Author: Brandon

REVIEW: Cheez-It Snap’d Extra Crunchy Margherita Pizza

Brandon 1 Comment

If I was exploring a seaside cave in Northern California, or maybe Oregon, and came across a magic genie lamp, and a genie came out and granted me three wishes, one of those wishes would be for Keebler to bring back Pizzeria Pizza Chips. (Any of the flavors would do, frankly.) Once that was solved, I’d turn my attention toward world peace and ending global hunger and that sort of stuff.

But the Pizzarias would be first.

I love pizza-flavored things. Though it is distinctly its own flavor — and mostly only shares its name with its namesake — there’s something uniquely wonderful about the combination of garlic, onion, and tomato powders, plus the oregano and strange fake mozzarella extracts that make up the taste. To borrow a tired cliche, I would eat a pizza-flavored shoe if you gave me one.

So it was with great joy that I saw the new Cheez-It’s Snap’d Extra Crunchy Margherita Pizza crackers on our “to-review” list.

First, a few housekeeping notes. 1) I have never had Cheez-It Snap’ds. 2) Or is it just a Cheez-It Snap’d? 3) If I’m attributing ownership, is it Cheez-It Snap’d’s _____? 4) Why did they do this pesky apostrophe? 5) Anyway, my original point was that I’ve never had this particular type of Cheez-It, so I don’t know how much crunchier the “extra crunchy” version is as opposed to the “standard crunch” kind. These were pretty damn crunchy, though, so if you have an aversion to crunch as a texture or perhaps as a noise, these will be problematic. While I don’t like hearing other people crunch, I’m totally cool with doing it myself, so I enjoyed this aspect.

The other thing I enjoyed, probably quite obviously, is the pizza taste. While I didn’t necessarily denote nuances of “Margherita pizza” — you know, the whole fresh mozzarella and basil thing — these had a very distinct pizza flavoring. But it was a pretty generic pizza taste. (Which, again, I enjoy. Immensely.) I wish the pizza powder was upped by about 10%, though. I think that would have elevated the score by a point or so. As it is, the flavor is fairly mild.

And so, really, that’s the tale of the Snap’d Extra Crunchy Margherita Pizza crackers. If you like crunchy things with a mild pizza taste and don’t mind unnecessarily weird apostrophes, you’ll probably enjoy these.

Purchased Price: $3.98
Size: 7.5 oz
Purchased at: Hy-Vee
Rating: 7 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: (30 g) 140 calories, 6 grams of fat, 1 gram of saturated fat, 0 gram of trans fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 260 milligrams of sodium, 20 grams of carbohydrates, 1 gram of fiber, less than 1 gram of sugar, 0 grams of added sugar, and 2 grams of protein.

REVIEW: Peanut Butter & Jelly M&M’s

Brandon 4 Comments

In my never-ending quest to be cool, I’m a “Full-sized-Candy-Bar-at-Halloween-Guy.” The thing about it is that I get approximately ten trick-or-treaters on an average Halloween. (15 in a real bustling year.) My neighborhood is mostly filled with extremely old people whose grandchildren are beyond trick-or-treating age. This means I end up with a whole bunch of full-sized candy bars. And while that sounds amazing, it really just means that I head into the Holiday Fattening Season carrying more weight than I wanted.

All this to say, I really didn’t want to like new Peanut Butter & Jelly M&M’s. I didn’t need to like them. Oh sure, I enjoy Peanut Butter M&M’s, but I was holding out hope that the inclusion of jelly would somehow render these inedible and disappointing.

I was wrong.

Peanut Butter & Jelly M&M’s aren’t far off from the Peanut Butter M&M’s you already know, but the addition of jelly is a welcome touch. (Though, I cannot, for the life of me, tell what KIND of jelly it is, so don’t ask.) Each M has the customary peanut butter/chocolate vibe, but then there’s just a pinch of fruity sweetness. The food scientists at Mars did a fine job of making sure the jelly wasn’t too light or too overwhelming, either one of which could’ve totally ruined the new variety.

