Author: Brandon

REVIEW: Cocoa Puffs Popcorn

Brandon 3 Comments

Cocoa Puffs Popcorn Bag

What is Cocoa Puffs Popcorn?

Cuckoo for cocoa-dust glazed pre-popped popcorn? In Big Cereal’s quest to infiltrate nearly every other snack product on the market, this time, it’s mating with popcorn.

How is it?

1) Better than I expected, but 2) I’ll admit, I went into it with fairly low expectations. The cocoa glaze coating was pretty thorough, blanketing probably 85% of the pieces (and at least lightly touching the rest), and it uncannily mimicked the breakfast favorite that drives birds wild.

Cocoa Puffs Popcorn Super Closeup

The popcorn had a deep chocolate taste, but if I have a complaint, it was that it was lacking a bit in the salt department. Feels like if you’re gonna go sweet/salty, you really should, you know, GO for it. Some of the pieces were a bit hard, too, which was a bit off-putting.

Anything else you need to know?

Sonny, the cartoon bird, turns 50 next year. When originally introduced, he was wearing a pink and white striped shirt, he started wearing “extreme” clothes in the mid-90s, and now he’s just straight up nude. (Though when he’s in his deepest throes of madness, he’s depicted in a straight-jacket.)

Conclusion:

I made it four decades without consuming chocolate popcorn. This is weird because I love popcorn and I love chocolate. I will definitely finish this bag, and the next time I’m at one of those wondrous gourmet popcorn shops with like, 50 flavors, I’ll be more inclined to try a chocolate variety.

Purchased Price: $3.28
Size: 7 oz bag
Purchased at: Walmart
Rating: 7 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: (3/4 cup) 130 calories, 3 grams of fat, 0 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 190 milligrams of sodium, 25 grams of carbohydrates, 1 gram of fiber, 15 grams of sugar, and 1 gram of protein.

REVIEW: Arby’s Real Country Style Rib Sandwich

Brandon 17 Comments

Arby s Real Country Style Rib Sandwich

No one will ever be able to accuse Arby’s of not trying. While other fast food companies are content with slapping an extra slice of cheese on an existing product and calling it The Cheesasaurus Rex, or maybe “smoking” their bacon with some new exotic wood, Arby’s is out here swinging for the fences.

In 2016, it gave people the (extremely) limited edition venison sandwich with juniper berry sauce. The year after that, it offered an elk sandwich with blackberry port sauce. Or take, for instance, The Meat Mountain, a veritable Noah’s Ark of the drive-thru that features chicken tenders, ham, turkey, pastrami, roast beef, and bacon. (Oh, and some cheese, too.)

This brings us to the present day and Arby’s new Real Country Style Rib Sandwich. Is this offering a direct competitor to McDonald’s cult-favorite McRib, which also, incidentally, has its (mostly) annual re-release in the Fall? Did we exit the dark days of the Chicken Sandwich Wars only to find ourselves immediately entrenched in a Rib Sandwich Skirmish? A Rib Conflict? A Ribflict?

Well, not exactly.

See, Arby’s approach is a little more highbrow. Instead of processed pig parts of mysterious origin, its “real” ribs are sourced from Sadler’s, a Texas-based smokehouse. The ribs are smoked for eight hours “over real hickory wood.” The sandwich is then topped with melted Gouda, crispy onions, BBQ sauce, and mayo. Ooh-la-la, right? And so how is it?

Arby s Real Country Style Rib Sandwich 2

Well, let’s start with the ribs. Look, I live in Kansas City, so, you know, BBQ and so forth. And here’s the deal with these ribs: they are shockingly not bad. I was surprised at how tender and flavorful the meat was; they even had a distinctly authentic smoke flavor. It was a sizable serving as well. Simply put, the ribs were easily the highlight of the sandwich.

But what about the other components?

The Gouda was creamy and melty, and added its own bit of welcomed smokiness. Sadly, the rest of the sandwich fell sort of flat. The mayo was… there? For some reason? And, while the idea of fried onion pieces was a good one, the execution was lacking; drowning in a sea of BBQ sauce and mayo, they had no chance at staying crunchy. Instead, they became soft globules of chewy onion.

Arby s Real Country Style Rib Sandwich 1

And then you’ve got this BBQ sauce. Oy. This stuff.

It tasted like expired Bull’s-Eye brand sauce, or off-kilter ketchup, or maybe like aliens descended to Earth, and you explained what BBQ sauce is, and they tried to make it from scratch using ingredients foraged from a dumpster behind The Dollar Tree. It was awful, and there was a LAKE of the stuff on this sandwich, making the whole thing a gigantic, sloppy mess.

