REVIEW: Sonic Mesquite Butter Bacon Cheeseburger

Sonic Mesquite Butter Bacon Cheeseburger Whole

While not a lightning rod of conversation like, oh, say, pineapple on pizza, or ketchup on a hot dog, there are plenty of passionate parties on both sides of the “BBQ sauce on a hamburger” debate.

If you are on the oppositional side — believing that the “devil’s ketchup” has no place on a hamburger — this review probably isn’t for you. Nothing I have to say will convince you that it is a fine and just condiment to top your sandwich. If, however, you are staunchly on the “pro” side of the aisle, or are at the very least willing to keep an open mind and “see how things go,” you’ll want to read on.

Though this isn’t the drive-in chain’s first foray into buttered patties — it’s had a garlic butter version on at least a couple of occasions — or its first dance with BBQ sauce on a burger (its “hickory” variety of the sauce is still a customizable addition on the app). It is its first attempt at melding the two.

And so does it work?

In most ways, yes.

Sonic Mesquite Butter Bacon Cheeseburger Top

I’ve always been a fan of Sonic’s bacon. It feels like it runs a little thicker than most of their competitor’s, and it fits in well on this sandwich, adding some much needed chew. The BBQ sauce is described as a “honey” sauce, and it is, indeed, sweet. Because of the sauce and the “smoky mesquite butter” that tops the patty, you should know that this is a sloppy affair.

Sonic Mesquite Butter Bacon Cheeseburger Closeup

Additionally, I’ve always been a fan of Sonic’s American cheese. It melts well and tastes perfectly American. (Though I will say, two slices on a burger this size feels like a bit much; one would likely suffice.) The patty itself is juicy and definitely less dry than most other fast food burgers.

Though the toasted brioche bun isn’t anything special, it held up nicely to the onslaught of liquids. And while I am typically a “take-it-or-leave-it” connoisseur of pickles on a burger, these ones really stood out. Their tart acidity melded beautifully with the sauce’s sweetness, and their crunch added yet another excellent texture to the proceeding.

Sonic Mesquite Butter Bacon Cheeseburger Split

So what didn’t I like about this burger?

Really, my major complaint was with the lettuce. Quite frankly, I’m not sure lettuce even belongs on this style of burger. Even if you can make an argument that it does, you’re not likely to prove your point with the limp, wet, and warm shrubbery found here. Nor did the grilled onions add much, except to provide an arsenal of more small things to slide out of the burger’s bottom on a flume of butter with each bite. And finally, there wasn’t much of a “smokiness,” either, which, if you’re crowning your burger as “mesquite,” feels like a bit of a miss.

If you’re a BBQ burger fan, I’m confident you’ll like this. Just, you know, hold the lettuce. And maybe the onions. And what if you got a side of onion rings and slapped a couple of those fried halos under the bun? Hey Sonic, give me a call and let’s talk product development.

Purchased Price: $4.99
Rating: 7 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: 690 calories,41 grams of fat, 1 gram of trans fat, 17 gram of saturated fat, 1780 milligrams of sodium, 47 grams of total carbohydrates, 18 gram of total sugars, 3 gram of fiber, and 33 grams of protein.

REVIEW: Sonic Chili Cheese Coney-Flavored Slim Jim

Sonic Chili Cheese Coney Flavored Slim Jim Wrapper

What is the Sonic Chili Cheese Coney-Flavored Slim Jim?

A heftily titled snack, for starters. Everyone’s favorite dead wrestler-endorsed snack tube gets blasted with an infusion of chili-dogginess from a beloved drive-in fast food chain that used to be endorsed by a 1960s teen heart-throb/singer/beach-movie idol. This is, perhaps, the most quintessentially possible American foodstuff.

How is it?

Sonic Chili Cheese Coney Flavored Slim Jim Split

Weird! It’s a Slim Jim, right? Which we’ve all had and are familiar with. Chewy, snappy, a little spicy, but then you’re hit with the undeniably unmistakable undercurrent of chili from Sonic.

It tastes like maybe you took your Slim Jim and used it to stir up a big bowl of Sonic chili. (Side note: can you actually get just a side of chili from Sonic? I only know it from its appearances on top of hot dogs or blanketing a basket of tots.)

Anyway, the chili is spot-on. There is no noticeable cheese component, however, which feels like a miss. How hard would it have been to inject this stick with some artificial cheese? Seems like they missed an easy layup.

Overall, despite perfectly capturing the essence of Sonic’s chili, the entire thing is mediocre.

Anything else you need to know?

Sonic Chili Cheese Coney Flavored Slim Jim Casing

1) As demonstrated in the picture, this Jim degloved much easier than previous models.

2) Per a quick Google search, Frankie Avalon, the heart-throb mentioned in the first paragraph, is still alive. I feel like he would have been near the top of my “are they or aren’t they?” list. Good for Frankie!

Conclusion:

This isn’t a thing that anyone needs in their life, but if you are a big fan of snackable meat sticks, it’s probably worth a whirl. The novelty alone makes it worth trying, but I wouldn’t exactly go out of my way to find it.