It’s worth noting that M&M’s has been here before. In 2009, it introduced Strawberried Peanut Butter M&M’s, which is, frankly, a terrible name. But I believe these are probably about the same from a conceptual standpoint. (I didn’t have them in ’09, though, so I can’t vouch for their similarity/difference. But I mean, even if I had tried them 15 years ago, it’s extremely unlikely I would remember how they taste.)

One thing that is a little different about these M&M’s is that there are only red, dark brown, and light brown (Or gold? Off-yellow?) candies. So if you’re someone who’s really into the green or the blue M&M’s, my deepest condolences; you’re out of luck. But if you like the regular Peanut Butter M&M’s and don’t mind a drab color pallet when it comes to your bite-size chocolate candy choices, you’ll wanna check these out before they leave shelves. Or just wait for 2039 when they come back with another name.

Purchased Price: $4.78
Size: 8.6 oz. bag
Purchased at: Walmart
Rating: 8 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: (1 oz.) 150 calories, 8 grams of fat, 5 grams of saturated fat, 0 gram of trans fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 60 milligrams of sodium, 16 grams of carbohydrates, 1 gram of fiber, 14 grams of sugar, including 13 grams of added sugar, and 3 grams of protein.

REVIEW: Blue Bell Chocolate Brownie Truffle Ice Cream

Brandon 5 Comments

The term “one of the most delightful things I’ve ever put in my mouth” gets thrown around a lot these days. Well, that, or I’m prone to exaggeration. But believe me when I tell you that Blue Bell’s new Chocolate Brownie Truffle Ice Cream is one of the most delightful things I’ve ever put in my mouth.

Having said this, I’ll be the first to admit that I’m by no means an ice cream snob; I’ll just as soon happily consume a pint of “frozen dairy dessert” or whatever lots of brands sell these days that can’t qualify as actual “ice cream.” So maybe it’s just me– maybe all Blue Bell is this great. (I don’t know that I’ve had a ton of it, truthfully, though I did try and really enjoy the recent Cinnamon Twist variety. Also, let it be entered into the record that I am a cinnamon ice cream fiend, particularly when said cinnamon ice cream contains chunks of a) cinnamon roll dough or b) churros.

Anyway, how can you go wrong with chocolate ice cream teeming with chunks of brownie and hunks of chocolate truffles? The ice cream itself is creamy and silky. The brownies are slightly chewy and decadent. The truffles are… well, okay, if I have one beef, it’s that the chocolate shell of the truffle pieces is pretty thick. In its frozen state, it’s a pretty jarring textural disposition. It’s, “mmm, chewy brownie, yum, silky soft ice cream, BOOM, molar rattling truffle.” Truly, though, it’s a minor complaint– “Boo-hoo, I wish this delicious chocolate truffle shell was a bit thinner.”

Okay, but if you’ll permit me another minor complaint— and again, it feels as silly as complaining about a singular errant brush stroke on a masterpiece of a painting— it’s that this ice cream is rich. My sweet tooth is strong, and I rarely find things to be too much, but a regular serving of this stuff wears me out. But honestly, that’s probably not the worst thing from a waistline standpoint. It’s fall treat/pumpkin spice season, and I’m starting to look like the subject of a Francisco Botero work. (To continue the Fine Arts theme for the art nerds in the house.)

Purchased Price: $8.32
Size: Half-gallon
Purchased at: Walmart
Rating: 9 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: (2/3 Cup) 280 calories, 14 grams of fat, 8 grams of saturated fat, 0 gram of trans fat, 35 milligrams of cholesterol, 105 milligrams of sodium, 34 grams of carbohydrates, 1 gram of fiber, 30 grams of sugar, including 25 grams of added sugar, and 5 grams of protein.

REVIEW: Limited Edition Oreo Coca-Cola Zero Sugar

Brandon 10 Comments

Like a wide-eyed kid away at college, far from home for the first time in their life, Coca-Cola is going through a bit of an experimental phase. Over the past year or so, it mixed its classic carbonation with DJs and conceptual artists, with abstract ideas and intangible tastes like “space.” But like that same aforementioned college kid, things have mostly returned to normal. Well, except first they wanna try one last thing, okay?

Partnering with Oreo for a collaboration that—ahem—swings both ways, the bold and daring can now get Oreo cookies that taste like Coke and Coke that tastes like Oreo cookies. I love flavored Coca-Cola—even when they’re bad, they’re at least fun—so I was eager to drink the cookie.

