Author: Brandon

REVIEW: Girl Scouts Raspberry Rally Cookies

Brandon 8 Comments

There’s a common misconception that, as the father of a Girl Scout (Brownie, technically), I am privy to cookie discounts. This is patently false. In fact, what ACTUALLY happens is that I end up having to buy more cookies than just about anyone else. Here’s how that transpires.

“Dad, I’m only ten boxes away from the next prize.”

“Which is?”

“At 100 boxes, I get a glow-in-the-dark cup.”

So I sigh, pull out my wallet, and fork over the whatever-amount-needed to ensure that she can obtain what theoretically amounts to a $600 plastic cup.

The good news is that Girl Scout cookies are wonderful. Well, some of them. Peanut Butter Patties (aka Tagalongs), Caramel deLites (aka Samoas), and Thin Mints are all excellent selections, obviously, and there are others that will do in a pinch. It is from the Thin Mint that ABC Bakers draws inspiration for its latest offering: the Raspberry Rally.

Marketed as “the thin, crispy cookie infused with raspberry flavor and dipped in chocolaty coating,” and “a ‘sister’ cookie to Thin Mints, our #1 bestseller,” “the raspberry kind,” as it is sure to nearly always be called, is an online only offering this Girl Scout cookie season.

So is it worth it?

If you like raspberry-flavored things, or the concept of a Thin Mint but inexplicably find mint to be disagreeable, the answer is yes, you’ll probably like this cookie.

The cookie itself is indistinguishable in appearance and construct from its minty sister. The outside of the thin cookie is the slightly waxy (yet delicious) “chocolaty” coating that you will recognize if you’re a connoisseur of Girl Scout cookies.

The inside, however, is where things get crazy. Instead of the near-black wafer of a Thin Mint, you’re blasted with a vivid pink middle. The artificial raspberry flavor is strong upon the first bite and grows stronger still as you consume. It’s almost *too* much, and I say this as an unapologetic fan of most artificial fruit flavoring.

And really, that’s the tale of the Raspberry Rally — it is a Thin Mint, only raspberry flavored. Very strong raspberry flavoring, though. It’s worth a go if you like fruity chocolate cookies or are a Girl Scout cookie completist, but I don’t know that I’ll feel compelled to buy an entire box each season. You know, unless it means my daughter is only one box away from a $300 eraser in the shape of a bee.

Purchased Price: $6.00
Size: 9 oz box
Rating: 6 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: (4 cookies) 160 calories, 8 grams of total fat, 5 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 5 milligrams of cholesterol, 90 milligrams of sodium, 21 grams of total carbs, 1 gram of dietary fiber, 10 grams of total sugar, and 2 gram of protein.

REVIEW: Sonic BBQ Chip Seasoned Tots

Brandon 4 Comments

A BBQ chip is a unique flavor proposition. There’s something underneath the tangy/zesty/spicy/sweet/smoky flavor you get with a normal BBQ sauce or rub. It’s something more buttery, I think, or at least that’s the best way I can describe it. And really, I’m not explaining it well, which, for a guy who gets paid to write about food, is pretty sad. But I feel like I’m trying to describe how a rainbow sounds or a leprechaun smells — it’s just impossible.

But what I’m trying to say is that the BBQ of a BBQ chip doesn’t taste like the same BBQ of a BBQ rib.

To better explain this, I tried to get help from ChatGPT, the internet’s hottest new chatbot, and this is what it said: “I’m sorry, but as an AI language model, I cannot make subjective claims about taste or food preferences. However, I can suggest a possible way to express the idea that BBQ chips and BBQ ribs have different flavors: One possible equation could be: BBQ chips ? BBQ ribs.

The future is now, people!

With all of this in mind, the real question is, can the folks at Sonic replicate the taste of a BBQ chip in tot form?

Well, the first thing they’ve got going for them is that a tot is a kin to chips, what with both coming from the potato. And Sonic’s tots are arguably its best side. The tots in my order — as they often are — were perfectly cooked, with a pillowy, steaming hot inside and a crisp golden exterior. What was interesting and unexpected to me about the BBQ Chip Tot was that this wasn’t a dry seasoning.