Purchased Price: $1.88
Size: 1.94 oz. Monster Size
Purchased at: Walmart
Rating: 5 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: 260 calories, 19 grams of fat, 7 grams of saturated fat, 0.5 gram of trans fat, 60 milligrams of cholesterol, 810 milligrams of sodium, 10 grams of carbohydrates, 2 grams of dietary fiber, 3 grams of sugar, and 11 grams of protein.

REVIEW: Chobani Coffee Cold Brew

Chobani Cold Brew Coffee Containers

Before this assignment, I didn’t actually know that Chobani did more than yogurt. But then I Googled and it turns out that it’s got its hands in a bit of everything. (Okay, well everything dairy-based except ice cream. And cheese. And cottage cheese. Fine, I guess by “everything,” I mean all manner of yogurts, and coffee creamer, and now this. And something called “Chobani Coconut” which is billed as a non-dairy treat. Oh, and oat milk. So… some things that are also non-dairy based.)

Anyway, it’s 2021 and cold brew coffee is still all the rage (I think?) so Chobani figured, why not?

I’m a cold brew novice. It’s not that I’m anti-cold brew, I’ve just always chosen hot coffee. Especially now because it’s winter, and we’ve had multiple days this week where the high was in the single digits; iced anything is a hard sell.

But you know what’s worth the mild discomfort and probably turning the thermostat up a degree? This product.

Chobani introduced four varieties, but I was unable to procure “Pure Black.” So for the sake of this review, we’ll look at the remaining three.

Oat Milk

Chobani Cold Brew Coffee Oat Milk

So, I just got through talking about how I love this product, and now I’m going to tell you that I don’t care for this particular version. But, I’m gonna blame the oat milk. See, I don’t even know that I’ve had oat milk prior to this. But something about this just wasn’t doing it for me. The beginning of the drink is decent, but the back end hits you with a sensation that makes me think of slightly tangy chalk. It’s not repulsive, it’s just… unwelcome.

Vanilla Creamer

Chobani Cold Brew Coffee Vanilla Creamer

Simply put, this is heavenly. The vanilla is strong, muting the medium roast a tad. The rich coffee undertones are still there, but it’s a little like you maybe accidentally spilled a bit of your vanilla shake into a cup of Joe. (And no, I’m not sure how that might happen either, but play along.) From start to finish, it’s creamy and indulgent, which makes this the first time I’ve described something as such and meant it.

Sweet Creamer

Chobani Cold Brew Coffee Sweet Creamer

Remember everything I said about the Vanilla Creamer? This is that, only without the vanilla. The coffee flavoring is a bit more noticeable, but not aggressively so. Each drink manages to stay rich while remaining light and silky. While the vanilla one brought forth visions of spilled vanilla milkshakes cascading into coffee cups, this is a little like someone dumping chocolate milk into your coffee. It is, in a word, scrumtrulescent.

The two prohibitive things I could say about Chobani’s foray into cold brew coffee is that it’s not nutritionally great, and I could use a little more caffeine (it has 85 milligrams per serving). While I applaud the simplicity of the ingredients, 170 calories and 22 grams of sugar per 12 ounce serving keep this from being a daily indulgence for me. But is it worth it for a weekend treat? Absolutely.

Purchased Price: $2.99 (on sale)
Size: 32 fl oz.
Purchased at: Hy-Vee
Rating: 9 out of 10 (Sweet Creamer), 9 out of 10 (Vanilla Creamer), 6 out of 10 (Oat Milk)
Nutrition Facts: (12 oz.) Sweet Creamer & Vanilla Creamer – 170 calories, 5 grams of fat, 3 grams of saturated fat, 15 milligrams of cholesterol, 110 milligrams of sodium, 24 grams of carbohydrates, 0 grams of fiber, 22 grams of sugar (including 15 grams of added sugar), and 5 grams of protein. Oat Milk – 110 calories, 6 grams of fat, 0 grams of saturated fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 180 milligrams of sodium, 11 grams of carbohydrates, 1 gram of fiber, 7 grams of sugar (including 7 grams of added sugar), and 2 grams of protein.

REVIEW: Pop-Tarts Pretzel Salted Caramel

Pop Tarts Pretzel Salted Caramel Box

What are Pop-Tarts Pretzel Salted Caramel?

Everyone’s preferred toaster pastry is pillowed in a puffy pretzel… pjacket. Okay, I took some alliterative stretches there, but it felt good and so I just went for it. This new flavor — which joins its previous pretzel brethren Cinnamon Sugar and Chocolate — is meant to capture the hearts of breakfast pastry aficionados who need some salt with their sweet.

How is it?

Pop Tarts Pretzel Salted Caramel Top

Well, salty and sweet. And (to my surprise, I’ll admit) really good! The outer shell — the “pretzel” component, if you will — is just a bit crispy and quite salty. There’s an icing drizzle on the outside that you don’t get much from, but the inside filling is sweet (though not overwhelmingly so) and a bit chewy with a decidedly pronounced caramel flavor.

Pop Tarts Pretzel Salted Caramel Filling

My only complaint at all is that there just isn’t enough caramel filling. It’s a very thin layer that seems to primarily reside solely down the middle of the tart. Evening it out — and providing more — would elevate this a full point.