Cracking open a mini can, I was assaulted by the aroma of, well, Oreo. I took a tiny sip, and yep, there it was: I was totally drinking the famous creme-filled chocolate wafer cookie. As the artificial chocolate flavor coated the inside of my mouth like some greasy sugar juice, I got the tiniest hint of good old-fashioned Coca-Cola, then a crashing wave of aspartame and acesulfame potassium.

The artificial sweetener in this hits HARD. I’m a regular Coke Zero drinker, so it’s not that I’m not used to it; something about the balance in the Oreo Coke, though, is different. I’ve had the same thing happen in some of the other limited edition Coke Zero Sugar flavors, and honestly, it makes it too much. It reminds me of being a kid and accidentally being given a Diet Coke at a fast food place. When I was young and unaccustomed to the artificial tang, that first sip was like getting slapped in the mouth.

And unfortunately, I felt it really hindered my enjoyment of this otherwise fun flavor.

Oreo Coca-Cola Zero Sugar is a fun idea and nothing more. If you’re a Coke completist or someone who likes trying new and unusual things, and you see a bottle, grab it. It’s worth a couple of bucks, and who knows, it may be your new favorite thing. (A lot of chatter I’ve read online so far seems to really put me in the minority, so, as the adage goes, your mileage may be different than mine.)

Purchased Price: $5.98
Size: 10-pack mini cans
Purchased at: Walmart
Rating: 5 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: (1 can) 0 calories, 0 grams of fat, 0 grams of saturated fat, 0 gram of trans fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 45 milligrams of sodium, 0 grams of carbohydrates, 0 grams of fiber, 0 grams of sugar, and less than 0 gram of protein.

REVIEW: Hershey’s Milk Chocolate with Waffle Cone Pieces Bar

Brandon 11 Comments

With a legacy spanning approximately 500 years—give or take a few centuries—one would assume that Hershey has produced more than a fair amount of limited editions in the history of its iconic chocolate bar. And that assumption, like the fact that I am prone to gross exaggeration with regard to time, would be true.

While we all know—and to varying degrees love— the standard deviations (Cookies ‘n’ Creme, “with almonds,” and Symphony), do you recall Cookies ‘n’ Chocolate, Cookies ’n’ Mint, Strawberries ’n’ Creme, Raspberries ’n’ Creme, or any of the Twosomes (Reese’s Pieces, Whoppers, and Heath)? Me either! But if you’re like me—hankering for some pieces of stuff in your chocolate bar— the good folks from Pennsylvania are here for us.

About this new treat, Hershey’s website says, “Extra creamy milk chocolate and crunchy waffle cone pieces all in one bar? Who says you can’t have it all?” And then 181 more words about this candy bar. Seriously. 181! It’s a dessert-tation, really. I felt myself nodding off midway through.

Was the candy bar enough to awaken both me AND my tastebuds? Sadly, it was not.

Everyone has had a Hershey bar, so I won’t spend any time describing that. It’s a pretty straightforward American version of chocolate that few outside of the States can stand, and even snootier American chocolate connoisseurs find off-putting at best.

So the real variable here is the pieces of waffle cone. And the verdict? They add texture, but that’s about it. They seemingly do nothing in terms of taste— likely because the pieces are so small. I found myself wondering, what’s the point here? I mean, waffle cones are incredible, and I like Hershey Bars. While the combination should be a win-win, there’s just not enough substance here for it to be anything other than “ho-hum.” It’s a chocolate bar, which makes it consumable, but beyond that, it’s pretty pointless.

Maybe next time Hershey will do something a little more inventive than Chocolate ’n’ Waffle Cone. Until then, I suppose I’ll just remain Bored ‘n’ Disappointed.

Purchased Price: $2.49
Size: 2.5 oz bar (King Size)
Purchased at: Hy-Vee
Rating: 4 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: (1/2 pack) 170 calories, 8 grams of fat, 5 grams of saturated fat, 5 milligrams of cholesterol, 60 milligrams of sodium, 23 grams of carbohydrates, less than 1 gram of fiber, 19 grams of sugar, and 2 grams of protein.