It started out so innocently. Because doesn’t it always?
I want something simple, but get carried away. A search for a song and I buy the album. A hankering for a show leads to the no-sleep Netflix dive. A pondering of a Christmas party and suddenly I’m considering the 3-foot inflatable snowman and $549 deluxe Santa Suit. Who needs this? (Nobody)
And yet…
I NEED THIS!
So I shouldn’t have been surprised with my reaction to these Pop-Tarts. It’s only a box. A box of six tarts. Simple. Easy.
But then I peeled back the lid. And that’s where it all began.
The crust on these tarts is the pinnacle of Pop-Tarts: a crackly crumble with a slight sandy grit, the sugary peanut butter icing crackles underneath. The peanut butter insides are sweet with a hint of salt while the strawberry jelly serves as a sweet/tart counterpoint. While this inner layer’s a bit on the thin side, it all comes together with the crust to showcase a balance of icing, sugar, salt, crust, crunch, and goo. Three bites in and I felt better about my broken heater, the work I had left, and the universe at large.
But it didn’t stop there.
The opportunities for Pop-Tart creations now became a new avenue through which I could channel obsessive creativity. I was thinking of the Pop-Tarts at the Post Office, contemplating how to get the best ratio of inner goo-to-crust while standing in line at the grocery, and getting wound up about the setting of my toaster in places that did not offer the appliance I needed.
“No more!” I told myself. But it didn’t work (never does). Like the kinky pop song that gets stuck in one’s head, the only way to quell absurd, delightful obsessions is to pursue them without restraint. I knew what I had to do.
If I were a different, better person, I would tell you that I shared the rest of the Pop-Tarts with my office mates, how we parceled them between the three of us, toasted them in our toaster oven, and consumed them with generic Kirkland’s coffee, savoring their salty-sweetness.
But I didn’t share.
I ate them all. And I would do it again. Santa will, no doubt, be tempted to slip me onto the naughty list, but just wait till he sees his cookie plate. He’ll change his mind.
(Nutrition Facts – 1 Pastry – 190 calories, 40 calories from fat, 4.5 grams of fat, 2 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 220 milligrams of sodium, 37 grams of carbohydrates, Less than 1 gram of dietary fiber, 17 grams of sugar, and 2 grams of protein.)
Item: Kellogg’s Pop-Tarts Gone Nutty Frosted PB & J Strawberry
Purchased Price: $1.98
Size: 6 toaster pastries/box
Purchased at: Walmart
Rating: 9 out of 10
Pros: Crackly crust. Salty-sweet. Goo. Icing with sprinkles. Excels both toasted and untoasted. Makes you feel good about the Universe. Good vehicle for convincing Santa you’ve been Nice via Cookie Plate.
Cons: Insides are a bit thin. Tempts you to not share. Kinky pop songs. $549 Santa suits.
I have been looking (stalking) for these at my local Target, Walmart and grocery stores with no luck. This review and others i’ve seen have been torture. Hoping the problem is that they were “just” released and its taking some time to circulate into the stores and not the opposite (gasp, that I missed the boat).
I read somewhere that these are Wal-Mart exclusive, so you can probably focus your search on WM. I too have been stalking them for the past few weeks, but haven’t seen them at my local WM yet.
I bought these at Meijers, so not a Walmart exclusive.
I didn’t care for them, not enough peanut butter flavor, and the strawberry flavor wasn’t up to strawberry jam standards. Adding the frosting didn’t help things, ultimately it was a strawberry pop tart that was walked through a peanut butter factory. All it made me want to do is take a regular peanut butter pop tart and smear it with jam (can’t believe I didn’t think of it before).
Or smear peanut butter on a strawberry pop tart! Lol
The way to deal with the fear-of-missing-out issue on LTO foods is to also stalk Big Lots. They definitely get Pop Tarts that are leaving the ecosystem but are still within their use-by dates (as well as vending machine packs of Brown-Sugar Cinnamon Pop Tarts, should you want to stock up for the zombie apocalypse).
Since I’m emotionally incapable of organizing myself to a store during an LTO’s stated time, I rely heavily on Big Lots and the 99 Cents Only for access to exotic flavors of brand-name foods.
I can’t say I have ever been disappointed in a Pop Tart. Sugar and flour always work for me.
FINALLY! Now if they’ll just come out with a grape version…!
I need them. Now.
Still no luck finding these in Ohio been looking since end of October :/
I really, really want to try them now.