Dear Marvo,
At the Impulsive Buy, you’ve reviewed several products that you recommended for licking off of your lover’s body, like the Jello Oreo Instant Pudding and the Mrs. Butterworth’s Little Dunkers.
My wife and I would like to add some spice to our relationship by using food products during our lovemaking sessions.
We’ve grown tired of role-playing, strip poker, video taping, blindfolds, Kama Sutra techniques, exhibitionism, Tantric sex, ball gags, Kinky Kards, light bondage, heavy bondage, electric shocks, anal beads, partner swinging, strap-ons, watersports, whips, dildos, body painting, feathers, vibrators, sex swings, ben wah balls, Sybians, and nipple clips.
Recently, during a trip to the grocery store, we noticed the Jif Peanut Butter & Honey Creamy Peanut Butter and wondered if it would make a good product to lick off of our bodies?
Could you please let us know.
Thank you,
Wannabe Messy Lovers
Dear Wannabe Messy Lovers,
To be honest, I’m not a fan of using peanut butter in the bedroom.
First off, the smell of peanut butter is not sexy, unless you enjoy slapping shells with Mr. Peanut. One of the few things that can make the words, “I wanna lick your (insert body part here),†not so sexy is peanut butter breath. Also, that sentence is no longer sexy when it begins or ends with a name that’s not yours.
Another reason why I’m not a fan of using peanut butter during sex is because of the gooey consistency of peanut butter. As a matter of fact, the Jif Peanut Butter & Honey was noticeably thicker than regular Jif Peanut Butter, which was probably due to the honey in it.
The problem with the consistency of the Jif Peanut Butter & Honey and other peanut butters is that they’re harder to spread around than something like hot fudge, marshmallow fluff, maple syrup, edible lubrication, and Slurpees.
In the kitchen, if it’s harder to spread on bread, you may end up with torn bread. In the bedroom, if it’s harder to spread in your lover’s armpit, it’s going to be harder to lick out of your lover’s armpit.
There’s a reason why Mr. Owl bites to get to the Tootsie Roll center of a Tootsie Pop instead of licking all the way through. He knew the tongue is a muscle and it will get tired. If your tongue gets tired from licking up peanut butter, it’s going to be too tired to lick anything else, like nipples and in between toes.
The final reason why I think peanut butter is bad in bed is because there’s nothing erotic about peanut butter. Chocolate is an aphrodisiac; a bikini can be made from canned whipped cream; hot fudge, at the right temperature, can cause a pleasurable pain; and Slurpees can make your nipples hard.
Anyway, I wouldn’t recommend the Jif Peanut Butter & Honey for use in the bedroom, but I would recommend it for your next sandwich. The flavor sort of reminded me of the Jif Honey Roasted Peanut Butter I’ve tried in the past, but the honey flavor was not as strong.
It’s good stuff, but just not good enough for me to lick off of a woman’s breast, inner thigh, or taint.
Sincerely,
Marvo
Editor
The Impulsive Buy
(Editor’s Note: Thanks to CT from the Population Statistic for suggesting the Jif Peanut Butter & Honey Creamy Peanut Butter.)
Item: Jif Peanut Butter & Honey Creamy Peanut Butter
Purchase Price: $4.29
Rating: 3 out of 5
Pros: Good. Nice light honey taste.
Cons: Noticeably thicker than regular peanut butter, which may make it slightly harder to spread on bread. Not good for licking off of a lover’s body. Nothing erotic about peanut butter. Peanut butter breath.
Simply Incredible
I’d hate to think of what would happen if the person were allergic to peanuts.
And man, I love slurpees… there are NO 7-11s for 300 miles where I am. Damn it!!
Well, there you have it. Good peanut butter. But the real news was tonight’s battle of the blogs on blogexplosion.com – it was the Bottom Feeder vs. The Impulsive Buy. And frankly, TIB has a better logo, not to mention a shiny new favicon. So, TIB takes it, 5 to 4. A close one, though. I’ll get you next time.
BottomFeeder, looks like you won most of your other battles today, though.
I would think peanut butter would heat up and become easier to spread once it comes into contact with the body. A real PB lover might get into it.
Mocows – Simply Incredible? No. Simply Jif.
kt – No nookie for the night, that’s for sure. Sorry about the lack of Slurpees. I’d like to send you one, but not even sending it overnight delivery would get it there fast enough.
