I’ve decided what I want to be when I grow up. Screw being a quasi-product review blogger editor. I want to be the one who comes up with new frozen waffle variations because it sounds like it’s the frickin’ easiest job in the world.
If I were in charge of developing new frozen waffle varieties, it would probably go something like this:
Frantic people will come running into my large corner office. They think consumers have grown tired of the dozens of other waffle varieties I’ve come up with, so they need me to come up with something new. As I sit in my big, comfy leather office chair, I’ll put my elbows on the armrests and bring my hands together in front of my face, forming a dome, with only my fingertips touching each other. I’ll close my eyes and pretend I’m in deep thought. While concentrating, I’ll slightly nod my head a few times and then follow that with slight shakes of my head. Then I’ll hum, “uh huh” and then inhale deeply, indicating that I’ve come up with greatness. I’ll raise my head while exhaling and opening my eyes. Then I’ll pan across the room filled with eager looks. I’ll pause for dramatic effect and then say in a confident tone, “Bacon. Filled. Waffles.”
People will yell, “brilliant.” Others will say, “Why didn’t I think of that?” Some of them will fall to their knees and cry because my ingenuity is at a level that they’ll never achieve, but they’re happy they were able to witness it first-hand. When the praise gets to be a little too much, I’ll just raise my hands, quietly shoo them away with hand gestures and once they leave my office, I’ll go back to admiring my own awesomeness in the mirror behind my desk until they need me again.
I think I need to make this happen soon because whoever came up with the Kellogg’s Nutri-Grain Strawberry Filled Eggo Waffles needs to get replaced.
These strawberry-filled frozen waffles are noticeably thicker than regular Eggo Waffles, which means they could only fit six to a box, instead of the usual eight. The strawberry filling can easily be seen in the waffle if you put it in front of a light, like you’re a mailbox thief looking for checks. The filling isn’t spread out from edge to edge, instead it fills up about two-thirds of the circumference.
Unfortunately, just like a juiced up baseball player with bad hand-eye coordination, it maybe thicker, but it isn’t very good. Because it’s a Nutri-Grain product, it doesn’t taste like regular Eggo Waffles and is made with six grams of whole grain. The strawberry filling, made from real fruit, has little to no flavor. The only purpose it seems to have is to possibly burn my mouth when I bite into it. I was hoping the filling would have some flavor so that I wouldn’t need to dump enough sugarrific syrup on it to turn me into a one man mosh pit.
This mediocre frozen waffle wouldn’t have happen if I were the one who came up with new varieties. Never mind the Kellogg’s Nutri-Grain Strawberry Filled Eggo Waffles. It would be all about the Kellogg’s Hungry Man Bacon & Egg Filled Eggo Waffles and they would be so thick that there can only be four in a box.
(Nutrition Facts – 1 waffle – 130 calories, 3.5 grams of fat, 1 gram of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 300 milligrams of sodium, 75 milligrams of potassium, 25 grams of carbohydrates, 3 grams of fiber, 8 grams of sugar, 15 grams of other carbohydrates, 3 grams of protein and a bunch of vitamins and minerals.)
Item: Kellogg’s Nutri-Grain Strawberry Filled Eggo Waffles
Price: $3.50 (on sale)
Size: 6 waffles
Purchased at: Safeway
Rating: 4 out of 10
Pros: Syrup makes it better. Healthier than regular Eggo Waffles. Made with 6 grams of whole grains. 3 grams of dietary fiber. If I came up with frozen waffle varieties.
Cons: Strawberry filling has no flavor. Bland without syrup. Less waffles per box than regular Eggo waffles. Contains high fructose corn syrup. Being a douchebag by admiring my awesomeness in the mirror.
Damn! I was so hoping these would be good. I would throw some cold cold cottage cheese on top o’ these bad boys…..mmmmm.
Dude, you’ve got to talk to someone in corporate about the Kellogg’s Hungry Man Bacon & Egg Filled Eggo Waffles, that would be epic. With some pancake syrup drizzled on top…..mmmm….with some melty butter….mmmmm. I drolling, I’ve got to go shower now. Damn, that really does sound like something they need to make!
