REVIEW: Limited Edition Milky Way French Vanilla and Caramel

“Limited Edition.”

The mere phrase has the power to transform, taking common fare and turning it into a full-on, hands-down life experience so that, 50-or-so years from now, you can sit on your porch and bang a cane on the ground as you tell some young band of whipper-snappers, “I remember, when I was your age, we used to have good ol’ fashioned Limited Edition French Vanilla Milky Ways!” Oh, the fulfillment that will come from such a pronouncement.

And, indeed, this was the thought that graced my mind as I perused the aisles of my friendly 24-hour pharmacy, searching in vain for those Halloween white chocolate M&M’s only to find the shelves empty as the Arizona duck ponds in the middle of July. As I felt myself drowning in a candy-induced crisis, a single wrapper reached out its hand. It was my rock. My salvation. And it came in the form of a 1.72-ounce bar.

(Cue the angelic chorus from above!)

The wrapper is nothing short of mind-controlling genius. Did you see that caramel curl? The swirly background? The thick design of chocolate enveloped by vanilla flora? That’s how you do mind control, people.

The Milky Way and I have had a fond affair over the past years, spending many-a-summer’s day in its various deliciously sweet forms (half-melted, frozen, in ice cream, in cookies, and so forth), thus made it the perfect companion for my pillow-fort-and-mid-90s-movie marathon this past weekend.

In many ways, this Milky Way harkens back to the classic. The milk chocolate coating is still the thick shell it’s always been and caramel is still that welcoming stretchy goo of sweetness. The marked difference in this limited fare is in the vanilla nougat.

Just upon opening the bar, the smell of vanilla poofs into the air. After taking a bite, I wouldn’t describe it so much as a “French Vanilla” as I would a “Vanilla Flavoring” (think along the lines of vanilla pudding or Vanilla Coffee-mate Creamer), and is it just me or is the texture fluffier than usual? Yes, yes indeed. Pleasantly reminiscent of a marshmallow, too.

This sweet-on-sweet-on-sweet is something I happen to enjoy. However, I have a certain resilience that transcends the average sweet tooth, so this may be too sweet for some. If you need a little bitter to accompany your sweet, I could see this making for a stellar coffee stirrer (or, in honor of its francophone title, perhaps dip it in a little espresso cup while dining at a petite café). Of course, you could also whip out some graham crackers, toss the bar in the microwave for a few seconds, and boom! You have insta-s’more.

Glancing over the ingredients, I would recommend suppressing the whole “hydrogenated oils” and “30 percent of your recommended intake of saturated fat” jibber jabber. What really matters is hidden…

Do you see it?

Indeed! That’s skim milk! And egg whites! And more skim milk! These are the essential ingredients in a balanced breakfast! Watch out Wheaties. Milky Way is on your tail.

(The perfect way to start the day)

This Milky Way may not have sparks and whistles and buzzes. Heck, it doesn’t even have sea salt, but it does have yumminess, and maybe that’s why this Limited Edition Milky Way was put on this Earth: to remind us that it’s okay to not be revolutionary. Yummy is just fine.

(Nutrition Facts – 220 calories, 80 calories from fat, 8 grams of fat, 6 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 65 milligrams of sodium, 35 grams of carbohydrates, 0 gram of dietary fiber, 30 grams of sugars, and 2 grams of protein.)

Item: Limited Edition Milky Way French Vanilla and Caramel
Purchased Price: $1.49
Size: 1.72 ounces
Purchased at: Walgreens
Rating: 7 out of 10
Pros: Marshmallow-like nougat. Sweet. Mixing of old and new. Milky Way for breakfast. Pillow forts. S’more-related experiments.
Cons: Sweetness may be too much for some. Not very good for you. The unknown origins of “Vanilla Flavoring.” Mind control. Dried up duck ponds.