Chewing gum. For some, it’s a breath freshener. For others, it’s way to tame their oral fixation. For MacGyver, with some duct tape and a Swiss Army knife, chewing gum can be used to save the day.
However, for most it’s a way to freshen their breath, especially during instances when they eat garlic or onions, throw up after an evening of binge drinking, or make out with Courtney Love.
Recently, Impulsive Buy reader Lakitu emailed me to tell me about the new Extra Cool Green Apple chewing gum. I’m not a big fan of actual green apples, but I’m a big fan of artificially flavored green apple products, like candy, jelly beans, and sensual massage lotions, so I knew I’d probably like it.
Laiktu also told me she picked up the Extra Cool Green Apple gum from the community-destroying, traffic-causing superstore behemoth.
“Great,” I thought to myself.
Hoping to come out with only a pack of gum and not fifty dollars worth of goods, I decided to try out my patent pending Walmart Abstinence System for Totally Excessive Spending, or W.A.S.T.E.S. for short.
The concept of W.A.S.T.E.S. is simple. Leave all your credit cards, debit cards, and checkbooks at home, and take only enough money for the product you plan to purchase. Unfortunately, I didn’t know how much the pack of gum was going to cost, so I put two dollars into my wallet.
That was a bad idea, because the gum was only 88 cents, leaving me with over a dollar to spend freely, which ended up being two candy bars.
DAMN YOU WALMART!!! DAMN YOU!!!
As soon as I got into my car, I opened the the pack of gum and pulled out a stick. The Extra Cool Green Apple gum smelled nice and tasted good. When you first chew on it, there’s a quick minty bite, but the rest of it was all green apple, baby!
It was nice to chew on a different flavor of gum than the usually minty and cinnamon gums I chew.
Like all Extra gums, the flavor lasted for a while. However, after spitting the gum out, the taste lingered in my mouth for hours after. I don’t know if that’s a good thing or a bad thing. However, what I’m about to point out next may make it a bad thing.
Besides telling me about the Extra Cool Green Apple gum and letting me know where to find it, Lakitu also mentioned to me that it made her breath smell like pakalolo. For those of you who don’t live on these rocks in the middle of the Pacific Ocean, “pakalolo” is the local term for marijuana.
The smell from someone smoking weed is a very distinct smell and once you smell it, you’ll never forget it. People don’t call it “stink weed” for nothing.
While chewing on a piece of Extra Cool Green Apple gum, I tried to smell my breath by cupping my hands over my mouth and nose. Unfortunately, I couldn’t detect the smell of Mary Jane, so I figured Lakitu was just messing with my gullible mind or she’s been smoking a little bit of the endo.
However, a few days later I went to watch the movie Kung Fu Hustle with a couple of friends and I gave a piece of Extra Cool Green Apple gum to them at the beginning of the movie. I swear, at several points throughout the movie it smelled like someone was smoking a fatty.
So maybe Lakitu was right.
Anyway, even if it might make your breath smell like weed, I’d recommend the Extra Cool Green Apple gum. It’s good stuff.
Item: Extra Cool Green Apple Gum
Purchase Price: 88 cents
Rating: 8 out of 10
Pros: Pretty damn good. Different than the usual minty Extra gum. Sugarfree.
Cons: Taste stays in mouth for hours after. May make your breath smell like you smoked weed.
Green Apple gum and Kung Fu Hustle rock!
Speaking of gum, if you want to try another item largely unavailable to most everyone else (like “poop water”.) Try “No Time” gum. Shirokiya has it from time to time.
It’s more or less toothpaste flavoured gum. If you have no time (hence the name) in the mornings to brush your teeth, you chew on that. The gum rubs the gunk off your teeth, and the flavouring leaves your mouth minty fresh. And I imagine it’s probably also fortified with flouride and 7 herbs & spices.
I am so glad you reviewed this. I keep wanting it but the bodega on the corner doesn’t have it 🙁
I actually bought this gum by mistake the last time I went through the check-out at my local grocery store. One word…YUCK! Something about mint and green apple just don’t go together…at least not in MY mouth! Hey Marvo…you want me to send the opened pack to YOU? I would, ya know 🙂
I kind of like an old-fashioned gum called “Clove” when I see it, although it may also make your breath smell like you just smoked a “left-handed cigarette” as one of my friends used to call joints. Other than that, I’ll stick with Cinnamon Altoids gum. I do like the sugar-free part, though.
Cool! Weed smelling breath! Now I can fit in with all my friends, without actually having to smoke a blunt. Yay!
Do you think they did that on purpose. Made it smell like weed? Maybe it was just a publicity stunt to get people talking and buying the gum. If so I guess it is working!!
