Author: Brandon

REVIEW: Van Leeuwen Tapatio Mexican Hot Chocolate Ice Cream

Brandon 13 Comments

Van Leeuwen Tapatio Mexican Hot Chocolate Ice Cream Pint

After toiling away on reviews of Van Leeuwen’s seasonal offerings (this past Summer’s releases and the very recent Fall releases), I finally got my hands on one of the “weird” ones. And while I haven’t even actually tried one of the previous novelty concoctions, I’ve read and watched enough reviews that I get the gist: the pizza, Kraft Macaroni & Cheese and Grey Poupon ice creams all taste exactly like what they’re supposed to taste like, it’s honestly not as off-putting as the reviewer thought it would be, and they’re glad they tried it but probably wouldn’t do it again.

So, then, what about Van Leeuwen’s Mexican Hot Chocolate featuring Tapatio Hot Sauce? Would it follow this extremely established and scientifically vetted pattern?

Not really. I’ll explain.

First, I didn’t think it sounded very off-putting at all, really, maybe owing to the fact that, unlike pizza or cheesy pasta, hot chocolate (even spicy hot chocolate) is already pretty dessert-y.

Van Leeuwen Tapatio Mexican Hot Chocolate Ice Cream Top

Second, I’ve never actually had Mexican hot chocolate, so I cannot tell you whether the taste of the ice cream mimics the beverage in question. What I can tell you is that, 1) there was a lake of fudge, 2) there was a mountain of marshmallows, and 3) the ice cream was standard chocolate, until, you know, the heat.

Van Leeuwen Tapatio Mexican Hot Chocolate Ice Cream Marshmallows

And let’s talk about the heat. I wouldn’t call it a distinctly Tapatio taste, at least not at first. Things get warm with the first bite, sure, starting in the back of the throat where your swallow bones are located. Then it spreads forward like an army of angry villagers carrying torches up to the tip of your tongue. While I never found myself needing to drink milk and/or blow my nose, I could feel it up through my sinuses after only a minute or two. And it stayed. After a while, though, the vinegary flavor of the Tapatio began to register. That wasn’t my favorite part, honestly, but I will say that it made for a good place to stop my consumption.

Up to that point, it was all quite enjoyable. The marshmallows and fudge were very reminiscent of Van Leeuwen’s Campfire S’mores, which I absolutely loved. (I’m not sure anyone in the freezer aisle does those two inclusions better than Van Leeuwen, honestly.) The ice cream, too, was nice; I’ve not previously had their chocolate base, and they do it well.

This brings me to the third point of the review pattern: Jun K. Reviewer thought it was fine and interesting and all, but they wouldn’t eat it again. And, okay. Maybe I’m in agreement here. While this is a perfectly fine ice cream, I’m not sure if the mood will ever strike me to buy it again. I guess maybe I’m just not a “spicy chocolate” person. But maybe you are! And I feel like if you are, there’s a good chance you’ll really like what they’ve done here.

Purchased Price: $4.98
Purchased at: Walmart
Rating: 6 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: (2/3 cup) 280 calories, 14 grams of fat, 9 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 60 milligrams of cholesterol, 130 milligrams of sodium, 36 grams of carbohydrates,0 grams of fiber, 30 grams of sugar (18 grams added sugar), 4 grams of protein.

REVIEW: Van Leeuwen Walmart Fall 2022 Ice Cream Flavors

Brandon 6 Comments

Van Leeuwen 2022 Fall Flavors Pints

Update 9/9/22: We also tried the Tapatio Mexican Hot Chocolate one! Click here to read our review.

Don’t look now, but the madmen and madladies in the Van Leeuwen Ice Cream flavor factory are at it again. From the demented dessert doctors who previously brought you Mac & Cheese, Pizza, and mustard-inspired ice creams comes their new limited edition Fall offerings at Walmart that are positively… pedestrian?

Well, mostly pedestrian.

See, there’s a Mexican Hot Chocolate version featuring Tapatio Hot Sauce (which wasn’t available during my first Walmart visit, but psssst, check back here in a day or two.) The fact is, other than the Sweet Potato and Marshmallow Casserole variety, these are all kind of straightforward. They even snuck in a Strawberry release (which I couldn’t find, so it’s not reviewed here) and the only weird thing about it is that “strawberry” is one of the least fall flavors imaginable.