But, okay, awfulsauce aside, this thing is worth an order, at least to experience the ribs. But my suggestion would be to tell them to hold the BBQ sauce and then apply your own at home. Otherwise, you’ll be sorry.

Purchased Price: $5.99
Rating: 6 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: 500 calories, 23 grams of fat, 7 grams of saturated fat, 0 gram of trans fat, 70 milligrams of cholesterol, 1450 milligrams of sodium, 48 grams of carbohydrates, 3 gram of dietary fiber, 12 grams of sugar, and 28 grams of protein.

REVIEW: Sonic Broccoli Cheddar Tots

Brandon 5 Comments

Sonic Broccoli Cheddar Tots Closeup

In the pantheon of deep-fried fast food sides, you’ve got some notable inclusions. Arby’s curly fries, for example. McDonald’s fries. Taco Bell’s…fries. Okay, so most of these are fries. But what if you don’t like your fried potato served up in an elongated rectangular fashion? Well, there’s always Sonic’s tater tots.

Long recognized as fast foods’ champion of the tatered tot, Sonic’s pillowy potato barrel is so impossible to top that I hadn’t bothered to try its version of the French fry until earlier this year. (And with sincere apologies to Sonic’s head chef, I wasn’t missing much.)

But, okay, what about those of you out there who don’t like potatoes at all, in any form? (I know this sounds crazy to most, but I actually work with a lady who hates potatoes of all sorts — mashed, smashed, fried, totted, home-styled, and even chipped. So, it’s a thing, trust me.) What are the Elena’s of the world to do when they go get a burger from Sonic? The chain’s food scientists have heard you, anti-potato people, and they present to you their newest offering, Broccoli Cheddar Tots.

According to Sonic’s website, they are “warm broccoli and melty cheddar cheese in a tot-sized, crispy coating. Served with ranch for dipping!” The important thing to note is that these are not TATER tots stuffed with broccoli and cheese; there is no tater here at all. And while that idea sounds pretty great — tots stuffed with broccoli and cheese! Or impregnated with bacon! Or infused with chili and hot dog bits! — this is, simply put, broccoli and cheese, deep fried.

And how are they?

Really great, honestly.

Sonic Broccoli Cheddar Tots Innards

The exterior coating is a little less grittily textured than Sonic’s typical tot covering. It’s more of a cheese curd coating, really, which provides a bit more (buttery?) crispiness. The inside is simple, as you might imagine — piping hot cheddar cheese and improbably fresh-tasting broccoli. The cheese is a softer, creamier cheddar than you’d find in, once again, a cheese curd, or in Sonic’s dearly departed Ched’ R’ Bites (RIP), you beautiful angel.

The broccoli itself gets lost a bit in the breading, but I mean, how healthy do you really want these to taste? In most of my pieces, the veggie’s texture was almost that of a steamed piece of broccoli; it had plenty of give, but every once in a while, an occasional slight snap. It melded harmoniously with the cheese and managed to impart plenty of broccoli deliciousness without being too aggressive about the fact that, hey, you’re eating broccoli.

Sonic Broccoli Cheddar Tots Ranch

The Broccoli Cheddar Tots come with a side of ranch for dipping. While you don’t necessarily need it to enjoy the side, being from the Midwest, I’m of the firm belief that everything is better dipped in that white, tangy goodness. Sonic’s ranch is a good one, too, with just the right amount of zest and creaminess.

While many things I’ve read about these tots try to push them as some sort of bite-sized broccoli-cheddar casserole, I think that’s a bit silly. But as a nice alternative side to fries, rings, or regular tots, these are an excellent offering. It’s too bad they will only be around until November 28th or until they run out.

Purchased Price: $2.79
Size: Small (10 tots)
Rating: 8 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: (Small) 210 calories, 13 grams of fat, 2.5 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 810 milligrams of sodium, 17 grams of carbohydrates, 3 grams of fiber, 0 grams of sugar, and 4 grams of protein.

REVIEW: Wendy’s Big Bacon Cheddar Cheeseburger

Brandon 15 Comments

Wendy s Big Bacon Cheddar Cheeseburger

Do you like cheese? No, I mean, do you really like cheese? I’m not talking to those of you who have been known to daintily nibble on a wedge of brie at a party or put a single slice of cheddar on your backyard burger. I’m speaking directly to those of you who are so mad at your arteries that you want to punish them at every possible turn. Do you dip your pizza’s cheese-stuffed crust into a tub of cheese sauce? Have you ever made a sandwich using grilled cheese sandwiches in place of sliced bread? Well then, you might be interested in Wendy’s new offering.