Chuck…CLOVE Gum is great…so is Blackjack Gum!
i dont usually chew gum but i love green apple so i may give it a chance. 🙂 thanks for the review
cool! I’m going to buy that gum BECAUSE it makes your breath smell like weed! thanks, marvo!
weed ?
interesting.. i’ve tasted this variety of gum called “shock”, which essentially is bitter enough to shake you up.
imagine getting a shock, and then smelling like weed.
ideal.
I don’t chew gum anymore because I have this weird paranoia about gum and my tongue ring…*shudders*…however if I did chew gum, it would definitely have to make me have minty pot breath, because that really is the definition of sexay. Bonus!
I’ll have to buy this JUST to see if you’re correct about the pakalolo!
Bombadil – Yup, Green Apple gum and Kung Fu Hustle both rock.
gko – Back in college, if I didn’t have enough time to brush my teeth or if I didn’t have mouthwash, I would stick a glob of toothpaste in my mouth, add some water, swish it around violently for about 15 seconds, and then spit it out.
shannon – Thank you. You have just given me my new word of the day: Bodega.
Aymie’s Mom – Thanks, but no thanks. I bought more packs. Give it to Aymie or maybe your husband.
Chuck – Hmm…Never heard of it. Also, I’ve never tried the Cinnamon Altoids Gum. I must try those.
Priss – But what about the glassy eyes and munchies?
Becky – I don’t think they did it on purpose. Although if you think about it those white paper sleeves that you pull the gum out of could be used as rolling papers.
Megan – If you don’t have it in Germany, I could send you some. Email me if you’re interested.
Webmiztris – Come on. You don’t need the gum to make your breath smell like weed.
SEV – What’s up with all these gums that smell like weed? I thought the Extra Green Apple gum was special, but apparently it’s not.
Mia – Minty pot breath = sexay. Must write that down.
nat – Just remember, you can’t smoke the gum. No, I didn’t try.
I Think I Need To Join W.A.S.T.E.S. Also.
Every Time I Walk In That Damn Store I Get A Headache.
I Think It’s My Credit Card Telling Me Something?
Damon – Just remember: Leave home without it.
Have you read Panopticon’s xanga about Altoid’s gum? I think there’s a reference to this gum on it too. It’s about how the sorbitol or xylitol or other -tol gives him (and other people) gas.
marvo – the altiod cinnamon gum is great! give it a try! and thanks for the offer to send me good old american gum, but i’m actually COMING BACK TO AMERICA in two weeks, for two and a half weeks! YIPPY!!!!!!!
lightpinksheep – Well, as long as I don’t get anal leakage from the gum, I think it’s all right.
Megan – Wow, now you can try almost all the stuff I’ve been reviewing, even the Olestra stuff. 🙂
That is true. I never thought about it like that, and they wonder why kids can roll pot so easy. They already have some of the steps done!!!
Megan-Save your self the pain don’t go near the Olestra stuff!!
Marvo, I already have the glassy eyes and the munchies…the only reason I say relatively slim is because half the time I can’t afford to eat!
Becky – Kids today have a lot of ingenuity because they can make a bong out of anything.
priss – I think I have a solution. If you smoke crack, you won’t have the urge to eat or sleep. But you will have the urge to twitch and you’ll probably start to hallucinate.
That’s right. Listen to the Lakitu.
lakitu – Tsk. Tsk. Talking about yourself in the third person.
If you want to try Altoids gum, combined with that green apple flair, I suggested Altoids Sour Apple. It’ll knock you on your butt for the first 30 seconds of chewing. The eventual toned-down flavor lasts about 15 minutes and then fizzles out to a icky blob. Still – it’s worth a try, and I’m a sucker for the pretty bright green tin.
Stacey – You know what else will knock me on my butt, a Slim Jim. Snap into a Slim Jim!
I have tried it & it really is good…but the flavor doesn’t last long…it’s should not be called Extra…
I had to fight to get everyone in the office here to try it. I consider it to be the worst tasting gum ever placed on shelves. Also, the after taste stays with you for hours. It’s incredible, really. Terrible gum. Pick up some Super Bubble green apple instead.
Chuck and Aymie’s mom, Clove, Blackjack and TEABERRY gums all rule. Teaberry is my fave of the three. Haven’t seen it in years.
as for stonergum, I think it’s a way to throw the fuzz off. If everyone smells like they’ve been doing 420, the real celebrants will get away scot free.
(*)>
Justina – The flavor of the ones I had seemed to last as long as the other Extra gums. Maybe it’s because I chew REALLY slowly.
Possum4all – Is the Super Bubble green apple sugarfree? I need it to be sugarfree because I hate going to the dentist.
birdwoman – Hmm…No incense needed to hide the smell, just chew on this gum. Clever. Very Clever.