Bottom Feeder – Too bad we couldn’t have a threeway with The Message Whore.
tim otero – Oh, but the smell. However, lIke you said, a real peanut butter lover would probably love it. Now I wonder about Vegemite…
Wow, there was a lot of sexxytalk in that post. Hot damn.
I would give a thumbs down on peanut butter in the bedroom because it looks too much like light colored poo, no?
didn’t they use Honey as some sort of contraceptive in egypt? or is that an urban legend. I seem to also recall crocodile poo used as well.
ok, i said ‘poo’ one too many times I need to go to sleep…
Maybe my dogs would like this?
hahaha. i really enjoyed this one – perfect for my return. (did you miss me? hehe. i know i said i’d read the ones i missed last week but jetlag got the better of me) however, i am no longer a jif kid – i eat natural peanut butter.
Bryan – I believe some people have a poop fetish. As for honey used as a contraceptive by ancient Egyptians, I don’t think that’s true. They were smart enough to build the Pyramids, so I think they were smart enough to not use honey as a contraceptive.
Damon – Again, your dogs would eat anything.
Megan – Of course, we missed you. Hope you had a nice trip home and got to eat a bunch of unhealthy crap. As for the natural peanut butter, is it true that when you open a new bottle, there is a layer of oil on top.
Megan, the mrs. eats that stuff (natural PB). Her favorite is laura scudders…Hey Bryan and Feeder, how about a review.
That was awesome! Too bad it doesn’t seem ideal for its intended purpose. 😉
i like gif peanut butter and honey cus they’re soooo delicious!!! got gif peanut butter and honey!!!! oh wait.. wrong product.
Once I picked up a jar of Jif and a jar of “organic” peanut butter to compare nutritional information, i.e. calories, fat, sugar, protein, iron, vitamins, etc. It was Exactly The Same. I’m thinking about doing a documentary about it…
Either that or something with odor eaters. Geh, they EAT the odor.
Uh, marvo, everyone knows that aliens built the pyramids.
Well I really thought PB would be good to use in bed. I guess I know now. I will try it for the purpose of eating it though because it sounds good. I also have a question are you into licking taints and armpits? That doesn’t sound very sexy at all.
Megan-WELCOME BACK. I hope you had a nice trip to the States!!!
marvo – yes it is true that sometimes the peanuts and the peanut oil separates, but it stirs back up. if you stir it and stick it in the fridge it usually does just fine. i did have a great trip, thanks. it was so nice to be a “regular american” for a while. and the shopping was great. 🙂
jessica – i know that the calories, etc is about the same with most, but i buy the “natural organic” peanut butter which means there is NOTHING added. just mushed up peanuts. no sugars. no salts. therefore it is actually better for you. also i am trying to avoid corn syrup sweeteners, i think they are evil.
Speaking of Mr. Peanut…
I heard on the news that he got beat up.
Yeah… He was assaulted.
I always prefer chunky peanut butter, myself, which is even less suitable for licking off during sex than this brand. I’ll stick with microwaved Hershey’s syrup and whipped cream for my bedroom adventures.
I found it didn’t have enough honey taste to it. (But I guess that’s what “touch of honey” means…)
That refers to it’s use as a food product. Haven’t tried it as a sex enhancer
yet.becky – thanks for the welcome. it was a good trip
I’m thoroughly disappointed in this review. I totally expected Marvo to give us the lowdown on how this stuff works in a more “solitary” situation. I mean, okay, there’s nothing more embarassing that getting your wang caught in a can of peanut butter (with HON-AY, no less), so I can understand the reluctance. But still, I feel a bit cheated.
Not that I need to know…I’m just saying…
I have yet to try food in the bedroom, but you have me curious now. I daresay I might have to bring the chocolate syrup into play tonight. Yum! Thanks for the idea, and marvo, licking pits, you perv.
I agree with most and stick to whipped cream and chocolate syrup for any bedroom fun. But hey, whatever tickels your pickel….if you’re into the peanut butter in the bedroom, then enjoy! I’ve never tried the slurpee before though, and now i’m intrigued… I think i’ll make a run for 7-11 at some point tonight! 😉 Good thing they’re open 24 hrs!
tim otero – I’m a product review blog too. I’m also a product review blog with feelings. Why didn’t you ask me for a review? Sure, it might be a review with sexual situations and/or Britney and Kevin references, but it still would be a review. 😉
Ayesha97 – Honey = fun in bed. Peanut butter = not fun in bed. Honey + peanut butter = not fun in bed.