Anything else you need to know?

Pop Tarts Pretzel Salted Caramel Bottom

I’m a firm believer that Pop-Tarts can be enjoyed both toasted and in their natural, raw state; not so with this variety. I tried it both ways and found the un-toasted one, well, frankly pretty bad. The outer shell was chewy and bland and the filling lost some style points, too. If you don’t own a toaster, you should get married because you’ll get a few of them, but in the interim, you may want to skip the pretzel Pop-Tarts.

Conclusion:

While the Pretzel Salted Caramel isn’t going to displace Brown Sugar Cinnamon or Chocolate or Frosted Strawberry or Blueberry as anyone’s primary Tart of choice, it is fine as a new addition to the Kellogg’s breakfast pastry family. Just make sure you actually toast it first, please.

Purchased Price: $2.79
Size: 8 pastries (4 packs)
Purchased at: Sun Fresh
Rating: 7 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: (2 pastries) 380 calories, 12 grams of fat, 4 grams of saturated fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 710 milligrams of sodium, 66 grams of carbohydrates, 1 gram of fiber, 23 grams of sugar, and 4 grams of protein.

REVIEW: KFC Chicken Sandwich (2021)

KFC Chicken Sandwich 2021 Wrapper

Here in Kansas City, we don’t get many cool new things.

We got a great—like-once-in-a-lifetime-level-great—quarterback a few years ago, but that was after decades of mistakes, cast-offs, and retreads. We have a few of those places where people throw axes, all paint the same picture, or play golf in a giant net, but we only got them after they’d been elsewhere for years.

So imagine my joy when I learned Kansas City was one of the select cities receiving a sneak-peek of KFC’s new chicken sandwich. We are in, after all, the Golden Age of Chicken Sandwiches, and what better place to unveil a new version of a breaded bird on a bun than the grandfather of fast food fried chicken, KFC.

Then imagine my disappointment when I got my sandwich.

KFC Chicken Sandwich 2021 Whole

KFC describes it as “… (a) quarter-pound, all-white meat, double-breaded, Extra Crispy chicken breast filet… freshly-toasted buttery brioche bun, crispier, thicker pickles, and the perfect amount of the Colonel’s real mayo or spicy sauce.”

KFC Chicken Sandwich 2021 Top

KFC Chicken Sandwich 2021 Split

What I got was a piece of chicken only a smidge bigger than a deck of playing cards. Further disappointingly, it even seemed absent the Colonel’s traditional 11 herbs and spices. I tasted salt and dry, chewy chicken breast. The “double-breading” made no impact whatsoever, though there was plenty of it (sans chicken, mind you). Nor did the pickles, which were limp and thin, much closer to McDonald’s pickles than anything I was expecting.

The brioche bun seemed like it had the potential to be the best part of the sandwich — which, let’s just let that sink in for a moment — but half of the bottom half was stale. How do you get half of a half of a stale bun, you ask? So do I. Let me know if you have an answer. The mayo was tangy and good — quintessentially KFC mayo — but the best mayo in the world couldn’t save this wreck of a sandwich.

Look, I like KFC. I like its original chicken and the Extra Crispy variety. I love its Nashville Hot Chicken tenders. If I could only choose Popeyes or KFC for the rest of my life, I’d have a hard time deciding; it’d be a tossup, honestly. But not when it comes to their signature sandwiches, oh no.

If Popeyes’ sandwich is a Picasso, KFC’s offering is a 3rd grader writing a swear word in the dirt on the back window of his mom’s minivan. This chicken sandwich isn’t even in the same league as Church’s, frankly. It’s seriously weird that KFC is proud of this.

In 2018, KFC unveiled a new chicken sandwich called “The Crispy Colonel.” For the life of me, I cannot figure out how this sandwich differs. In fact, the couple of Crispy Colonel’s I’ve had have been considerably better than whatever this abomination was. Back to the test kitchen, KFC.

KFC Chicken Sandwich 2021 Take 2 Split

Due to the sandwich’s abysmal initial showing, my esteemed editor kindly asked that I try another, you know, to assure that the first one wasn’t an aberration. And the verdict? It wasn’t. While the chicken breast on this one was meatier than the first, it was no juicer or more flavorful. (In fact, the extra size maybe gave it more of a chance to be drier while also amplifying how bland it is.)

KFC Chicken Sandwich 2021 Take 2 PIckles

The pickles still weren’t crispy, and the bun on this one — while fresher — certainly wasn’t “buttery” as the copy proclaims. This sandwich is still a huge disappointment, and you’d do better to stick with Popeyes. Or Chick-fil-A. Or Wendy’s. Or Church’s. Or Sonic. (Hey, I think McDonald’s has a new chicken sandwich coming out soon, too!)

Purchased Price: $3.99
Size: N/A
Rating: 3 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: 650 calories, 35 grams of fat, 4.5 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 90 milligrams of cholesterol, 1260 milligrams of sodium, 49 grams of carbohydrates, 1 gram of dietary fiber, 6 grams of total sugars, and 34 grams of protein.

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