awesome, tastes like a frosty. But when I made it with milk, awful. It needs the vanilla flavor.
I know this is old but I found it in a google search. I added peanut butter to mine, it was amazing. But on its own according to the directions I did not like it. The peanut butter saved it.
I’m shocked by the bad review. I have had the chocolate banana version many times and it was wonderful. Maybe you got a bad batch, or one that was not frozen properly during transport to your grocer.
I love the stuff! It’s been great every time I’ve made it.