Before I tried each flavor myself, and for no real reason other than “this might be funny,” I did a blind taste test with three children — my daughter (Stella, 8) and two of her friends (Emrie, 7, and her sister Norah, 5). “From the mouths of babies,” or whatever that saying is.

Wildberry Layer Cake

Van Leeuwen 2022 Fall Flavors Wildberry Layer Cake

While I couldn’t distinguish individual berry flavors, this was overtly berryish. There weren’t really any large chunks, but almost every bite was fruitful. The yellow cake was there, but it didn’t do much, flavor-wise. Texturally, it added an odd chew; it frankly seemed like an unnecessary inclusion. Norah shouted, “RASPBERRY BREAD!” And one of the other two made a puking noise. I actually enjoyed it a bit more than “puking noise.”

Rating: 7 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: (2/3 cup) 270 calories, 16 grams of fat, 10 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 95 milligrams of cholesterol, 140 milligrams of sodium, 26 grams of carbohydrates, 0 grams of fiber, 24 grams of sugar (18 grams of added sugar), and 4 grams of protein.

Hazelnut Fudge Cookie

Van Leeuwen 2022 Fall Flavors Hazelnut Fudge Cookie

Okay, so the kids’ reviews on this one ranged from “it tastes red” (?) to “cinnamon? Or chocolate-vanilla-banana!” Kids are bad at this. Anyway, the fudge here is overwhelming, but in a delightful way. (But is there any other way for fudge to be overwhelming?) That said, I couldn’t detect much in the way of hazelnut. The “cookies,” according to the label, are “Speculoos,” which I had to Google. They are a “Belgian shortbread biscuit” with a gingerbread-like flavor. Mostly, they just tasted like crumbled-up cookie bits. Still a winner, though.

Rating: 8 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: (2/3 cup) 310 calories, 17 grams of fat, 10 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 85 milligrams of cholesterol, 180 milligrams of sodium, 37 grams of carbohydrates, 0 grams of fiber, 27 grams of sugar (22 grams of added sugar), and 5 grams of protein.

Sweet Potato Marshmallow Casserole

Van Leeuwen 2022 Fall Flavors Sweet Potato Marshmallow Casserole

The one I expected to like the least turned out to be my favorite. With whole mini marshmallows (taking me back to their Campfire S’mores variety, which I passionately love) and mild notes of cinnamon and caramel that carry throughout, SPMC is creamy and sweet and sinfully delicious, a surprise given that I generally don’t care for the actual Thanksgiving side dish. All of the girls picked up on the caramel and marshmallows (obvious flavors), and they all loved it until I told them what it was. Then it was “disgusting” and “are you kidding me?!” Kids are the worst.

Rating: 9 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: (2/3 cup) 290 calories, 15 grams of fat, 10 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 85 milligrams of cholesterol, 140 milligrams of sodium, 36 grams of carbohydrates, 0 grams of fiber, 33 grams of sugar (20 grams of added sugar), and 4 grams of protein.

Pumpkin Cinnamon Roll

Van Leeuwen 2022 Fall Flavors Pumpkin Cinnamon Roll

And now, the one that I was expecting to like the most, but… okay, well, I didn’t like it the least, but I will say that I was pretty disappointed. See, I’m a Pumpkin Guy. I’m a Cinnamon Roll Guy. Ergo… I mean, come on! But here’s the deal— there was a TON of caramel. And that’s fine, but what WASN’T fine was the complete lack of pumpkin. And while there were cinnamon roll bits, they were small and muted in taste, leaving me once again pining for my beloved Ben & Jerry’s Cinnamon Buns (aka the worst discontinuation they’ve ever made). On paper, this had the chance to be amazing. In reality, it was only meh. One of the girls said it tasted like “caramel corn,” and my daughter, weirdly, said this one sounded gross. Like… the actual sound in the bowl. Yeah, I don’t know.

Rating: 7 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: (2/3 cup) 300 calories, 17 grams of fat, 11 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 85 milligrams of cholesterol, 160 milligrams of sodium, 35 grams of carbohydrates, 1 gram of fiber, 29 grams of sugar (24 grams of added sugar), and 4 grams of protein.

Purchased Price: $4.98 each
Size: 1 pint
Purchased at: Walmart

REVIEW: Sonic Chophouse Cheeseburger

Brandon 8 Comments

Sonic Chophouse Cheeseburger Whole

Thanks to Patrick Mahomes, King of Kansas City (with all due apologies to Roger Miller [and props to the eight readers who will get my archaic reference]), my city and its surrounding suburbs are now home to several Whataburger restaurants.

