Fiber is one of those things that most people don’t get enough of, including myself. It helps prevent things like diabetes, high cholesterol, and heart disease. When I was told by my doctor that I needed more fiber in my diet, I decided to get that fiber the American Way.
Not in the form of vegetables or fruits, but in the form of either a pill, injection, or powder. I decided on powder, because I’m not very good at swallow pills and I fear that I won’t be able to do a fiber injection, unless Jose Canseco injected it into my ass for me.
So for the past couple of years I’ve been drinking Metamucil, which is a powder you mix with water.
At the time, I was so happy I was getting fiber, that I wrote a short poem:
Fiber helps when you’re stumped.
It can help you from getting plump.
It aids when you want to take a dump.
Metamucil comes only in an orange flavor, but when I say “orange flavor” I mean that very loosely. It tastes like the watered down orange Kool-Aid I made on my own when I was eight years old and didn’t understand basic fluid measurements, how to write a cursive “Z,” or knew what masturbation was.
Over the years, I’ve progressively gotten tired of that “orange taste.” So I was really excited when I noticed the new Citrucel Chocolate FiberShake Starter Kit at the national grocery store chain I shop at.
Again, I was so happy that I decided to write another short poem:
Fiber is really good for you.
It aids with lowering cholesterol too.
But it really helps when you go number two.
The Citrucel Chocolate FiberShake Starter Kit came with five individual packets of the powder mix and a shaker cup. Just like all hot chocolate powder mixes, I had the option of using either milk or water. However, for some strange reason, I felt very compelled to use milk while watching a Girls Gone Wild commercial.
Anyway, the taste of the Citrucel Chocolate FiberShake was good and kind of reminded me of Ovaltine. It’s definitely better than the orangy Metamucil taste.
Despite the great taste, I did have a few problems with it. The powder clumped up a little after shaking it with milk in the shaker cup. Also, if you let the mixture sit, the liquid will become sludge-like. However, that also happens with Metamucil. So you have to drink it pretty quickly.
I’m really happy I can now get my fiber in a chocolatey form. I’m so happy that I feel compelled to write another short poem:
Fiber is great.
It helps you lose weight.
It aids when you defecate.
Item: Citrucel Chocolate FiberShake Starter Kit
Purchase Price: $3.97
Rating: 4 out of 5
Pros: Tastes sort of like Ovaltine. No sugar added. Good way to get your fiber. Comes with shaker cup.
Cons: Powder tends to clump up when milk is added. If not enough liquid is used, it may cause choking. Letting it sit will cause it to be sludge-like.
I love your beautiful poetry. It brought a tear to my eye. “when I was eight years old and didn’t understand basic fluid measurements, how to write a cursive “Z,†or knew what masturbation was.” That was brilliant line was brilliant.
Oops, sorry for my mistakes… I ment to say that line was brilliant.
Yes, but… did it… umm… work? Wait, I’m not sure I want to know.
Must find my happy place. Happy place. Jose Conseco and Marvo… oh SHIT, that’s not my happy place….
Um, Marvo, why exactly do you want Jose Canseco to help you inject fiber into your ass? And what, exactly, does that involve? Or do I want to know? I mean, I’m having my own ideas here and quite frankly it’s making my day much happier, but still . . . anyway, great review! Only you can take a laxative and review it in such a great way. But still, the Jose Canseco thing intrigues me . . .
I need this stuff, since apparently 5 servings of veggies a day is not enough fiber for this sluggish body of mine.
You’re right about the sludge! WHy, I let my citrucel sit around for a few while I got dressed, and there was this STUFF in the glass. Looked like that weird-looking silicone stuff in the “Do Not Eat This Packet” thing in a shoe box. NO WAY I was going to swallow that!!
your poetry should be in either pros or cons or both.
yeah…so…did it help you poop?
too bad metamucil tastes so bad, i didn’t know that – i looks nice and orange-y in a commercial. citrucel sounds like too much work for my lazy *ss and there’s got to be more calories and fat and sugar in citrucel….?
