REVIEW: Little Trees Black Ice Car-Freshener

Just like fuzzy dice, the beaded seat cushion (can you even call that a cushion?) and Calvin taking a wiz on the Ford/Chevy/Dodge symbol, the Little Tree Car-Freshener is an iconic symbol for the American driver, just like the middle finger.

I don’t have the fuzzy dice, because it’s not 1952; I don’t have a beaded seat cushion because I don’t drive a NYC taxi; and I don’t have a Calvin sticker, because I do have some dignity, but I recently bought a Little Tree for Baxter.

Who’s Baxter you ask? Baxter is my black Volkswagen Golf who has been my trusty pal since I was sixteen. If Baxter were a person, he would be in his late twenties, probably working in a professional setting where he has a cubicle. He’s up on current fashion, wears black-framed glasses and speaks eloquently. Women tend to come to him for advice, because they think he’s gay, but little do they know he’s trying to get to second base while they cry on his shoulder about how they were humiliated at a Weight Watchers meeting. That’s my ride.

I was curious as to why one would call something for your car “Black Ice” since it’s a winter driver’s nightmare to skid on the stuff, but I figured the marketing people at Little Trees thinks it just sounds pretty damn cool, and yeah it does. It sort of sounds like a nickname for either a rapper, WWE wrestler, porn star, or a male stripper you would hire for a bachelorette party; all of which I thought were also possible scents for this tree prior to opening the package.

You’ve probably had a Little Tree in your car, and you know that you can’t take the entire tree out of the package, because your car will be engulfed with a scent more powerful than a hundred old ladies wearing Jean Naté and you could pass out at the wheel, especially if your car is tiny as hell.

Well, after doing what the directions told me to do (Cut two slits on the top and gradually raise the tree from the package after every week), I was greeted with a very pleasing scent. After driving around, becoming immune, and then opening my window to pay a toll, my nose got another whiff. It made me smile.

The scent is a little masculine with hints of musky yet refreshing notes, but it’s pleasant and doesn’t go overboard like a lot of car fresheners do. So far, this is my favorite of The Little Trees (plus it goes well with Baxter’s black interior). I call it “Sexy Man Scent.” However, when a friend of mine came in my car she said it smelled like “Generic Man Scent.”

Hey, it’s better than “Guy who tans to a bright orange hue, wears Armani Exchange/Ed Hardy shirts three sizes too small and calls every one bro Scent.” Although, Black Ice probably would be the later if you don’t follow Little Tree’s handy directions of gradually slipping it out of the package.

If you’re a man going out on a date with a really hot girl and she gets in your ride equipped with a brand new Black Ice Little Tree out of the package, she might think you lead a life on the down low and have Guido orgies in your car on the days you have off. If you are a girl going out with your girlfriends, they will think you have Guido orgies in your car and will have to do an intervention. Unless you are from the Jersey Shore and/or Staten Island where your girlfriends would be pissed at you for not inviting them.

Item: Little Trees Black Ice Car Freshener
Price: $2.49
Size: 3 pack
Purchased at: AutoZone
Rating: 7 out of 10
Pros: Nice crisp scent. Black Ice is a cool name if you want to be a male exotic dancer or porn star. Better than any product by Axe. Inexpensive way to make your car smell nice.
Cons: Follow directions or your car will smell like a Guido orgy. Old ladies wearing strong perfume. A lot of effort for an air freshener. A guy wearing a t-shirt way too tight. Tanning to look like an Oompa-Loompa.