If there’s one thing that makes me attractive to the ladies, it would be the fact that I’m domesticated. I do every chore around the house, like wash dishes, vacuum, take out the trash, mop floors, recycle plastics and glass, wash clothes, iron clothes, dust, clean bathrooms, and polish the stripper pole.
Sexy, right ladies? Sure I don’t have looks, but I know you like the way my dishpan hands feel. I don’t have emotions, but my Pine-Sol and Pledge scent makes me irresistible. I don’t have class, but I know you like how gentle I am hand-washing delicate clothing.
Trying to be sexy by doing chores is hard work and I’m all for ways to make it easier, so a few weeks ago I picked up a Clorox Toilet Wand. I also decided to pick it up because I REALLY needed to replace my five-year old toilet brush.
I could show you what my old toilet brush looked like, but much like people who have had too many botox injections, a picture of it would make you sick. Let’s just say that the brush was originally the color blue and now it’s bluish-gray with black spots.
What attracted me to the Clorox Toilet Wand was the detachable disposable Clorox-soaked brush heads, which allowed me to clean the toilet and then throw away the brush head, before it turned gray or any other color.
To test the Clorox Toilet Wand, I needed to get my toilet dirty. Fortunately, that only takes about three weeks. As you can see on the left side on the picture below, it gets pretty disgusting. (Click pic to get a larger image.) Also, if you look real closely, I think you can see an image of the Virgin Mary.
Because each brush head is soaked in Clorox, no other cleaning products are needed. However, I found that each brush head has enough Clorox for only one cleaning.
As you can see on the right side of the picture below, the Clorox Toilet Wand did a pretty good job of making my toilet clean enough for dogs to drink out of, even under the rim. It didn’t get rid of the hard stains, but a little work with a scouring stick and my not-so-muscular arms will get those out.
After I was done cleaning, I just squeezed the water out of the brush head on the side of the bowl, held the Toilet Wand over the trash can, and slid the blue button to release the brush head into the trash.
This process sort of reminded me of my days in middle school bathrooms with a couple of bullies…BUT I DON’T WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT! I GOT MY REVENGE!
I was impressed with the Clorox Toilet Wand, it magically cleaned my toilet.
While looking at my reflection in the toilet’s water and saying my new daily affirmation, “I am a man, not a boy,†I began wondering what else the Clorox Toilet Wand could magically do.
Being the poor bastard that I am, I decided to see if I could have money magically appear. However, at first I didn’t know how to go about doing this. Should I use the Harry Potter technique or the Mickey Mouse Fantasia technique? I eventually decided that I would use Harry Potter technique and began thinking of spells.
I thought about it for a bit, then waved the Clorox Toilet Wand in the air, and recited a spell to have money magically appear, “Oprahus Bankaccountus!â€
Nothing happened.
“Hiltona Inheritanso!â€
Crap, nothing.
Then I thought about trying a different spell and decided to see if the Clorox Toilet Wand could get a not-so-attractive, slightly overweight guy really beautiful women.
“Keithas Richardis!â€
Nada.
“Ronus Jeremiaus!â€
No dice.
Damn.
Well I guess I should be happy that cleaning my toilet is now easier and less gross with the Clorox Toilet Wand. Too bad it can’t make polishing the stripper pole any easier, because that’s one daunting task.
Item: Clorox Toilet Wand
Purchase Price: $9.99 (on sale)(Toilet Wand + 6 brush heads)
Rating: 4 out of 5
Pros: Detachable disposable Clorox-soaked brush head. Easier to clean under the rim. I am a sexy cleaning machine.
Cons: Brush heads have enough Clorox for only one use. Replacement brush heads are pricey. Doesn’t get rid of hard stains. No magical powers.
dude, still not clean enough!
and what the fuck do you eat?!?!?!
I’m wondering how many truckers you had over to make the toilet that damaged to begin with.
Three weeks?
Dude.
(*)>
3 weeks ? wow.
magic spells ? double wow.
pictures of your toilet ? ewwwwwwww…
Oh my god…. I HAD to leave a comment even if I don’t have anything interesting to say. You have a lot of imagination with those spells, they cracked me up. And I agree with the previous dudes that now you need some Chlorox wet towels to finish the job. They work well with the stipper pole as well, believe me! … and other accessories by the way.
You definitely put the “ew” in product review today Marvo!!!
That was one scary-looking “before” toilet, Marvo. BTW, I think a lot of these new cleaning products have the same idea in mind…buy more of our crap! So, now we have the swifter, with a paper “cleaning cloth” good for one use (although I did find a rag that does a good job), shower cleaner that you need to spray on the shower after each use, and now, toilet brushes that are good for one use only. Oh well, I suppose it is more sanitary, and it does appear to do the job.
