REVIEW: SoBe Black and Blue Berry Lifewater with PureVia

Marvo Reviews

PureVia is the zero-calorie sugar replacement from PepsiCo made from a plant called stevia. A lot of people are talking about it like it’s the new, sexy stripper headlining every night at the club and it makes Splenda look like the 45-year-old hairy, mother-of-four stripper showing off her birthing canal during the least occupied hours at the strip club and using the stage name “Mama Mia.” The new SoBe Black and Blue Berry Lifewater is one of the few products currently sweetened with PureVia.

Oh. I should also mention that stevia-made sweeteners were once banned in the United States and is currently banned in Europe, Singapore and Hong Kong, but that won’t stop me from trying products made with stevia because I’ve consumed things much worse, like creamy alfredo ramen and David Caruso’s acting in CSI: Miami.

Since this particular SoBe Lifewater was blackberry and blueberry flavored I was hoping its taste would be so intense that it would beat my tongue black and blue, like it angered Chris Brown, but it had a mild berry flavor. Neither the blackberry nor the blueberry stood out.

It did have a slight grape-ish flavor, which might’ve been caused by the addition of grape seed extract or my desire to eat grapes at the time I was drinking it. While consuming this SoBe Lifewater I did notice something unusual about the beverage’s consistency, which felt slightly thicker than non-PureVia sweetened Lifewater, but I don’t know if the sugar substitute was the reason for it.

I found the flavor of the SoBe Black and Blue Berry Lifewater with PureVia to be pleasant and it didn’t seem to have any weird aftertaste usually found with artificially sweetened beverages. With zero calories, no sugar, 100% of my daily recommended allowance of Vitamin C and a nice flavor, it’s a beverage I would probably drink again. But unfortunately it isn’t strong enough to wash away David Caruso’s acting or the sight of a 45-year-old, well-used birthing canal.

(Nutrition Facts – 8 ounces – 0 calories, 0 grams of fat, 25 milligrams of sodium, 6 grams of carbohydrates, 0 grams of sugar, 0 grams of protein, 100% Vitamin C, 20% Vitamin E, 10% Niacin, 10% Vitamin B6, 10% Vitamin B12, and 10% Pantothenic Acid.)

(Note: Gigi reviewed the Fuji Apple Pear version of the PureVia-sweeteneed Lifewater. Here’s another review of all the flavors.)

Item: SoBe Lifewater Black and Blue Berry with PureVia
Price: $1.19 (with coupon)
Size: 20 ounces
Purchased at: 7-Eleven
Rating: 8 out of 10
Pros: Pleasant flavor. Grape-ish flavor. Zero calories. Zero sugar. 100% Vitamin C.
Cons: Odd slightly thick consistency. Getting Chris Brown mad. A 45-year-old hairy, mother-of-four stripper. David Caruso’s acting in CSI: Miami. Stevia sweeteners are banned in Europe, Singapore and Hong Kong.

11 thoughts to “REVIEW: SoBe Black and Blue Berry Lifewater with PureVia”

  1. I have a box of 1000 Splenda packets that were supposed to see me through the next millennium and now I can never look at them the same again.

    So, how is that you know what a 45-year-old well-used birth canal looks like? Paid some visits to Madonna in her younger days, perhaps?

  2. Lifewater has some kind of identity crisis going on. In the relatively short time it’s been on the market, I think this is the third label change it’s gone through. Also the first bottle change. I suppose Sobe finally caught on the old bottle shape is too much like Vitamin Water.

  3. I tried the pomegranate one the other day and I said the same thing regarding the fact that it seems kind of thick… It tastes fine but there’s something slightly off-putting about it

  4. There is a club in Las Vegas called the What’s Up that seemed to exclusively hire Mama Mias. At most strip clubs, you dream about taking one of the girls home…at this place, you have nightmares that they’re going to follow you home.

  6. Hmmmm Lifewater seems to be ahead of the curve with the whole stevia thing, but still I’m not too sure that blackberry is a good flavor addition….most berry things wind up tasting mildly wretched, but still gotta give it a try!

  7. When I read “black and blue” berry I was secretly hoping that it was the proverbial “can of whoopass” and that I could unleash it upon my slackin co-workers….still it seems like it could be interesting…

  10. @Orchid64: I did look through her Sex book, but that’s when she was younger and had an American accent.

    @gko: I always thought it’s better if it looks like their competition, that way people would pick it up by mistake. Although the new bottle is ribbed for someone’s pleasure.

    @EpicPhallus: Maybe it’s Slurm.

    @Chuck: Worst. Strip. Club. Ever.

    @Heidi: I think you needed something much stronger than Lifewater.

    @Villian was born like this: I don’t even know what blackberry taste like. I once licked a blackberry and it short circuited. Ha! Get it? Blackberry. I am so lame. 🙁

    @Woodenhand: In case you’re interested, there is a Whoop Ass energy drink.

    @Tanya: I would do unmentionable things to get my hands on a Sprite Green.

    @LordJezo: I think we should get rid of one of the other sweeteners before we start introducing new ones. I say VH1 should create their own reality show based on it. They would make tens of dollars.

  11. Marvo,

    Of course I could have done without the imagery, but I totally agree. We did a review of this flavor and I would definitely second the 8 out of 10 rating. We kind of liked the slight thickness – it felt like it gave it a little something extra.

    Some other flavored vitamin waters seem so light that they are kind of lighter than water. I know heavy water exists. Of course there’s regular old water. I don’t know if there is a light water. Maybe HO or something. Total guess – I suck at teh chemistry.

    Anyhoo – I’d love to hear some more comments about some of the other flavors.

    Thanks for the post!

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