I’m getting nauseous just thinking about how much sodium a Hungry Man Eggo would pack.
If your gonna have fruit with waffles why not real fruit on top or even a canned pie filling. Why would you want “real” fruit inside? It’s like kellogg’s is trying to turn Eggo into healthy Poptarts. 😛 Sorry for your burned mouth Marvo.
Man, that sucks when a good sounding idea turns out lame. Also, I am now having a craving for waffles or French Toast for breakfast. I’ll probably be healthy and stick with All Bran though.
I’m a fan of plain ol’ blueberry eggos. Or if I’m feeling fancy, Emeril’s belgian chocolate waffle recipe.
I’m sure you’re familiar with the Hungry Man blueberry or choc.chip (sometimes they even come with syrup in the batter I think) pancake wrapped breakfast sausage sticks. They’re nasty and soggy and shouldn’t be consumed by anyone.
When a pop tart burns your mouth you at least know it’s worth it, so this nutri-grain waffle is definitely a fail.
@ Erin- I was going to say the exact same thing, Kelloggs trying to make it a “healthy” poptart. lol
mmmmm bacon-filled! i think you might be onto something with that one.
That is sad. The only frozen waffles I eat are the chocotate chip ones…
I’m sure you bacon would make these taste better, when in fact bacon makes just about anything taste better, still I cringed a little bit when you said multigrain, no thanks, almost nothing taste good if it’s whole or multigrain… and it makes me sad the the strawberry filling sucked, this sounds like one of those products that had the potential to be good eatin’.
@Bear Silber: I’m sure if you put enough toppings, it will taste pretty good. Might I suggest bacon and eggs.
@maxchain: I’m going to take a guess and say 2500 mg.
@Erin Brooks: Holy crap! I think that’s their next product. Pop Tart Eggo Waffles. I think you’d make a good frozen waffle variety maker.
@Chuck: I hope you’re adding some bacon with that All Bran.
@orb205: I am familiar with the Jimmy Dean pancake wrapped sausage sticks and I believe those shouldn’t be consumed by anyone.
@nitrogirl: I’m patenting that right now. I’m going to be rich.
@lex: I like the chocolate chip ones as well, but sometimes I enjoy the good old-fashioned Eggo Waffles.
@Woodenhand: I think it had the potential, but somewhere down the line it took a wrong turn and ended up being a disappointment.
Go buy a waffle maker for God sakes I bet this eggo premade waffle is Obamas fault as I cant stand him I bet Sarah P makes waffles homemade every morning for
Todd and willow and little trig well he gets wonderful breast milk. So I would like a sarah homemade waffle with ice cold breast milk from our next president of the untied states.
THAT IS ALL
Sorry, son; someone has already created a bacon-filled waffle:
http://baconbaconbacon.tumblr.com/post/113870444/bacon-inside-the-waffles-edit-simply-cook-some
These look kinda gross, but if a person is too lazy to open a jar of jam or slice up some actual fruit onto a frozen waffle they get what they deserve.
@Neil the hammer: Is breast milk supposed to be ice cold?
@Justine: BAH! You have squashed my dreams of making it big as a frozen waffle maker.
@grinder: I am too weak to open a jar of jam. I have a poor grip.
still not sure how to link it, but http://i172.photobucket.com/albums/w11/bredae/willoughby/baffles010.jpg has some bacon infused waffles. and crispy bacon at that! That calls for a pay decrease Mr. wannabe frozen waffle inventor..although munchie-havin’ will pay off in the long run! 😉
nvm, i am a little late apparently. As you see though, we do all want bacon in our waffles and pastries. Someone will please us eventually.
@skibs: Okay, how about sausage patty infused waffles. That would be awesome!
Bacon-Infused waffles actually do exist. Check it out: http://bit.ly/1aEO65
@Jim: I find it funny that two other people mentioned the bacon-infused waffles and all of you linked to the exact same picture. I love the internet.