Instead, the tots are tossed in a BBQ chip seasoning sauce. (But not a BBQ sauce, get it?) The sauce — which is orange-red in hue — tastes exactly like a BBQ chip, almost to a disturbing degree. It’s delightful, though, and really what we hoped for, right? For the thing to taste like the thing it was trying to taste like? It was a little sweet and a little smoky, with that maybe-buttery undertone that smelled like a freshly cracked bag of whatever your favorite BBQ chip is (and nothing like a leprechaun’s odor, which I think is an earthy-minty smell, Aqua Velva, and the sour BO of a drunk uncle). This tot understood the assignment.

My only complaint is that, unless you get good coverage from the sauce applicator, you’re gonna end up with some dry tots. And my order had a lot. In fact, I felt like only a quarter of my order was adequately covered. If I get back to Sonic before these are gone, I’ll ask them to be more liberal with their sauce gun.

Although we’re still months away from Summer, it’s never seasonally inappropriate to have some BBQ. And if you’re looking for an interesting vehicle with which to imbibe, Sonic’s got you covered.

Purchased Price: $3.39
Size: Medium
Rating: 8 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: 460 calories, 29 grams of total fat, 5 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 1130 milligrams of sodium, 47 grams of total carbs, 4 grams of dietary fiber, 4 grams of total sugar, and 3 gram of protein.

REVIEW: KFC Classic and Spicy Slaw Wraps

Brandon 12 Comments

This ain’t KFC’s first wrap rodeo.

See, a long time ago — close to 20 years ago, in fact — the Colonel (or a zombie approximation of the Colonel OR some marketers in the R&D department) created the Twister. It was a tortilla stuffed with chicken strips, lettuce, tomatoes, sauce, and shredded cheese.

There were different versions of it — a rendition featuring BBQ sauce and one that featured a spicy sauce. Then there was one with mac and cheese inside, too. Then the Twisters became “burritos” at some point, and then maybe they reverted back to Twisters again? I don’t know. It all gets fuzzy. Anyway, they went away in the States but remained (and remain) on the menu at some international locations, exotic locales like New Zealand and Canada.

And now they’re back in the United States… at least temporarily.

But okay, they’re smaller. Remember the beloved McDonald’s Snack Wrap that went away in 2016 much to the dismay of nearly everyone? I think these are about the same size. So if you’re hungry, you’re gonna want to do the two-wrap combo with a side and a drink. Or maybe just the wrap pair, which is being sold 2 for $5 at most places throughout the country. Then you can pair them at home with a bowl of applesauce, a handful of Pringles, or whatever it is that people who don’t buy sides at fast food places do.

Let’s back up, though — are these even worth $2.50 a piece?

Well, like most things in the fast food world, a lot is contingent on the freshness of the ingredients. I got to the KFC nearest me shortly after opening, so the strips were freshly made. They were good, too, crunchy but not at all dry, with the familiar 11 herbs and spices. The tortillas were bland but serviceable, no different than what you’d find at Taco Bell. The pickles were sour and crunchy, not up to par with Popeyes, but considerably better than the ones you get at McDonald’s. The mayo on the original wrap “split” because of the hot chicken, so it didn’t add much. The sauce on the spicy wrap, though, fared better. If you’ve never had it (I’m fairly certain it’s the spicy sauce they’ve used on sandwiches before), it’s like a very mild chipotle mayo, but maybe just a bit sweeter.

What really sets the spicy wrap apart, however, was the slaw. While I don’t usually indulge in the Colonel’s cabbage (why would you when you can have the artificially-delicious mac and cheese, mashed potatoes and gravy, or the surprisingly good French fries), the sweet crunch it lent to the wrap made it significantly better than its slaw-less brother. Additionally, I was surprised at how sog-free the chicken remained; truly, this wrap fired on all cylinders.

While many will hold these up — perhaps unfairly — against the aforementioned McDonald’s wraps, or KFC’s original Twister, two of these things for $5 isn’t a bad deal at all. Hopefully, they stick around for a while.

Purchased Price: 2/$5
Rating: 7 out of 10 (Original), 8 out of 10 (Spicy)
Nutrition Facts: Unavailable as of publishing, though the website has “800-900 calories” for the pair.