Now, because there isn’t a particularly close one (yet), and the lines are still at the “OMG OMG OMG, WE’VE GOT A NEW _____” stage, I still haven’t had it. But from what I can tell, it’s like a lot of these things in that people either swear by it, or they don’t think it’s anything too special. What both camps seem to do, however, is compare it to Sonic. (Maybe it’s an Oklahoma/Texas bitter rivalry thing?)

Anyhow, I’ve had Sonic all my life, and in the chain burger hierarchy, I think they’re in my top 3. (Or maybe top 5. I’d probably have to give it some deeper thought.) And while Sonic tends to knock it out of the park on their standards — the chili cheese coney, the bacon cheeseburger, the tots, and the onion rings — its LTOs are much more hit or miss.

It’s my sad duty to report that the new Chophouse Cheeseburger is in the latter camp.

Sonic Chophouse Cheeseburger Top

It features Sonic’s beef patty topped with “Chophouse aioli,” fried onion strings, and two slices of American cheese, all situated on a toasted brioche bun. Now, some collateral I came across in my research suggests that the patty is seasoned with “Montreal steak seasoning,” but other things — including the app — don’t mention this. Did I notice a different seasoning on the patty I consumed? I mean… eh? I thought I noticed something, maybe, but it’s hard to tell if I was willing myself into tasting a deviation from a standard Sonic patty or if there was actually something there. In either case, it wasn’t enough to make much of a noticeable difference.

The same is true of the “Chophouse aioli,” a lackluster, oily substance that added absolutely nothing. It barely registered, giving me no sense of what I was supposed to be experiencing. What is chophouse aioli, anyway? Fancy steak mayo? To be fair, and as evidenced by the picture, the burger technician had a very light sauce hand.

Sonic Chophouse Cheeseburger Split

What this burger had plenty of, however — too much, in fact — is cheese. Honestly, one slice would have sufficed, as the standard melty Americanness overwhelmed everything except the meat. The fried onion straws added a nice textural element and a welcome sweet component to contrast the saltiness of the proceedings. The brioche bun — which Sonic has used on multiple other burgers — was pedestrian but held up well, as it typically does.

While I appreciate Sonic’s regular efforts at giving customers something new, the Chophouse Cheeseburger doesn’t feel like it’ll create any long-lasting memories, nor will it convince any Whataburger die-hards to switch allegiances.

Now, if you’ll excuse me, maybe I’m finally ready to go sit in a drive-thru for 45 minutes to see if “spicy ketchup” is worth it.

Purchased Price: $5.49
Rating: 5 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: 980 calories, 69 grams of fat, 18 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 110 milligrams of cholesterol, 1610 milligrams of sodium, 57 grams of carbohydrates, 3 grams of fiber, 12 grams of sugar, and 32 grams of protein.

REVIEW: Kellogg’s Eggo Froot Loops Waffles (2022)

Brandon 3 Comments

Kellogg s Eggo Froot Loops Waffles Box

What is it?

We’ve known for some time that Froot Loops is discontent with their lot in life. Dissatisfied for years now with their small corner on the grocery store shelf, nestled between the Honey Smacks and the Apple Jacks, they’ve been throwing themselves around like some rummed-up pirate on shore leave.

They were gummies for a spell after they were Pop-Tarts; they’ve been made into bars and straws. They were Easter Peeps once, and who could forget the time they became donuts from Carl’s Jr.? Well, now they’ve made their way into Eggo waffles. (Well, again. The first time was in 2003. Given the shared parentage, maybe it’s surprising it’s not a standard offering.)

How is it?

Kellogg s Eggo Froot Loops Waffles Plated

It’s exactly as you imagine: mostly run-of-the-mill Eggo waffles, but every so often, you get an aggressively sweet bit of Froot Loops cereal. There was no discernible textural difference between the regular waffle and the cereal piece, but I could see them, and I sure as hell could taste them.

I tried them plain and then in a universally standard waffle format — i.e. with butter and syrup — and it is worth noting that, while the Froot Loops taste is powerful on the naked waffle, when gussied up, it loses 95% of its impact. With butter and syrup, you’re just eating a normal waffle that gets weirdly chemical-tasting at the end.