:::tilts head to look at before picture:::
Um.
That’s what you get for simply contemplating White Castle, I think…
Hopefully you didn’t USE that nasty toilet as dirty as it was. Not even your Pine-sol and Pledge Scent can attract women to a diseased Marvo. I’m just saying…
I have settled on this product, after using a few others! Still, nothing works QUITE as well as an old=fashioned brush and some sort of toilet cleaner.
averil – Clean enough for me. It’s not what I ate, it’s the fact that I live next to a freeway and it gets pretty dusty.
birdwoman – But look how clean it is now!
SEV – I’ve been thinking about not cleaning my toilet for longer periods. I want to know how much of the bowl can be covered.
Riri – Clorox Wet Towels for the stripper pole? I guess that would take off the sweat, germs, and cocoa butter.
Aymie’s Mom – Yes, I did! 🙂
Chuck – You’re right, it’s a way for companies to get more of our money and it looks like they’re succeeding.
Thumper – Maybe I’ll take a picture of it after I review the White Castle Cheeseburgers.
Goldberry – Of course I did. Don’t worry, nothing jumped up and bit my ass.
nat – Yeah, plus it’s probably cheaper too.
Oh My God. That is freaking nasty. Maybe it is becuase i am a girl or something but why would you even want to wait that long before you cleaned your toilet. From the looks of it you could have just waited a few days. So was that during the whole Fat Free potato chip thing when it got that dirty. That Olestra stuff is bad if that is the case!!! Another tip you have to clean the outside and the lid of the toilet also. Awesome review though the spells rocked!!
holy shit!! all of that Micky D’s didn’t do your toilet good AT ALL!! 😉
Good Review.
The Only Problems That I have with these products is when you have to go and buy refills.
Not Just The Toilet Wand, but The Floor Cleaners, Tooth Brushes (With The Removable Heads) Shaving Razors…etc.etc.
It Only Cost $5 To Buy The Wand/Brush/Razor That Comes with 2 refills, but after you use those up your screwed….10-15 dollars for a refill!
What A Rip Off!
BTW: I see that The White Castle Won The Vote!
Can wait For The Review.
Becky – I did it for testing purposes.
Webmiztris – That Micky D’s definitely didn’t do any good for my gut.
Damon – It’s just like cell phones. Phone companies don’t make money off of the phones, they make money from the phone plans.
Domesticated man? Sexy, INDEED!
Sorry about all that freeway dust.
Yeah it LOOks clean, but how does it smell?
That is one disgusting toilet you got there buddy. Freeway or not, that is pretty disgusting. Oh well, “judge thee not lest be judged” (and yes, I did just make that up, although if its the real quote. Then I didnt make it up)
Julie – Yup. If only I had looks and a personality, I think I would be an awesome catch.
akiko – I’m not sticking my nose in there to find out.
The Fake Damon Dash – It’s not like that all the time. I usually clean it every week or when the toilet starts walking away.
OH GOD! THAT IS NASTY! eww eww eww. But the fact that you cleaned it definately wins you points. But here’s a hint: when trying to impress girls with your domesticated qualities, DO NOT, I repeat DO NOT show the before picture to prove just how great you are. The Super T-Shirt Folding Video, acceptable. Before pics of a dirty toilet, not attractive.
Megan – So it’s like my pictures of me with hair and without hair. Not very impressive without hair, because my head is slightly deformed.
Alex – How about Toilet (insert your favorite phallic nickname here)?
what happens if you wave your magic toilet wand and click your heels together three times? Do you end up in Kansas?
Dude — you iron?? And you’re still single???
This “wand” may do the job, but ka-CHING, it’s pricey. Why not just wipe the inside of the toilet clean with a few dollar bills instead? I’ll take the cheapo cleansing powder with the 99-cent-store toilet brush any day. You can toss the 99-cent store brush every other week or so, and it’s still less expensive than this Clorox product.
Guys who iron – not sexy. Guys who take longer than me to get ready – not sexy. Guys who have really nasty-ass toilets with new life forms growing in them – not sexy.
Suzanne – Wait let me try that. (Waving Toilet Wand and clicking heels together three times) Nope, I didn’t end up in Kansas. I ended up in Hawaii.
Mellie – I don’t know if your idea will work with me because I like to run things into the ground. I probably wouldn’t toss the 99 cent brush away. I’d make it last for years, until it changed colors or walked away on its own.
lakitu – If I had an entire wardrobe of polyester clothing, I wouldn’t need to iron.
Honestly? Yeah. There’s nothing quite as hot as a guy cleaning house.
QC – YES! Now all I need to do is knock out the walls here at my place and replace it with windows so all the women passing by can see me clean.