REVIEW: Malt-O-Meal Maple Bacon Donut Cereal

Brandon 5 Comments

What is it?

Although I typically associate Malt-O-Meal as being a purveyor of “hot cereal” (porridge? runny oatmeal? gruel?), it makes over THIRTY varieties of the cold stuff, and the latter actually equates to 75% of its sales. So I guess the joke is on me. While most of its offerings mimic those of its biggest competitors — Kellogg’s and General Mills — its newest flavor is a bit of an original: Maple Bacon Donut.

How is it?

It’s decent, but I don’t know that “maple bacon donut” is what I get from it. Mostly, it tastes like an extra sugary Honey Nut Cheerios with a liberal dash of artificial smoke and a bit of salt. And that description may sound kind of awful, but I assure you that the actual result is not. Every once in a while I got a little something maple-like, but mostly, it was “general sweetness.” Again, with a little smoke. And some saltiness.

Anything else you should know?

Like most Malt-O-Meal cereals, this variety comes in a resealable bag, and the bag is the size of a pillow. This is a really great thing if you like the Malt-O-Meal you purchased; if you weren’t a fan, however, congrats to your children on the giant bag of cereal they’ll inherit upon your passing.

Conclusion:

While I appreciated this new and unusual flavor, I’d be reluctant to buy again. It was only slightly better than okay, and there’s just SO much of it. As it is, I’ll probably already be passing this bag down to the next generation. (Which I mean, kind of a steal for less than $6.)

Purchased Price: $5.48
Size: 30 oz bag
Purchased at: Walmart
Rating: 6 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: (1 cup) 150 calories, 1.5 grams of fat, 0 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 250 milligrams of sodium, 34 grams of carbohydrates, less than 1 gram of fiber, 17 grams of total sugars (including 17 grams of added sugar), and 2 grams of protein.

REVIEW: Van Leeuwen Limited Edition Champagne Ice Cream

Brandon 5 Comments

Like most television shows, Cadbury Creme Eggs, and Krave Cereal, “Dry January” was started in the UK before being adopted a few years later in the United States. The temporary alcohol abstention movement — fueled partially, no doubt, by the unyielding power of social media — has become so trendy in the US that 19% of respondents to a 2022 Morning Consult poll said they planned on participating. (By, you know, not participating in drinking.)

Not wanting you to be forced into a joyless, totally booze-bereft existence, though, artisanal ice cream maker Van Leeuwen is here to tempt you with its newest novelty offering, Champagne. Unlike many of their other “limited edition” offerings, however, there are no peculiar mix-ins or “swirls,” no chunks of macaroni or pockets of pizza seasoning. Instead, you are presented with a very straightforward offering: champagne-flavored ice cream.

But so, here’s the thing — I got almost NO champagne flavor from this at all. As delightfully creamy as usual (they use lots and lots of egg yolks, which is how French ice cream becomes French, apparently), this tastes like an almost straightforward vanilla, but then, at the very, very back end, there’s a slightly sour punch that I associate with champagne. But honestly, it’s almost imperceptible. And actually, as someone who never cared for champagne before I quit drinking half a decade ago, I didn’t mind that this was largely a champagne-free affair. The real stuff used to give me heartburn and a headache; in ice cream form, it mostly made me feel bloated.

If you’re a big champagne consumer, though, or you’re desperately white-knuckling through Dry January and looking for some sort of respite, I don’t know that this will do it. And on that same note, if you’re looking for some wacky tasting dessert meant to illicit a fun reaction from unsuspecting eaters, again, better luck next time. If, however, you want a high quality vanilla ice cream with the very tiniest hint of something else at the end, knock yourself out. The added benefit, of course, is that you won’t actually end up knocking yourself out, which is, you know, always a possibility when real booze is involved. Or it was for me, at least. Hooray for sobriety!

Purchased Price: $4.98
Size: 14 fl oz
Purchased at: Walmart
Rating: 7 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: (2/3 cup) 270 calories, 19 grams of fat, 11 grams of saturated fat, 0.5 grams of trans fat, 115 milligrams of cholesterol, 120 milligrams of sodium, 21 grams of carbohydrates, 0 grams of fiber, 21 grams of total sugars (15 grams of added sugar), and 5 grams of protein.