Wendy’s new Big Bacon Cheddar Cheeseburger is “a quarter pound of fresh, never frozen beef, covered in creamy cheddar cheese and bacon jam, topped with applewood smoked bacon, crispy onions, and a slice of American cheese, all on a pillow soft, toasted cheddar bun.” I mean… cheese, am I right? According to my calculations, you’ve got three entry points for cheese on this thing: in the “creamy cheddar cheese” sauce, as a rogue American slice on top of the meat, and melted into or on top of the bun.

Wendy s Big Bacon Cheddar Cheeseburger 1

My first thought before getting this burger was, “Will I ruin my shirt, my pants, or both when I eat this thing?” But here’s the shocking part — it was extremely tidy. Oh sure, when I first unwrapped it, I was confronted with a few stray fried onion strands and some crisped cheddar cheese that’d melted off of the bun and turned into a crunchy cheese pond, but overall, nothing else squirted or fell out. This was a one napkin affair.

Wendy s Big Bacon Cheddar Cheeseburger 2

And, truth be told, the neatness of the BBCC probably foreshadowed this burger’s biggest pitfall: it was dryyyyyy. Like a camelback-trek-across-the-Sahara dry. Like, kissing-your-grandmother’s-cheek dry. The creamy cheddar cheese and bacon jam components were both there, maybe? But the cheese wasn’t creamy (all I noticed were random shreds of damp, unmelted cheddar), and a tiny dollop of the jam was totally lost in the mix. The patty itself was dry. The fried onions? Same. The whole thing was very one-note. Okay, two-note. 1) Dry 2) Salty.

There was no flavor here of which to speak, only an arid mass of chewiness that felt more like a chore than a meal. For something being sold on its cheesiness, it was interesting to find that the cheese seemed to add nothing; this burger would have been no different without it.

Wendy s Big Bacon Cheddar Cheeseburger Bun

The most unusual part of this burger (bacon jam isn’t exactly common, but Wendy’s has done it before, and so has Sonic) was probably the cheddar bun. Here are list of other things that are unusual:

  • The noise turtles make when they make love.
  • Extreme body modification like tongue-splitting.
  • Watching a seahorse give birth.
  • Women who love serial killers.

And like this bulleted list, I’m not sure I need the cheddar bun in my life. It too was — wait for it — very dry, and the cheese was barely noticeable beyond giving the bun a strange, slightly chewy texture.

All in all, this was a largely forgettable burger.

Purchased Price: $5.99
Size: Single patty
Rating: 5 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: 810 calories, 54 grams of fat, 21 grams of saturated fat, 2 grams of trans fat, 105 milligrams of cholesterol, 1370 milligrams of sodium, 44 grams of carbohydrates, 3 gram of fiber, 5 gram of sugar, 39 grams of protein.

REVIEW: Burger King Brownie Batter Shake

Brandon 6 Comments

Burger King Brownie Batter Shake Top

What is Burger King’s Brownie Batter Shake?

Burger King suggests that its new drinkable dessert features “rich, fudgy brownie batter” blended with its “signature” vanilla soft serve, topped with whipped cream. One thing is very accurate about this description — this thing definitely had whipped cream on it.

How is it?

Here’s a word I’d use to describe this shake that you probably don’t want to read in a milkshake review: gritty! That’s right, this thing tasted like the person making it had been at the beach all day before realizing that it was 10-til-4 and they wouldn’t have time to shower before their scheduled evening shift at BK. It was pretty intense. It was chocolatey, sure, but mostly in a very artificial, very Hershey’s syrup-esque way. Mostly, I was overwhelmed by the textural unpleasantness.

Burger King Brownie Batter Shake

Less than halfway through, I realized I’d had enough. Have you ever had a quarter of a milkshake before declaring yourself done? It’s a strange feeling.

Anything else you need to know?

Sonic did a chocolate brownie batter shake last March that managed to feature small bits of soft brownie in it. I was sort of surprised that this wasn’t the tactic here. This was, very literally, just liquid brownie batter mixed into vanilla soft serve. No decadent, chewy chunks or anything like that. Just chocolate grit.

Conclusion:

Burger King has been on a good run lately with the delicious Garlic & Bacon King and the phenomenal Ch’King sandwich, so I maybe had my hopes up too high. Also, it’s a shake, right, and how can you possibly mess that up? Oh wait, I know — by making the shake in the middle of a New Mexico sandstorm, that’s how.

Purchased Price: $3.59
Size: N/A
Rating: 5 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: 740 calories, 31 grams of fat, 0.5 grams of trans fat, 14 grams of saturated fat, 670 milligrams of sodium, 104 grams of total carbohydrates, 80 grams of total sugars, 3 grams of fiber, and 15 grams of protein.