Hey, dudes. I’m Kevin and I’ll be reviewing foodstuffs for the Impulsive Buy. I was born in California but went East in search of a Sonic Drive-In. I had to stop at the water and now, about three decades later, I live in New York City. I eat garbage sometimes and I’ve followed this website for a number of years now.
I wrote you a song. You can sing it to the tune of this. Or sing it to any song you want, really. I’m not your boss. I’m your friend! Think of me like … your Chandler. No, like the monkey. No, like the couch they couldn’t get up the stairs in that one episode. Ooh, Aisha Tyler. Archer! Watch Archer, guys. Now on at 10 p.m. on Mondays. FX. Boom.
Oh yeah, the song.
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White Castle sliders and biscuits from Popeyes
Untoasted Pop Tarts and Animal Style fries
Stephen Colbert’s pint by Ben and Jerry
These are a few of my favorite eats
Haribo gummies and small tubes of Pringles
Hot dogs from Costco and donuts with sprinkles
Burgers at Wendy’s, please double the meat
These are a few of my favorite eats
M&M pretzel and shrimp chips by Calbee
Oreos stuffed with what smells like Funfetti
Carl’s Jr. battered and fried zucchini
These are a few of my favorite eats
When I work out
When I play sports
When I’m running fast
I simply remember my favorite eats
And that’s why I feel so fat
Breakfast Jack croissant and cones at McDonald’s
Flavor Twist Fritos and Coke in glass bottles
Buttery Hawaiian shortbread cookies
These are a few of my favorite eats
When I dive in
When I kick hard
When I’m swimming laps
I simply remember my favorite eats
And that’s why I feel so fat
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I look forward to eating products for you guys and also stockpiling insulin.