Historians speak of a time when sandwich cookies didn’t exist. A time when T. rexes and carnivorous, boulder-sized iguanas scoured the land, all crazy-eyed and hungry to fill the five empty sugar chambers of their reptilian, soon-to-be-extinct hearts. I hypothesize the true reason for these animals’ disappearance was neither a comet nor a great flood, but the absence of a cookie and a cold glass of milk.
It is with this in mind that I become grateful to live in a time when cookie sandwiches not only exist, but seem to generate from some enchanted, dextrose-enhanced geyser in Yellowstone Park. With Oreo flinging Banana Split and Watermelon sandwiches all over the place, I suppose I shouldn’t be surprised that Nesquik’s taking the dive for the caboose of the cookie sandwich train, holding tight to the cabin car as it offers up these new double chocolate goods.
Upon ripping open my first bag, I was astonished to find that this is not just a tray of cookies, but 12 individually wrapped packs of cookies (I should’ve read the package’s front first), and, while Ziplocs and overpriced FoodSavers have made individual wrapping seem like no big thang, I can’t help but appreciate the gesture.
I like to cram cookies in my maw at my leisure, not under the unspoken pressure to shove them down before they become stale, tragic discs, and, as many know, for every moment after you open that big Family Pack of Oreos, those cookies get just a little less fresh. Here, the task of stale-prevention has not only been done for me, but all the text on the packets have been printed in English and Spanish, so I have the freedom learn some Spanish while scarfing cookies down, which is exactly what I’m gonna do now.
Hola, friendly, anthropomorphic bunny, Quiky! I am going to eat you!
One of the marks of a good sandwich cookie comes with the dynamic of The Twist. Do the cookies separate easily? Does one wafer come off clean? Or is it a wrestling match? Does it leave a slab of cream on one biscuit? Or does the cream just plunk off on to the floor? And these Nesquiks stood up to the test. While not performing the super smooth, Triple-Axel clean sweep that an Oreo might provide, the Nesquiks perform a fairly good separation, usually leaving a smidge of frosting on one biscuit while keeping a large chunk on the other. Some twists are more successful than others. Luckily, each pack, or “pacquet,” gives you four (yes, four) cookies to wrestle with, so, if one twist fails, you have the freedom to try, try again.
But at the end of the journey, The Twist stands secondary to The Taste, and, while not an Oreo, this little packet of cremed-up discs holds its own. The crunchy wafer harkens back to some distant hot chocolate mixed with a touch malt, while the thin layer of creme serves as a gritty, sugary, milk-chocolate version of palm oil goodness, a bit more chalky than the Oreo middles, but still a respectable representation in its own right.
Taken as a whole, the cookies are straight-up sweet cocoa and perfect for those who enjoy a subtle milk chocolate and malt flavors. Would I have liked more taste contrasts between the creme and cookie? Sure, but they fulfill my craving for midday milk chocolate and that’s good enough for me.
Having swept through three packs now, I’ll admit: these surprised me. In the mess of evaporated milks and hot chocolates, Ovaltines and Alba powders, I’ve often pushed Nesquik aside, leaving it as the forgotten, distant, frumpy, and chalky cousin to Hershey’s syrup. I say it’s high time I amend this loss, resurrect the Forgotten One in all its mild cocoa regalia and declare my love for it through this new cookie form. These sandwiches have taken the qualities of Nesquik powder (a milky, malty cocoa) and smooshed it into a cookie sandwich, and that is a noble deed.
While they may not be made from imported, single-sourced, organic 73 percent cocoa picked from the tree this morning, they’re just chocolate-y enough, leaving behind a whiff of that dusty, cheap cocoa that I’ve come to love/hate, and that is enough to keep me trundling back with eager, empty hands, needing nothing more than a glass of milk and a cookie to fill my grumbly stomach.
(Nutrition Facts – 1 pack/4 cookies – 160 calories, 50 calories from fat, 6 grams of fat, 3 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 50 milligrams of sodium, 0 milligrams of potassium, 28 grams of carbohydrates, 1 gram of dietary fiber, 13 grams of sugars, and 2 grams of protein.)
Item: Nestle Nesquik Chocolate Sandwich Cookies
Purchased Price: $2.98
Size: 1 box/12 packs
Purchased at: Walmart
Rating: 7 out of 10
Pros: That distinct cheap cocoa taste. Crunchy biscuits. Good twist qualities. Generous gestures to prevent staleness. Learning Spanish and eating cookies at the same time. Reasons to eat anthropomorphic bunnies.
Cons: That distinct cheap cocoa taste. Chocolate flavor gets a bit one-note. Arguably thin creme layer. Grumbly stomachs. Carnivorous, boulder-sized iguanas.