Mr Jon teh Redth of Canadia – No, right product!
Jessica – I was thinking about doing a documentary about eating only Healthy Choice products for a month. Oh wait, I’m still thinking about it. I got first dibs.
Bottom Feeder – Yeah right and next you’re going to tell me that Angelina Jolie didn’t break up the marriage between Brad and Jen. 🙂
Becky – Don’t knock it until you try it. Although, to be honest, I haven’t tried it.
Megan – I’m glad to hear you had a great trip. Did you at least try Chocolate Lucky Charms?
Chris – Don’t you mean aSALTed? Ha! Oh my god, that was a lame joke.
Chuck – I prefer chunky peanut butter, but the problem with it is that I use it up faster than creamy peanut butter and sometimes it’s harder to spread.
CT – Yes, it did have a light honey taste, but it was good with jelly and without.
Robert – Since I don’t take yoga or have the flexibility of a Russian gymnast, I felt I couldn’t give a complete review for those in a more “solitary” situation.
Amy in GA – Hey, it was a hypothetical situation.
Ultimate Best Vamp Ever – For some reason, I feel like Dr. Ruth today. 🙂
Frankly, I’m almost glad this isn’t appropriate for bedroom usage. Americans sexualize food WAY too much. That, however, is a whole psycho-sexual discussion all it’s own though, bottom line is: baby likes chocolate. Learn it, live it, love it.
Peanut butter just wasn’t made for licking off of your lover’s body. However, the fun you can have when feeding it to dogs is endless.
Genny from the Burbs – Ah, chocolate…The Food of Lovers.
Ken – Or if you REALLY weird or bored, stick some peanut butter on a body part and let a dog lick it.
nothing much to add except that I didn’t care for this pb when I tried it and you mentioned honey roasted pb I believe that was peter pan not Jif.
oh one more thing I may be mistaken but organic refers to the farming procedures of the peanut not the production of the pb itself you can add sugar and salt(natural ingredients) and still have organic pb. Jif and peter pan and others similar pb’s contains an added substance to stop the seperation. putting it in the fridge stiffens it and becomes useless as a spread.
No Friday review? Where’s Marvo? And why is the jar of Jif Peanut Butter & Honey missing from his pantry?…
Kent Tell – I think you’re right about the honey roasted peanut butter being Peter Pan and not Jif. It’s been such a long time since I’ve had it.
Mellie Helen – Technically this review is the very late-Thursday/Friday review. Oh by the way, the peanut butter is back in my pantry, but I don’t know where it’s been or what’s been stuck in it.
While I would never presume to intrude on your review of peanut butter for the bedroom, I have to admit that Vegemite sounds much much worse. There is also a disturbing trend of monotony in the other suggestions in the comments, so just to kick up some discussion, I’ll point out that Nutella is a much better choice than Hershey’s syrup….
Marvo,
My father, who is not overweight, once ate Healthy Choice meals for three weeks because my mother was unable to cook his meals and he can’t cook worth a lick.
He lost around 15 pounds and was then very underweight. He had to start eating two HC’s per meal until my mom was able to cook for him again. No documentary was done. But, if you decide to go ahead with one I’m sure he would willingly repeat his performance.
Cheerio,
J.
Hapless Hubby – Heh. NUTella.
Jessica – Thanks for the offer, but I’d hate to be the one who turns your dad into a stick figure. 🙂
Women have taints? I thought only men had taints … now I’m all confused.
/me is off to find a mirror to find mine.
Genny from the Burbs – Not just americans with the sexualizing food. Have you seen Tampopo? That food sexuality is all Japanese.
theinfamousj – If it’s not a taint, then what do women call it?
marvo – Not sure that we’ve actually got a name for it. With all the more important spots being named, I think that got away with being ignored and unloved … well, unless one were being loved by you, I suppose.
theinfamousj – Maybe it’s called the vaint. You know because “T” in taint could mean testicles, so the “V” in vaint could mean vagina.