So the powder doesn’t completely dissolve even in hot water or milk?
You should try benefiber. it is flavorless, and if you are good at stirring, you won’t notice it. you can mix it in with any lukewarm or cold liquid or soft food. and it won’t affect the taste. I add it to cereal.
Walmart has an offbrand for 6 bucks for a 5 week supply.
And no, i was not pad by them.
I think I now know more about your digestive system than I ever wanted to. Thank you for adding that to my day, I think.
Hi Marvo!
Thank you for that very informative review. 🙂 I don’t know what I’d do without you and your insight!
In that spirit – I’ve tagged you! Why? Because I needed to tag 5 people and because I read your blog every time you post and well…because I’m dying to find out the deeper meaning or hidden agendas ….
Check my blog at http://tinakulesa.com/weblog for the instructions.
you’ve inspired me to write you a poem.
Marvo is awesome
he doesn’t eat possum
I’m crap at poetry
Eh.
I wish I had skill like Marvo. 🙁
Lucy – Who knew poop could be so beautiful?
Mir – Yes, the fiber did give me a more satisfying poop.
Pel – On second thought, I don’t think I want Jose Canseco to do it, because he might write a book about it or something.
nat – When it gets like that, it’s very difficult to swallow. Although adding more water kind of helps.
caitlin – Those rhymes are worse than Vanilla Ice, so I think they definitely could be in the cons.
I’ve been considering a fiber supplement
but I have never taken it
for your review I must compliment
thanks Marvo for helping me s***
wyn – The taste of Metamucil isn’t that bad, but I’m sure within a year I’ll be tired of the FiberShake. I hope they come out with more flavors.
Toni – Nope, it doesn’t dissolve, it just soaks up liquid.
Muneer – No, I’m not very good at stirring. That’s why I prefer my martinis shaken and not stirred.
Genny From the Burbs – It could’ve been worse. It could’ve been my reproductive system.
Tina – Ooh, I’ve been tagged. Oh wait, is this like tag in grade school where I had to chase around the faster and skinnier kids the entire recess, and when recess was over I smelled really bad because I was too young to use deodorant?
KT – Psss… Want to know my ancient rhyming secret? Use the Rhyming Dictionary.
KENT – 😀 HA! That was frickin’ brilliant!
so…
are you regular yet?
“Oh wait, is this like tag in grade school where I had to chase around the faster and skinnier kids the entire recess, and when recess was over I smelled really bad because I was too young to use deodorant?”
Oh great. Thanks for reminding me about third grade Marvo 😛
poop!
Webmiztris – I’ll yell it at the top of my lungs. I AM REGULAR! HOW YOU LIKE ME NOW!?!
Toni – But think of all the good things about third grade, like the Smurfs.
laina – POOP!
Marvo, have you ever considered doing a fiber haiku?
Need to defecate.
Metamucil Orange sucks.
Citrucel kicks ass!
Kind of a lame first attempt on my part, but you get the idea.
You shouldn’t take metamucil or any fiber drink for a long period of time. Nature’s Own has an entire whole wheat bread line with double fiber (5 grams per slice! and it uses soy to accomplish that). Figuring you only need ~30 a day, a sandwich will get you 1/3 of the way there!
I’ve never taken metamucil but after the description of nasty watered down Kool-Aid…no thanks.
Edit…..typo typo! I meant ~40 grams of fiber..so 1/4 of the way there.
Laptop keyboards suck.
You should try reviewing this this thing:
http://www.drnatura.com/picture_gallery.html
(warning: icky pictures. SFW, but icky.)
Though I suppose $76 is a bit beyond the typical “impusive” purchase.
Chuck – 5-7-5…Works for me!
jin hamasaki – 40 grams of fiber a day!!! I wonder what my poop would be like if I actually got 40 grams a day.
gko – Dude! That was frickin’ gross! They don’t seem real though. But yes, $76 is a bit too expensive for a typical Impulsive Buy.