Kellogg s Eggo Froot Loops Waffles Closeup

Anything else you need to know?

These weren’t bad; I don’t want anyone to think that. I’m just not sure under what circumstance they get eaten. Most people eat waffles with toppings, yeah? And if you’re topping these things, there’s no point in having them be Froot Loops waffles. It’s a real Catch Twenty-Toucan Sam. (Oh wow, I am so sorry about that. It just slipped out.)

Conclusion:

Froot Loops should work on their self-esteem and realize that, as the world’s preeminent artificially fruit-flavored, ring-shaped cereal, they are good enough, they make us proud, and all we want is for them to be happy with who they are.

Purchased Price: $2.69
Size: 12.3 oz/10 waffles
Purchased at: Sun Fresh
Rating: 6 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: (2 waffles) 190 calories, 6 grams of fat, 1.5 grams of saturated fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 370 milligrams of sodium, 30 grams of carbohydrates, less than 1 gram of fiber, 7 grams of sugar, and 4 grams of protein.

REVIEW: Kellogg’s Frosted Flakes Strawberry Milkshake Cereal

Brandon 8 Comments

Kellogg s Frosted Flakes Strawberry Milkshake Cereal Box

Update: We also tried the Cinnamon French Toast version! Click here to read our review.

Unlike breakfast staple brethren Cheerios — which seems to infuse itself with five or six new flavors each year (fingers crossed that “Bubble Gum” is somewhere on its to-do list!) — Frosted Flakes tends to keep to itself. Oh sure, it’s not immune to jazzing things up from time to time — who could forget Birthday Confetti Frosted Flakes in 1997? — but for the most part, they’re content just being sugared up Corn Flakes.

And this is a bit surprising, really, given that a plain, nondescript cereal such as the Frosted Flake is a choice vehicle for experimentation. I mean, why can’t I get a Tropical Mango, Apple Cinnamon, or Blastin’ Berry variety? Because those all sound terrible, you say? Okay, sure. But can I interest you in a Strawberry Milkshake Frosted Flakes? Because Kellogg’s is actually doing that one.

The Kellogg’s website says, “with ripe, juicy strawberry flavor coupled with rich, creamy notes, this cereal turns the milk in your bowl a fun, vibrant pink!” There is a lot wrong with these bold assertions, so I’d like to take this opportunity to address some of the errors.

Kellogg s Frosted Flakes Strawberry Milkshake Cereal Flakes

First of all, these flakes do not possess a “ripe, juicy” strawberry flavor. Sure, they have a strawberry flavor, but it is a passive and light one, maybe the level of a diluted pink Starburst. Like, 30% of a pink Starburst, I’d say.

Second, there are no “rich, creamy notes.” Nothing about this cereal made me think “rich” or “creamy.” And really, I feel like that was the biggest missed opportunity with this offering. Because it is a strawberry MILKSHAKE flavor, and not just strawberry, I was hoping for something reminiscent of a milkshake taste. Some creaminess or even some maltiness might’ve evoked the right emotion. Instead, I was left with some standalone artificial strawberry flavoring on your everyday F. Flakes.

Kellogg s Frosted Flakes Strawberry Milkshake Cereal Milk

And finally, they say, “this cereal turns the milk in your bowl a fun, vibrant pink!” Okay, now “fun” is subjective, obviously, but this cereal did turn my milk pink. Would I call it a vibrant pink? No. It wasn’t as vibrant as calamine lotion or Pepto-Bismol. But sure, it was pink. The box proclaims “makes delicious STRAWBERRY flavored milk!” making this claim one of the key selling points. And on this account, I’d say yes, mission accomplished. Though it’s been a while since I’ve intentionally had strawberry milk, the light pink leftover milk is definitely similar to what I recall. Does it make me feel like I’m drinking a melted strawberry milkshake, maybe? Well, still no.

Getting a cereal to taste like a milkshake is a pretty tall order, and Kellogg’s didn’t do it with this offering. It did, however, make an okay strawberry-flavored cereal.

Purchased Price: $4.29
Size: 23 oz box (“Family Size”)
Purchased at: Target
Rating: 6 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: (1 cup – cereal only) 140 calories, 0 grams of fat, 0 grams of saturated fat, 190 milligrams of sodium, 33 grams of carbohydrates, 11 grams of sugar, and 2 grams of protein.